EstelEstelle
by Naja Melanoleuca
Summary: A/U What possible repercussions could there be from Estel and Legolas spending one night together? Massive angst all around. Not your normal A/L.
1. Default Chapter

I do not own these characters.  

A/N:  This is my first LOTR's story.  This is not your normal Aragorn Legolas story.  I intend for this to be part of a short series, so review with suggestions, helpful or not.  

Estel\Estelle 

          Legolas heard the rumble of the cave as it began to shake and shudder.  "What were they doing in a cave helping dwarves for anyway?  How do I let Estel talk me into these things in the first place?"  Thought Legolas.      Just ahead of him he could hear his human companion running for all he was worth, the two of them trying to clear the entrance of the cave before the entire thing came down around their ears.  

Then it happened.  It appeared the wizened old dragon had found another way to escape her treasure room.  Estel made it to the "T" intersection a split second before Legolas and took the brunt of the attack.  With the young ranger's only conscious thought before he was hit full force with whatever magical object the dragon had launched at him, was to push his best friend to safety.  Estel could feel energy surge through him and it felt like every bone in his body was breaking and all of his skin was splitting at once.  Then he remembered nothing.

Legolas was horrified when he saw his friend struck by the energy blast.  He could hear the laughing of the ancient creature as she watched her victim writhe in pain on the hard stone floor.  The sound of her laughter blinded the wood elf with rage.  He knocked one of his last arrows and ran into the intersection firing at the dragon.  Luck or the gods were on his side that day because his hastily fired arrow found its mark in the wyrm's left eye.  Her shriek of pain was deafening, but Legolas paid it no heed as he hoisted his friend up and began to run full tilt to the exit without even checking to see if Estel was alive.

As soon as the dwarves at the mouth of the cave saw the elf running towards them, they began to loosen the stays holding a boulder which would collapse the final point of entry to the underground labyrinth, entombing the serpent in her lair until the end of time.  However, Legolas could not bring himself to rejoice fore he was too worried over his friend.  All he knew was that Estel was alive because he had heard the Ranger moan once, but he worried for what injuries might have befallen the young man.

Once again in the sunlight, and safely away from the mouth of the cave Legolas set down his precious burden onto the soft blanket of grass that covered most of the valley.  As he began to search his friend for injuries, what he found shook him to the very foundation of his soul.  The storm-grey eyes were already beginning to open and Legolas wondered how in the name of Mordor he was going to explain this to Estel.  Yes, the eyes were the same. The overall facial structure was the same; the nose was narrow, the lips shapely and the cheekbones high and angular.  The limbs were still lean and well muscled, at least from what Legolas could see from under the Ranger's cloths.  But that was where the similarities ended.  No longer was the chest flat, but rather now there were two largish mounds of flesh directly adjacent to his biceps.  Estel's waist was now small and waspy while his were full and round.  And even below his hips there were differences, as Legolas had thought to check while the Ranger had still been unconscious.  Yes, in all respects Estel was now a woman.  Even the voice that moaned was higher pitched, but still raspy almost sultry sounding.

Legolas dropped is head down into his hands, what was he going to tell Estel?

It had been three days since Estel woke up outside of the cave to a distraught Legolas, a pack of laughing dwarves and the biggest shock of his life.  They had consulted the oldest and wisest of the dwarves when they had gotten back to the dwarven stronghold and the tiny grey man had found a reference to a magical weapon from the first age which held the power to change the gender of a person.  He had also found that the only way for Estel to change back was to find an Istiri and have them do it.  So here they were in some no name farm town on their way back to Rivendell in hopes of finding Gandalf.  

Estel groaned and crossed his arms over his chest, trying his best to ignore the gelatinous blobs that quivered with every step of his horse.  Suddenly the wind picked up and whipped his, now much longer, hair into his face.  He had wanted to shear it back to shoulder length the morning after he had woken up, but Legolas had talked him out of it.  But he didn't care what the elf said; he was cutting it shorter than it was now.  As it was, the sable mass was below his waist almost brushing the back of his saddle and weighed a ton.  The young Ranger cursed as he again tried to clear is face of the dark brown curtain that had been blown over it.

Legolas laughed quietly at the antics of his best friend.  For all that his body had changed, his being was still the same.  But Legolas did have to admit to himself that Estel made a damn attractive woman.  His body was long and lean like that of an elf, but somehow stronger and more voluptuous than any elfmaid he had ever met.  And the offending hair that was causing Estel so much trouble was perhaps the icing on the cake.  Rather than falling in limp dark brown strings around his face, it seemed to take on a gorgeous sable colour, almost like a coat of a mink but fading down to a soft caramel colour at the ends.  And it danced and shimmered any time the Ranger moved almost like it had a mind of its own.  It was simply mesmerizing.  More than once the elf had had to restrain himself from running his fingers through the silky looking waves.

As the small party reached the tavern, Estel had to hold onto his leggings has he jumped down from his horse or they would have fallen onto the dusty street.  This would have caused even more of a stir than five dwarves, an elf and a human woman (dressed like a man and still armed to the teeth) were already causing.  In fact Estel was getting quite a bit of attention from the men in the town and it was making the normally confident young Ranger blush furiously.  Legolas, noticing his friend's discomfort, walked up and put his arm around Estel's narrow shoulders and led him into the tavern.  Estel smiled up appreciatively at the elf and Legolas's heart melted at the sight.

After a long afternoon of shopping for some new traveling clothes for Estel, or if you listened to him explain it, being tortured; Legolas and Estel were once again in the company of the dwarves.  After an hour of listening to his friend grump and grouse about not wanting to wear a dress or a bodice or anything even remotely feminine, Legolas decided that he would get the Ranger drunk tonight if for no other reason than to stop his constant stream of curses and complaints.  It was less than difficult to convince the dwarves to join them in a celebratory draught of ale or mead for dwarves are quite fond of spirits.

So here they sat, Estel in his new sage green shirt, black tunic and leggings, but still with his worn old overcoat covering the fine new clothes.  Some things would never change, Legolas thought.  Estel would be cold in the ground before he gave up that coat.  But the warmth of the fire, company, and mead had forced him to take it off.  Legolas smiled at his friend, who was well on his way to being quite inebriated, as the fire played with the colours of his long thick hair.  The elf was not the only one to notice his friend's looks with appreciation.  A rather rough looking hooligan had been staring at Estel all night and truth be told, Legolas was started to get angry about it.  Where the surge of jealousy had come from he could not say, but it was plain as day.

The filthy man waited until Legolas had gotten up to refill his and Estel's drinks before he made his move.  He walked up to the table and put his huge meat hook on Estel's delicate shoulder in a not so gentle manner.  "You sure do have purdy har wench."  The man slurred.

"Thank you, sir" Estel said politely as he attempted to shrug out of the man's grip.  But the foul man held fast.

"You sure do have a purdy smile too.  You got all yer teeth and ev'yting."  He began to slide his hand further down Estel's shoulder till it was resting on his collarbone inches away from his breasts.

"Thank you again, now please take your hand off of me and, pray, do not touch me again."  Estel had had more than enough of this ape.  Before the dwarves could react, the huge man spun Estel around and attempted to plant a kiss on his lips while fondling his breast.  Estel would have none of it.  Legolas arrived back just in time to see Estel draw one of his many concealed knives and press it against the man's family jewels.  The movement was executed with a speed that would be considered slow by elvish standards but lightening fast for a human.  The man had no time to move before his genitals' only protection from a wickedly sharp elven blade was a thin layer of fabric.

"I said, pray, do not touch me again."  Estel ground the words out around clenched teeth.  The man slowly walked away apologizing profusely for attempting to touch the Ranger.  After than incident no man in the pub would dare look Estel's way for too long.  Legolas rewarded the Ranger with yet another full flagon of mead.

Some time later that night Legolas attempted to get a very drunk Estel up the stairs into the room they were to share.  The two had thought nothing of sharing a room since they always had in the past, even though it got many a strange look from the staff to be sure.  Legolas half dragged and half carried the Ranger over the threshold into the small room.  Legolas dumped his friend on the bed and began to pull his shoes off.  Estel giggled at something only he thought was funny.  But then Legolas began to laugh as well, realizing that he too had had way too much to drink.

Legolas began to strip down to his sleeping clothes, and was surprised with Estel sat up and did the same.  At one point he looked over and his friend was gloriously naked until he pulled an old worn shirt over his new curvy form.  Legolas could see the outline of each pink nipple underneath the rather thin fabric.  When Estel tried to walk back to the bed he tipped over a recalcitrant boot and fell to the floor laughing.  Legolas thought nothing of going over to help his best friend back up.  He also did not give a second thought to it when he wrapped is arms around a very drunk Estel and picked him.  He tried not to think about how good it felt when Estel wrapped his arms around the elf's neck to steady himself.  But Legolas would forever think about the kiss he planted on the Ranger's lips once he had his friend settled in the bed.  

When the kiss ended Estel looked at the elf with a heavy lidded stare and mumbled something Legolas could not understand.  However, it was all the encouragement that the elf needed.  That night he showed Estel heights of passion he would not reach again for over half a century.  Legolas enjoyed every time his friend's back arched and he cried out in pleasure.  He truly could not remember a more beautiful sight than Estel open and ready for him.  It was a night that Legolas would hold with him until the end of the Earth.

The next morning Estel awoke to a pounding in his head and a far to happy Legolas.  The young human covered his aching head with the pillow and attempted to go back to sleep, but the insistent pounding and insistent elf would not allow it.  Finally he blearily sat up realizing every muscle in his body was soar, but he somehow felt very relaxed as well.  He tried to think back as to why he would be so soar, but the last thing he could remember was threatening some big ape with castration.  The rest of the night was a complete blank.

Legolas came over to sit beside him on the bed and waived a cup of willow bark tea at his friend.  He had planned to hold the cup ransom for a kiss, but the look on Estel's face changed his mind.

"How much did I drink last night anyway?"  Estel sounded about as miserable as he looked.

"I lost count, why?"  Legolas was enjoying watching the way his friend finger combed his hair while he scrunched his face up in thought, that was until he realized that it hurt his head.

"Because, I don't remember anything past that sweaty guy who tried to kiss me.  What else happened?"  The gods again had Legolas in mind this day as Estel was blessedly looking way as he spoke so that he missed the way Legolas's face dropped.  Estel did not remember the love they had expressed, the passion, the raw feelings.  There was nothing left to remember the best night of Legolas's life.

Estel looked at his friend and realized that Legolas looked like he was about to cry.  "What troubles you?"

"Nothing, I suggest you get dressed, I wish to make for Rivendell within the hour."  Legolas replied in his most distant and haughty tone.  Then he strode from the room without a backwards glance.  Fore had he looked back Estel might have seen the tears in his eyes.

"Great, between the pounding of my head and his mood this will be a wonderful ride back home."  Estel whispered to himself has he got up to wash and get dressed.  isHisHH


	2. There maybe a problem

It had been a little over five weeks since Estel had been turned into a woman.  The ride back to Rivendell had been slow and quiet for the most part, until Legolas had finally gotten over whatever was bothering him, or so Estel thought.  Once the two friends had reached Rivendell, Lord Elrond had explained to Estel what had happened to him and that it could indeed be reversed by finding an Istari to cast the appropriate spell.  Estel thought back with little fondness had how his foster father had had to fight to stop himself from laughing at the predicament of his youngest son, daughter, whatever.  Elrond had sent him and Legolas out to find Gandalf by leaving a note for him in Bree.  

And now they were riding back towards home and the beautiful spring day was doing its humble best to cheer both travelers.  It seemed to work on Legolas, who had returned almost to his usual self, but it had no effect on the Ranger.  Estel was in point of fact in a terrible mood.  There were a million little annoyances that were all adding together to make him miserable.  First off he was exhausted far beyond what he should be.  They had kept a relatively leisurely pace on the ride home and it was only early afternoon, but he still felt like he could barely keep his eyes opened.  Next, it seemed that he had to pee constantly.  And to add insult to injury peeing in the woods as a woman was nowhere near as easy as when he was a man.  Finally, all of his sharpest knives seemed to have disappeared.  He had intended to cut off his hair, but he only had one or two knives sharp enough for the job and both were missing.  The soft spring breeze was blowing his hair around and it was tickling his ears and forehead.  Finally, he had eaten like a horse for the last two days, but he was still starving and felt like he would give up his claim to the throne for and orange.  But worst of all, his lower stomach kept cramping every so often in annoying little pains.  He supposed that it must be the curses and every time he thought of it he wanted to cry.  Was this his punishment for being too proud or something?

They rode like that for two or three more hours, Legolas trying to talk to the surly Ranger, while Estel alternated between snapping at his friend or outright ignoring him.  By the time they stopped for camp, Legolas was more than willing to go off and hunt in return for letting Estel care for the horses and watch the camp.  The elf thought that anything he shot would be better company than his friend.  But he had to admit that he was a bit worried about Estel.  It was not like him to be so short with people.  He had also noticed the way the Ranger had kept rubbing at his lower back or wrapping his arm around his lower stomach.  Legolas just hoped Estel was not getting sick or something.  He didn't know if he could handle that out here all by himself.  It only took him perhaps an hour to track a large rabbit and shoot it for dinner.  He also found some wild yams to eat as well.  Feeling quite pleased with his work he made his way back to camp and hoped that the goodies would cheer Estel, after all rabbit was his favourite.

Estel was happy to see Legolas go.  He felt guilty for being so rude to the elf, which only made him feel worse.  He made short work of setting up camp and caring for the horses.  He had just finished setting up their fire pit when he stood up and the forest began to spin around him.  The dizziness was quite intense, but soon over.  "Guess I stood up too fast, just another weakness of this new body."  Estel thought to himself as he started a large fire.  He then crawled over to his sleeping roll and flopped down, wishing that he had one of Lord Elrond's heat compresses for his stomach and back.  He fell asleep while trying to rub the insistent ache away, even though it was barely growing dark.

Legolas quietly made his way back to the camp and stumbled upon Estel fast asleep on his side clutching his stomach with knees pulled up to his chest.  Legolas thought the human looked so beautiful that way, his face relaxed in sleep and his gorgeous hair streaming around his fair face.  He pulled his cloak off and draped it over the sleeping form to ward off the coming chill.  He then set about cooking the evening meal.  He speared the potatoes with sticks and set them on the rocks directly, knowing they would take longer to cook than the rabbit itself.  He then began to clean the skin from the bunny and hum a soft song.  

Estel was not sure what had woken him up, but he wished he had not.  He noticed that Legolas had given him his cloak, which meant that the elf was trying to take care of him again.  That made anger flare in the Ranger and he sat up to tell the elf exactly how much he did not need to be babied, or at least that was what he had intended to do.  But what actually happened was when he bolted up right to yell at the companion, another wave of dizziness hit him and he felt his stomach start to churn.  He then made the ultimate mistake of looking to Legolas's hands where he was gleefully pulling the innards out of a half skinned rabbit.  Then he heard the squishing and squelching noise the rabbit was making and it took approximately three seconds before the Ranger felt bile rise in the back of his throat as his stomach took a sickening turn.  He barely managed to make it to the edge of the clearing before wretched onto the forest floor.  

Once he had finished, Estel knelt for a moment on the soft pine needles trying to figure out what had just happened.  Other than the small dizzy spell, he had felt fine before he fell asleep, and he felt almost back to normal now.  He could not think that it was the sight of blood, fore it had never bothered him in the past, but what else could it be?

Legolas was not sure exactly what had just happened.  He was singing softly to himself, then he heard Estel sit up.  Legolas had looked at his friend and seen the glare on his face, just before it had turned three shades paler then to a strange almost greenish colour.  It really was fascinating actually.  Then he watched as his best friend quickly jumped up from his sleeping roll and bolted for the edge of the clearing.  It did not take elf hearing to figure out that Estel was ill, but out of sympathy for the Ranger he pretended that he did not notice.  He knew Estel would only get angry if he made a fuss, the man hated when people babied him.

Not long afterwards, Estel came shakily back to the campfire.  Legolas offered his friend a water skin and tried not to watch the way the muscles in Estel's throat moved when he swallowed.  Watching it made him want to kiss that long beautiful neck and he knew Estel would never stand for that.  He let a respectable amount of time go by before he spoke to his friend.  "Are you feeling better?"  

"Actually yes.  I am still tired as all hell, but other than that I feel fine now.  I don't understand.  I felt fine all day, I felt fine an hour ago, and I feel fine now.  I guess it must have been something that I ate."  Estel shrugged and smiled at Legolas.  The elf was happy that he wore a long tunic when he noticed the way the fire light played off of Estel's grey eyes.  "Would you take first watch so I can sleep for a while?"

"Of course,  Rest as long as you need.  Shall I wake you when dinner is finished?"

"No thanks, I am not really hungry right now, maybe later though."  Estel laid back down on his sleeping roll and smiled his thanks at Legolas just as he cuddled under the elf's warm cloak.  It did not take long before the human was again fast asleep.


	3. Legolas almost looses his hair

Thanks to all of the people who reviewed.  I would love to have more.

Summary:  Aragorn got turned into a woman and only Gandalf can turn him back.  But there are still many surprises in store of our favourite elf and Ranger before that happens.  

ESTEL/ESTELLE 

It was well into the night before Estel woke again.  Legolas had let him sleep long into his turn at watch.  Normally Estel would have been angry or insulted that the elf thought he needed to have extra sleep, but right now he was grateful.  He could not remember the last time he had been so tired.  He was fully planning on staying abed as long as Legolas would let him, but unfortunately he had to pee.  So he gave one huge stretch, cracking every joint in his back before he got up to go relieve himself.  That done he returned to the ring created by the soft glow of the campfire.  He was grateful for the fire and Legolas's cloak, which he again draped around himself, because even though it was spring it was very early spring and the night had grown quite cold while he had slept.  But what bothered the Ranger more than the biting cold, was that he realized in a rush that he was starving.  He searched around the camp trying to find where Legolas had put the remains of the rabbit he had caught, hoping that the elf had not eaten it all.

Legolas looked up from one of his new arrows he had been fletching and watched Estel as he bobbed around the camp looking for something.  His friend looked much better now than he had earlier, if still a bit tired.  Legolas watched as Estel's hair fell every which was as he moved and noticed the way the Ranger kept impatiently tucking it behind his ears.  Tomorrow he would offer to put it in braids to keep it out of Estel's way, if for no other reason than to be able to touch it again.  

Legolas could not forget the night they had spent together.  In the past he had had other lovers, sticky fumblings with chambermaids or even some poor lady elf married to a merchant who completely ignored her beauty.  But none had compared to Estel.  After the first few moments Estel had caught on rather quickly as to what was expected of him.  By the end Legolas had experienced bruising on his hips from the vice like grip of Estel's knees and thighs clamped against them.  His friend was certainly no demure elfish lady that was for sure.  Legolas had had to be careful for a day or two afterwards so that Estel would not see the scratch marks on his back that Estel had put there during one of his many orgasms.  If only he could convince his friend to bed him again.  But his hopes were for nothing, Estel seemed to have no attraction to him at all and still no recollection of that night.  But worst of all, Estel seemed to have no idea of the effect he had on Legolas.  It was torture.  Legolas would have to leave Estel back at Rivendell and return to Mirkwood until this whole thing was straightened out.

Legolas's thoughts were interrupted by Estel, "Legolas, do we have anything left from dinner?  I am starving."  Legolas smiled and handed Estel his yam on a stick just as he heard the Ranger's stomach give a not so feminine growl.  The human quickly grabbed the offered tuber and began to eat with a voracious appetite.  Legolas could not believe this was the same person who had been ill just a few hours ago.  

"What about the rabbit?"  Estel managed to say around mouthfuls of yam.

"I haven't cooked it yet, I decided to wait until the morning in hopes that you would feel like eating it then.  I see I should not have worried for the return of your appetite."  Legolas smiled to soften the jest at his friend.  But he need not have bothered.

"I was thinking the same thing.  I guess whatever was bothering me earlier was short lived and has left me in peace."  Estel yawned at the end of his sentence.  "I will take watch for a while so that you may sleep."

Legolas could see that Estel was still very tired.  He had dark circles under his eyes and his voice was started to sound slightly slurred.  "Do not worry Estel, I can go a night without sleep.  You should rest tonight to try and fully purge this illness from you body.  We are only a few days away from your home and I would hate for you to still be unwell when we arrive."

"You mean you would hate to listen to Lord Elrond lecture you about taking better care of me."  Estel shot Legolas an impish grin, but he curled back up on his bedroll under the warm cloak and was again asleep within minutes.

The next morning Estel did know what woke him.  It was a smell.  Faint at first, but then growing stronger and stronger until it pulled him from another truly strange dream.    It was the foulest odor he had ever experienced.  It smelled like rotting flesh and a pigsty to his sleep addled brain.  It smelled worse than being trapped in a hall full of dwarves after sausage, cabbage, and bean night.  And that smell was quickly making Estel nauseous.  He moved to cover his nose and finally woke up fully.  It was not until he was fully awake he realized that the offending odor was in fact cooking rabbit.  It was a scent he normally loved.  He figured once he had identified the smell for what it was it would stop bothering him, but he was wrong.  When he had his nose and mouth covered so he could not smell it anymore he began to feel better, but as soon as he could smell it again he felt like he needed to be sick.

After a few minutes of trying to block it out, Estel could not take it anymore.  He got up and walked towards a small stream just past the clearing, which was up wind, thinking he was about to loose his dinner.  But luckily once he was away from the cooking rabbit he began to feel much better.  He took a few deep breaths of fresh air and even a few experimental sips of water and felt almost normal again.  This was really strange.  He had never had an illness like this before.  It made no sense, one minute he felt fine, the next he felt about ready to vomit, then back to feeling fine again.  

He lingered by the stream cleaning himself up a bit, or at least as well as he could with ice cold water.  He did manage to rinse his hair and sat on a rock in the sun finger combing it, because he had no real comb, when Legolas came looking for him.  The elf looked worried and Estel immediately felt bad for not going back sooner to let his friend know he was all right.  He was about to apologize to Legolas when his friend thrust the left hock of the rabbit into Estel's face with a smile on his face.  As soon as the smell hit Estel's nose it was all over.   He came within a mere foot of vomiting on Legolas.

Legolas looked disgusted at first, but then helped support his friend as the retching soon gave way to dry heaves.  He rubbed Estel's back in small circles and whispered soothing words into his ear.  He also held the rabbit's leg in the hand he had on Estel's shoulder.  Legolas was worried.  He did not think he had ever seen his friend this sick before.  He would push them to ride hard today so they could more quickly get back to Rivendell.  

Estel greatly appreciated Legolas's support.  Without it he would have dropped to the ground like a heap.  However, he wished he could catch his breath enough to tell Legolas to move that damn foul smelling hunk of meat away from his face before his body actually did manage to turn itself inside out.  But since he could not do that he opted for the next best thing and grabbed the hock and flung it as far as he could.  With the noxious fume gone, it did not take him long to get control of his stomach.  

Legolas gently helped him over to a large rock along the creek bed and sat him down.  He then went to the stream and scooped up some water for Estel to drink.  Estel was thankful for it to because he could still feel bile burning in his mouth and throat no matter how many times he tried to spit it out.  Legolas brought his cupped hands to Estel's mouth so that his friend could drink the cold water.  However, Legolas's fingers still smelled of rabbit, and that was enough to send the poor Ranger into another fit of heaving.  Not knowing what else to do, Legolas stood back looking on in concern.

After a few minutes, but it seemed like much longer to the suffering human, the two made their way back to the campsite to pack up.  Estel was feeling much better and had started to joke with the elf until they reached the camp and the rest of the uneaten rabbit's stench floated over to him.  The young Ranger covered his mouth and nose and moaned.  Legolas steeled himself for a repeat of earlier when Estel started gesturing wildly towards their things.  The elf figured that there must be something there, which the Ranger wanted to sooth his suffering and he began to frantically search for whatever it was.  Every time he thought he had found what Estel was pointing at, the human would shake his head and point again.  Legolas was started to get frustrated just about the time Estel left the clearing to be ill again.  Legolas worried for his friend and followed him to check if he was ok.

"Are you alright, my friend?"  Legolas said with concern while stroking the Ranger's hair.  At least one good thing had come out of this morning; Legolas was getting to finger the damp silky locks.

Estel shook his head "yes" slowly, though Legolas was less than convinced.  "Would you please get rid of the rabbit, I cannot stand the smell of it."  Estel's voice was almost a whimper.  Legolas nodded his head and left Estel to go dispose of the carcass.  Not long afterwards they were on their way to Rivendell at a gallop.

As the morning wore on Estel began to feel better and even chanced eating a few bites of bread.  And as the morning wore on he grew hungrier and hungrier until by the time they stopped for lunch he was about to take a bite out of the elf.  Legolas was pleased to see that his friend seemed back to normal, but he saw no reason to slow their pace back to Imladris, he wanted away from Estel if he could not have him.

As the afternoon crawled into early evening Estel was again hungry and wishing it was time to stop for dinner.  But not ten minutes after his stomach started to rumble in hunger, it began to churn with nausea.  He tried to ignore it, that didn't work.  He tried drinking cool water from his water skin, that didn't work either.  He even tried counting backwards from then, still no luck.  Everything he looked at made him want to be ill.  The ground speeding by made his head spin; the white fluffy clouds looked like lumps of grizzle suspended in blue meat; and the slight cracking of the leather of his reigns looked like skin flaking from an infected wound.  It was hopeless.  He called to Legolas to get him to halt.  "Must we, we are making good time?"

"Yes."  It was more of a croak than a word, but it got his point across.  As soon as the horses had stopped, Estel jumped down and stepped a few paces away.  He breathed deeply trying to calm his rebellious stomach and it was working until he looked out over the valley they had entered and noticed that the small mounds of earth looked like boils on green skin.  That thought was enough to make him loose a portion of his lunch.

Legolas was slightly annoyed at having to stop.  He wanted to push on through most of the night.  After all Estel could not claim he was too tired since he had slept through most of last night.  He would not have allowed the stop had not Estel looked so pale and drawn.  Now he was glad that he had permitted the stop because Estel was again violently ill.  The poor human looked so pathetic, hunched over vomiting in the middle of a field.  He wanted to gather Estel into his arms and kiss him until he felt better, but he knew that would never happen.  So he tried his best to be a good friend since he could be nothing else.  "Are you alright, my friend?"

"Do I look alright, you stupid elf?"  Estel snapped back at Legolas.  What kind of a ridiculous question was that anyway?  Of course he wasn't ok, if he were ok he would not be tossing his cookies in the middle of a valley.  And now Legolas was looking at him with such sympathy for something he could never understand because elves didn't get sick.  He wanted to punch the concerned elf right in the chest and rip out his weeping heart.  

Without another word Estel remounted and they continued on.  Legolas looked back every now and again to check on his friend.  Estel swore to himself if the elf looked at him like that one more time he was going to gouge out his pretty blue eyes.  During the rest of the evening they had to stop two more times for Estel to be ill and each time Legolas got more and more worried about his friend.  But by nightfall he seemed to be feeling better and was hungry again.  Legolas called a halt around midnight to rest the horses and let Estel get some sleep.  Even though the Ranger had slept for a long time the night before he still seemed very tired.

Estel did not complain when Legolas suggested stopping to rest the horses.  He was so exhausted he felt like he would drop any minute.  He couldn't understand why though.  He had slept for longer than he ever normally did, but he was far more tired then he usually was.  Maybe there was something seriously wrong with him, he didn't know.  All he knew was that he wanted to get some sleep where no strange dreams intruded on him.  Last night he had had dream after dream about people eating food off of his stomach and even one very vivid dream about being back at home and having puppies and kittens playing on his belly while he lay watching them.  It was all quite odd to him.  He wondered what it could mean.  True, there were not prophetic dreams like he often had, but still quite disturbing.  

When Estel dismounted he almost fell to the ground from exhaustion.  Not to mention that he again had that annoying ache in his lower abdomen, but now only on the left side.  He wanted to cry and the discomfort of his whole situation, but that would be unmanly, even for a girl.

Legolas watched as his friend rode on behind him and began to droop more and more in the saddle.  He could see that Estel was in desperate need of rest, but he also wanted to push on.  Finally compassion won out and he stopped their travel for a brief rest.  He was already thinking of ways to convince Estel to rest while he took watch.  Luckily for him Estel was so tired all it took was an offer and the Ranger was curled up in a tight ball against the cold, fast asleep.  Legolas watched the stars for a while until he began to hear his friend toss and turn.  He would have thought that Estel was simply having a nightmare, but he noticed that the human's eyes had snapped open and were moving quickly from side to side. A sure sign that the Ranger was having a prophetic dream.  Legolas always hated when Estel had those dreams.  They usually put him in a bad mood for days and he would almost never talk about them.  All Legolas had ever gotten out him on the subject was that he had foreseen his mother's death and not been able do anything about it.  In his sleep Estel moaned and shivered.  Again Legolas unclasped his cloak and draped it over the sleeping human.  He knew that Estel derived no rest from this type of sleep so he consigned himself to another night without sleep.

Estel was in a strange place between being asleep and awake.  He knew that he was asleep, but he could feel everything as if he were awake.  His head felt like it was filled with wet cotton and was slowly spinning.  His limbs felt heavy like he was in quicksand.  But worst of all was the feeling of seeing something from a point of view that was not your own.  When he awoke the only thing he remembered from the dream made no sense.  He remembered his foster father, Lord Elrond, handing him a pink slimy newborn girl and telling him that he had a daughter.  Estel remembered thinking that she was so perfect and beautiful and wanting to kiss her despite the fact she was covered in some sort of unidentifiable scum.  He had no idea what that could mean.  Often times his dreams showed him things that would not happen for many years, and he supposed that the child would not be born until he was married many years into the future.  

It mattered little to the Ranger right now.  All he knew was he could never go back to sleep after he had one of his "special dreams" no matter how tired he was.  So he told Legolas to get some sleep and he would keep the watch.

They rested for another two hours before they were again on the road back to Rivendell.  Sometime around sunup Estel began to feel ill again and hoped that it would not get any worse.  All he wanted was to get home so he could have his Ada (father/dad) check him over and then go to sleep for a day in his warm soft bed.  He continued to feel mildly nauseous all day, like he had a case of the stomach flu, and into the evening when they finally arrived home.  The two were greeted by Estel's foster brothers Elladan and Elrohir.  The two twins mercilessly made fun of Estel for his gender change, calling him names like "little sister" and "wench" until they realized that he was not really responding.  They became worried.  When Estel let taunts like that go by there was a problem.

"Are you well, Estel?"  Elrohir asked as he reached out to lay the back part of his hand against Estel's forehead.

"Not really.  Where is Ada?"  Estel mumbled as he leaned heavily against his horse so he didn't fall down.  He was feeling a bit lightheaded and wanted to lie down more than just about anything in the world.

"He is on a hunting trip with Glorfindel.  He should be back in two or three days.  Why, are you feeling that poorly?  We can send a party out to find him."  This time Elladan spoke.

Estel shook his head no and immediately regretted it as the stables increased the speed of their spin.  Estel clutched at his horse so hard he was sure he must be hurting the poor animal.  "No, don't worry.  It can wait till he gets back."  Legolas was annoyed that Estel was down playing how badly he had been feeling, but he would not tell the twins if Estel did not want them to know, Lord Elrond was another story.  He would stay until the Lord returned.  But right now he had to find someway to get Estel to go to his room before he fell on the floor of the stable.

"Elladan, Elrohir, would you to take care of our horses for us?  Both Estel and I are quite worn out from the journey back."  Legolas hoped he would not incur Estel's wrath for this since he made it sound as if both of them needed help.  But Estel barely seemed to be paying attention.  So before Estel could complain, Legolas grabbed his shoulder and steered him into the house and to his room.  Estel put up no fight.

The next three days were a blur for Estel.  The nausea had seemed to settle with him and would not leave, nor would the constant exhaustion and lightheadedness.  More often than not he had waived off offers of food and stayed in his rooms sleeping.  When he did take meals with the other he spent more time playing with his food than actually eating it.  Every little thing made him feel like he would vomit and he was about to loose his mind when Lord Elrond finally showed back up.

The others had gone out fishing, but Estel had not had the energy to walk that far.  He could tell Legolas and his brothers were worried about him, and truth be told he was starting to get worried too.  Sometime after dinner, which Estel opted not to attend, he padded his way to his father's study barefoot and in pajamas.  "Ada, can I talk to you for a minute?"  No matter how long he would live in Rivendell, Estel would always feel like he was bothering his father when he intruded on him in his study.

"Of course, Estel, what can I do for you?"  Elrond could feel the apprehension and worry radiating off of his child like a wave.

"I haven't been feeling too well lately, I was wondering if you could help?"  Estel looked down at his feet.  He should have put on socks his feet were cold.

"Come over here and sit down and tell me how you feel."

Estel obliged.  "I feel bad.  Sick all of the time.  I have thrown up everyday for the past five days and I keep feeling dizzy.  I am so tired I can hardly stay awake all day.  And certain smells and sights make me feel like I am going to be sick.  I can hardly eat at all.  And my back hurts and my stomach hurts down here sometimes."  Estel pointed to the lower part of his abdomen.  

"That is a hefty list of complaints.  Why did you not have me summoned back from my trip?"  Elrond asked as he felt Estel for a temperature.

"I didn't want to bother you. I was hoping it would go away."  Elrond nodded as he opened up his healing sense to Estel.  What he saw there took a hundred years off of his life.  He was sure he was mistaken so he looked again, but the result was the same.

"Estel, who have you been with since you turned into a woman?"  

"Just Legolas.  He is the only person who has been around me?  Why?"

"Because, my child, you are pregnant."

"What?  That isn't possible, I never, not with anyone, especially not since.  Ada, are you sure?"  This could not be happening.  His father was simply mistaken and it was just a horrible tumor or something equally less frightening than parenthood.

"Yes, I am.  Are you sure that you have not had sex with anyone?"

"Yes," Estel was very uncomfortable discussing this with his father.  "I think I would remember something like that . . . Wait, right after this happened Legolas and I got really drunk.  I don't remember a thing that happened that night except for Legolas taking upstairs to bed."

"I see.  Wait here a moment."  Estel obliged, being too shocked to go anywhere else.  Lord Elrond on the other hand stalked down the hall of his home like a tiger stalking his prey.  Outside the calm evening began to boil with a storm as the weather reflected the mood of its master.  When he reached the room that Legolas, Glorfindel, and his twin sons were sitting in talking he stormed in almost tearing the door off the hinges.  "Legolas!!!  What have you done to my child!?!"  Elrond's roar would haunt Legolas for many years to come.

Before the sylvan elf could react, Elrond had him around the throat and had bodily slammed him against the wall.  Not being satisfied with that he threw Legolas onto a nearby table and began to choke him.  Legolas had always thought that the rather bookish Lord Elrond was a wimp, but now he understood why Orcs sang songs about the Lord of Imladris.  

Legolas began to see stars before his eyes as he struggled in vain to loosen Elrond's grip around his throat.  But Glorfindel stepped in, sensing that if he did not stop things soon there maybe a murder.  "Elrond, do let go of the Prince.  It is very rude to strangle guests into unconsciousness.  And besides, if you kill him you would have to deal with his father, and who wants that hassle?"  Elrond loosened his grip and eventually let go.

"You, come with me."  He barked at Legolas.  Legolas stood still too long for Elrond's taste, so the Lord reached a hand out to grab the younger elf's neck again.  Legolas not wanting that to happen ducked, which was just what Elrond was expecting.  As the Mirkwood prince ducked, Elrond snatched the long thick braid in the back of his head and began to drag him down the hall by it.  Legolas feared if he resisted he would loose his hair.  Elrond finally forced him into his study where he saw a very pale Estel sitting on a window seat, staring off into space.  "You have got some explaining to do, Legolas."

TBC


	4. Estel gets a cookie

THANK YOU to all the people who have reviewed so far.  I am now accepting anonymous reviews (I checked the wrong box accidentally).  I had no idea this story would turn out to be funny I had not meant for it to be, but I am glad people are enjoying it.  So here is the next part.

ESTEL/ESTELLE 

Legolas could not envision what he could have done so wrong that Lord Elrond would treat him so.  He had been a good guest, he was a prince, and he was Estel's best friend.  The thought of Estel made the elf turn his attention to the human.  Estel was sitting on the window seat wearing his pajamas.  He looked pale and drawn and hadn't yet turned towards Legolas even though his entry had been rather attention drawing.  Legolas instantly began to panic.  Maybe Elrond was mad at him because Estel was really and truly sick.  Maybe the human had some dire disease that could have been prevented had he gotten Estel back to Rivendell sooner.  Legolas could not conceive of the notion of loosing Estel so soon.  Legolas could feel tears spring to his eyes, but before they could fall Lord Elrond brought his attention back to the rather irate ringbearer.  

"Well, how do you explain yourself?  What possible excuse could you give for your behavior?  Explain yourself woodelf."  Elrond felt his rage build even more and as he glared at Legolas a huge clap of thunder sounded so loudly it rattled the windows.  Somewhere in the back of Legolas's mind he remembered that Imladris was supposed to have beautiful weather, not storms.  Then he remembered that it was said that there was nothing natural within the valley that the Half Elf did not have some control over.

"I eep" Was all Legolas could get out before he was pinned against the wall by Elrond's elbow on this throat.

"Did you think you could use him and cast him away like some whore without anyone being the wiser just because he is a human prince rather than an Elvin one?"

"My Lord" something he had not called Elrond in many years, "I have no idea what you are talking about."

Lord Elrond loosened the pressure on Legolas's windpipe, for which the blond was eternally grateful, and said, "Oh really?  Well allow me to enlighten you.  You, you got my beautiful child in trouble."  Elrond was shouting by the end.  Legolas on the other hand was even more confused.  So he had gotten Estel in trouble, Estel had gotten him in more than his fair share of trouble since the two had become friends.

"So I got Estel in trouble.  I fail to see why that is so shocking to you.  What do you expect of one like him."  Elrond could not believe what he was hearing.  He snapped and began to rage in earnest.

"What is the matter with you?  Do you have so little respect for my child that you would use him so and not even care?  How could you?  Though I should have expected no better with your parents.  Your father is the biggest bastard I have ever met and the only way your father could assure your heritage was to cloister your mother away from all other men for years."  Legolas was growing angry himself at the way Lord Elrond was speaking of his family.  It was a well-known fact that the King of Mirkwood and the Lord of Imladris liked each other about as well as Sauron and Islidur, but he could not stand here and take these insults.  But before he could counter with an insult of his own the Lord finally explained himself.  "Did you think you could just leave Estel pregnant and return to Mirkwood to let him rear the child alone.  I guess that was why you were in such a hurry to leave.  Hoping to get out before Estel discovered the little gift you left him."

Elrond felt Legolas slump against him.  The blond had gone almost as pale as Estel looked at the shock.  "Did you say Estel was with child?"

"Yes.  From the night you spent together.  Estel says you are the only one, and I believe him, do you deny it?"

"No, of course not.  I just didn't think"

"NO, you did not think.  How could you have been so careless?  How could you have been so stupid?  Estel is little more than a child, only 20 years old."  Normally Estel would have blistered at that last comment, but he was too upset by how angry Elrond was.  He had never seen his father so pissed before.  It scared him more than a little.  He didn't want Elrond mad at him, he hadn't meant to get turned into a woman, and he certainly did not mean to get pregnant.  He pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged his legs, almost instinctively trying to block out the angry words being spoken from getting to his baby.

"I was drunk, and so was he. It was a mistake.  I never wanted to get Estel pregnant."  That was Legolas trying to defend himself, but really still too shocked to do a good job.

"So being drunk is an excuse for running away from your responsibilities.  Being drunk is an excuse to befoul a mere child?  So being drunk is a reason to ruin someone's life?"  Legolas had nothing to say to that.  Estel wanted to cry and hugged his legs tighter.

Elrond was so angry his did not know what else to say.  He realized if he did not get away from Legolas he was likely to pummel the elf into wood elf paste, and though the image gave him some comfort he left the room slamming the door hard enough to knock several books from their shelves.  

Legolas turned and looked at the Ranger sitting in the corner.  Estel looked dazed and very pale.  He was still huddled on the window seat with his legs drawn up to his chest.  To Legolas he did look like a frightened child, not the mother of his child.  Legolas couldn't help the rush of joy that ran through him at the thought of having a baby, especially with his best friend.  Estel did not look quite so happy though.  Legolas tentatively approached the Ranger.  "Estel," there was no response.  "Estel."  Still nothing.  Legolas rested a large hand on Estel's slender shoulder.  The human flinched as if he had been struck.  Estel was fully expecting to be grabbed and thrown out of the house for his indiscretion.  He then seemed to realize where he was and smiled shyly at Legolas.

"Ada is really mad."  His voice was small and helpless sounding.

"Yes, you father is more than angry."  Legolas tried to comfort the human by rubbing his hand down Estel's arm.  It didn't seem to help.  Estel seemed so tense that he was about to explode.  "How are you doing?"

"Stunned I guess would be the best word.  Did you know about this?"  Estel had still not really looked at Legolas.  His eyes were fixed on the swirling pattern of the green and gold carpet.

"No, Estel, I swear I did not know.  Are you angry with me?"  Legolas was holding his breath waiting for the Ranger to answer.  Estel had every right to despise him for what he had done.  But then Estel finally looked at Legolas.

"No, I am not angry with you.  I just wish you had said something.  I mean this seems like the kind of thing you should have told me when I asked you what happened that night.  You could have said, 'well you drank a lot, fell on you ass, and by the way we slept together and I may have gotten you pregnant.  Just thought you should know.'  Or maybe just told me I shouldn't be surprised if in a few months I started getting fat."

"You have to understand, it wasn't like that.  That night we had both had a lot to drink.  And things just sort of happened.  I never intended for us to end up as lovers, but I am not sorry that we did.  And I certainly did not mean for there to be a child produced.  You have to believe me, I wanted to tell but I just could not find a way to do it.  How do you tell your best friend that you accidentally slipped and ended up with your face buried in their crotch?"  Estel blushed furiously.

"I just wish I could remember.  Why would I do something like that?  I have never, not with anyone before.  Especially another man."  Estel sighed.

"What do you mean you haven't?  Are you telling me you were a virgin?"  Legolas was quite alarmed.  He would feel awful if he had taken his best friend's virginity while they were both privy hugging drunk.  

Estel just nodded his head yes.  "I had never even seen a naked woman until I took my clothes off after this happened."  

"Please understand, I may have never meant for any of this to happen, but I am not sorry.  The birth of an Elvin child is so very rare now and should be celebrated.  We must get married soon, that way there will be no problem with the child's claim to the thrown of Mirkwood."

"Married!?!"  Estel yipped.  "Are you insane?  I can't marry you.  I am a man, and so are you.  I can't move to Mirkwood, your father hates me.  I hate me right now."  Estel began to shiver and pulled his legs tighter to his chest.  He was on the verge of hysteria.

"Calm yourself, Estel, that is just one option.  We will discuss things later.  Right now I am worried about you.  Why are you shaking so?"  Estel was in fact shaking and shivering very badly.  The shock, stress and cold had all caught up with him.

"I am cold and scared and confused and, and, and really nauseous."  Estel's voice was almost a whine by the end.  

Legolas stood and extended a hand to the Ranger.  He wanted to get him to bed before he had to witness a repeat of their trip home.  Legolas really didn't like watching people vomit.  It always made him feel sort of sick too.  Even though he had only ever vomited twice in his life, once from trying to out drink a dwarf and the other when he was very young and disregarded his father's rule about not eating wild mushrooms without first asking one of the older elves if it was safe, he could vividly remember how unpleasant it was.  "Come, why do you not retire to your rooms.  If nothing else you will at least be warmer in your bed."

Estel began to rise when a massive wave of dizziness hit him.  The whole room became washed in grey and his knees buckled.  He would have fallen to the floor had not Legolas caught him.  "Easy, Estel"  Legolas made to lower the Ranger back to the bench when Lord Elrond returned drenched and looking even more angry than he had when he left.

"Get you filthy hands off my child you pervert!"  Elrond barked from the doorway.  Legolas instinctively released Estel like he was a hot stone.  Estel in turn dropped to his knees.  "You could barely wait until I left the room to have your hands all over my beautiful Estel could you?  I treat you better than your own family treats you and this is how you repay me you thief of virtue."  Elrond stopped to take a breath to continue this tirade when he noticed that his beloved child was slumped over kneeling on the floor.  Elrond charged over to his Estel shouldering the offending Elf out of the way.  "Estel, what is the matter?  What have you done to him?"

"Nothing, I swear My Lord.  He was shaking and looked very pale.  I was going to take him back to his room" Elrond glared more fiercely at Legolas.  "Just so he could lie down, nothing more, honest."  

Estel moaned, ending Legolas's torment under the older Lord's stare.  "Estel, it is alright.  Lean forward for a moment."  Elrond soothed his child as he gently settled Estel so that he could push his head between his knees.  He could see that Estel's hands were still shaking.  

It didn't take long for Estel to come too completely and feel very embarrassed over all of the fuss.  He tried to stand up off of the cold floor, but Elrond would not allow him to rise unaided.  It was a good thing too, because had he not had the aid he would have ended up right back on the floor.  

Once seated the Elder elf turned his intense stare on Estel.  "When was the last time you had anything to eat?"

"Yesterday I guess."  Estel was afraid to look at his Ada.  Afraid of the anger he would see there.

"You need to eat.  I will send for the cook to bring you some dinner."

"NO."  Estel visibly paled at the idea of food.

"You need to eat.  It is not healthy to go that long without food."

"Ada, I don't think I can hold it down."

Elrond had no choice but to answer the pleading look in his son's eyes.  He could sense how bad Estel felt and it broke his heart that his precious foster child should feel so ill because of the urges of a no good pretty boy wood elf.  "Estel, go to your room and lie down.  Now."  The suggestion came out far more like a command and with far more ire than he felt towards his son and grandchild.  But Estel quickly scurried out of the room and to his own shutting the door behind him so no one could see his tears.

"You, stay.  I will talk to you in the morning.  Do not try to leave.  You will be going nowhere until we get this whole mess figured out.  Am I understood?"

"Yes My Lord.  Just so you know, Estel holds no blame in this.  I am by far the older and should have known better.  Please to not take out your anger at me on him."  Elrond swept out of the room to go talk to the cook about making some special food for Estel's newly sensitive stomach.  Legolas on the other hand was already plotting how he was going to escape from Rivendell before Elrond could skin him alive.  The thought of leaving Estel and the child he carried was like a knife in the heart, but if he were going to make a life for them in Mirkwood he would have to be in one piece to do it.  So he would leave.  And when he reached his home, he would send for Estel.

His mind made up, he slipped out of the study and back to his rooms to pack his small bag.  Then like a wraith he spirited out of the house and into the valley.  Consequently it was also into the worst rainstorm he had ever seen, but that could not be helped.  Once outside the rain and wind pulled him in a hundred different directions.  He seemed to travel in circles for hours.  Every time he thought he had found a way out of the valley, the path would be washed with water that he could not pass.  The trees were so bent and bowed with the force of the winds that they could lend him no aid.  In fact he thought they were plotting against him.  He could have sworn that they changed their positions so that they created an every changing maze.  It was no doubt his imagination, but every turn he took eventually ended him back at the courtyard of Elrond's house.  

After several hours a thoroughly drenched and bedraggled elf trudged tiredly back into the Last Homely Home and collapsed on his bed almost instantly asleep.

Down the hall things were not so calm and quiet.  Lord Elrond entered his foster son's, or was it daughter's he didn't know it made his head hurt to think about it, room to check on him.  He could hear the hitched breathing of his child and his heart went out to Estel.  This should be a time of joy, not sorrow.  He quietly entered the room and sat down on Estel's bed.  Estel was facing the window with his back to Elrond.  

Elrond sat on the bed for quite some time, not really knowing what to say to make Estel feel any better.  Then finally Estel spoke.  "Are you going to ask me to leave?"  The voice was monotone as if he were fighting back the urge to sob.

"No, why would I?"

"Because you are angry with me."

"I am not angry with you."

"Then worse, you are disappointed in me."  Estel gasped in the middle of his sentence and Elrond could see that he wiped at his eyes trying to hide the tears.  However the fresh tears were just as visible as the tracks from the older ones to the elf's keen vision.  It broke his fatherly heart to see his child so sad.  "When you make me leave, can I at least take my horse with me.  I don't know how far I can walk feeling like this."  Estel was petrified of the idea of being turned away.  Regardless of what Legolas had said about marrying him, he knew that the elves of Mirkwood would never accept him and may never accept his child.  He had no skill that he could sell in a town.  The only thing he was really trained to do was be a fighter and hunter.  Neither of which he could really do well in his condition.  He supposed he could travel to one of the larger cities and become a scribe, but he didn't know if he could make it until he felt better.  There was no reason his father should let him stay in his home long enough to feel better though.  "I didn't mean for this to happen, Ada, I now I should have known better, but I don't remember what happened.  Please don't hate me."

Elrond could not believe what he was hearing.  Why in the world did Estel think that Elrond expected him to leave.  He would not let his son out of the valley in his condition much less turn him out.  He could feel fear and self-loathing coming form Estel and again his heart broke.  Estel must think that his anger at Legolas was directed at him.  He reached a hand out and stroked his son's long hair.  He could feel Estel shudder under his touch.  "Estel, I am not disappointed in you and I most certainly do not hate you.  And as long as there is a Rivendell, you will have a home.  I would never turn you out.  That may be what humans would do, but I am only half human.  I am angry with Legolas for taking advantage of you, but I am not upset with you.  I am very happy that you are giving me a grandchild.  I may not like the circumstances, but that does not mean I do not love you or the child that you carry."  While Elrond spoke Estel turned around to face him.

"So I can stay?"

"Of course you can, silly  I would not miss the birth of my first grandchild."  Elrond smiled and rested his hand on Estel's shoulder.  He hoped what he had said would settle the young human, but instead his eyes again filled with tears and this time he could not stop them from falling.

"Ada, I am scared. I don't know what is going to happen to me."  Estel's voice was high pitched just before sobs began to wrack his body.  Elrond lied down beside his son and wrapped the weeping human in his arms.

"There is nothing to be afraid of, Estel.  You are safe and so is your child."  Elrond tried to sooth him.

"Daughter."  Estel said in between sobs.  "It is a girl.  I had a dream about her a few nights ago.  She will have light brown hair and blue eyes."  Elrond hugged Estel tighter trying to imagine what his granddaughter would look like.  All the while stroking Estel's back while the Ranger cried himself to sleep in the loving arms of his father.

Some time later Estel the need to use the privy woke Estel.  He would never get used to this new body.  When he was finished he went to settle himself back in bed when he noticed movement out of the corner of his eyes.  It made him jump and gasp in fright before he realized it was his father.  "Ada, what are you still doing here?  I thought you had left."

"When have I ever left one of my children when they are so very upset?"  Elrond smiled at his youngest. Estel smiled back and shrugged.  To Elrond's eyes he looked much better.  Still pale and tired, but not as bad as earlier.  "Do you think you could eat a little something?"

Estel looked skeptical.  "I don't know.  I am not really hungry."  He didn't feel as ill as before, but his stomach still felt very uneasy.  

"I know, but you need to eat."  Elrond produced a plate of cinnamon raison cookies, Estel's favourite, and a glass of milk.  He proffered them to the sick human.  Estel smiled and took them.  He looked at them for a while trying to convince himself to eat and drink when his queasy stomach kept telling him not to.  "Eat, Estel.  I had the cooks prepare them especially for you, you wouldn't want to hurt their feelings would you?"

"No, I don't."  Estel picked up a cookie and took a tentative bite.  He half expected it to come right back up after he swallowed it, but to his surprise it stayed where it was suppose to.  He took another bite and then a sip of milk.  Every thing seemed to be in order.  

He managed to eat two cookies and drink half of the glass of milk before he felt like he couldn't eat anymore.  He hoped Elrond would be satisfied.  Elrond smiled and took the plate from him, setting it on the side table.  "There, it may not have been the most nutritious dinner, but at least we got some food in your stomach."  Estel yawned.  "I know that it sounds strange, but you will feel less ill if you keep food in you.  The pregnancy illness is worse on an empty stomach.  When you feel the nausea start, try eating something small.  That always helped my wife when she was with child."

"I will try, Ada, it is just hard to eat when you feel sick."  Estel slide back down so he way lying on his side.  Elrond noticed he was rubbing his stomach.  

"Are you in pain?"  Estel nodded.  Elrond rose and left the room.  Returning a short time later with a large flat bag filled with herbs.  Estel recognized it as a heat compress.  The herbs inside of the cloth reacted with one and other and produced heat.  He had been dreaming about one when he was in the wilds with Legolas.  He accepted the gift gratefully and pressed it to his cramping lower abdomen.  The heat quickly began to sooth away the pain.  "Is it very bad?"

"No, just more annoying than anything else.  Like a sprained ankle or a pulled muscle."  Estel was getting groggy.

"Good, if you feel intense pain or bleeding you must let me know immediately.  Do you understand?"  Estel nodded.

"Ada, what is going to happen to me?"

"Well, that is hard to say.  Given the mixed blood of the child, it is hard to say how long the pregnancy will last and if it will go more like an Elvin one or a human.  But my guess will be that you will deliver in about nine to eleven months.  The ill and tired feeling should not plague you for more than another month or so."  Rather than explaining every gory detail of childbearing to his son he paused.  "Tomorrow I will give you a book to read on the subject.  Then you can ask me questions.  Until then rest, I can see that you can barely keep your eyes open."  Estel smiled and began to nod off.  "Stay abed as long as you need tomorrow.  You need not come to breakfast if you are still tired.  I will make sure the cooks keep something warm for you."  Estel sighed and was soon asleep.

Elrond on the other hand was awake the rest of the night, watching over his son.  The evens of this evening caught him very off guard.  He was going to be a grandfather.  He had given up on his dreams of ever having grandchildren.  None of his children seemed inclined to marry.  The only one who paid any heed to such things was his daughter Arwen, who was in Lorien.  Her grandmother had said she was quite fond of one of their marsh wardens by the name of Haldir, but that she detected no special attachment.

As Elrond watched his son sleep, he realized that it was going to be a very, very long year.  But most disturbing of all, this meant he would have a relation in common with Thranduil.  The thought made him shudder.

TBC


	5. Legolas, are you insane?

Thank you again to everyone who has reviewed.  I do actually listen to them and take them into consideration when I write.  So I hope I get a few more.  I also hope everyone enjoys the next chapter.  -Naj

A/N:  In my story Elves are the firstborn and highly evolved, therefore they have indoor plumbing and running water.  I don't recall any of the books saying they didn't, but even if they did I said it was A/U.

ESTEL/ESTELLE 

The next morning Estel awoke to the sound of his brothers going to breakfast.  He could hear their laughing and joking coming down the hall along with Lord Elrond's reminder "to be quiet, Estel is still asleep."  Normally his father would not let him sleep through breakfast, but then again normally he wasn't with child.  Estel gave into one brief moment of hope that the whole thing had just been a dream.  He sat up in bed and was slammed by a wave of lightheadedness.  He flopped back down, clutching the bed to keep himself from being thrown off by its fierce spinning.  "Why me?" he thought.  

Not sure what to do, but also knowing he didn't want to chance sitting back up just yet, Estel slid his hand under his sleeping shirt onto the bare flesh of his belly.  The skin was soft and smooth.  There was no bulge yet, but Estel guess there wouldn't be after all he was only six weeks along.  There was no way to tell that he was pregnant by looking at him, and it annoyed him.  If he had to feel this bad then he should at least look bad too.  He guessed there was no help for it.  It was hard for Estel to comprehend that there was a lift growing in side of him.  One that was part him and part Legolas.  From his vision he already knew it would be a girl and she would have honey brown hair and blue grey eyes.  She was a person and her life depended on him.  Estel wasn't sure if he was comfortable with someone else's life depending on him, especially someone so small.

"Hello down there, sweetheart."  Estel whispered.  Then realized he was talking to his own stomach and thought better of continuing the conversation.  

The young Ranger stayed in bed for a few more minutes before his aching back forced him to sit up again.  This time the bed remained stationary, for which he was eternally grateful.  He slowly made his way to his bathing room, where he soaked in a hot bath to try and relieve the kinks in his back.  After sometime he emerged from the hot tub and started to get dressed.  However, he stopped in front of his full-length mirror to look at himself.  His stomach was flat as a board with vertical muscle striations running its length.  His hipbones stuck out further than his belly and so did his ribs.  He had a curvy hourglass figure that even he had to admit looked pretty good.  He was proud for a moment before he realized just how sick it was for him to be happy he had a nice figure.  Where was Gandalf anyway?  Estel again put his hand to his belly.  "Are you going to be good today and let me actually eat?"  He took her silence as a yes and got dressed and headed to find some breakfast.

After getting dressed he made his way to the family's private dinning room.  Most of the food had been picked over by his brothers, but there was still plenty left.  Although he no longer suffered from the debilitating nausea from last evening, he still felt queasy and nothing seemed appealing.  He sat looking at the sideboard full of food for a few minutes, trying to convince himself that he was hungry, before the head cook came into the room.    
  


"Good morning, young Estel, how are you faring this morning?"  Estel smiled at the portly, if such a thing existed, elf.  "Your father told me of your condition so I prepared some special treats for you this morning."  Estel blushed a dusky rose.  He wasn't ready for people to know yet.  He was still getting used to the idea.  He was much to embarrassed to have anyone else know.  Before he could say anything, the cook began to talk again as he uncovered a tray.  "'Tis nothing to be ashamed of, Estel, humans get sick.  It has happened in the past and it will continue to happen.  And, you will get over it far faster with good food to settle your stomach.  So here, eat."  He handed Estel a large raison scone.  He also handed him a full glass of orange juice.  Estel's mouth watered at the sight of the orange liquid.  He had been craving oranges for a week.  He took a sip and it tasted better than anything he had ever had before.  He turned a grateful look to the fat elf, who smiled back at him.  "Lord Elrond said you might like that.  I am glad he was right.  Now, you enjoy your meal and let me know if there is anything I can do for you."  

"Thank you."  Estel was so happy for the nice treatment he wanted to cry.  But not wanting to make a spectacle he just continued to drain his glass of juice.  

After finishing the first  glass, he refilled it and took his scone to Elrond's study.  As he had hoped the Lord had left a book sitting on his desk with Estel's name on it.  He hefted the large book and took it to the window seat, where he sat down and began to read about what to expect in his pregnancy.  Much of what he read frightened him, but on the bright side he was more than happy to have a reason to ignore his scone.  

A few hours later Legolas wandered into the study looking for Estel.  They had to talk.  Legolas realized now that leaving was not the answer.  He and Estel had made this child together, they would figure out what to do with it together as well.  The thought sent warm feelings through the elf.  He was having a child.  He could just imagine how beautiful it would be with his eyes and Estel's hair.  He couldn't wait to give them their first archery lesson and teach them how to use a sword.  A child was something he never realized he wanted, but now that he was having one he didn't think he could live without it.  Mirkwood would have another heir.  Not to mention that the child would also be Isildur's heir as well.  It could unite the world of elves and men, something only Lord Elrond had ever been able to accomplish.  Legolas could already feel fatherly pride budding.  This was the best thing that could have happened, with the best person possible.  It never occurred to Legolas that Estel might not feel the same way.

As Legolas opened the door, he was struck by the beauty of his best friend once again.  Estel was seated sideways on the window seat awash in warm sunlight.  The golden glow sent buttery highlights through his glorious hair, which hung free about his shoulders.  One delicate hand was twisting a piece of hair in its fingers, while the other rested on the side of a large tome.  He had the leg closest to Legolas bent and the tight leggings that Legolas had picked out for him showed the perfect shape of his round ass as well as the fine lean shape of his other leg.  Legolas could not imagine something more enticing than seeing Estel at ease.  His friend had such a natural yet profound and earthy beauty, which one never saw in elves.  Estel was not an untouchable star, but rather the breathtaking glory of Mirkwood in autumn.  Awash and alive in warm colours, ever changing and enjoyed by all.

Estel looked up from his book and smiled at Legolas.  When Legolas saw that smile he realized that Estel had his heart and soul.  It would not matter if Estel stayed a woman or turned back into a man.  He would follow his friend into the very fires of Mordor if Estel asked.  He understood that his soul and his fate were now bound to the young Ranger as surely as if they had taken vows already.  Now he just had to talk Estel into seeing it that way.

"I thought I would come and check on you."  Legolas could think of nothing else to say.

"I'm still in one piece.  I have just been reading this book Ada left for me.  It was suppose to ease my mind, but I think I am more worried now than I was before."  Estel gave a wry chuckle as he moved over to make room for Legolas to sit beside him.  The elf sat down and noticed he pristine scone on the side table.  He broke off a corner and took a bite.  It was quite good.

"This is quite good, you should try some."  Legolas handed Estel the plate.  Estel just looked at it.

"You can have it.  I am not hungry."  Estel glared at he scone like it was a dead thing.  Legolas broke off a quarter of it and again proffered it to the Ranger.

"If you eat this I shall not tell your Father that you skipped breakfast against his orders" Estel took the piece and took a bite rather than face his father's displeasure.  Estel supposed that the scone was good, but to him it tasted like ash and sat like a lump in his stomach.  "We need to talk."  Estel nodded.  "Shall we take a walk in the gardens.  The rain has stopped and the day is quite fine."  Estel again nodded and the two walked out into the gardens.

Once in a secluded place Legolas turned to Estel, who was again rubbing at an ache in his lower back.  "Estel, I think the best thing that we can do is get married.  You can move to Mirkwood with me and be a Princess.  You will lack for nothing, and my position as royalty will ensure our child is safe and raised with every privilege."

"I repeat, are you insane?  I can't marry you.  I don't want to be a princess.  And your people would never accept a half elfin child as the heir to their throne anymore than they would accept your marriage to a human.  They don't even accept Elrond as a Lord, for pitty's sake."  Estel sat down on a rock, figuring they might be there for a while.

"If my father decrees it they will accept our child.  You have no real ties to anything here, there is no reason why you cannot come to Mirkwood."

"I am the heir to Isildur, that is a tie."

"You said you never wanted to be a king of men, why not come with me where your only responsibility will be to raise our child to be a happy elf."  Legolas smiled at the idea of spending long winter nights curled up with his child and Estel in the palace of Mirkwood.

"I never wanted to be a king of men, but I certainly don't want to be a queen of elves either."  Estel's voice rose in exasperation as he looked at Legolas as if the elf really had lost his mind.

"You couldn't be queen.  You could only be King consort."

"Well, that makes all the difference."  Estel was dripping with sarcasm.   "Legolas, I want to turn back into a man.  As soon as Gandalf shows up I will have him do it so I can forget this mess ever happened."

"But what about our child, what will happen to him if Gandalf changes you back?"

"Her, it is a girl.  I don't know what will happen, and I don't really care. . . "  Estel stopped for a moment.  How could he say that he didn't care when he had spent time this morning talking to her.  He had seen her face and felt love for her.  He couldn't really say he didn't care, he could already feel that love beginning to grow along with her and a fierce protectiveness as well.  But Legolas did not have to know this.

"We are having a girl."  Legolas looked off into the distance with a dreamy look on his face.  Estel could only imagine what he was thinking.  To Legolas this whole thing was a beautiful magical experience.  To Estel it was backaches, dizziness, and nausea culminating in a no doubt very painful birth.  

"Legolas, I am not leaving Rivendell.  I am sorry to ruin your fantasy, but I cannot be your wife.  I will stay here and have our daughter and then we can figure out what to do."

"But why can you not come to Mirkwood to have her?"  Legolas whined.

"Because I want to have my family around me and Elrond is a master healer should anything go wrong."  Estel neglected to mention that he feared Thranduil would have him executed the moment the child was born if not before.  He could just picture what the King would do to him if he could get Estel away from Lord Elrond's protection.  "Please understand, I am not trying to make things hard for you, I am just afraid and very confused about this whole thing.  I want everything to come out ok, but I don't know what to do to make that happen.  I understand if you want to leave.  You really don't have any responsibility here.  I can take care of everything without you if you want to go."  Even as Estel said the words it occurred to him that he wanted Legolas to stay.  He could not imagine going through this ordeal without the support of his best friend.  He held his breath hoping Legolas would say no.

"I will not leave.  Your father will have to throw me out.  I got you into this I will stay with you until the end."  Estel gave a sigh of relief.  "But now we must worry for the most frightening part."

"What is that?"  Estel felt much less tense now.

"Telling my father."  For once it was Legolas who looked pale and slightly ill.

In another part of the gardens Elrond wiped sweat off of his forehead in between strike and block of his sword.  He had waylaid Glorfindel early this morning in an attempt to work off some of his frustration.   He would feel guilty, except he knew that the golden elf was always up for a good spar.  This was the way Elrond had worked out many of his toughest problems, from his crush on Celebrian to dealing with the death of his twin brother Elros.  Always he would go to his best friend and they would spar and talk until Elrond felt better.  This problem was no different.

"Honestly, what is so bad about it, other than having to deal with King Thrandrool?"  Elrond smiled at his friend's pet name for the prickly king of Mirkwood.  If there was anyone that Glorfindel could not stand it was Thranduil.  

"Let us see what is so bad.  I took a young boy into my house to rear and now is his a young woman.  Said young woman was impregnated by a certain wood elf who seems to see nothing wrong with his actions.  So now this young woman is unmarried and with child all at the tender age of twenty.  All of this means that either I will inherit a group of Sylvan in laws or Estel will be forced to go to Mirkwood.  However, Legolas may decide he wants nothing to do with the child and then Estel will be forced to bring the child up alone.  Can you imagine?  He will be in his nineties before the child comes close to reaching maturity.  Therefore I will be foster father to another child."  Glorfindel made a quick jab to Elrond's mid section forcing the half elf to back peddle or be impaled.  "All of this is assuming that Estel is even able to carry the child to term.  Estel is a strong person, but he is weakening quickly under the strain of pregnancy.  So we may loose Estel in the bargain.  There is always the possibility that Estel will loose the child and survive, in which case I should hope it happens soon if it must happen other wise he will be heart broken.  But other than those things I suppose there is no reason to be unhappy."

"Right! No reason to be unhappy.   Look.  Estel and Legolas will work out what they want to do, and you will have little say about it.  If you try and force either of them into something you will loose them both."

"But I know Estel is destined for great things.  How can he accomplish them when he has to worry about caring for a child?  I know Estel; he will never abandon his child to be raised by some else.  His sense of responsibility is too strong.  He will stay with her until she has no further need of him.  There is no room in his future for such."

"Not everything can be foretold.  If it could life would be very droll indeed."

"How can you be so undisturbed about the fact that Legolas all but raped Estel."

"Because Estel is not upset.  Would you feel the same way if Elladan came home and told you the same story from Legolas's side?"

"My friend I would just be happy to find out Elladan liked a female."

"True, Then let's say Estel and Legolas were in opposite spots.  Estel got Legolas pregnant.  Would you still feel the same way?"  Elrond pause for a moment and Glorfindel took advantage with both wits and swords.  "Of course you would not.  You would think that it was a mistake, but that it was not the rebirth of Sauron."

"I suppose.  But this is my Estel we are talking about.  It seems like just yesterday he was crawling on my lap asking for stories about Barlog fighters."

"The child had good taste.  But he is an adult now, at least among humans.  He is old enough to have a child of his own.  But that does not mean that he will not need you.  In fact I think he will need you all the more to get through this.  Especially if Legolas leaves."  
  


"I do not think Legolas will leave.  I can see his devotion to Estel as plain as day."  Elrond lowered his sword beginning to feel better about the whole thing.

"The important thing is not to blame your granddaughter for the mistakes of her father."

"I would never do that."

"Or for the fact that she is related to the single most unpleasant elf I have ever met."

"I doubt Thranduil would be so unpleasant to you had you not had that forty year long affair with his wife."

"Is it my fault she liked blonds?"

"Probably."  The two laughed and strolled back to house both feel relaxed.  Elrond had begun to come to terms with Estel's pregnancy, while Glorfindel was happy he could help his best friend and charge.

Lord Elrond stopped in his chambers to clean and change before lunch, therefore lunch was late in being served, much to Estel's chagrin.  Estel had kept Legolas in the gardens talking and walking far past when he would have wanted to return.  He did so in hopes of missing lunch, however luck was not on his side.  As he and Legolas walked through the French doors of the sitting room, they were met by Lord Elrond on his way to lunch.  Estel inwardly groaned.  He had walked around the gardens with Legolas for almost two hours and was exhausted and his back hurt.  He wanted to lie down and take a nap.  Not to mention he was starting to feel very queasy at the idea of food.  But he was cornered.  He had no choice but to follow his father and Legolas to lunch.

Estel took his usual seat, sandwiched in between Elrond and Legolas.  Estel's stomach began to protest in truth when the sweet yet savory smell of Apple Raisin Rabbit Stew hit his nostrils.  He reflexively covered his nose and mouth to try and block out the odor.  The food was presented to Elrond, who approved, and then served.  Estel could feel himself blanch when he heard the plop the ladle full of stew made on his plate.  It reeked strongly of candy sweet raisins, tart apples and meaty rabbit.  Estel could feel his stomach turn over and endeavoured to breath through his mouth.  Next to the stew was placed a warm slice of fresh bread.  The moist, white center was surrounded by a hard golden brown crust.  To Estel it resembled a bone cleaved clean through.  He closed his eyes and counted backwards from ten.  The meal was finished off by a spoonful of fruit salad, heavy with strawberries.  Estel could feel himself start to salivate.  He had to get out of there, and now.

"Ada, may I be excused?  I'm not very hungry."  He didn't want to open his mouth to wide for fear he would vomit on the table.

Lord Elrond looked at him skeptically.  "How much did you have to eat for breakfast?"

"I had a scone."  Estel really wasn't fibbing.  He had taken a scone; he just only ate a quarter of it.

"You mean you ate two bites of a scone."  Legolas, you traitor Estel thought.  

"Estel, try and eat something.  The stew is quite good."  Lord Elrond tried to encourage the young Ranger by pushing his plate closer to him.

"I don't think I can."  Elladan and Elrohir began to look worried.  They had noticed that their young foster brother was acting quite strange since he returned form Bree.  Skipping meals and staying in his rooms rather than sparring and practicing archery like he usually did.  They had passed it off as a side effect of Estel's gender change, but now neither was so sure.  Estel didn't look very well.

"Try, Estel.  You remember what your father said.  You need to eat to keep up your strength and for the. . ."  A fierce glare of Estel silenced Legolas from finishing his statement.  Estel was not ready for his brothers or Glorfindel to know.  Though he was sure that Elrond had already told Glorfindel.  There was little that went on in Rivendell that the blonde elf was not aware of.  It was quite easy to mistake him for dimwitted because of his relaxed ways, but there was a shrewd mind working underneath that golden mop.  Elrond tended to take full advantage of that fact by making Glorfindel his closest and most trusted advisor.  Once Estel had whined to his father that Lord Elrond could never understand how close his friendship was with Legolas.  Elrond and just laughed, sending a long suffering look at Glorfindel, and said yes he could understand.  However regardless of Glorfindel's reaction, Estel was not sure how his brothers would take the news and right now he didn't have the strength to deal with it.

"Fine."  Estel picked up his fork and speared a chunk of apple.  It wiggled and giggled like a blob of lard.   He immediately dropped his fork and picked up his bread instead.  He managed to choke down a few small bites of bread and Lord Elrond seemed pleased.  Of course he had to drink two or three sips of water with every bite in order to keep his gorge down.  He might have been ok if he had just kept watching Lord Elrond, but he made the mistake of looking down at his plate.  There was a large plump strawberry sitting near the left side.  Estel liked strawberries.  He used his fork to cut it in half.  The meaty inside of the fruit looked like the meaty innards of an animal.  He quickly flipped both halves over.  Each half sat on the white porcelain plate looking like a red blister engorged with blood containing many small puss filled compartments.  The rash-like strawberries were the last straw.  Estel jumped up from the table toppling his chair over backwards and darted for the restroom off of the dining room, one hand over his mouth the other wrapped around his heaving stomach.

Legolas tried to ignore the splat he heard when Estel did not make it all the way to the water filled privy, but instead had hit the sink.  He couldn't help but feel guilty for forcing Estel to stay at he table if he had felt that ill.  Estel had seemed to feel fine just a few minutes ago when they had been walking in the gardens.  He would have to ask Lord Elrond how he was to tell if Estel was ill or not.

"Ada, what is wrong with Estel?"  Elrohir asked.

"Yes, has he come to see you yet?"  Elladan followed up his brother's question.

"Yes he has.  It is nothing to worry about.  It is not fatal," Lord Elrond turned and icy glare towards Legolas, who suddenly wished he could be anywhere but here,  "at least not to him."  Somehow the cold calm almost lethal tone Elrond spoke in was ten times more frightening than all of his ranting and raving the night before.  Legolas actually shrank in his seat.  Luckily he was saved from further scrutiny by a rather loud retch from the young Ranger.  "I will go and check on him."  Elrond rose and headed towards the washroom.

If Legolas thought he was off the hook because Elrond had left, he was mistaken.  "You know what is wrong with him.  I can tell by the way Ada looked at you."  Elladan accused Legolas.  Two pairs of identical grey eyes stared at him from across the table.

"I think Estel should be the one to tell you."  Legolas hopped they would leave it at that.

"Tell us what?  What is he hiding?  What happened to him?"  No such luck.  When the twins starting questioning him like this he could never tell them apart.  They became perfect mirror images of each other.  It was spooky.  But Legolas had a savior.

"Lads, leave our guest alone.  You act as if he is a spy sent to kill you brother.  Your father told you it is not serious.  I suggest you trust him."   Glorfindel successfully diverted the twin's attention away from Legolas by letting them know he knew what was going on.  At this point the ancient elf was far better at side stepping their barrage of questions (years of experience would do that) than Legolas was.

Meanwhile Elrond walked into the washroom to find Estel hunched over the sink trying to rinse the foul taste from is mouth.  Elrond rubbed small soothing circles between Estel's shoulder blades.  The young human's eyes and nose were watering and he coughed every now and again.  The half elf could see that the ends of Estel's hair had ended up in the sink.  He made a mental note to teach his son how to plait his hair.

"I'm sorry, Ada, I didn't mean to ruin lunch."  Estel's voice sounded rough and scratchy, not to mention hollow as it echoed off of the stone sink.  He still hadn't stood up yet.

"Do not worry."  Elrond spoke softly.

"It was an accident.  It was just that the rabbit smelled so strong and the bread looked like a broken bone and the strawberries looked like a rash."  Elrond couldn't quite decipher what his son was talking about before he felt Estel's body tense as he heaved into the sink again.  Luckily Elrond managed to save Estel's hair from a very unpleasant fate. 

As Elrond felt Estel's body relax, he could also feel it begin to shake with exhaustion.  Elrond sat Estel down and handed him a glass of water. "Are you feeling any better?"  Estel shook his head 'yes.'  "Do not trouble yourself about lunch.  I am sorry you are feeling so poorly."

"I am just so embarrassed."  Estel coughed, but made no attempt to move.

"There is nothing to be embarrassed about.  You should not feel shame for being ill or for being pregnant.  You are getting to experience what few other men have ever experienced.  You get to give life."  Elrond put his large hand over Estel's small stomach.  Estel rested is hand on top of Elrond's hand.  "You are having an elfin child Estel, you should be proud."  Estel really felt more sick than proud right now, but he smiled weakly at Elrond anyway.  "Come," his father helped him up,  "let us get you back to your chamber to rest for a bit."  They began to walk back into the dining room.  Glorfindel had had the forethought to have the cooks clear all of the food not on plates from the room.  "Then, I will have the cooks bring you some broth and light bread."  Estel gave one thought to a cup of tea coloured broth with globules of greasy fat floating on the surface and sprinted back into the restroom.  Lord Elrond held his hair until his was finished.  "Maybe we should wait for much later to send any food."

Estel walked back to his room leaning heavily on the strong half elf.  He had not looked at his brothers when he went by them.  Regardless of what Elrond had said, he was still ashamed of his weakness and awkward about his condition.  He knew he couldn't hide it forever, but he wanted a little more time to figure out how to tell them.  

Once in his room Elrond closed the door against the worried faces of his family and helped Estel into bed.  He then placed a large bowl with a few inches of water in it on the side table next to Estel's bed.  He could see his son clutching the bedding in a death grip.  Estel was once again trying to prevent himself from being flung form the violently rotating bed.  "Estel, are you alright?"

"Yes, just a little dizzy."  Estel opened his eyes and noticed it looked more like the room itself was spinning around the bed.  He clamped his eyes shut and covered them to try and forget the image.  

Elrond went into the washroom and brought back a wet cloth.  He placed it on Estel's damp forehead.  Estel began to relax, especially when Elrond began to sing quietly to him.  Soon he was napping.  And Elrond felt it was safe to leave.  

Once outside Elrond was cornered by his twin son's and their questions about Estel's health.  After a time they managed to wear him down and he finally answered though he knew Estel would be cross about it. But he also knew his son would wait until the absolute last moment to tell his brothers and he didn't want to subject his youngest to Elladan and Elrohir's constant scrutiny.  "Your brother is with child.  Legolas had sex with him when he was very drunk and produced a child.  Estel is suffering from a very nasty case of pregnancy illness.  Far worse than most I have seen, but that is no doubt because of he mixed race heritage of the child."  

It had been pointless to keep talking past telling the boys that Legolas had spoiled Estel.  The two had run off after the wood elf and after no time at all Elrond could hear that his son's had caught him.  

"What did you do to our little brother?"

"Nothing, it was an accident."

"How could you?  This is Estel we are talking about."

"Yes, but we were drunk, and if you haven't noticed he is quite attractive as a woman."  Elrond could hear the punch as it landed.  He was guessing it was a gut shot.

"That is disgusting.  This is my brother you are talking about."

"Well yes, but pretend he was your sister."

"Don't you ever think about my sister in that way."  Elrond heard another hit.  This time he guessed an eye was the target.

"Come on.  We were friends for a thousand years before Estel was even born."  Legolas's pleas were cut short by another punch to his face.

"How could you find someone a thousand years younger than you attractive.  Not to mention he is so, so."  Elrond knew that was Elladan talking.  He mentally finished his son's statement.  "so female."  Sometimes Elrond worried about his eldest.

Elrond let the beating continue for a few more minutes.  After all he was getting used to the idea of Estel having Legolas's child, but he wasn't totally there yet.

TBC


	6. Mistakes part 1

Thank you for the review.  Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out, but I went back to work finally so I haven't had as much time.  Anyway.  This chapter ended up so long I split it into two sections.  Enjoy, even though this chapter isn't very funny. ESTEL/ESTELLE 

Legolas sat in the study admiring Estel.  The human was napping, unintentionally no doubt, in a sunbeam; curled up like a giant cat around the large tome on pregnancy Lord Elrond had given him to read.  Legolas was glad he was resting.  To his eyes the young human looked impossibly frail and waifish.  Estel had lost perhaps ten pounds in the last month and it showed.  His keen eyes picked up every jutting bone and every sunken hollow.  Legolas worried that even Estel's belly, which should be expanding, seemed to have become thinner.  The young Ranger's cheekbones stuck out prominently and his hands looked downright skeletal.  Estel seemed to have perpetual dark smudges under his eyes as if he never slept.  Every time Legolas questioned Lord Elrond on the subject, the half elf would just answer. "It was perfectly normal.  Not to worry.  Estel will feel much better soon.  It is only the first little while that is bad."  Of course he had been saying it for six weeks.  

The past six weeks had been very hard on both of them.  Legolas worried constantly about his father's reaction to the news that Estel was carrying his grandchild.  Legolas had sent the King of Mirkwood a letter saying that his company was required in Imladris as soon as possible.  However, Legolas was hoping that he wouldn't be here too soon.  Much to his son's relief, Thranduil had sent a missive saying there were several matters of state he needed to attend to before he could be spared to go on pleasure bent to Rivendell.  Though Legolas knew his father would take no pleasure from visiting the seat of Noldor power.  It galled King Thranduil that a half Elvin Lord garnered more respect than he, an Elvin King, did.  It also bothered the head of Mirkwood that Lady Galadriel had repeatedly chosen to side with Elrond in matters of state.  But perhaps worst of all, Elrond gave refuge to Thranduil's most hated rival, Glorfindel.  Thranduil had painted such a picture of a perfect monster, that Legolas had been surprised to find out that the ancient elf was a truly charming and friendly sort of elf.  

Legolas knew his father would be cross, at best.  He feared his father might disown him, or worse refuse to let him recognize his own daughter.  That was part of the reason he had been so intent on getting Estel to marry him.  Under Elvin law Thranduil could do nothing to prevent Legolas's daughter from living in Mirkwood if she was the product of a proper marriage.  However, since Estel was determined that she should be born a bastard, Thranduil had the power and the right to banish her and forbid Legolas from ever seeing her.  Under the custom of most elves, a young lord was still considered part of their father's house until he married or took control of the house.  Legolas had done neither so he was still under Thranduil's thumb. 

He also fretted over how his father would react to being around the members of Elrond's house.   Thranduil had made no secret of his dislike of Legolas's friendship with the twins and especially Estel.  His father truly and strongly disliked the young human for reasons Legolas could not understand.  Estel had been nothing but a true and honorable friend, yet the king still derided him and despised him.  Estel had taken the whole thing in stride, trying his best to stay out of the King's way, but every once and a while their paths would cross and Thranduil would let the young Ranger know exactly how far beneath Legolas Thranduil thought he was.  Legolas could see that these encounters greatly bothered Estel, but Estel would never talk about it.  Legolas was not looking forward to what Thranduil would say to Estel now.  And he was really dreading the way the over protective twins and foster father would react to Thranduil's opinion.  But most of all Legolas was dreading the way he would react.  Normally he would bow his head and let his father yell and insult the young human, figuring that it was not his place to interfere.  But now, the thought of anyone harming Estel made the elf seethe with rage.  He would not let his father hurt Estel, and he would end up paying a price for it.

Legolas noticed that Estel fidgeted in his sleep, rolling more onto his stomach.  Legolas guessed the human should enjoy the luxury of getting to sleep on is stomach while he still could.  Legolas spent much time also worrying over Estel and his daughter's health.  The pregnancy had hit the young Ranger hard, to say the least.  Every symptom he had ever heard from and old wives' tales the human seemed to have.  Exhaustion, backaches, dizziness, moodiness, and nausea were just the tip of the iceberg.  His friend had been very ill these past six weeks and very ill tempered.

Legolas was unsure how to help Estel through these problems.  He, himself, had little to no experience with pregnant women.  The only one he had ever been around was his mother, and he had been very young at the time.  Legolas tried his best not to think on the fact that is dear mother lost her life in childbirth.  He did not want to bring that thought around Estel at all.  For example, a few weeks ago Legolas had come into the study in search of his best friend.  He had found Estel sitting in the same seat he occupied now.  His friend had been looking out of the window with tears streaming down his pale face.  Legolas had rushed over to the crying human and tried to comfort him.  

"Estel, whatever is wrong?"  Legolas had asked with the greatest concern.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing!"  Estel had begun to weep in earnest.

"Are you sure nothing is wrong?  Why do you cry?"

"I don't know."  Estel had wailed.

"You don't know if anything is wrong or you don't know why you cry?"  Legolas had become rapidly confused.  It was very unlike his friend to cry at all, much less so openly in front of Legolas.

"I don't know why I am crying."

"How could you not know?"  Legolas felt no closer to understanding Estel's sadness.

"I don't know why I don't know."  Now Estel's answers were not even making sense.

"Tell me what happened."

"Nothing happened.  I was just sitting her and started crying for no reason and now I can't stop and I don't know why.  Which just makes me want to cry even more."  Estel was all but sobbing uncontrollably now.

Legolas had gathered the Ranger into his arms and held him as he wept.  Estel had burrowed deep against his friend's chest and taken solace in the elf's strength.  Though Legolas had been badly confused at Estel's behaviour and his heart had gone out to his best friend, he could not deny that he had longed for the contact.  Those few simple minutes he had been holding Estel had given him hours of fantasies at night.  

At first, Legolas was slightly worried about his attraction to Estel, then he had assumed it was a spiritual connection due to the child, but Legolas finally realized that he had always loved the beautiful young Ranger.  Even when Estel was covered in dirt, smelled like a horse, and felt greasy and gritty at the same time; Legolas found him irresistible.  Legolas had not been upset that he had found another man attractive, that was nothing knew.  After all, he had much more experience with men than with women.  What bothered him was that Estel did not seem to return his affections.  Even as he looked at the human now,  hair unevenly pulled back, clothes wrinkled and curled up napping, no doubt as an escape from his churning tummy; all he wanted to do was crawl beside Estel and kiss away his discomfort.  But he knew Estel would NEVER allow that.  In fact Estel would no doubt be uncomfortable with even being alone with Legolas.  

"No, Legolas, do not think on that."  The elf admonished himself.  He would think of more pleasant things now, while he still could.  

He could feel a smile tug at his lips as he thought of another of Estel's symptoms.  Estel had protested that he had gone his whole life and never fainted until he met Legolas.   And now, he felt so light headed all the time he couldn't stand up without the room spinning.  They had had a good laugh about that until Estel had actually fainted.  But worse than just fainting, it had been in front of Glorfindel, his brothers, and half of the Imladris Guard.  Estel had been so mortified he could have cried.  

It had been about a month ago.  Spring had come and with it many of the mares began to foal.  One quiet evening they had been sitting in the study after dinner playing a card game.  Legolas and the twins had been very pleased Estel had ventured from his rooms for the evening.  Normally once he went into his room he didn't come back out until the morning, but that day he had decided he wanted something to take his mind off of his upset stomach.  So there they had sat playing cards while Elrond worked.

A guard had come running into the study looking disheveled and alarmed.  The Lord had immediately bade him to enter and tell his new.  "Lord Glorfindel sends his regards.  I am to tell the young sirs that Estel's mare, Orlean, is about to foal."  Estel had been very excited that his horse was having a baby.  He had faithfully gone to visit her everyday he had been able.  He would walk with her around the meadow, allowing both of them to get  some exercise, telling her that he understood how she felt.  She would whicker back and poke him in the belly with her nose.  

The twins had jumped up to go watch, while Estel had risen more slowly.  He had learned over the prior weeks to not stand up too fast.  Elrond had stopped him.  "Estel, are you sure you want to go all the way to the stable?  Glor will be there in case anything goes wrong."  Estel had not really fancied walking all the way back down to the stables, but he would do it for Orlean, she had saved his life more than once.  

"I am not an invalid, Ada, you told me to take it easy, not stay in bed for nine months."  Estel had tried to sound less cross and more confident than he felt.

"I know, but you were very ill today and you have not eaten much.  I think you should let someone else stay with her.  I think she will understand."  Elrond had known it was underhanded to point out to Estel that he was not half as good at hiding his morning sickness as he thought he was.  Elrond had been certain that every elf in Imladris had heard his son vomiting earlier this afternoon.  But for some reason Estel found it necessary to pretend that he was fine.  

"Ada, she is my horse, I should be there.  I feel fine, it is not like I am going to Mirkwood, just to the stables."  Elrond had still been unconvinced.  

"Do not worry, I will keep an eye on him."  Legolas had decided now was a good time to step in, before the whole thing had became a battle of wills between father and son.    
  


"Very well, but I want you back in one piece.  And promise me if you start to feel poorly again you will come straight back.  You must be careful, Estel, for both of your sakes."  Elrond had smiled indulgently at his son, and then glared at Legolas.  Though a few weeks had passed since Elrond's initial rage, he still had not returned to feeling comfortable with the wood elf again.  The Lord's look had been designed to let Legolas know that  he would pay if something happened to Estel.  Legolas had been unable to keep eye contact for long, but it had enough.

Legolas and Estel had walked outside and hurried down to the stable.  Estel had been quite anxious about Orlean's welfare, while Legolas had felt the same way about Estel.  Every time Estel had tried to quicken the pace, Legolas refused to walk any faster.  Estel had worried they would miss the entire thing because his companion refused to move faster than a slow stroll.  At one point Estel decided just to leave Legolas behind, but the elf had sped up and stood right in front of him so that he had had no choice but to slow back down.

By the time they had arrived, Glorfindel and the twins were already settled and watching the large mare.  In addition to those three, many of the Imladris guard had also come to watch knowing that the foal would most likely go to one of them.  The  foal would be quite the prize having  Orlean for a mother and Asfaloth for a sire.  Luckily there were two free spots right in the front.  Glorfindel had saved them for Estel and Legolas.  

Even though Legolas had forced the two to walk very slowly, they had not missed the big event.  The mare had still not dropped her foal yet, but she was very close.  Her large body was covered in a thick lather and she panted and strained.  Estel had felt very sorry for her, wishing there was something he could do to help her.  Not knowing what else to do he had whispered words of encouragement to her.  He did not have Glorfindel's gift in speaking to animals, however she seemed to calm after hearing is voice.  

At that point she had begun to truly birth the foal.  Glorfindel had turned to Estel.  "I think she was waiting for you to show up, Pup."  Normally Estel would have been annoyed by the ancient elf calling him pup, but he had been too engrossed in watching Orlean struggle to have her foal.  She would stand up and then lay down and then repeat the whole process.  All the while slowly forcing the foal out of her.  Estel had thought that there was no way, the foal was too large and Orlean had looked too tired to try anymore.  But somehow she had kept on going even though her mighty legs had shook with exhaustion.  

When the foal had been about half way born, something very unpleasant had occurred to the young Ranger.  In a few months this would be him.  It was all very easy to not think about it right  now, especially in the mitts of all the other unpleasantness he was going through, but soon he would have to pass something that weighed seven or eight pounds with a head the size of a melon through some place he just didn't think it would fit.  He just hadn't been able to wrap his mind around how it could actually be done.  Not to mention he could see the pain poor Orlean was going through, and he wondered if it would be as bad for him.  But then again, he could not imagine how forcing anything that large through any part of his body could possibly not hurt.  He had been able to feel his head start to swim fore thinking of it.  

When Estel had looked up again the final part of the foal had cleared Orlean's body and with it came a gush of fluids and other unpleasantness.  Estel had remembered wondering if Orlean was still in pain and whether the foal was a boy or girl, and then the next thing he had remembered was waking up on the floor of he barn to hay poking him in the back and side of his face.  He had remembered seeing the twin's worried faces, Glorfindel's rather amused face, and Legolas's look of sheer terror (Estel had known the fear had been from thinking about Lord Elrond's retribution, not Estel's well being).  He had also remembered the sound of the guardsman laughing at him.  

Legolas had not been able to blame the guards.  It had actually been quite funny.  Estel had been standing by the side of the stall looking in.  Then he had looked down and put his hand on his stomach.  Legolas had been afraid the young human would be ill again, but he had been holding the bottom part of his stomach rather than the top as he usually did when he felt sick.  But Legolas had worried as his friend very quickly grew very pale.  Legolas could almost read the thoughts from his friend.  Estel had just realized that he would be going through this whole ordeal soon enough.  Estel had looked up just as the foal had been born.  The young human mother then proceeded to faint dead away, landing on the floor just outside of the stall.  It all happened so quickly not even Legolas had had time to catch him.  Legolas and the twins had nearly panicked, until Glorfindel calmed them down and explained that it was nothing to worry about.

Just about that time the young Ranger had started to wake up.  Once realization had dawned on Estel, Legolas could see that he was deeply embarrassed for what he perceived as a weakness.  The snide laughing guardsman did not make matters any  better.  Estel would have wanted to walk off with his dignity, but he had been too dizzy to walk back to the house unaided.  Legolas had deeply enjoyed the contact with his friend, even if it was just for a few minutes.  

Legolas was happy that Estel did not seem to suffer from any other fainting spells.  However, his friend did seem to suffer badly from nausea.  No matter what poor Estel did, he could not seem to get rid of it.  Lord Elrond had scoured his books trying to find something to help his child, but nothing had worked.  Estel had explained it to Legolas just last week by saying he felt like he had a bad case of stomach flu all of the time.  And more often then not felt like he needed to throw up, especially in the afternoons.  Legolas guess that was one of the reasons his friend chose to nap in the afternoons.  Yes, Estel seemed to be perpetually tired, but he guessed his friend used the naps as an escape from the worst of his nausea.  

This seemed to be the symptom that plagued his love the worst.  And unfortunately, the twins found it rather amusing.  Estel had developed and almost canine like sense of smell, and just about anything with a strong smell would turn the Ranger green around the gills.  But the worst was rabbit.  For some reason Estel could not stomach being anywhere near a cooking rabbit.  Legolas guessed that Estel could smell one cooking a mile away up wind.  Even the slightest whiff would send the poor human running for the nearest privy.  Therefore, rabbit had been all but banned form Rivendell until Estel felt better.  Legolas understood, but he also thought it was a waste.  After all it seemed like Estel would be ill anyway, why should the rest of them not enjoy rabbit?  

When Legolas had thoughts like that he tended to feel very selfish, but he was nowhere near as mean as the twins.  Elladan and Elrohir seemed to find no end of amusement poking fun at their younger sibling.  One morning three weeks ago, they had played a very dirty trick on the Ranger and had to pay the price.  

Estel had been up sick for the better part of the night.  And though the Ranger had tried his best to be quiet, Legolas had known.  His bed shared a wall with Estel's bathing room, so he heard every wretch and splat.  Legolas would have gone to check on his friend, but the last time he had done that he nearly had his head chewed off.  So Legolas had decided to let Elrond deal with Estel when he was ill.  However, after a while Legolas decided he needed to go check on Estel, so he quietly entered the room and found the young human curled up on the cold stone floor of the bathroom dozing.  He even had had a pillow with him.  Legolas had woken Estel up to make sure the human was alright.  Estel had groggily woken up.

"Legolas, is it time to get up yet?"  Estel had sounded half asleep.

"No, I was just checking on you.  Are you alright?"

"I guess.  But I can go back to sleep for a while?"  Estel had flipped his unbound hair out of his face and looked up blearily at Legolas.  He could see down the front of Estel's sleeping shirt, and the view was very enticing.  Legolas had been forced to crouch down on the floor to hide his erection from the Ranger.

"Yes, you can go back to sleep, my friend.  But why are you sleeping in here and not in your bed?  Surely the floor is most cold and uncomfortable?"  Legolas had not been able to help himself, and he had pushed a stray lock of shiny mink coloured hair behind one of the Estel's ears.

"Because, it is not as far to walk."  Legolas raised and eyebrow in question, a nasty habit he had picked up from the Lord of Imladris.  "When I get sick, I don't have to walk from the bed in here, I just have to sit up."  Estel was already lying back down to go back to sleep.  Legolas saw the logic in it, even if he still thought the Ranger would sleep better in the bed, but he would not question him.  Tomorrow he would have a chase lounge moved into Estel's washroom.

Legolas had stayed with Estel for another half hour before he went back to his own bed.  He had hoped he would get some sleep, but a short time later, the Ranger was again ill, and Legolas again had to listen to it.  Legolas had guessed maybe it was some weird penance for not being more careful when sleeping with his friend.

And so the night turned to morning and Legolas had not rested for than two hours together.  But no matter how bad he had felt, Estel felt worse.  Evidenced by his appearance at breakfast the next day.  Legolas had been surprised the young man had even shown up, but then again Elrond had probably brow beaten him into attending.  The front pieces of Estel's hair had been unevenly pulled back, his complexion had been so pale he had had a slightly greenish grey caste, the dark circles under his eyes had been so deep and large they looked like bruises, and he had moved with the slow deliberateness of one who feared he was about to drop.  

Estel had slipped into his seat grumbling hellos at everyone while laying his head down on the his crossed arms.  Elrond had let him stay that way until the food began arriving.  To Legolas's surprise, the Ranger had actually dozed off.  Estel had waived away all solid food and only took a cup of very weak tea.  With every sip Estel had looked like he feared his tea was about to make an untimely reappearance.   Lord Elrond had been quietly trying to convince Estel to eat something, when the twins had piped up.

"Ada, we had the cooks prepare something special for Estel for breakfast."

"Yes, we thought it would be easier for him to eat."  Legolas could not tell them apart when they both sported those twin angel looks.  Legolas had grown to be rather weary of that look.

"Thank you both, that was very kind of you.  I shall have the cooks bring it directly, and you shall eat some of it, Estel."  If Estel had felt half as miserable as he looked, Legolas felt for him.

"No, we shall go and get the food for our little brother."  Both twins jumped up  and ran towards the kitchen.  Estel had slouched down in his chair with his eyes closed, his tea clenched weakly in one hand.  

In no time the two twins were back with a large covered tray.  They had placed it in front of Estel, who smiled at them, and then had removed the top.  Inside had been a large shallow bowl containing lumpy blue oatmeal.  The twins had used candy colouring to turn a normal dish of oatmeal a horrifying pale turquoise.  Legolas had felt fine and even he found it repulsive.  Estel's eyes had been as big as saucers as he had stared at the dish in front of him.  Just as the twins had planned, the young human had raced into the washroom off of the dining room.  Both Elladan and Elrohir had erupted in laughter, however, Lord Elrond had not amused.  

Elrond had given both boys a dressing down the likes of which they had not had since they reached manhood.  The Lord had then punished them into cleaning all of the windows around Imladris.  The task would take them days if not weeks.   And they had had to apologize to Estel.  Estel oddly enough had not really been that angry about it, even though Legolas had been.  Legolas had thought it was far more cruel than funny to intentionally make Estel ill, especially after he had been ill most of the night.  Estel had just told him not to worry about it.  The twins showed affection by playing tricks on people.  He had actually been flattered, and he had been about to vomit anyway so it really didn't matter.

Regardless of what Estel said, Legolas still thought the twins should have been punished worse.  They two had seen how bad Estel had felt, yet still played a trick on him.  It was not as if the twins did not love their brother or worry for him.  The two  had been just as distressed as Legolas had been a few weeks ago when the four of them had gone on a hunting trip.  

Estel had convinced Lord Elrond to let him go with his brothers and Legolas for an overnight hunting trip.  Estel had been worried that the twins might actually hurt Legolas if they could get him alone in the woods.  Not to mention he was tired of being cooped up inside so much.  He had figured that he would feel much better once he got out into the fresh air and open spaces.  And he had.  For the entire morning Estel had felt almost normal, but as the afternoon crept on he had started to feel poorly again.  And by early evening they had had to turn back and take Estel home because he had been too ill and tired to go any further.  Legolas could still remember the concerned looks of brotherly love Elladan and Elrohir had worn.  He could also clearly recall the embarrassed look Estel had had.

Legolas had used that as an opportunity to comfort Estel by hugging him.  In a weird way Legolas almost wished for the times Estel was sick, so that he could comfort the young human.  Estel would always look so grateful and beautiful.  Often times he would allow Legolas to hold him while he cried or even brush the human's long beautiful hair.  Legolas had discovered that Estel loved having his hair combed, and Legolas loved obliging him.  But that was no more.

Legolas realized that he could not avoid thinking on his mistake any longer.  

Flashback to he week before.

*****

Legolas had stood back and watched the human aim the bow.  His stance had drastically improved and so had his aim.  He would be as good as an elf if only he could see as far as an elf.  Estel's hair was pulled back into several intricate braids that Legolas had put in there that morning, but even still the marvelous locks blew around the human distracting him.  The wind had greatly picked up just as Estel had fired his last arrow.  It had of course hit its mark, even in the high winds.  Estel had turned to Legolas and flashed him a toothy grin.

"Well done, young one.  Some day you may be as good as an a child in Mirkwood.  You could enter the yearly school competition and maybe take home a medallion."  Legolas smiled to lesson the harshness of his statement.  Estel was still smiling.  Legolas had been so thankful the young human had come to him and requested an archery lesson.  He was surprised that Estel felt well enough, but he seemed to be fine.  

Just as they had gone to collect the arrows a vicious spring rainstorm had popped up.  It was a natural occurrence this time of year, and thankfully not spurred by Lord Elrond's rage.  The two were drenched by the time they had made it to a small cave near one of the waterfalls.  Legolas quickly started a fire to dry them out and keep them warm as they waited out the storm.  Both had stripped down to shirts and leggings to allow their other clothes to dry by the fire.  Legolas could not help noticing how Estel's skin glowed.  It seemed so smooth and radiant he wanted to touch it.  He almost reached out to skim his finger down the Ranger's cheek, but managed to stop himself.  

Legolas could not help noticing other changes that the pregnancy had made to his friend.  Estel had lost weight, which had made his cheekbones even more prominent making him look more elvin.  His breasts were also larger and fuller than they had been before, and the nipples had darkened.  Legolas could easily see them behind the thin wet fabric of Estel's white shirt.  Estel did not notice the effect he was having on Legolas.  The only thing Estel noticed was that he was starting to get chilly.  Legolas noticed the young Ranger was shivering from the draft at the mouth of the cave.  He beckoned Estel to come sit near him so that he could block the wind with his own body.  Estel readily accepted, thinking nothing of it.  

After Estel moved he felt warmer, but was still cold.  His new body seemed to get cold much easier than his old one.  Not thinking there was anything wrong with it, Estel cuddled up next to Legolas resting his head on the elf's shoulder.  The two had spent many a night like that over the last two years and it seemed perfectly natural to Estel that they should still be able to.  

Legolas on the other hand was having a hard time not playing with himself.  Estel looked wonderful and smelled intoxicating.  This was a very private and romantic place and all he wanted was to have the Ranger again.  Before he could stop himself he reached out and ran his hand down Estel's jaw. Estel did not really react.  Legolas then placed his long slender finger under Estel's jaw and tipped the Ranger's face up so that he could kiss him.  Just as their lips connected, Estel pulled away.  Legolas pulled the human back and kissed him anyway.   Estel managed to struggle away.

"Stop it, Legolas, remember what happened the last time."  Estel tried to infuse some humour into a very uncomfortable situation.

"Why, you enjoyed it the last time?"  Legolas was not thinking anymore and again reached for the Ranger, catching him by the hair at the nape of his neck.  Legolas again kissed Estel.

"Because I said to stop it.  Please."  Estel had pulled out of the elf's grip.  He did not want Legolas to know how much he was secretly enjoying the blonde's touch.

"I could make you enjoy it, Estel."  Legolas was almost salivating at the look of Estel.  The Ranger had stood up near the back of the cave, his wet shirt clung to all of the right places and he could feel his erection throbbing against his leggings.  However, Estel had begun to shake with more than cold.  He was well aware that Legolas could in fact make him do just about anything he wanted, especially since his new body was smaller and weaker.  He could feel cold fear settle in his stomach as he looked at the wolfish expression in his friend's eyes.  He  would have run, but Legolas stood between him and the door.

"Please, I don't want to."  Estel tried not to sound nearly as frightened as he felt.  Legolas advanced on him and Estel realized just how trapped he was.  He didn't want to fight the elf, but he didn't want to have sex with him either.

"Why not, I promise you will like it."  Legolas's voice was low and soft against Estel's neck.  Estel could feel himself shaking all over.  Legolas assumed it was passion.

"Because you are scaring me, Legolas.  Please stop."  Estel was on the verge of tears.  He wanted to make Legolas happy, but he was afraid.  However, his words had finally seemed to gain Legolas's attention.  The elf realized that Estel shook with fear and not passion.  Legolas had jumped back and stared at the frightened human.  He had never meant to frighten his friend.  He loved Estel with all of his heart and never wanted to hurt him.  He hated himself more than he ever thought possible as he looked at the way Estel kept staring at the ground and at the entrance to the cave.

"I am so sorry, Estel."  Legolas whispered before he ran out of the cave and into the rain.   Legolas had made a huge mistake.  Estel yelled for him to wait, but Legolas ignored him.  Estel realized he would never catch the elf, so he sat back down and waited out he storm, wondering what he had done wrong to make Legolas act  that way.  What Legolas did not know, was that much of Estel's fear was in how much he wanted Legolas to keep going.

End Flashback

*****

Ever since that incident, Estel had not allowed himself to be alone with Legolas.  If Legolas got too close to the human Estel would look frightened and Legolas's heart would break.  The one or two times he had tried to touch the Ranger, Estel had flinched away from his hand.  Legolas wanted to cry.  Estel was the one and only person here who did not hate him, but now he did.  He just wished he could explain to Estel how much he loved the human and how he would never, ever hurt him.  But Estel would not let him.

Legolas looked at the clock on the wall and realized it was time for the two of them to get ready for dinner.  Lord Celeborn was here for a one-day visit, and both of them were expected at a stately dinner.  Legolas slowly walked over to the napping human and wondered how to wake him without actually touching him.  Legolas briefly thought about running to find someone else to wake Estel, then realized that  was ridiculous.  The two of them were having a child together, they would need to learn to be in the same room together.  

"Estel"  Legolas whispered the human's name hoping to not startle him.  There was no response.

"Estel, it is time to wake up and get ready for dinner."  Legolas spoke louder this time, still Estel snoozed on in his sunbeam.   Legolas now had no choice but to touch the human to get his attention.  He reached out one slender hand and brushed it across Estel's cheek.  The human leaned into the touch and almost purred in pleasure.  Legolas wanted to bend down and fully wake his  love with kisses, but managed to stop himself.  Instead he ran his fingers over Estel's hair and called the his name.  "Estel."  

Estel finally woke up and realized, with a shock, who was waking him, how he was waking him, and how he had liked the way it felt.  The human bolted upright and scooted into the corner of the window chase as far away from Legolas as he could get.  Legolas tried to hide the hurt he was feeling when he saw his best friend pull away from him.   

"What do you want?"  Estel's voice sounded deep and husky from sleep.  He glared at the elf until Legolas dropped his eyes to the floor.

"To wake you.  It is time to get ready for dinner."  Legolas turned to leave with hunched shoulders.  He wanted to go back to his room and curl up and cry.  Elladan had been right, Estel would never love him and never permit Legolas to share his bed again.  "Am I truly that horrifying to you?"  Legolas had not meant to say the words and had no intention of sticking around for the response.  However, if he had he would have seen how Estel looked saddened and ashamed of the way he had treated the elf.  He would have also seen that the human had reached a hand out to him in an attempt to get him to stay, but instead he had turned and all but ran from the room.

"Stupid, self-centered, love struck, ninny of a tree-hugging elf."  Legolas berated himself as he sped down the hall.  He could not believe he had said something so pathetic and so ridiculous.  He did not want Estel's sympathy, he wanted his respect and his love.  Now he would get neither because he could not keep his mouth shut.  

Legolas had not been looking where he was going and ran straight into Elladan.  The older twin immediately recognized there was something bothering the woodland prince.  "What troubles you?"  Legolas briefly thought about lying, then realized there was no reason to.

"Estel.  He hates me and I said something so stupid and pathetic to him that he no doubt hates me even more."  Legolas sighed.

"I don't think he hates you, I just think he does not feel the same way about you that you feel about him."  Elladan had lead Legolas into his bedroom and closed the door behind them for privacy.  "In fact, I was quite jealous when you and Estel became friends because you diverted his attention away from Elrohir and I.  After he met you he no longer thought we were the greatest at everything."  Elladan gave a wry chuckle and he ran his hand in soothing circles on Legolas's back.

Legolas knew what was coming, but he really didn't care.  Why shouldn't he enjoy himself with Elladan?  Estel didn't want him and there was no reason for him to stay celibate.  What difference did it make if he only was using Elladan as a replacement for Estel?  Elladan only ever used him as a replacement for Glorfindel.  Both of the princes were saddled with crushes where the other did not return their affection.  So where was the harm?  Elladan was certainly better than his hand and the two had been lovers for years.  Legolas gave into Elladan and the two quickly pleasured each other with the promise of better after dinner.


	7. Mistakes part 2

Down the hall Estel was collapsed on his bed trying to work up the energy to sit up and get dressed. He could not remember feeling quite this bad in a while. He had barely made it from the study to his bedroom. He felt like the whole of Imladris was on a merry-go-round and he was holding on for dear life. He had no desire to spend the evening with the stuffy Lord Celeborn at some dinner that would take hours. He was tired and cranky. Even though he didn't feel any more queasy than usual, he could tell that it would not take much to make him feel much worse. Maybe his Ada would let him skip the dinner if he explained how he felt.  
  
Decision made, Estel rose to go and find his father. Standing was more difficult than he thought it would be, and he had to hold the walls for support as he walked down the hallway to his father's rooms. He felt much like he had when Elrond had taken him to the coast to go sailing. After he had gotten off the ship, he could still feel the motion of the water after they had returned to his bed back on land. Much like then, even though he knew he was standing still, he felt like he was moving. It was not a pleasant feeling. Plus he didn't like the way the floor seemed to dip and wave even though he knew it was smooth marble.  
  
Finally he reached Elrond's rooms and he knocked for admittance. Elrond waived him in and he slowly made his way to the bed and sat down. Elrond was braiding his hair with intricate beads. Estel had a fleeting thought that he could do that to his hair now that it was long enough, then he banished the thought as slightly strange. "Ada, can I skip dinner tonight. Lord Celeborn has only met me once before, so he won't really care if I show up. Not to mention I don't feel like explaining to anyone else what happened to me." His son had been the center of many questions for the first few weeks after he had changed gender.  
  
"It would be impolite for you to miss dinner, my son. Besides, I have already told him what happened to you." Elrond looked over at Estel. His child had not remained standing one moment longer than absolutely necessary and once seated he had quickly chosen to lay down flat on his back.  
  
"I don't want to be rude, Ada, but I don't feel well. My head won't quit spinning." Estel sounded whiny even to his own ears.  
  
"Well" Elrond rose from is dressing table and sat beside his son placing, one elegant hand on Estel's forehead. He had to admit that Estel looked awfully pale and he usually at least stayed upright. He also did not want to have a repeat occurrence of Estel being sick at the table, but Celeborn was not just any envoy. He was Elrond's father in law and the husband of a ring barer. It would not do to give any offense.  
  
Estel had no fever, and seemed to only be suffering from pregnancy so Elrond could not really take pity on him. "You have no fever, so you will be fine. Just eat lightly and slowly and you should be alright. In truth your dizziness is probably caused by not eating enough. Estel you must realize that you are not just building a normal baby inside of you, you are building an elvin baby. More resilient, stronger, and longer lived than a human. You will need to keep up your strength if you are going to be able to do that. And that means eating even when you don't feel like it."  
  
Estel looked away. He had heard this lecture several times over the last few weeks. Lord Elrond had deduced that his symptoms were so intense because his body was having to build a half-elf rather than a human. Estel understood that and tried to do what his Ada told him to, but sometimes, like tonight, he just didn't feel well enough to. He thought he should try one more time. "Ada, please I promise I will eat anything the cooks send up for me if only you will let me go to sleep in my room for a few hours."  
  
Elrond wished he could tell Estel yes, but he could not. "Sorry, but I need you at dinner. You will be fine." Elrond rose and returned to styling his hair. Estel slowly rose and went to get ready.  
  
The dining hall was crammed with as many of the important people of Imladris as it would hold. And as usual, Estel felt out of place among them. Even though it was early summer, fires burned at each end of the hall. Estel was wearing his formal tunic and breaches, even though they did not really fit right anymore. He realized as he sat down beside Elrond that it must have been about 95 degrees in the room. The elves were not bothered by the temperature, but Estel was sweltering. The heat was not good for his lightheadedness. Estel had to fight the urge to lay his head down on his arms. Even if he had not been feeling queasy, he would not have been able to eat in this heat anyway. He just cut his food into smaller and smaller pieces.  
  
After the first course he really, really wanted to leave. His head was starting to hurt and his vision was swimming. After the second course he knew he needed to get out of there. By the third course he really, really knew he needed to get out of there. "Ada." Estel whispered. He tried to talk at a normal volume, but his mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton, and his tongue felt like a slab of ham. Elrond either did not hear him or ignored him. "Ada, please." Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he should not be calling the mighty Lord of Imladris the evlin version of dad, but he could not think of anything better to call him. He was starting to feel very disconnected from his body. He had to try one last time. "Ada, may I be excused?"  
  
Finally Lord Elrond heard him. The lord had intended to say no, but after one look at his son he could tell that Estel needed to go lay down. The young human's face was covered with a fine sheen of sweat, his skin was frighteningly pale with a greyish undertone, and his eyes looked unfocused. "Yes, Estel, you may be excused. I will come to check on you after dinner."  
  
Estel was truly grateful Elrond had released him. He rose slowly and turned to Lord Celeborn. The room was spinning so fast now that Estel had to hold onto the table in order to stay upright. He also noticed that it seemed to be turning black around the edges while balls of light danced in the center. "Lord Celeborn, I hope you. . ." was all Estel managed to get out before his shaking legs gave out from under him and he fainted. But worse he was holding onto the tablecloth when he fell. The entire place setting fell onto the unconscious human. Every Elf at the high table had their plates yanked out from under them by the moving cloth.  
  
Lord Elrond was up in a flash with a glass of water trying to wake Estel up. He could not believe he didn't think how the heat of the room would affect Estel. Nor did he realize how badly his son had felt. He vowed to never try and downplay Estel's symptoms again.  
  
It didn't take long before Estel started to come around. "What am I doing on the floor?" To Estel it seemed like a good question.  
  
"You fainted. How are you feeling now?" Elrond slowly helped Estel into a sitting position while cleaning food off of him.  
  
"Kind of dizzy and hot." Estel was starting to remember what had happened and wished he had not. He had just fainted in front of every important person in Rivendell. And it would also appear that he pulled their food onto the floor as well.  
  
He could hear Lord Celeborn's voice as he pointed at a flower vase that was still standing in the same position on the table as it had occupied on the tablecloth. "Does he do any other tricks." Laughter erupted around the room. Estel could feel tears spring to his eyes. Elrond wrapped his arm around the trembling human.  
  
"Come, let us get you back to your room." Elrond helped Estel up and walked the wobbly human back to his room. Once there he helped him undress and get into bed. "Estel, do not worry. It will all be forgotten by tomorrow." Elrond could only guess at his son's embarrassment. Estel did not answer him, but he could see his child's shoulders shaking in silent tears. Not knowing what else to do he gave Estel a hug and a kiss on the forehead and headed back to the dining hall.  
  
Estel cried himself to sleep. He dreamt about life before he got pregnant. Before when he could go places and do things with other people. Back when he didn't have to worry about being too weak or tired to participate or worrying over how he would embarrass himself next. He woke the next morning severely depressed.  
  
Two days later he sat at lunch pushing his berry salad around on his plate trying to make it look like he had eaten more of it. The others were talking and eating quietly, ignoring Estel. For the last two days he had refused conversation with either silence or snapping. Everyone assumed it was just moodiness and left him alone. But in fact it was more resentment than moodiness. He just wanted this whole thing to be over.  
  
By his reckoning, he was twelve weeks and three days along. According to the book, he should only have six more months of being pregnant. Of course, according to the book he should not still be feeling the queasiness that had kept him up sick most of the night. Estel squished a blackberry on his plate in rage. It looked like orc blood. Suddenly Estel knew there was a problem, he didn't know what , but he could feel something was wrong. Lord Elrond could feel it too, but he knew what it was. Orcs had come into his valley.  
  
Not ten minutes later, an exhausted and bleeding guard came into the private dining room and told the party that orcs had been spotted on the southern boarder. Glorfindel began to give orders to guards as to who would stay and who would go, what weapons to take, and which horses to take. Elladan and Elrohir were already running to their rooms to gather bows and swords. Legolas also was preparing to leave. Estel rose to follow just as he had been doing for years when there was any orc problem around, but Elrond placed a hand on his shoulder forcing him back into his seat.  
  
"You cannot go Estel." Estel wanted to protest, but he understood that in his current condition he would be more of a liability than anything. Half and hour later he watched as the guard, Glorfindel, his brothers and Legolas left to face the orcs. He felt like a child who was too young to go. He looked down at his stomach in disgust.  
  
It was too long days before the band returned from their hunt. Many were wounded, Elladan and Legolas among them. Estel had been taught the ways of healing, and so Elrond had enlisted him to help care for the wounded. Estel worked for hours suturing cuts and cleaning wounds until he came to Legolas. The wood elf lay on one of the tables with an arrow shaft sticking out of his right shoulder. His eyes were closed and he was taking shallow breaths. To Estel he looked just as his father had shortly before he had died. Estel banished the thought and went to help his friend. Legolas smiled up at Estel as he pushed the arrow through the elf's shoulder. Blood came pooling out and ran onto the white marble floor. Estel could take it no longer and ran from the room out to one of the terraces. He vomited over the side of one of the staircases into a bed of flowers.  
  
Estel was disgusted with himself. Not only was he now to weak to go to battle and help his friends, now he could not even stop from vomiting long enough to help heal them. He felt tears rise to his eyes. He felt much the same way he had when he had seen his father killed by orcs in front of him. He wanted to help, but had been too weak to make a difference. Or at least that was what he thought he had seen. He had been so very young at the time he really only remembered his father's death in dreams. Even still Estel had promised himself that he would never be that weak again. But now he was. Well, he would just have to do something about it. But first he had to tend to Legolas.  
  
When he walked back into the room, he saw that Elrohir had finished what he had started. Legolas was all bandaged and resting on a table. Elrohir was returning to sit beside his wounded twin. Elladan had taken a spear to the thigh and was resting comfortably. Estel felt a new wave of self-hatred wash over him as the thought of Elrohir having to leave his twin to finish Estel's job hit him. Estel hung his head in shame as he felt Elrohir lead him to a chair. He sat in the corner thinking about what he would do next. It was a hard decision, but he could not allow himself to be so weak and soft again. There really was no better option, he would end his pregnancy and with it all of the problems it had brought.  
  
Two days later, Estel nervously waited for his father to finish talking t Erestor. He needed Elrond to explain to him if he were right. A few weeks ago he had read in his book that there was an herb called black cohash that could cause a woman to loose her baby. It had mentioned that sheep and cattle often ate it if there was not enough vegetation around to support the herd. The book warned woman to stay away from it because of its abortive effects, but Estel figured that maybe that might not be such a bad thing. He just wanted Elrond to tell him if it would work.  
  
Finally Elrond had finished with is chief political advisor and turned his attention to the jittery human. "What can I do for you?"  
  
Now that he was here asking about ending his pregnancy, it was not so easy. "I have a question for you, from the book you gave me." Estel need to build up his courage.  
  
"And what is it. If it is about your timetable for delivery, I cannot help you. Because of the mixed race or your child I cannot predict when it will be born."  
  
"No, that is not it. I was wondering; I mean, I read something and I wanted." Estel took a deep breath. "I want to know if taking black cohash intentionally will make me loose my baby?" There he had said it. But he had not counted on the shocked look on Elrond's face.  
  
Elrond was not sure if he had heard correctly. Why would anyone willingly want to loose a baby, especially in such a painful way? The birth of a child with elf blood was almost unheard of now. How could Estel be thinking of not having her. How could Estel be thinking of ending the life of his daughter before she even had a chance. "What did you say?"  
  
"I want to end this pregnancy. The book said black cohash would cause a woman to have a miscarriage. I want to know if I purposely take it ,if I will loose this baby?" It was not really any easier to say the second time.  
  
"Yes, it will. Black cohash causes spontaneous contractions, which cause the mother to go into premature labour. It would certainly cause you to have a miscarriage if you took it intentionally. But why would you want to?" Elrond had to find some way of talking Estel out of this.  
  
"Because. I am tired of being sick and weak. I started thinking about it the day Lord Celeborn was here, but I really didn't make up my mind until the hunting party came back. I should have been out there with them, Ada, but instead I was stuck here because I could not be trusted to fight without vomiting or fainting. And I do not want to damn another child to being the heir of Isildur. Always being hunted, never being able to tell anyone who or what you are. Always hiding yourself from other people. I do not want her to have to live that way. She deserves so much better than that." Elrond listened to Estel talk. He could see how depressed and demoralized Estel was, but he could also see that he still loved his daughter. He seemed to think that it would be better for her to never be born than to be born to the life he could give her. He still wanted to protect her. That was something Elrond could work with, but in the end he realized that the decision was Estel's alone.  
  
"Estel, I realize that you are tired and unhappy, but that is no reason to purposely have a miscarriage. Just think about it a while longer, and talk to Legolas. I am sure he will be able to change your mind."  
  
"I don't want to change my mind. I want this over with. Before I dream about her again." Estel had not meant to say the last sentence. Over the last two months he had often dreamt of his daughter. He had seen her as a baby, and as a toddler, and each time he saw her it became more and more difficult for him to think about aborting her. If he had to look at her one more time he didn't think he would be able to do it.  
  
"If you dream about her, Estel, why would you want to kill her, because that his what you will be doing." Elrond hated to be harsh with his child, but he had to talk some sense into him. He could see Estel start to shake and tears begin to fill his child's eyes.  
  
"Why are you making this harder on me?" Estel gasped as he turned to the window and lost his battle with the tears. Elrond walked up behind him and hugged him.  
  
"I am not trying to make anything harder on you, but I want you to understand what you are doing." Elrond stroked Estel's hair as he held him.  
  
"But, the book said that she wasn't really anything right now. That if she were born she could not survive. She isn't really alive yet." Estel's voice was muffled. He wished Elrond would just let him go. It was so much harder trying to explain why he wanted to do this.  
  
"However, you have seen her soul in your dreams. The Valar have given her one already and they have shown it to you. That glimpse and she are a gift from them. Would you deprive the world of a gift from the Valar?" Estel started to cry even harder.  
  
"Ada, everyone talks about how she is a gift and how happy I should be, but I never wanted her. I never asked for this gift. I fell asleep one night and woke up the next morning pregnant and I don't remember any of it. You and everyone else see this as wonderful, but I am the one who has to make all of the sacrifices. I have to carry her and suffer the illness, I will have to give birth, and I will have to raise her. I know I should be happy, but I am not. Nothing feels right about any of this." Estel could not find a way to articulate how he felt. None of his visions had ever showed her as anything other than an infant or a very young toddler. Something from the visions gave him the feeling that he wouldn't or shouldn't be around her as she grew up. The more he tried to figure it out in his head, the more frustrated he became and the harder he cried.  
  
Elrond finally led his son over to the window seat where had been sitting when he had found out he was pregnant. He could sense there was something more to Estel's desire to end his pregnancy than simply not wanting to have children, but he was not sure if even Estel knew what it was. He had to admit though, Estel was right. He would be the one to make all of the sacrifices to raise her, not Elrond and not even Legolas he guessed. Why should Estel be forced into that when he had a way out? Hating to have to say it, Elrond whispered. "If this is want you truly want, I will give you the black cohash, but talk to Legolas first." Estel seemed to relax a great deal after his father spoke.  
  
A few hours later, just after a lunch he skipped, Estel cornered Legolas in a secluded part of the gardens. The elf's arm was still in a sling, but that was mostly as a precaution. Legolas sat in the shade of a large tree with his back resting against the trunk. A soft breeze played with the ends of his hair. Estel stopped for a moment and noticed how lovely the blond elf looked. He had grown up around mostly brunettes, the only blond in Imladris being Glorfindel, so he found Legolas's hair to be rather intriguing. Legolas was beautiful, Estel had never denied that, but he wondered why that beauty seemed to be affecting him differently lately.  
  
Estel pushed the thought away and left his hiding place. Legolas was startled to see Estel standing over him all-alone. It had been nearly two weeks since the two had had even the briefest moment unchaperoned. Estel looked tired, and his eyes were red rimmed from crying. He wore his hair in the far more simple Dunedain style with the front parted in the middle and the very front pieces in long straight braids, rather than the far more intricate plaits that most of the elves wore. For some inexplicable reason, Estel could not master the art of braiding hair. He was barely capable of achieving a three strand braid, and even that he wasn't very good at. Legolas again marveled at how thick and lustrous his friend's hair was. Much thicker than that of an elf maid.  
  
The way the elf was staring at him was starting to make Estel nervous. He began to fear maybe he should have waited until Legolas returned to the house. He had to get this over with. "Legolas, we need to talk."  
  
"I agree." Legolas had been waiting for Estel to come to him. There were so many things he wanted to say to the young human he did not know where to begin. But most importantly he wanted Estel to know that he loved him and their daughter dearly and he would never leave them. Even if Estel would never consent to having him as a lover again. He would be celibate the rest of his life if that was what Estel wanted, he just wanted to be a part of his and their daughter's lives. So Legolas moved over making room in the shady spot for the Ranger to sit.  
  
Estel sat down and began to play with a blade of grass trying to think of the right way to begin the conversation. He had been trying to come up with something for the last hour, but when he realized he could not he decided that maybe just facing Legolas would force him to find the words. It appeared he was wrong.  
  
"What do you want to talk about, Estel?" Legolas was becoming uncomfortable in the silence. He did not like the way the human refused to look up at him.  
  
"The baby." Estel took a deep breath and tried to go forward. In a way it was more difficult talking to Legolas than his father. "I want to end the pregnancy." Estel had hoped that Legolas would be happy. He had hoped that Legolas would see that logic. After all Thranduil would be furious, the child would never really be at home anywhere but Rivendell, and neither one of them was equipped to be a good parent. He had hoped, but he was wrong.  
  
"No."  
  
"What do you mean 'no'?" Legolas's one word response was not what he had expected.  
  
"You cannot end our child's life, it is a travesty." Poor Estel, Legolas thought he was confused.  
  
"Legolas, listen. It will be easier on everyone if this child were never born. Think about it." Estel was prepared to go into his reasons.  
  
"I said no. You cannot do this. I forbid it." There, that was the end of that.  
  
"You forbid it? Since when do you tell me what to do in my home?" Estel was furious. How dare that self-righteous albino prince tell him what he can and cannot do? It was not his body that was being used as a host for a glorified leach.  
  
"Because I am the child's father. Really Estel, I know you are young but even you should see the folly in what you want to do." Legolas smiled indulgently at the young human who was beginning to seethe with rage.  
  
"Don't talk to me like I am some sort of child, Legolas. I have made up my mind. I am ending this pregnancy." Estel rose to leave.  
  
"Estel, calm down. You need to stop and think about what you are saying. You are just being hormonal, in a few hours you will feel differently. Would it cheer you up if I asked the cooks to make ice cream?"  
  
Estel could not remember ever being quite so angry before, but ice cream did sound really good. He had to concentrate, in fact he would love to have anything sweet especially chocolate. He was going to give Legolas a piece of his mind, chocolate ice cream would be the best maybe with some cherries. Yummy! Why could he not stop thinking about ice cream, damn Legolas. Then he looked at he patronizing smile on the elf's face and all thoughts of delicious sweet frozen cream were lost. "I am not being HORMONAL!" Estel yelled at the top of his lungs.  
  
"Easy, my friend. Maybe I should take you back to the house to lay down for a bit." Legolas rose to stand next to the human.  
  
"I don't need to lay down. Damn it I need to have this accursed pregnancy ended." Estel was still yelling.  
  
"I thought we had decided on that already."  
  
"NO! You decided, but you don't get a say. I only told you because Ada made me talk to you." Now Estel was purposely trying to hurt Legolas. He wanted to yell and cry all at the same time, but most of all he wanted Legolas to hurt as much as he did. He realized he was being hormonal but he would never admit it to Legolas.  
  
"What do you mean I do not get a say? I am her father."  
  
"You didn't give me a whole hell of a lot of choice in getting pregnant, so you don't get a choice in whether I end it." Both of them were surprised at the amount of venom in Estel's words. Legolas actually took a step back from the human.  
  
"What is that suppose to mean?" Legolas was starting to get angry himself.  
  
"Let's think about it. What do you call someone who sleeps with a woman when she is too drunk to say no or even remember?"  
  
"It was not like that. You were enjoying yourself as much as I was." Legolas did not know what else to say. He was not a rapist, why was Estel trying to make him sound like one? And what did this have to do with Estel hurting their child?  
  
"It doesn't matter. Ada is going to help me end it tonight so we can both forget any of this ever happened."  
  
"Just because you are mad at me does not give you the right to kill our child, Estel. No one could be that selfish."  
  
"Funny you should talk about selfishness." Estel was still striking out at Legolas so he didn't have to think about what the elf was saying.  
  
"Estel, it is murder. It goes against everything you have been taught." In that instant, all of Estel's rage turned to tears. They fell one after another down his cheeks, just as they had that morning when talking to Elrond. Legolas was stunned to see the raging Estel turn suddenly into a crying Estel. "Estel?" Legolas reached his hand out to the Ranger.  
  
"Leave me alone." Estel turned on his heals and ran towards the river.  
  
He didn't stop until he reached the bottom of the waterfall. He was panting and exhausted when he stopped, but it gave him something else to think about other than his baby. He plopped down on a boulder by the edge of the river, hugging his knees to his chest. The cool spray from the falls mixed with the warm salt of his tears. Estel felt utterly alone. No one understood his decision and no one supported it. But he knew he had to end it. Something told him that she would never be safe around him. He had often thought through his life that it would have been far better to have died with his parents than live never really being able to be yourself. But worst of all, no one understood just how hard it was for him. He was the one who had carried her for three months. He had talked to her and sang to her, and put up with her turning his emotions upside down, trying to starve him to death, and making him so sleepy he could barely function.  
  
Estel buried his head in his knees and cried even harder. He couldn't take this anymore. He prayed someone would tell him if he were making the right decision. He wanted someone to tell him it was ok to feel this way. After all how good of a parent could he really be if he wanted to abort her? He often thought how much easier things would be if he had never gotten pregnant. Parents were suppose to love their children, not wish they did not exist. Estel realized what a horrible person he was and it made him cry even harder. By the time he was done, he was completely convinced that a forced miscarriage was kinder than making her grow up with a monster like him for a parent. Estel eventually cried himself to sleep on the riverbank.  
  
A few hours later he woke to early afternoon and a badly churning stomach. Estel barely made it into a sitting position before he wretched onto the white stones by the riverside. This, he would not miss. He had hoped that the Valar would send him a vision to tell him what to do while he slept. However, they had been silent. Estel bowed his head and put his hand over his belly. "I am sorry, little one, but you deserve someone better than me. Please don't hate me, I am only doing what I think is best for you." Estel could feel tears begin again.  
  
Not knowing what else to say, Estel began to make his way back to the house. This time much more slowly. Eventually Estel made his way back to Lord Elrond's study.  
  
"Ada, may I come in?" Estel seemed anxious and very unhappy to Elrond.  
  
"Of course. I have talked with Legolas. He says you still wish to go through with it." Elrond tried to take all judgment out of his voice. If is child was going through with this travesty, he would not add to the burden Estel would carry.  
  
Estel paused for a moment and looked down. His eyes began to fill again. "Yes." Then the words came more quickly like rocks tumbling down a cliff. "It is the best thing. Lord Thranduil will be happy. She will not have to worry about being my heir and the Valar will give her a better life somewhere safe, away from me."  
  
"But what about you, will you be happy?"  
  
"Does it matter?"  
  
"Yes, very much so. Do not do this to make someone else happy. Only do it if you are completely sure it is what you want."  
  
"I am sure it is what needs to be done." That was not the answer Elrond was looking for , but it was as good as he would get.  
  
"Very well. We shall do it this evening then. It will take several hours and be quite painful, are you prepared for that?"  
  
"I think so.  
  
"I will make the preparations. We will begin after dinner. I suggest you eat nothing else for the rest of the day." The Lord quirked one eyebrow at his child, knowing Estel would have most likely shun food until tomorrow anyway.  
  
"Not a problem."  
  
Estel skipped breakfast and sat in the study staring out of the window. It was a beautiful quiet night. If he had had his druthers he would be out walking under the violet sky watching the stars turn from mere pinpricks to glowing gems. He was waiting for his father to come get him so he could take the black cohash. He tried not to think about what he was about to do. Instead he thought about all of the things he would be able to do once this was taken care of.  
  
So lost in thought was he that he did not notice Legolas when he entered the room.  
  
"Are you still going to go through with this folly?" Legolas prayed Estel had changed his mind.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How could you?" This time it was Legolas's turn to cry. He had not really believed Estel would do it, but now he saw the resolve in the grey eyes.  
  
"Things will be better once it is finished, you will see." Elrond had walked in with a bag of herbs and a kettle of steaming water. The Lord motioned for Estel to follow him.  
  
But before Estel was out of earshot Legolas yelled. "All I see is a selfish murderer. You are truly Isildur's heir fore you carry his weakness and his betrayal." Legolas shot off in the opposite direction, but he knew what he said had struck the young Ranger to the bone.  
  
Elrond wrapped one arm around his child trying to offer some comfort. He could see Estel fighting not to cry. The two quickly reached Estel's room, and they walked inside. Elrond had already had the sheets changed to many layers of older stained sheets. He told Estel to put on his sleep shirt only and to get into bed.  
  
"Here, drink this slowly. In a few hours you will start to feel pain in your womb. When that happens, come and find me. Until then try to rest." Elrond left Estel alone.  
  
Estel drank the foul tasting brew and had to fight for a few breaths to keep it down. He then curled up on his side holding his belly, simply repeating. "I am sorry, I am sorry." A few minutes later he had fallen asleep. But his dreams were directed by a greater hand than his own. He could feel his mind begin to reel as the Valar showed him images of his daughter. He saw her when she was but an infant, when she was a toddler, and then he saw her older and running up to someone yelling "Ada," He saw Legolas teaching her archery, and his own father telling her tales of lore. And then he saw himself with her. She sat in front of him on a large horse begging for him to make the horse go faster. He could feel such love for her that he could not understand it.  
  
Estel woke with a start. The sky had not darkened completely yet, so he guess no more than ten minutes had passed since he had drunk the herb tea. He realized he was making a terrible mistake. He couldn't go through with it. He couldn't end the life of that beautiful little girl he saw. Just because she couldn't be safe with him did not mean she couldn't be safe with the people he loved. He had been such a fool He needed to find his Ada. He prayed to the Valar that he was not too late.  
  
He bolted out of bed and yelled for his father, who came running just as Estel was gagging himself trying to expel the toxin. "Ada, I was wrong. I was so wrong. Please there must to be some way to stop it. I don't want to loose my baby. " Estel was almost hysterical. Elrond smiled at Estel and calmly led him back to the bed.  
  
"Here, drink this. It is an antidote. It will stop all effects of the cohash." Estel gulped down the tea so fast he burned his tongue.  
  
"Was it in time? Is she going to be alright?"  
  
"Yes, it was in time. I mixed the cohash tea very weak incase you changed your mind. And it has not been over half and hour since you drank it, so you and she will be just fine. You may have some slight cramping, but nothing serious. So relax."  
  
Estel breathed a sigh of relief about the same time he began to sob hysterically. "I am sorry, I didn't mean it. I made a mistake. Please don't hate me. I was wrong." Several other phrases were repeated during his crying jag. Elrond just gathered his child into his loving arms and tried to sooth him as best he could.  
  
Elrond sat with Estel as his son literally cried for hours. He told Elrond about his dream and about how afraid he was that he would put her in danger. The two talked about many of Estel's other fears about the pregnancy and parenthood. Then they talked about Estel's fear that Legolas would never forgive him. Elrond assured him that Legolas would be more than willing to forgive him once he found out Estel had changed his mind. Finally Estel's eyes grew heavy and he fell asleep. Lord Elrond left his son to rest. He had had a very trying day.  
  
As the Lord of Imladris exited Estel's bedroom he saw found Legolas standing in the hallway. "Is it finished?" The sylvan elf tried to keep his voice level.  
  
"Estel could not do it. Your baby still rests safely in his womb." When Elrond finished speaking Legolas's face was reminiscent of the sun coming out from behind a cloud. "He is resting. But he was very upset. You can go and sit with him if you like." He didn't have to ask twice before Legolas had gone into Estel's room.  
  
Once inside, Legolas pulled up a comfortable chair and sat down by the bed. He could see that even in sleep tears slipped from under Estel's long dark lashes. The young human had a protective hand across his stomach. Legolas knew that there would be no more problems with getting Estel to protect their daughter and for that Legolas was thankful. So he stayed the night through in the chair beside his love's bed. Watching over mother and daughter in case they needed him.  
  
TBC 


	8. What is a little lump between friends?

A/N  Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed.  

I hope you enjoy this chapter.  It was a much happier one to right than the last one.

Disclaimer:  I don't own anything from this story it all belongs to Tolkien 

ESTEL/ESTEL  

Legolas sat silently for a few hours just enjoying the fact that his love and his child were both safe.  Estel had nearly chosen to abort her out of some misguided notion that she would be better off never being born.  Legolas hated to say it, but a decision like that showed just how young and inexperienced Estel was.  The Ranger had yet to learn his own value.  He had grown up in a home full of elves, who must have seemed almost perfect to him.  Measured against that standard it was no wonder Estel often saw himself has being unworthy of many of the things he gave so willingly to others, most importantly love.  It truly hurt Legolas to see Estel think that their daughter would be better off without him.  Legolas would make Estel see his mistake.  He would convince the young human that even though Estel was not perfect, he was still deserving of love and a family.

Legolas pondered on how exactly he would do this, when he heard Estel gasp and saw him curl tightly around his stomach.  The Ranger was biting his lip to stop from crying out.  Legolas wasted no time in questioning whether Estel was all right, but rather he sprinted down the hallway to Lord Elrond's chambers.  He forcefully dragged the elder elf back to his son's room while explaining what was happening.

When Elrond reached the room, Estel had relaxed and was sitting up in bed panting slightly.  "Estel, how are you feeling?"  Elrond guessed that it was nothing serious.  Estel had barely taken enough of the root to cause any problems, and he had taken the antidote soon after.  He reckoned that Estel was just experiencing some rather painful, but harmless, cramps.

"Ok now, but earlier I felt like someone was trying to tear my insides out."  Estel did not seem to notice Legolas.  

Elrond smiled at Estel and told him to lie down on his back and relax.  Estel obliged.  Once he was relaxed, Elrond placed his slender hand on Estel's lower stomach and concentrated.  He found nothing amiss.  However a short time later another cramp hit Estel and he nearly doubled over with the pain of it.  Elrond placed his other hand on Estel's forehead.  Partly to calm the young human and partly to get him to lay flat so he could feel how the muscles were contracting.  It was just how the half elf had suspected.  The cramping was not affecting enough muscles to actually begin the process of labour and they did not last very long.  He told the worried Ranger as much.  "Do not worry.  I know it feels rather unpleasant, but it is harmless.  In a few hours the cramping should stop completely."

"But she is safe and OK?"  Estel was still worried and feeling rather guilty about what he had almost done.

"Yes, my child, she is just fine.  Happily sleeping inside of you.  She does not even realize what is going on.  One day you can tell her all about this."  Elrond tried to ease some of Estel's fear.

"Tell her what that I tried to kill her?  That I wasn't a good enough person to be happy about her coming?  That I went against the wishes of everyone and she nearly paid the price?"  Elrond had to intervene before Estel worked himself up to full fledged hysterics.

"Estel, my child, please stop blaming yourself.  You made a bad choice, but you stopped it.  I guarantee that you will make many more before you die.  That is what is so difficult about parenting; that you make mistakes and often times your children pay for them.  Now stop worrying and try to rest.  If you cannot I will stay with you and keep you company until you feel better."  Elrond patted Estel's tummy for emphasis.

"I will stay with him."  Legolas had been watching from the shadowy corner by the hearth.  He had not realized he had been holding his breath until the famous half elvin healer had proclaimed Estel and the child would survive.  Then he had nearly cried listening to the way Estel talked about himself.  Was that not exactly what he had been thinking about earlier?  Then Lord Elrond had made the statement about parents making mistakes.  Both he and Estel were in awkward positions when it came to parents.  Having Kings, even though Lord Elrond would never allow himself to be known by that title out of respect for his foster father High King Gil-Galand, who were thought to never make mistakes has parents, made the princes feel as if they could do nothing right.  Legolas did not realized that he too fell pray to the same feelings of inadequacy as Estel, only Legolas's were caused by his father while Estel's father fought valiantly to help him.  

Estel jumped when he realized that Legolas was there.  He was afraid to face the elf just yet.  He was terrified of what his best friend would say to him.  Would Legolas say that he was disgusted with Estel and never wanted to see him or their child again?  Would he simply leave, never to return?  Or maybe he would just remind Estel how weak, selfish, and useless he was just like his famous ancestor?    Estel wished he could find some way to beg his father to stay without making it look like he was.  But before he could think up anything, another cramp hit him and this one did actually double him over.  However, it was soon over and Estel found himself looking up into the very concerned eyes of his best friend.

  
"Very well.  If anything changes come and get me.  If not, I will check on you later this morning.  I want you to stay in bed all day.  Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Ada."  Estel didn't really think he would want to get out of bed considering the way he was feeling right now, but he would humour his foster father into thinking that being forced to stay in bed was a sort of punishment.

"Goodnight, my child.  Rest well."  Elrond gave Estel's arm a supportive squeeze before he got up to leave.  He knew that Legolas and his child had a great deal to discuss and he hoped they could find a way to forgive each other.  Something like this would never happen in an Elvin marriage, especially once there was a child.  Elvin couples tended to share themselves mind body and soul with their mates.  Humans on the other hand could not really do that.  But then again Estel did seem to have a great deal of elvin traits that had skipped his father, so maybe the two would see that in hurting the other they were really just hurting themselves.

After Elrond left, Estel was afraid to look at Legolas.  He could not bear to see hatred in those blue eyes.  Estel fancied he knew what Legolas was thinking.  He guessed the elf was going to yell at him, telling him what a horrible, weak, selfish, murdering, whore he was.  Because Estel figured if he slept with the first person he found when he was drunk, then he must be a whore as well.  The young human wished there was a way he could apologize to Legolas so that his friend would no longer hate him, but he could not think of one.  Out of the corner of his eye Estel saw Legolas's hand come towards him.  Estel shrunk away from the touch; half fearing the elf would strike him and half fearing an embrace.  He deserved to be struck but Estel did not think he deserved to be comforted in any way after what he had done.

"Estel?"  Legolas's voice was soft as he reached out to touch his friend.  He had hoped after everything which had happened the previous day, that Estel would permit him a small touch.  He had just wanted to offer some comfort to the distressed human.  However, as soon as Estel had seen Legolas's hand come near him he had pulled away.  Apparently Estel still did not trust him.  Legolas let his hand drop just as he lowered his head to hide the hurt look on his face.  He could not let Estel see how much his rejection hurt, so the elf rose and walked to the fire with his back to the prostrate human.

Estel finally worked up the courage to look up at Legolas, but the elf now had his back to the Ranger.  Legolas could not stand to even look at him after what he had done.  It was the last straw.  Estel began to cry and apologize all at once; hoping and praying Legolas would listen to him.  "I am sorry.  I am so sorry, Legolas.  I didn't mean it.  I don't want to hurt her please forgive me.  I don't think you are a rapist or selfish.  I was being selfish."  Estel was crying so hard now he was almost impossible to understand.  "And you were right I was being hormonal and I am as weak and useless as Isildur.  Please don't be angry with me. Please don't hate me.  Don't leave me.  I don't know if I can do this alone."  Estel was so distraught he could no longer form words.  All he could do was sob.

Legolas had a hard time deciphering everything Estel said, but he got the gist of it.   He was no longer mad at Estel, if he even ever had been.  He had been hurt and upset and wanted Estel to know, so he had said many things he had regretted.  He could not stand the heartbroken way his love was weeping.  All he wanted to do was gather Estel in his arms and kiss each crystal tear that ran down the Ranger's cheeks.  To stroke his fingers through Estel's beautiful hair and to let Estel rest against this chest drawing strength from him and listening to his peaceful heartbeat until the human calmed down.  But Estel had made it quite clear just a few minutes earlier that he would not tolerate Legolas's touch no matter how upset he was.

Estel cried harder than he had ever cried before.  Somewhere in the back of his mind he registered that he had had a few more cramps, but they were nothing compared to the pain he felt in his heart.  He did not know what he would do if Legolas would not forgive him.  He was not strong enough to go through this on his own.  He knew he would have his father and his brother, but they were not the same as his best friend.  He didn't know why it was so important to him to have Legolas with him, it just was.  He wished that Legolas would hold him and give him a shoulder to cry on.  Crying while hugging a pillow was not nearly as satisfying.  At the very least he wished the elf would hold his hand.  Any type of physical contact would be good, the more the better.  Estel felt so alone right now he just needed someone to remind him he wouldn't be that way forever.  But Legolas stayed back watching him.  Estel figured his display must have disgusted the calm, cool elf.  After all, he had never seen Legolas cry.    Estel curled even tighter around the pillow he was holding and tried to stop crying, but the best he could do was quiet whimpering.

Legolas was not made of stone.  When he heard the pathetic whimper Estel made he returned to his side.  Who cared if Estel saw that he was hurt?  Estel had just cried in front of him and begged him to stay.  It would not kill the normally reserved elf to show a little weakness.  

Legolas sat down in the chair beside Estel's bed and spoke in a soft soothing tone.  He hoped it was enough to calm him, or Legolas may have to go and get Elrond.  One of Estel's elegant hands was clutching a pillow in a death grip very close to where Legolas had rested his own hands.  In Legolas's mind that hand was screaming to be held, but he would not risk upsetting the Ranger any worse.   "Estel, do not cry any more.  Everything will be alright."

"It's not alright.  You hate me."  Estel's voice was rough from crying and quivered with every word.

"No, I don't hate you my friend.  I was upset with you, but I do not hate you."  Legolas smiled.  It was getting harder and harder for him not to reach out and take that hand.  Estel had even moved it closer to his.

"How could you not hate me?  I said terrible things to you, but I didn't mean them.  And I was being hormonal."  Estel's voice broke on the last word and he started to cry again.

"Shh, please don't cry.  I forgive you.  I know you did not mean what you said any more than I meant what I said to you."

"But you were right, and I was wrong."

"I was not right.  You are strong, Estel, stronger than you know.  I would not have the strength to do what you are doing."  Legolas gave Estel and encouraging smile and pulled his hands into his lap to prevent himself from touching the human.  "Nor did I mean any of the other things I said yesterday."

"So you are not going to leave me?"  Estel sniffled as he talked. 

"Never.  I will stay until you throw me out of Imladris kicking and screaming.  We did this together, my friend, and we will get through it together."  Legolas could not stand it anymore and he softly caressed Estel's hand.  Much to his surprise Estel grasped his hand in an almost desperate grip.

"Thank you.  I couldn't do this alone.  I am so scared, Legolas.  I want everything to work out right, but I don't know how to do that."  Estel was thankful that Legolas finally touched and he had no intention of letting go. He needed that contact more than he could explain.  It was almost as if there was some primal urge that only Legolas's touch could fulfill.  

"Don't worry, love, there is nothing to be scared of. "

"Your father."  Legolas had to admit that Estel had him there.  Both they, and just about everyone else in Rivendell, were dreading the arrival of King Thranduil.  

"True, but there is nothing you can do about it, so do not worry.  Things will work out how the Valar deem them, not how we choose, so sit back and concentrate on having a healthy little efling."  Legolas could not help smiling when he talked about his daughter.  Estel had finally stopped crying and the two sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments.

"Legolas, did you really not mean anything you said yesterday?"  Estel questioned.

"Nope, nothing."  Legolas had hoped he had convinced Estel that he did not hate the human.

"Oh" Estel sounded disappointed.

"Why?"  Legolas was confused.  He would have to get a score sheet to keep up with the human's mood swings, but he would never, ever, tell Estel he was being hormonal again.

"Nothing, you just said you would ask the cooks to make ice cream and that sounded really good."    Legolas beamed at Estel.  If, of all of the things that Legolas had said yesterday the one that had stuck the most was ice cream, then he was lucky.

"Then I will ask them first thing in the morning.  What flavour would you like?"

"Chocolate."  Now it was Estel's turn to beam.

"Ok, chocolate it is."

"With cherries."

"Ok, whatever you want."

"And strawberries and bananas."

"Sure." This was starting to sound kind of gross, but fruit is good in ice cream the sylvan elf thought.

"With almonds and pretzels."  That sounded very good to Estel indeed.  All he needed to do was throw in a big glass of orange juice and he would be thrilled.

"Estel!  That is disgusting."  Legolas was laughing at the crestfallen look on the human's face.

"But you told me I could have any flavour I wanted."

"I know, but that is not even edible.  Next thing you will want to add pickles."  Estel smiled, a pickle did sound good right now too.

"No pickles, but raisins."

"Yuck.  You can't be serious."

"Popcorn?"

"EWW!"  The two laughed for a few more hours before Estel drifted off to sleep with Legolas still holding his hand.  

A few weeks later Estel sleepily lazed in bed just before dawn.  He rolled from his left side onto his stomach and felt something pushing uncomfortably against his insides.  He drowsily tugged at the blankets assuming they were crumpled up under his belly, but then he realized that he had mostly kicked them to the end of the bed during the rather warm July night.  All at once the young Ranger came awake and rolled over onto his back.  With trembling hands he moved his sleeping pants, pulling the shirt open, and looked.  There was no denying it and there was no talking himself out of it like he had managed to do for the last week.  He was starting to show.  His once beautiful flat stomach now stuck out past his hipbones and had a definite bulge just below his waste.  Estel sighed and rested his hand on the lump.  

Estel guessed it was about time.  He was over 17 weeks along and should be showing by now.  In fact, according to the book Elrond had given him, he should have been showing a month ago.  But then again, the book also said he should not have felt sick at all this last month either.  He had been worried about his lack of a belly and gone to see his father about it.  Elrond had patiently explained, for what seemed like the hundredth time, that Estel was not fully human and neither was his daughter.  His pregnancy would most likely last for closer to a year than nine months.  Therefore it was only natural that he would progress slower than a normal human mother.  

It was so much easier to just pretend that nothing was happening when there was no outward sign that he was pregnant.  Almost no one in Imladris knew except for the close family.  Even though Estel had mostly come to terms with being a parent, he was still very shy and embarrassed about being pregnant.  This was just not the type of thing that a young man was good at dealing with.  But he guessed he still had a few more weeks to worry about how to tell everyone.  He could hide behind baggy shirts and breeches for now.  He really just looked like he was putting on weight and had a slight pooch in his stomach, rather than actually being pregnant.  He was still demoralized though.  

The morning sun slowly crept its way into Estel's room and he realized he should get up.  He sat up and was hit by a slight feeling of lightheadedness.  Estel covered his face and groaned.  It wasn't fair.  Why did he have to be fat and sick at the same time?  He could feel his stomach start to protest and grabbed a piece of way-bread from his side table.  Under Elrond's advisement he had started keeping something to eat beside his bed to try and combat his nausea.  As he munched on the tasteless bread, he reflected that his father had been right all along.  If he kept something in his stomach he usually didn't feel nearly as bad.  When he didn't eat he started to feel dizzy, his hands shook and his head hurt which just made the ever present queasiness worse.  

After eating a few bites of bread and drinking some water he felt well enough to get up.  Estel still tended to move very slowly in the mornings even though lately he felt far better than he had in the first few months.  However, he still felt anything but fine.  He looked down at his sink as the bathtub filled and fingered one of the sprigs of mint the staff kept in his bathing room for him.  One old wives' tale said that the smell of mint would get rid of pregnancy sickness, but Estel just used it to help get rid of the nasty tastes.

Estel soaked in the tub, putting off washing his hair for as long as he could.  He hated the feeling of wet hair on his back.  He didn't understand how his father, his brother, and Legolas could was their hair and have it be perfect and dry ten minutes later, when it took him twenty minutes just to comb his out.  He would have lopped it off except he promised Legolas that he wouldn't.

Finally he emerged from the warm bath slightly refreshed and really pruney.  He stopped in front of his full-length mirror and looked at himself.  When he faced front you could not see any difference, but when he turned sideways there was a very pronounced bulge.  Even sucking in didn't get rid of it.  "Well sweetie, I will never understand how you have managed to make me loose fifteen pounds yet still look fat all a the same time."  Estel patted his new belly as he talked.  He decided that he would find a very baggy shirt and tunic to wear.

Two weeks later Estel flopped down on an old blanket under a large shade tree.  He automatically tugged at his shirt to smooth it out over his bulging stomach.  He wished now that he had not removed his tunic.  Legolas joined him after having collected the arrows they had been practicing with.  Legolas sat with his back against the tree trunk and his legs stretched out in front of him as he examined the arrows.  Estel had an almost uncontrollable urge to curl up in the elf's lap.  "Where had that come from?" the young human thought.

Once Legolas had finished with the arrows he began to unpack the picnic basket he had brought.  He figured that he and Estel could have a nice picnic by the river after their archery lesson.  Estel had done very well, but seemed to be loosing focus near the end and his hands were shaking, so Legolas had called a halt for lunch.  Legolas had brought several very yummy things he thought the Ranger would like, such as pheasant, cheese, grapes, strawberries, raisin cookies, and fish.  He was so happy Estel seemed to be getting his appetite back, though the human still looked painfully thin.  Legolas stacked all of these treats plus a few more onto a plate and handed it to Estel.  Estel curled his legs up to his chest and ignored him.

"Estel, flies will get in your lunch."  Legolas tried to get the human to take his plate.  Legolas was hungry and wanted to eat.

"I am not hungry."  Estel slid the plate back towards Legolas and closed his eyes.  

"How can you not be hungry, you haven't eaten since breakfast.  Now eat your food."

"No."  Estel was staring wide eyed at the white meaty flesh of the fish.  Legolas could see the young Ranger start to turn a little green around the gills and immediately moved the plate.  After the last few months he had learned to recognize that look.

"I brought some bread, perhaps you can manage that?"  Legolas offered a piece of very innocuous bread to Estel.

"Not right now.  Maybe later."  Estel was starting to look worse.

"Why don't you try and lie down and rest for a bit, then maybe you will feel like eating?"  Legolas patted the empty space next to him as he handed the Ranger his rolled up tunic to use as a pillow.  

Estel did not answer, but simply curled onto his side and tried to ignore his churning stomach and Legolas's growling one.  He wished Legolas would hug him or something.  He was having a rather strong desire to be touched by the elf for some reason.  Legolas had not touched him since the night he had almost had an abortion.  Estel had found such peace in that touch that he wanted more, but Legolas seemed to treat him like he was a leper.  The thought of lepers made his mouth water and his stomach turn over dangerously.  But luckily Legolas had started singing to him.  The soft haunting melody quickly began to lull the human to sleep.

Legolas could see that Estel was really not feeling well, so he had started to sing to the young human in hopes it would help sooth him.  He had been right.  Once Estel was asleep, Legolas wolfed down his food and some of Estel's.  After he was done eating he turned his attention back to Estel.  The human had rolled over onto his back with one hand behind his head and the other on his stomach just below his ribcage.  Estel wore only a soft linen shirt and it allowed Legolas to see the lump in human's belly for the first time.  Legolas could not believe it.  This was the first outward sign that Estel was carrying his child.  Legolas wished he could take a better look.  He knelt over the sleeping human, but could see no better, then the lied down on his own stomach so he was eye level.  There he could definitely see the difference.  

After an hour of bobbing up and down looking at Estel from all different angles, Legolas finally reached out his hand and let his fingers brush over Estel's tummy with a feather soft touch.  However before he could pull his hand away, Estel caught him.  The elf felt the human guide his hand under Estel's shirt and breeches to the bare skin of his stomach.  Legolas wished he could record this moment forever.  The first time he was really able to touch his daughter.  

Legolas softly ran his fingers up and down along the Ranger's tummy.  Estel giggled.  "That tickles, silly elf."  Legolas was too in awe to care that he had just been called silly.  The two sat like that for some time into the afternoon.  Legolas in awe that he could finally see some sign of his daughter, and Estel happy that he finally had some physical contact.

Contrary to what Estel had hoped, the appearance of his belly did not negate his sickness completely.  One night he had awoken for the sole purpose of being ill.  He had been unable to hold down his way-bread the next morning.  Had not eaten or drunk anything at breakfast.  He had eaten at lunch but then lost it a few short minutes later.  He had not even made the effort of attending dinner and threatened the elf who brought him a plate of food with bodily harm if he did not immediately remove it from his presence.  That night he was unable to hold down even water.  By the next morning he felt like death warmed over.  He waived off breakfast and lunch.  

Legolas found him early the next afternoon on a chase lounge, laying on his side, with both arms curled around is stomach, looking absolutely miserable.  The young human was pale, his lips were dry and cracked, and under his eyes were as dark as bruises.  It was then that Legolas realized that the human had not come into the dining room all day.  He knelt down in front of the human and stroked his hair back from his face.  

"Estel, love, are you well?"  Legolas already knew the human was quite unwell, but he really didn't know what else to say.  He was just trying to figure out whether he should get Lord Elrond or not.

"No."  Estel did not unclench his teeth when he talked.

"What is wrong then?"  He could see tense lines of discomfort on Estel's face.

"I need to throw up."

"So why don't you then?"

"Privy is too far away.  If I stand up I will pass out or throw up on the carpet.  Then Ada will be mad at me."

"I see.  Well, what can I do to help?  Maybe I can carry you to the privy."  Legolas made to pick up the ill human and Estel groaned weakly, batting him away.

"No, get a bucket."  Legolas again stroked Estel's hair and tried to figure out whether he should comply and get a basin, or just go get the Lord of Imladris.  "Please, now."  Estel's voice was almost a whine, and Legolas had no choice but to comply, even if only to save the very elegant carpets.  

Legolas quickly returned and placed the basin on the floor in front of Estel.  The Ranger wasted no time taking advantage of it and retched up bile and mucus.  Soon after he started to painfully dry heave and Legolas started to feel sick just watching him.  Legolas had also thought that these days were behind them, but apparently he was wrong.  Through all of this, Estel never even bothered to sit up; rather he just hung his head over the side of the chase lounge.  Legolas was beginning to worry.

When Estel finally finished, Legolas took the basin to the nearest privy to dispose of it.   He returned to find Estel on all fours on the floor looking ghostly pale.  "Estel, what are you doing?"  Legolas sprinted to his love's side and helped him back up onto the lounge.  A split second after sitting down, the Ranger tried to lie back down cradling his pounding head in his shaking hands.

"Trying to get up."

"Why?"

"I just want to go back to bed."  Estel sounded like he was on the verge of tears.    Legolas quickly scooped the human up in his arms and swiftly carried him down the corridors to his room.  Estel would have protested, but he felt too weak and miserable.  He just wrapped his arms around the elf's slender neck and closed his eyes because the swirling patterns on the carpet were making him nauseous as Legolas sped past them.

Soon the elf deposited Estel on his bed.  The elf quickly pulled a large bowl out from under the bed, Elrond had kept it in Estel's room for just such emergencies, and filled it part way with water.  He then helped Estel undress, never once thinking about anything impure.  Well, maybe once.  Finally he got the young human some water.  Estel happily took the glass, trying to fight his body's natural urge to gulp it down.  He took a few sips, drinking maybe a quarter of the glass.  However no sooner had he settled down, than the water came back up.  Legolas rubbed Estel's back through his illness trying to find some way to help.  

When Estel was finished, Legolas cleaned the bowl and returned to sit on the bed next to Estel.  "Are you felling better?"  He rubbed his hand up and down on the Ranger's leg.  Estel was curled on his side again holding his stomach.

"No."  Estel sounded like he was on the verge of tears.  "I keep feeling like I need to throw up, but there is nothing inside of me.  And the room won't quit spinning and my head is pounding."  Legolas saw a tear slide from under Estel's closed lid.  

"Shall I get your father?"

"No, there is nothing he can do.  Nothing helps."  Legolas saw a second tear.  He began to sing hoping Estel would fall asleep and be free from his misery.  Luckily it worked for a while.  The young human drifted off into a restless sleep for an hour or two.  Legolas sat beside him keeping vigil in case he was needed.

Much sooner than Legolas had hoped, Estel awoke looking decidedly unwell.  The young human sat up quickly and started to try and get out of bed, when he was slammed back down by overpowering dizziness.  His sleep addled mind was unable to concentrate enough to realize that there was a basin beside his bed.  So he simply hurled onto his sheets just before another round of drive heaving that doubled him over.  

Legolas was shocked to say the least.  He had hoped a nap would make the Ranger fell better, but he had been wrong.  If anything, Estel looked worse than when he went to bed.  When Estel finally got control of himself he fell back against the pillows panting.  Legolas stroked errant strands of hair back off of the human's damp forehead.  He was slightly clammy to the touch.  

"Estel, is there anything I can get you?"  Legolas wanted to cry watching his love.  He couldn't understand how something as wonderful as having a child could make Estel so miserable.

"Water."  Estel did not move at all when he talked.

Legolas quickly fetched a fresh glass of water and handed it to the Ranger.  Estel's hands were shaking so badly he was unable to hold the glass and sloshed water all over the sheets and himself.  Legolas reached out and steadied the cup so the Ranger could drink from it.  Estel took three small sips of the water before he felt it start to come back up.  This time Legolas was ready with the basin so that the sheets would get no more ill treatment.

"This seems worse than usual; let me go get your father."  Legolas left to go and find Lord Elrond; partly to help Estel and partly to get away from him.  It was harder than he could explain to watch his love be that ill and have there be nothing he could do to help.  The half elf was locked up with his advisors, and Legolas didn't think he should disturb him, so he returned to Estel's room.  Estel was curled in a tight ball on is side with his eyes clamped shut.

"I couldn't find your father. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I don't think so.  You can leave if you want.  Dinner should be ready soon; I know how you like duck."  Estel did not open his eyes or move one millimeter while he talked.  

"How do you know we are having duck?  Don't tell me you went by the kitchen."  Legolas teased hoping to get his friend to relax.

"Can't you smell it?  Duck with onions and garlic and" Estel could say no more as another round of dry heaves took him.  As he wretched he could feel blood vessels in his throat tear and start to bleed.  It hurt badly and was Estel decided dry heaving was the single most unpleasant feeling in the world.  

When he finished he could feel Legolas pull him over so his head was resting in the elf's lap.  Legolas stroked his hair and rubbed his temples.  It was very relaxing.  It helped Estel doze for the next few hours in between his illness.

As the sun set, Legolas became even more worried.  Estel was so ill and weak he could barely sit up.  He was vomiting up what looked like blood, and seemed to be unable to hold down even water.  Legolas could see white scum at the corners of the human's mouth and that his lips stuck to his teeth.  Legolas decided he would find Lord Elrond and force him to come even if it meant incurring the elder's wrath.

As Legolas got up, Estel questioned him.  "Where are you going?"  Estel's voice sounded horse, weak and slightly whiney.

"To find your father, there has to be something he can do for you."  Estel looked sad.  "I will be back in a minute."  Legolas smiled encouragingly at the Ranger as he closed the door.  

Much as Legolas had figured, the Lord was angry.  Not for being interrupted, but for not being told immediately that Estel was so ill.  Estel was in exactly the same position he had been in when Legolas returned.  Elrond rushed over and sat on the side of the bed.  Legolas sat in the chair beside the bed.

"Legolas tells me you are not feeling well?"  Elrond kept his voice light even though his brow was knit with worry.

"No."

"What troubles you?"  Elrond ran his hand over Estel's forehead feeling for a raised temperature and took his pulse with the other hand.

"I don't feel well."

"Could you be more specific, sweetheart?" Elrond felt the glands under Estel's chin for enlargement.

"I can't stop getting sick.  I feel so nauseous that I keep wanting to throw up, but there is nothing left in my stomach.  I can't even hold down water.  And, the room is spinning really, really fast.   My throat hurts and my hands won't quit shaking.  I am thirsty, but every time I drink it just come right back up."  Estel was almost in tears as he explained his woes to his father.  Elrond continued to examine Estel as he spoke.  He palpated the young human's stomach in search of obstructions.  Nothing seemed to be amiss.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"The last time I tried to eat or the last time I held food down?"

"Held any food down?"

"The day before yesterday, lunch I guess."  Estel flinched as Elrond hit a tender spot on his tummy.  It appeared he pulled a muscle.

"That long ago.  I thought you had dinner with us."

"I did, but I threw it back up a few hours later."  Estel looked ashamed by his weakness.  Elrond patted him on his growing lower belly to let him know that whatever he said would be go unpunished.

"What about liquids?"

"Yesterday morning I think."  Elrond had not realized it had been that long.  They were in the middle of a rather pronounced heat wave, and Estel needed to stay hydrated.  Over twenty-four hours would be a long time anyway, but coupled with the heat the situation could be dangerous for both mother and daughter.  

Elrond looked down Estel's throat and saw that the lining of it was torn and ragged looking from abuse.  He could also see ulcers on Estel's tongue caused by repeated exposure to gastric acid.  They looked painful.

"Well, the first order of business is to get you some liquid.  I will have the cooks find you some ice to suck on.  That should help your throat and not cause you anymore nausea.  I found an old reference to a tea that might help you.  I shall also have that prepared.  Meanwhile, try to relax."  Elrond had to find some way to rehydrate Estel or there would be some serious problems.  He also could tell that Estel needed to get some food and fast.  The poor human was showing every classic symptom of low blood sugar, from shaking hands to pounding headache and rapid pulse.  All of these symptoms added together meant that the baby was not getting what she needed.  

In the beginning of his pregnancy, Estel had been very ill, but his daughter's needs were minimal.  But now she was much more demanding in the amount of nutrition and liquid that she required.  If Estel were not providing these things to her, she would simply take them from him until he had nothing left to give.  Elrond feared the human was rapidly approaching that point.

Elrond left the room and Legolas followed.  "How is he?"

"Not good.  He is very dehydrated and needs food."

"Will he be alright?"

"If we can get some liquids into him, and some food, then he will."

"What is wrong with him?"

"Just a very violent bought of pregnancy illness.  She is more demanding on him now, so he is not as able to cope with it."

"Is she going to be fine as well?"  Legolas feared the Elder's response.

"Yes, she will be fine if we can get him back on is feet.  Now go keep him company till I get back."  Elrond placed a gentle hand on Legolas's shoulder and gave him a squeeze of reassurance.  It was the first kindly touch he had given the elf since they had found out Estel was pregnant.

Elrond returned soon with a large bowl of ice and a kettle of water he set to boil in Estel's fireplace.  Estel did fine sucking on the ice cubes, even though they froze his teeth.  Elrond then prepared a strong tea made with ginger and peppermint.  He hoped they would combat Estel's nausea.  There are many herbs that work against nausea, but few were safe to use during pregnancy.  These two he could find no ill effects for, so he hoped they would help.

Estel sipped the tea and made a face at the taste.  He took a few more small drinks before he felt it come back up.  Elrond was disappointed, but decided they would just try again.  It took three tries before he was finally able to hold any of the tea down.  However, once he did the herbs began to work their magic and sooth his stomach.  Within a few hours he was even able to eat a small piece of bread.  It was a great triumph to everyone in the room.  

By midnight, Estel was exhausted so Elrond told him to rest for a few hours.  The elder elf took the chair beside the bed forcing Legolas to sit on the floor.  Even though Elrond told him to leave and go to bed, Legolas stayed on the hard, stone floor for several hours, gently holding Estel's hand.  Finally Elrond took pity on him and retrieved another plush chair from another room so Legolas could have somewhere more comfortable to sit.  The Lord of Imladris could not help but notice the way Estel reached out for Legolas's hand when the elf was forced to let go.  It appeared that the bond between them had grown greatly in the last few months.

Estel spent the next day and most of the second in bed before is father would allow him to move around.  He felt much better and was actually rather hungry, but Elrond was emphatic that he stay where he was.  It wasn't so bad though, Legolas stayed with him the whole time.  The elf only left his side to retrieve food, or at one point to make a desperate request for potatoes to be prepared.   Legolas found it amusing that Estel was starting to get strange craving, but Estel didn't find potatoes that strange.

On one such excursion of the elf's, Estel ran out of water in his bedside pitcher so he went to go and refill it.  It felt good to get up and move.  Being stuck in bed that long, with limited ways to recline, was giving him a vicious back ache.  As he reluctantly headed back to bed, Legolas walked in.  

"What are you doing out of bed?"  The elf snapped at Estel, who was startled, spilled a good deal of water on his sleeping pants.

"I just wanted a drink.  You don't have to yell at me."  Estel pouted.  Legolas was turning into as much of a watchdog as his father.  

"I'm not yelling at you.  You just aren't supposed to be out of bed yet."  Legolas lowered his voice.  He tried to look away from the way the unbleached linen sleeping pants now clung to Estel's legs.  The young Ranger only had the two ties in front of his breasts tied and his pants rested on his hips rather than his waste.  All together this gave a very enticing picture to the elf.  

"I was only up for a moment.  Besides, walking around makes my back feel better."  Ignoring his wet pants, Estel sat back down in bed, rubbing his lower back for emphasis.  Legolas smiled.

"Well, if you want water fine, but I brought lemonade."  

"Yum.  Thank you."  Estel nearly bounced with glee.  Elrond had been correct.  Estel was very happy to have something other than water or herb laden tea to drink.  Legolas was happy he could do something to bring a smile to the young human's face.  He also had admit that he found it cute the way Estel's shirt sleeves kept falling over his hands.  Unfortunately, the Ranger's enjoyment, and consequently Legolas's enjoyment, was tarnished by Estel's constant fidgeting from his soar back.

"Does your back really pain you that much?  Should I get your father?"  Legolas sat down on the bed beside Estel.

"No, don't bother him.  It is not pain so much as discomfort.  The muscles are just cramped from not being able to move around.  Being somewhat restricted in positions I can lie."  Estel patted his belly as he talked.  It was still fairly small and easily concealed but large enough to make lying on his stomach too uncomfortable to attempt.

"Maybe I can help.  If you'll let me?"  Legolas ran his hand down the length of Estel's back.  Even that light, brief touch revealed many knots.  Estel wasted no time in rolling as fair on to his stomach as he could.  

Legolas poured a small amount of oil onto his hands and began to run them under Estel's shirt.  The Ranger purred in contentment.  It didn't take long before Estel discarded his shirt all together.  Estel reclined topless and utterly relaxed in front of Legolas, and there was nothing the elf could do.  Legolas just prayed the Estel would keep his eyes closed because he didn't want the human to see just how 'happy' this was making him.  Estel eventually drifted off to sleep and dreamed of other pleasurable things the elf could do with is elegant fingers.

Estel had worried over that dream for two weeks now.  Never in his twenty years had he found a man attractive, but for some reason, he found himself wanting to touch the elf and be touched by him.  It wasn't so much that he found Legolas attractive, but rather he just craved his presence.  The whole thing was very uncomfortable to him.  He kept trying to avoid Legolas, but he was sad when the elf was not around.  It made his head hurt.  He needed to talk to someone.  

Estel figured his brothers would be on the training fields somewhere, so he headed that way to find them.  He found one of them anyway.  As he rounded the corner he saw Elladan and Legolas wrapped around each other kissing.  As he was running away he very distinctly heard Legolas moan Elladan's name.

But he did not hear as Legolas told Elladan that he was not interested and that he loved Estel and could think about no other.

Estel ran back towards the house, angered at how much faster he got tired now.  Once inside he almost ran directly into Elrohir making the surprised twin smear his midmorning snack all over his chest.  Estel darted into his room and closed the door.

A short time later Elrohir knocked quietly on his foster brother's door.  "Estel, can come in?  I have cookies."

Estel opened the door.  "I'm not five years old anymore; you can't solve every problem with sweets."

"I know, but they are apple raisin cookies and I have peanut butter."  He knew that would get to Estel.  As far as the pregnant human was concerned lately, everything was better with peanut butter and or raisins.  Now it was Estel's turn to make everyone else at the table sick, watching him make horrific combinations of food.  Some note worthy ones Elrohir remembered were maple syrup on fish, peanut butter a potato, and raisins in scrambled eggs.  He thought they may even be able to get Estel near rabbit if they covered it with peanut butter and raisins.

"Ooo, yummy."  Estel took one of the cookies liberally slathered with peanut goo, while Elrohir took a plain one.

"So what troubles you, little brother?" 

Elrohir had to wait for Estel to swallow a large lump of peanut butter before he could answer.  "I think I might be gay."  That was the last thing the elf expected

"Why?  I mean other than being pregnant any everything."

"Because I had a dream about Legolas."

"So.  You had a dream.  Big deal."

"No, not a normal dream.  A special dream."  Estel blushed and looked down.  Unable to talk openly about it.

"Oooh.  I see.  I wouldn't worry.  I once had a dream like that about a horse.  It doesn't mean anything."  

"But I have had more than one.  And I feel different being around him now.  When he gives me a hug or touches me at all, it feels different."

"Different how?"

"I don't know, really good.  And I want him to keep touching me."  Estel flopped onto his back on the bed sighing.  "See, I think I may be fey."

"When did this start?"

"I don't know?  A while ago."

"Before you got pregnant?"

"No, after.  I guess two or three months ago.  Why, what difference does it make?"

"Well, there could be a couple of different reasons.  First, your body could just be reacting to being around a man you're not related to.  It could just be all chemical."

"But I don't feel that way about Glorfindel."

"Thank the Valar, finally another member of the family not attracted to him.  I thought I was the only one.  Or you could just be fey."  Estel's face fell.  "But most likely it is just the connection you have to him through your daughter."

"I don't understand."

"For elves, having a child is a spiritual and biological thing.  The child's spirit is connected to their parents and the parents' spirits are connected to each other through the child."

"Ok, but I am not an elf"

"True, but you do have elvish blood, and have a definite psychic twinkle.  Also, your daughter is more than half elvin, like me.  Now that she is getting bigger, the bond is forming between her and her parents and between you and Legolas.  But since you are only part elvin, you can't completely experience the bond.  So maybe your body is just trying to find a way to strengthen it, or fulfill it, or something."  Elrohir smiled.

"You think that is where these strange desires are coming from?"  Estel sat up looking hopeful.

"Probably" Elrohir shot his brother a mischievous look.  "Or, you could just be a wonton slut who needs a big strong elf to ride."  Estel smacked his giggling brother.

"So what should I do?"

"I would say, go give it a try at least once.  At worst, you won't like.  And if it makes you feel any better, Legolas is a really girly looking elf."  Elrohir figured Estel would laugh at that, but instead is foster sibling's eyes filled with tears.  "What's wrong?  Do you want another cookie?"

"I saw Elladan and Legolas kissing.  Legolas doesn't want me."  Estel took the cookie anyway.

"Why do you think he doesn't want you?"

"Because, why would he want a fat pregnant woman if he likes elvin guys?"

"I think he wants you.  And you are not fat, you are skin and bones."

"Ok fine, why would he want a woman with a big bulbous stomach?"  Estel flattened out his baggy shirt so Elrohir could see the tell tale belly.

"Because you are the mother of his child.  Like I told you, it is spiritual."  Elrohir reached out and touched Estel's tummy, slightly amazed.

"You think so?"  Estel ate his cookie.

"Yes, so stop crying and go find Legolas."

"I can't stop crying and I don't' know why."

"Have another cookie" Elrohir put his arm around the crying human and sat with him in complete confusion until Estel felt better.  He would have told the human it was just hormones, but he remembered Legolas's horror story about telling Estel he was being hormonal.  But he had to admit this was one of the strangest conversations he had ever had in his life. 

Some time later, at least enough time for Estel's puffy eyes to go down, Estel knocked on Legolas's room door.  It was somewhat uncommon for the elf to spend the afternoons in doors, but Estel was thankful.  When Estel entered the room, he wished he hadn't.  All of his carefully rehearsed speeches went out of the window the moment he looked at Legolas.  He just stood uncertainly in the doorway.

"You knocked, so you might as well come in."  Legolas smiled at him.  Estel looked very nervous, and that worried him.  

The Ranger finally made it into the room and sat down on a chase lounge, sitting cross-legged.   He would have preferred to pull his knees up to his chest, but that was starting to get harder and harder to do lately. Legolas had no overstuffed arm chair because it was still in Estel's room.  Estel unconsciously tugged at his tunic trying to make it lay flat over his stomach.  "I wanted to talk to you about something." Estel looked down and played with the ends of his unbound hair.

"Ok course, love, you can talk to me about anything.  So what is it?"  Legolas tried to sound as light as possible even though his heart was frozen with dread.  

"It's about the night that we, um.  At the inn, when you and I.  The night I got pregnant."  Legolas could see that Estel was blushing even though the human was hiding behind his mash of hair.  Estel had no idea what he was doing.  He had no clue how to seduce a man, or if that was even what he wanted to do.  He should just get up and leave right now.  He would have, he really would have, except Legolas came and sat down next to him.

"What do you want to know?"  

"Could you tell me what it was like?"  Have Legolas so near was making things harder.  Estel had never smelled anything quite so wonderful as the elf's hair.  He wanted to run his hands all over Legolas's body.  Feel every inch of elf.  He wished he could climb inside of Legolas's skin.  

"Well, it was wonderful."  Legolas pushed a lock of Estel's hair behind one of the human's ears so he couldn't hide behind it anymore.  Estel was almost irresistible when he was being shy.  It was hard to believe that the confident warrior he knew and loved turned into a giggling, blushing child whenever you brought up sex.  Legolas wanted to kiss him and spread his wondrous hair out on the bed.  Estel's skin looked so soft.  Pregnancy was very becoming to the human.  

Estel caught the hand Legolas used to move the human's hair and placed it against his face.  "Could you show me?"  Estel could not look at Legolas as he talked.  He was too nervous that the elf might say no.  When Legolas did not answer immediately he became even more nervous.  "I know I don't look the same as I did then.  My stomach is all bulgy and my chest is bigger, but please show me.  I need to know.  I will do whatever you tell me.  I promise."  Before the Ranger could babble anymore, Legolas gently kissed him on the lips.  "Wow." Was all Estel could say.

"You don't know how long I have been waiting to do that."  Legolas stared into Estel's eyes as he talked, and Estel's heart fluttered.  

Legolas kissed Estel again, and continued to trail kisses all down the Rangers neck and face.  Finally he began to remove the young human's tunic and Estel stopped him.  "Are you sure you want to do this.  I don't look the same anymore.  Not nearly as good.  My stomach is all fat."  Estel looked down and self consciously covered his belly.  Legolas slipped the shirt and tunic off anyway and kissed Estel's tummy.

"I think you look beautiful, love."  

The two eventually moved to the bed and Legolas noticed that Estel seemed to tense up.  "What is wrong?"

"Nothing, I am just a little scared.  That is all."

"Don't be nervous.  I will not do anything you do not want me to do.  I would rather die than hurt you, my love."  But it didn't take Legolas long before he had the Ranger begging for him.  After all, he did have thousands of years more of experience then Estel.  But it didn't matter; Estel was the best lover he had ever had.  

TBC – Next Chapter:  Enter Thranduil 


	9. Enter Thranduil

A/N: Thank you guys so much for the review. They are always great to get. I am so sorry it took me so long to get this next section out. I ended back up in the hospital, but now I am stuck at home on bed rest again, so I have plenty of time to write.  
  
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. Good thing too, because if I did, I might get angry at the way people treat them.  
  
ESTEL/ESTELLE  
  
Estel woke to a bed softer than his own and the feeling of a warm cuddly elf spooned up behind him. It felt good. Last night the two of them had come back to Legolas's room after dinner and talked for hours until Estel had fallen asleep wrapped in the elf's arms. It was such a nice feeling. However, his stomach did not feeling very nice. He felt like someone was stirring the contents with a spoon. He searched blearily on the side table for his waybread, before realizing he was not in his own room. He swore under his breath. If he moved he would wake Legolas and the last thing he wanted was an overly attentive elf hovering around him when he was ill, but if he didn't do something soon he would feel worse.   
  
Just as he decided that me would try and slip back to his own room, Legolas hugged him tighter, pinning him down. Estel sighed and tried to go back to sleep. It didn't work. All at once it felt like the person stirring his stomach suddenly reversed direction and Estel could feel his mouth start to salivate. He wished he had some water. He tried one more time to ignore it and go back to sleep even though it was past time to get up. He only managed to put off the inevitable for a few more minutes.   
  
About five minute later he had no choice but to jump up and run for the washroom, or make a terrible mess of Legolas's sheets. The only problem was that the blissfully sleeping elf was on lying on Estel's hair. He tried to ease it out from under Legolas, that didn't work. Then he tried one quick yank, which caused pain and the loss of quite a large chunk hair, but he was free. Estel made it to the privy just in time.   
  
Legolas was rudely awakened by the rather abrupt removal of his silky pillow. By the time he got his bearings, he could hear Estel vomiting in his washroom. Legolas sighed, covering his head with a pillow. If he didn't know better, he would swear that the Ranger actually liked puking, as often as he did it.   
  
Legolas waited a few minutes till all seemed quiet before he got up to check on Estel. He knocked on the door as he entered and found Estel sitting on the floor with his head resting on the side of the privy. Legolas crouched down and pushed Estel's unbound hair back from his face. He noted that Estel looked paler than usual, but still just as beautiful to him.   
  
"Are you ok, sweetheart?" Legolas ran his hand down his love's arm until he was holding Estel's hand. "Why do you insist on asking me that? I am sitting on the floor of a washroom with my head hanging in a privy throwing up. I think it is pretty self-evident I am not ok." Estel snapped. He would never understand why people insisted on asking him how he was feeling when he was obviously not feeling well. He didn't mean to be cross at Legolas, he was just tired of feeling sick and tired of waking up every morning feeling like he needed to throw up. He couldn't wait for it to all go away.   
  
"I'm sorry; I was just worried about you. I didn't mean to make you mad." Legolas refused to look at Estel when he talked. Great, now Estel felt guilty too.   
  
"No, I am sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I just don't feel very well right now. I guess it is making me cranky." Estel finally sat up straight. Legolas pulled him back to rest against the elf's chest and Estel enjoyed the feeling. He was tired of being left alone when he was sick. He knew it made him sound weak, but sometimes he just wanted someone to sit with him, hold his hand, and tell him it would all be over soon. Instead, he usually ended up spending a few hours curled up on a cold stone floor by himself, trying not to cry. "That is all right. I am sorry you aren't feeling well. Is there anything I can do?" Estel just shook his head no and tried to ignore the strange smell in Legolas's washroom. He couldn't tell what it was, but it was getting stronger and starting to make him feel nauseas again. Soon it was too much and he leaned forward and vomited again. Legolas held his hair for him.   
  
As soon as he was sure he wasn't going to get sick again, Estel ran out of the bathing room holding his breath. He sat down on Legolas's bed, but could still smell the strange smell. He could feel his mouth start to water.   
  
"I'm going back to my room." Estel said over his shoulder as he darted out of Legolas's room, leaving a gaping elf behind him. Legolas decided he would go to the kitchen and have the cooks make some peppermint and ginger tea to settle Estel's stomach. It had helped the human greatly over the last few weeks and he would no doubt thank Legolas greatly for his thoughtfulness.   
  
When he arrived in Estel's room, he found the human curled on his side hugging a pillow with one bent leg propped up on it, eyes closed. Legolas sat on the edge of the bed and saw Estel clamp his teeth shut.  
  
"I brought you some of your tea."  
  
"Thank you just put it on the table." Estel didn't even open his eyes.  
  
"Aren't you going to drink it?"  
  
"Later."  
  
"You know it will make you feel better." Legolas put the tea right in front of the Ranger and Estel jerked back from it.  
  
"Please, just put it over there somewhere."  
  
"Estel, drink the tea. You obviously need it." The elf moved it directly under Estel's nose.  
  
"Legolas, if you don't get that damn tea out of my face you are going to be wearing it." Estel barked. He could already tell he was going to throw up again.  
  
Legolas finally relented after Estel's harsh words and leaned forward to put the tea on the nightstand. "Sorry, love, I just thought it would make you feel better."  
  
When Estel felt the bed move under Legolas he gritted his teeth, screwed his eyes shut and moaned. "Stop moving the bed." Even though his mind told him the mattress barely moved he still felt like Legolas was jumping up and down on it.  
  
"Sorry, sweetheart, I didn't mean to." Legolas began to realize that nothing he did would please Estel right now. But there was a large part of him that wanted to do something to make his love feel better. "Is there nothing I can do to ease your suffering?"   
  
"Just don't move." Estel hated feeling like this. It was so much worse than a normal illness. Normally once you vomited you feel better, but it only made him feel worse. There was no way for him to predict when he would feel this bad. He still felt nauseous 24 hours a day, but he had learned to function regardless. But sometimes it would become so bad he almost couldn't stand it, like now. Luckily, the tea Elrond had given him worked well in stopping it, but only if he drank it before he felt this bad. The only thing that would help was sleeping through it.   
  
"Maybe you should try to eat something? Doesn't that usually help?" Legolas couldn't stand sitting there watching Estel look so miserable.   
  
"Good god no! I can't." Just mere act of talking about food was enough to make Estel head for the washroom again, Legolas on hot on his heels.   
  
Lord Elrond walked down the hall in search of Legolas. King Thranduil had been spotted entering the outer portion of Rivendell and Elrond thought it prudent that the prince be there to greet the King when he arrived at the door. After checking the prince's room and finding him absent, he checked his own foster child's room and found him. Legolas was in the washroom holding Estel's hair for him while the human dry heaved.   
  
"Good morning, Legolas. I suppose it doesn't look like a very good morning for you, Estel." Elrond smiled sympathetically at his child.   
  
"I've had better." Estel whispered, which was about all he had the strength for at that moment. Estel flopped his head back down so it was resting on his arm, which was on the side of the privy bowl. Legolas lovingly stroked his sweetie's hair. "Legolas, I hate to interrupt you at such a delicate time, but your father is almost here and I think it would be best if you were waiting to meet him when he arrived." Elrond left unspoken his thought that the prickly king would throw a fit if his son was not dutifully there waiting for him and Elrond just didn't want to deal with that.   
  
"I don't want to leave Estel alone." Legolas looked back, with concern, at the sick human who had zoned out slightly during the conversation.   
  
"Don't worry about it, go, meet your father. I am used to doing this by my self anyway. I promise, I will be down as soon as I can." Estel gave a weak smile to his friend. He wanted Legolas to see his father, but he also didn't fancy the thought of being ill with no one to rub his back and tell him it would be ok. It sounded ridiculous, but it was remarkably soothing.   
  
"Are you sure? I don't want you to be upset." Legolas was really just looking for any excuse to avoid his father. He was not looking forward to explaining why the king had been summoned to Rivendell.   
  
"I am sure. Besides, I feel better already. Just let me lay down for a bit and I will feel right as rain." Estel smiled to give his statement more meaning. Legolas smiled back. It was a bald face lie, but the elf didn't have to know that.   
  
"Ok, I will see you at breakfast then." Legolas planted a feather soft kiss on Estel's forehead. He knew the Ranger was lying, but it meant a lot to him that he would go through the trouble. Legolas left to go meet his father with a great deal of dread in his heart. Sometimes he was jealous of Estel, Elladan, and Elrohir because their father was so much more agreeable and less domineering than his own. At times he considered Rivendell to be more of a home to him than Mirkwood and that was no way for royalty to think.  
  
After Legolas left, Elrond turned to his youngest with a critical eye. He knew better than to ask if the young human was alright, so instead he asked. "Are you going to be alright?"  
  
"Yes, the sickness is just particularly bad this morning." Estel still hadn't moved from leaning on the side of the privy.  
  
"Ok, come down when you feel up to it. Thranduil will be expecting you." Elrond placed a gentle hand on his child's shoulder for support than left to go and meet the king of Mirkwood.  
  
Down the hall Legolas paced nervously back and forth. Though he had literally had months to think on it, he had no idea how to explain this situation to his father. Thranduil had never been the type to try and push his son into a loveless marriage, yet he knew that his father expected him to marry a fine Elvin noble woman. He knew his father had always harboured a secret desire and fear that Legolas would marry Elrond's daughter Arwen. Though Legolas found her beautiful and charming, she meant no more to him than any other beautiful and charming elf maid. The only one who made his blood burn was Estel, and considering how little Thranduil thought of the Ranger, his father was not going to be happy.  
  
Finally the inevitable happened and the king arrived. He threw the few belongings he had carried with him at an attendant, while tossing his reigns to a groom without even acknowledging them. Legolas could see Elrond bristle at the treatment of his staff, but the half elf held his tongue as he greeted the king.  
  
"Thranduil, how good of you to travel to my humble valley. We have been awaiting your arrival." 'With dread' Elrond thought, but did not say. He had the forced smile on his face that Gil-Galad had taught him.  
  
Legolas shifted from foot to foot trying to hide his nervousness and failing miserably. He wished he had Elrond's composure.  
  
"Elrond. Your valley is a god forsaken distance from my home. I wonder why my son travels it at all." Thranduil said haughtily. Trying to get the upper hand over the half elf. Elrond's expression began to look more like a rictus grimace than a smile.  
  
"Father." Legolas stepped forward arms extended for a hug that the older elf dismissed. Legolas tried not to look sad. Elrond always greeted him with a hug.  
  
"So why had you summoned me here Legolas? Do you not think I have more important things to do than tramp all over middle earth on your whim?"  
  
Legolas's mouth suddenly went dry under Thranduil's penetrating gaze. Elrond tried to decide whether he should step in or not. He decided against it considering he was still slightly cross with the prince for having gotten his child pregnant. "There is something that I needed to tell you that could not be said through a letter, and I could not leave Rivendell to tell you either. My continued presence here is essential." Legolas paused to try and collect his thoughts.  
  
"After such a long ride, no doubt it would feel good to stretch your muscles out. Why do you not take a turn in the gardens?" Elrond interrupted unable to watch Legolas squirm anymore. Maybe he wasn't as angry as he thought he was. Legolas smiled at the half elf and led his father out into the spacious and well kept gardens of Imladris.  
  
Upstairs, Estel finally managed to drag himself back to bed. He decided that dry heaving was the single worst feeling in the world, which was unfortunate, since he had spent the last twenty minutes doing it. Sometimes he wondered if it was actually possible to turn yourself inside out. He made it to the middle of his bed and collapsed in an exhausted heap. He didn't have the strength to climb to the top of the bed, so instead he dragged a pillow down from the top and curled around it. He wished it were a nice warm Legolas he was curled around, but a pillow would have to do for now. He closed his eyes and did his best to try and doze off.  
  
Just as he felt his body relax into sleep, someone knocked loudly on his door and barged in before even waiting for an answer. Estel didn't even open his eyes. He hoped if he played dead, like he felt, than they would go away. No such luck.  
  
"Estel! What are you still doing in bed?" Elladan sounded annoyed.  
  
"Trying to sleep if you must know." Estel thought it was pretty obvious what he was doing.  
  
"Well get up. Thranduil is here." Elladan could not believe that his foster brother was not down stairs right now with Legolas and Elrond trying to appease the obnoxious king. Instead his lazy brother was lying in bed not even dressed yet.  
  
"Elladan" Estel started slowly as if he were talking to a dimwit. "I have just spent thirty of the last forty-five minutes with my head hanging in a privy trying to see if you can actually throw up your stomach. I just want to rest for a little while." Estel tried not to sound half as annoyed as he felt.  
  
"Well if you feel bad than drink you tea." Elladan took the cup of tea sitting on the side table and placed it in Estel's face.  
  
Estel could feel his stomach give a sickening turn and swatted the tea away with more force than he should have. The tea ended up all over Elladan and the carpet as the Ranger half yelled and half moaned. "Get that out of my face." He curled tighter around the pillow.  
  
"Look, Estel. I know you don't feel well, but it is your fault that Thranduil is here and it is not fair that you are up here sleeping while everyone else is downstairs trying to deal with him. It is your responsibility to help with him, so get down there and do it." Elladan was angry and spoke more harshly than he should have. But he had the satisfaction of Estel sitting up before he left the room.  
  
"Like I asked for any of this to happen." Estel whispered as his brother left. He didn't want to get up, but Elladan had made him feel guilty enough to drive him from his bed.  
  
Estel quickly washed his face and tied his hair back in a rather messy ponytail. He then dressed in a very baggy pair of pants and a shirt. Over the shirt he put on a tunic with front ties. He then belted the whole thing. However, the pressure from the belt on his stomach made the Ranger wretch uselessly into the sink. He quickly discarded the belt and not wanting to take any chances untied his tunic as well. He looked at himself in the mirror and realized he looked terrible, but right now he didn't care. With one last longing look at his bed, Estel trudged downstairs to breakfast.  
  
When the Ranger arrived at the table no one but Elrohir was present yet. The younger twin gave him an encouraging smile as he slid into his seat. Estel felt awful, purely and simply awful and he wanted to go right back to bed and hide his head under the covers until he felt better. But knowing he couldn't do that, he did the next best thing and rested his head on his folded arms and tried to concentrate on anything other than his churning tummy.  
  
Some time later, it could have been one minute or one hour, Estel could not tell the difference, Elladan arrived. The eldest twin looked at his foster brother with a mixed sense of satisfaction and sympathy. Next came Elrond, who was slightly surprised to so see his youngest at the table. The half elf made his way into the kitchen to speak with the cooks about making some tea for Estel before he took his seat at the head of the table. Finally Thranduil arrived looking cross. He flopped himself into the chair beside Estel and glared at the Ranger. The dozing human was completely oblivious.  
  
Thranduil watched Estel rest, growing more and more irritated. How dare that useless human use a dining table as a bed. Elrond had spoiled him far too much. He should be standing in the corner ready to serve, not acting like he was the prince or rather princess of the palace. He could hold his tongue no longer. "Do you always let your pets sleep at the table, Half Elf?" The comment had been designed to rankle. Thranduil had always found it to be most amusing to try and get a rise out of the famously placid Lord Elrond.  
  
As soon as Estel heard Thranduil's voice, he jerked himself into a sitting position. He had not actually meant to fall asleep, much less be caught that way by the king. Estel spoke up before Elrond or his brothers could rise to his defense and start an argument. "I am sorry, my lord, it was very rude of me to rest my head on the table. It will not happen again."  
  
"I should hope not." Thranduil harrumphed as he crossed his arms over his chest. Even though he didn't get the reaction he wanted out of his fellow elflord, he did enjoy watching the human shrink in on himself. Thranduil did have to admit that Estel made a fairly attractive woman. If he were to fix his hair and put on better close he could almost be pretty.  
  
Legolas had explained to him on their walk around the gardens how Estel had been changed from a man into a woman. It was all quite odd as far as Thranduil was concerned, but there was nothing he could do about it. But some useless human changing gender still did not explain why Legolas had been so insistent that he come to Rivendell. Thranduil continued to watch the human for any clues.  
  
Before the king could finish his scrutiny, Legolas finally arrived looking slightly tense. On his way to his seat he walked by and stroked Estel's hair, starting at the crown of his head and ending half way down his ponytail. Estel tried to hide his vexation at it. He hated people petting him like he was some kind of animal. It reminded him of when he was little and everyone used to pat him on the head in the same way they did to Glorfindel's dogs. Even as a man he stood several inches shorter than most of the elves and now he was even shorter than that. It annoyed him to death that they all seemed to think this gave them free reign to ruffle his hair or pat him on the head. The only thing worse, was all of the woman wanting to touch his stomach. But he also realized that with the mood his was in right now it wouldn't take much to make him start screaming or crying.  
  
Before anything further could be said, Elrond stiffly ordered the servants to bring in breakfast. Even though everyone else ate with hardy appetites, Estel wouldn't even put any food on his plate, much less in his mouth. The young human just sat looking down at his lap where he was twisting his napkin into a tight knot.  
  
"Estel?" The Ranger started at the sound of his name even though the tone was gentle and familiar. "Do you want to try some dry toast?" Elrond continued smoothly as if nothing had happened.  
  
"No thank you." Estel didn't think he could hold down toast or anything else right now.  
  
"Alright. Drink some tea then." Elrond handed Estel a cup of tea that a servant had handed him. Estel accepted the tea and stirred a spoonful of honey into it. He then slowly spooned some into his mouth like he was drinking soup. Both Legolas and Elladan stared at Estel incredulously. Why would he drink his tea when Elrond told him to, but not either one of them?  
  
The rest of breakfast passed in a tense silence.  
  
When breakfast was finished, Elrond turned to Estel with a sympathetic smile. "Estel, my dear, why do you not go back to your chamber for bit while Thranduil settles in. Then meet us in my study in, say, two hours so we can discuss the situation." Elrond took great pleasure in watching Thranduil's look of displeasure when Elrond did not use his title. Estel did not even answer. He simply rose from the table and shuffled out of the dining room back towards his rooms.  
  
Once back alone in his room, Estel vomited back up the tea he had drunk, as he knew he would. Afterwards he splashed cool water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror. He had not gotten much sleep in the past few days and it showed. He had dark circles under his eyes and they looked sunken. And though he had managed to put on almost two pounds in the last month, which was the first time he had put on weight during his pregnancy, his cheeks still looked hollow and bony. He guessed that they would though, since he had lost nearly twenty pounds since he had gotten pregnant. But then he looked down at his ever-expanding belly and banished any thoughts about looking too skinny. At 22 weeks, his stomach was not nearly as large as a human woman's would be, but it was still large enough to not be mistaken for anything other than pregnancy. He could still hide it under baggy clothes though, as he still tended to do. Partially out of embarrassment and discomfort at the idea of being pregnant, and partially because pressure on his stomach often made him feel nauseas, like everything else.  
  
Finally he returned to his sleeping room and collapse in a heap on the bed. He knew that he needed to sleep, but his mind was in too much turmoil to rest. So instead he contented himself with resting his eyes and thinking over all of the things that had gone wrong in his life over the last six months. However he could not work up any real anger. He realized that he was willing to take all of the bad things that had happened to him just for the one good thing of having his daughter. That thought shocked Estel slightly. He could not tell when exactly or how, but at some point he had stopped being angry, unhappy, or just resigned about the whole pregnancy and was now truly happy about it. He still had his worries about what kind of a parent he would be and over his dreams of her life rarely having him present, but now he really did want her.  
  
After two hours, Estel rolled over onto his side and tried to avoid having to get up. He ran his hand over his belly and spoke. "Well, kiddo, are you ready to go and talk to your grandfather?" She didn't answer him so he took that as a yes and headed for Elrond's study. Not feeling any better, but not feeling any worse.  
  
Elrond waited in is study busying himself with setting out tea. He had sent the servant away because he needed something to do to keep his mind off of what was about to happen. It was a common misconception that just because Elrond tended not to show emotion that he didn't have them. He had them alright, and now he was feeling a great deal of worry and anger. As he thought on how to broach the subject to the unpleasant king, his door opened and closed almost silently. It would take one with Elvin hearing to have detected the movement, but Elrond heard it. He also knew who it was before he even looked up. There was only one creature in all of Middle Earth who could move that silently.  
  
"Glorfindel, what brings you here, I know how you detest the smell of books?" It was an old joke between the two friends based on stereotypes. Outsiders always assumed the bookish half elf hated weapons and combat and that the valiant Lord Glorfindel hated books and quiet pursuits. It was all lies, but it made them both laugh.  
  
"I thought you could use the support." Glorfindel knew his friend well, and knew that Elrond was keeping his calm through training alone. They both hated Thranduil about as much as they hated any creature of Morgoth. He figured that his presence would help to keep Elrond calmer and give Thranduil another target for his ire besides Estel.  
  
It was a well known fact around Elvin society that Glorfindel had had a forty year long affair with Thranduil's queen. This of course was a century before Legolas was born, but it had always bothered the king to no end. When Glorfindel was around Thranduil could rarely think straight for his anger. The golden haired elf was counting on that fact in order to help ease the tension between Thranduil and Elrond. He only hoped that he could control his own anger. It was one thing when the Mirkwood king was being nasty to him; it was entirely different when he was hurting his family. And yes, Elrond and his kin were the closest thing to family Glorfindel had left outside of Valinor.  
  
Elrond smiled at his best friend, brother in every way but blood, and set an extra tea setting for him.  
  
Not long after Glorfindel arrived, Estel slunk into the room. He moved like a person afraid he was about to get hit any moment. It broke Elrond's heart to see his son looking as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs in his own home. Estel took a seat in the corner of the room on his favourite chase lounge overlooking the garden. After he sat down, Estel pulled his knees up to his chest as far as he could and rested his head on them. Elrond couldn't help but notice how his youngest's hands were shaking slightly and he looked even more peaked than usual. He handed the Ranger a cup of honey-sweetened tea designed to help settle the pregnant human's, no doubt, queasy tummy. He also handed his foster child a plate of cracked wheat crackers hoping to tempt him to eat.  
  
Estel absently sipped at his tea and blatantly ignored the crackers until Legolas and Thranduil arrived, but then nerves made him feel too ill to drink anymore. He watched as all of the elves stared at each other as if waiting for the other to say the first thing. It was like a game of "who blinks first," but on a much higher level. Luckily they were all ignoring Estel.  
  
Finally Thranduil spoke up, his voice sounding loud and booming in the near total silence. The only other sound was that of the wind outside, which had picked up intensity over the past few minutes. "So what is going on here that you cannot handle without me so I have to leave my kingdom to come your little valley?" Thranduil leveled each elf with his gaze. He purposely left out the human, not quite sure why he was there.  
  
"I think your son should be the one to tell you." Elrond spoke quietly. Outwardly he was as calm as a lake on a spring day. Inwardly he was raging like a tornado. Thunderheads began to build in the east threatening to douse the valley.  
  
"Well, speak up boy." Thranduil had had enough. If his son was the one he needed to talk to, then why did Elrond and that annoying blonde imp of his have to be present? And why couldn't his son have just written him a letter telling him? Though Thranduil thought he already knew. Though not a lore master like Elrond or a tactical genius like Glorfindel, or even a seer like Galadreal, he still managed to put one and one together and come up with three. He had caught a glimpse of Estel as he had left the table. The young human was dressed like a vagabond, but it could not completely hide the bulge in his belly. He had put that together with the apparent illness this morning along with the familiar way in which Legolas acted around the human. Thranduil was fairly certain that the Ranger was pregnant with the next heir to the throne of Mirkwood and he didn't like it at all.  
  
"Adar," Legolas took a deep breath. "Estel his with child. My child." There, he had said it. He wondered briefly if this was how Estel felt when he had come to talk to Legolas about aborting their daughter. However before he could ponder the topic seriously, he felt a solid slap land on is left cheek. His hand immediately went to his face to rub at the sore spot. Why was he always the one to get hit when people found out? He absently thought.  
  
"How dare you?" Thranduil roared and Legolas waited for the next blow to come. His father rarely hit him that was not his way. Thranduil had long ago learned that telling his sensitive son that he was disappointed in the prince was far more effective and painful. But the next blow never came. Instead Legolas noticed that Thranduil had turned his rage to the human in the corner. "This is all a lie, a sham for you to trap my son in marriage."  
  
"No, sir." Estel said meekly. He pulled his knees tighter to his chest compressing his belly slightly. It was uncomfortable, but made him feel safer. Normally he would have risen to the challenge if anyone else had insulted him, but Thranduil had this annoying way of making him feel like an insignificant worm. It was as if the king knew all of his secret insecurities and gave them voice.  
  
"Prove it then, prove that you are carrying Legolas's child." Thranduil looked haughtily down at the cowering human.  
  
"How?" The king had expected begging, not a calm question from the human.  
  
Thranduil stood quickly and walked over to Estel and grabbed him by an arm, hauling him into a standing position. Estel did not resist. Elrond rose and so did Glorfindel, but Thranduil turned to them and said. "Back off Mongrel, and take your imp with you." Thunder clapped in the distance just as three huge arcs of lightening cut across the sky. Thranduil then forcibly put his hand under Estel's shirt, feeling his belly. Estel tried to move away, but he was backed up against the lounge he had been sitting on so there was nowhere for him to go. He didn't like the feeling of rough hands poking and prodding him, but he knew if he reacted too badly it would start a fight.  
  
After a short time, Thranduil seemed to have satisfied himself and released Estel. The Ranger sank back down onto the lounge. Elrond noticed that his hands were shaking worse, but his time it was from emotion. Thranduil did not seem to challenge that the child was his son's again, but he was not finished by a long shot.  
  
"This is not acceptable. This child cannot be born."  
  
"Excuse me?" Elrond finally could hold his tongue no longer.  
  
"I thought even you would have seen this by now. This child cannot be allowed to be born. There is no place for it in this world."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"The world needs no more mongrels like you." Thranduil yelled. "This never would have been an issue had your ridiculous twin brother just died in disgrace rather than founding a line of half breed kings." Thranduil knew the whole thing was Estel's fault. There was a reason there were so few half elves in Middle Earth, in fact the only ones were from Elrond's family. The reason had little to do with the Valar forcing them to choose, and more to do with biology. An elf was simply a more complicated being than a human. Generally if the two wanted to have children it had to be the male who was human because a female human was not strong enough to carry and birth an elf. Estel's Elvin blood was enough to stop the pregnancy from aborting itself, but even Thranduil could see that the Ranger was having a devilishly hard time of it. In Thranduil's mind, had not Estel had Elvish blood, he would not have been pregnant with a member of the royal house of Mirkwood.  
  
Elrond could stand many things, but anyone attacking his family was not one of them. It was true that Elros had been dead for centuries, but that did not make Elrond miss him any less or love him any less. All he had left of his brother was the line of kings he had started and the most recent installment sat miserably by the window trying to make himself as inconspicuous as possible.  
  
Elrond leapt from the table, but before he could reach the king to throttle him, he notice that Glorfindel already held a wickedly sharp sword at his throat. "I think you have forgotten yourself, Thranduil." Glorfindel smiled sweetly at the king.  
  
"I see that you take your job from the Valar seriously. Do you always threaten Elrond's guests?" Thranduil referred to the fact that Glorfindel had been sent back by the Valar, after his death, for the sole purpose of protecting the house of Elrond.  
  
"I protect them because the Valar wish me to, I do it well because I love them. You would do well to remember that." Glorfindel finally removed the sword and took his seat again. But the bickering did not stop. All four elves argued about what to do with Estel and his child without even so much as turning to look at him. Thranduil and Elrond both tried to blame the other's child, while Glorfindel tried to calm things down. Finally Estel could take no more of it. The sound was making his head spin and he just wanted quiet.  
  
Thranduil again rounded on the young human who felt dizzied by all of the noise. The others were arguing amongst themselves, leaving Thranduil to say what he liked to Estel "Why did you let this happen, you fool? You did this on purpose. Why didn't you abort the thing when you found out about it? Now we all have to clean up your mess because you were too much of a coward to do the right thing. You are as weak as the rest of the men from your family. I am glad you are not a king, because if the fate of the world rested on your shoulders we would all be in dire straights."  
  
Estel shook his head "no" while Thranduil ridiculed him. He didn't know what to say to defend himself, because everything that the king said was something he had already thought. Legolas's father was again reminding him of his own insecurities and he felt each one like the crack of a whip against bare flesh. "It is my fault." Estel whispered drawing everyone else's attention. Tears began to slide down his face and he angrily wiped them away. He hated showing weakness in front of Thranduil, but his body betrayed him. "I tried to get rid of her, but I couldn't." Estel gasped as his tears threatened to overwhelm him. "I tried, but I couldn't do it. I know it would be easier for everyone, but I love her too much to kill her. I am sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen." Estel couldn't take it anymore. He ran from the room out of the door and towards the waterfalls. He ran as fast as he could away from their accusing eyes, sympathy, and anger. If Thranduil wanted, he would never take her to Mirkwood, even if that meant never seeing Legolas again. But that thought brought more pain than it ever had before.  
  
Estel finally reached the river and curled up on the same rock he had sat on and cried a few months ago when he had thought about aborting her. This time he felt no less lonely and the tears were no less bitter. He cried until he could barely breath, but still he could hear their yelling and Thranduil's accusations. He thought about what he could do to help the situation. He could leave. He could run away and go and live in a big city, or out in the Wilds, but he knew he still wasn't strong enough to take care of himself. He doubted he would even make it out of the valley considering the way he felt, much less to a large city. Then there was still the problem of how he would support the two of them. The prospect of leaving his safe home was no more appealing now than it had been when he had first considered it several months ago.  
  
It took the human a good half hour to stop crying, but finally he managed to get control of himself. When he finally did he rubbed his hand along the side of his stomach and spoke to his daughter. "I am sorry you had to hear that, sweetheart. I wanted you to grow up knowing how much everyone loved you. I love you though and I won't let Thranduil or anyone else hurt you. I'll find a way to make sure that you are safe from people like him. I promise." Estel could have sworn he felt a fluttering in his mind, like the feel of a bubble floating past your face, but when he concentrated on it, it was gone. But somehow he had gotten the impression that the bubble meant love. Estel pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them trying to make her feel as safe and protected as he could.  
  
Being mid-August, the weather was hot and sticky, especially with the thunderheads still in the east. But the valley itself was still sunny and hot. Estel basked on his rock for several hours not wanting to go back to house. He was embarrassed over the way he had acted, and more than a little frightened of how he would react when he had to face the king again. He wanted Thranduil to think of him as strong and worthy of carrying a member of both of their royal houses, but he knew that the king just thought he was weak and useless. The way he had run out of the room crying had not helped matters at all.  
  
As the day crept from early afternoon into late afternoon, Estel heard a rustle coming from the direction of the house. His first instinct was to try and hide, but then he realized that it would be useless. Any elf would be able to find him almost instantly. So he resigned himself to having to talk to someone, even though the really wanted to be left alone. He concentrated on the approaching person trying to figure out who it was; all he could tell was that there were at least two of them. "Great, probably my brothers." Estel really didn't want to deal with his overprotective brothers. The last thing he needed was to have them pick a fight with Thranduil in his defense. He thought about hiding again.  
  
But luck was on his side, more or less anyway, when the interloper cam bounding out of the trees and immediately made a bee line to try and jump on his lap. The hundred pounds of happy dog was shortly followed by Glorfindel. Theoretically, Estel was not surprised to see the blond elf. Where ever the dog was, the elflord would not be far behind. Glorfindel was really the only one in Rivendell that kept pets, most elves chose not to because their lives were so long that the life of a dog hardly seemed worth the effort, but Glorfindel was different. He had a special talent for animals and they always responded to him and him to them. Estel had appreciated that when he had first arrived here. He had been a scared little boy who had lost his father and his mother was too grief stricken to be bothered with him. She had died less than a month after their arrival in the valley. Estel had been frightened of the elves and felt isolated because he didn't speak their language or understand their customs. He wanted to go back and live with the Rangers, but he didn't know how to get there. One night, just after his mother's death, he had tried to run away. With all of his four three old cunning he had attempted to make his way back to the Ranger camp. He had actually managed to elude most of the elves who had tried to follow him, but he had not been able to hide from Glorfindel and his dogs. Elrond had been with the golden haired elf when he had found Estel. Estel remembered being cold and afraid and feeling much safer and happier when the large dog had tracked him down. The huge beast had sat still and let Estel weep his pain into his fur while hanging onto the dog's neck. It wasn't until years later that Estel found out that Glorfindel and Elrond had been standing a short distance away watching the whole thing. Glorfindel had convinced Elrond that the young Estel would be more apt to break down in front of a dog than a bunch of elves he didn't know. Elrond had relented and had been surprised at how right his friend was. Glorfindel had later explained that he understood what it was like to wake up one morning and have everything you knew and loved gone and to find yourself in a strange place around strange people that you don't understand. Animals understand you no matter what.  
  
Estel knew it wasn't that simple. The golden elflord had some kind of special Valar given gift which allowed him to communicate with animals the same way that Elrond was able to communicate with other elves and some humans. Sometimes Estel wished he could talk to animals too, but then figured that it would be difficult to eat something you could have a conversation with. In any event, Glorfindel soon arrived after his canine friend had licked Estel silly.  
  
"Just like your father." The elflord said from the clearing. He knew Estel hadn't yet realized he was there. He had been enjoying watching the young Ranger play with his dog. For the first time in months Estel looked alive and happy again rather than like a walking zombie. The change was nice. Glorfindel made a mental note to invite Estel to take his dog for walks in the evening when he felt up to it.  
  
"What do you mean? Covered in dog slobber." Estel tried not to look as startled as he was.  
  
"Partially." Glorfindel pushed himself away from the tree and walked over to sit beside Estel. "Like Elrond, you claim you don't like animals then go play with them when you think that no one is looking." He winked to take any harshness out of the words.  
  
"That is not true; I never said I didn't like animals."  
  
"True, true. But actually I meant that just like your father and your grandfather before him, you head to water when you are upset. I think it must be something with your family line that wholly skipped your brothers." Sometimes he could see more resemblance between Estel and Elrond than he could between Elrond and his twin sons. Both Elrond and Estel had a quiet sort of authority that people responded to whether they wanted to or not. Estel's was still weak; he hadn't yet mastered how to be a leader. He was young and content to let others lead, but one day he would be a great leader. Glorfindel had no doubt about that.  
  
"I didn't realize I was that obvious." Estel tried to joke.  
  
"Well, running out of the room sobbing generally denotes an off balance emotional state, but then again you are pregnant so it is hard to read you." Glorfindel favoured Estel with one of his impish smiles. Estel smiled back but then it faded.  
  
"I made a complete fool out of myself."  
  
Glorfindel pondered his answer for a moment as he dug through the picnic basket he had brought. It was well into afternoon and Estel should eat something. Elrond insisted he take food with him when he left to go and talk to the human. Luckily Estel had lived with elves long enough that a pause in the conversation did not phase him. Elves would not be rushed. In fact, Estel acted more like and elf than a human most of the time anyway. Many years later, when he guarded Frodo, the hobbits would comment on how much the Ranger reminded them of Elrond and how spooky he was when he would stop talking for several minutes mid conversation to just stare into space.  
  
Finally Glorfindel produced some crackers and a small container of peanut butter. "Come over here into the shade, I brought you some lunch." Glorfindel lead the human over towards the tree line so that they were out of the direct sunlight. Neither had to really worry about burning, but the spray from the falls would get onto the food. Estel flopped down far less gracefully than he used to. His balance was way off lately, he guessed it would only get worse. The dog immediately collapsed beside him using his thigh as a chin rest. Estel absently stroked his soft head.  
  
Glorfindel slathered three of the crackers with peanut butter and put them on a napkin. He then poured two large glasses of lemonade before fishing his own food from the basket. He disliked peanut butter. He refused to eat anything that could double as an adhesive, but he knew Estel loved it. Estel drank his lemonade greedily, but only nibbled at his crackers. He had not realized how thirsty he had been. Glorfindel gave the Ranger more to drink, but also pointed to the crackers. Estel had only eaten half of one.  
  
The two ate in silence for a while longer before Glorfindel finally said. "I thing Thranduil made himself look more of a fool than you."  
  
"How? He didn't break into tears." Estel's bitterness was obvious.  
  
"No, but he was no less a slave to his emotions. He reacted in anger and struck his own son. Then he said hurtful things to you. His reactions were on a purely emotional level. Had he thought rather than reacting, he would have realized that most of what he said was ridiculous. But then again, thinking never has been his strong suit."  
  
"So he got angry, so did Ada. He didn't start balling like a child when someone insulted him. I feel like such an idiot." Estel put down his final cracker so he could return to petting the dog still using him for a chin rest.  
  
"You shouldn't though."  
  
"Why not? I proved to Thranduil that I was weak and stupid. There is no way he will ever accept me or my daughter now. I ruined everything."  
  
"No you didn't. Eat your lunch." Glorfindel pointed to the final of the three crackers and then continued. "First off, what difference does it make what he thinks of you? It is highly unlikely that your daughter will ever sit on the throne of Mirkwood because Legolas could have a legitimate heir. She will always be welcome in Rivendell or among the Dunedin, so who cares if Thrandrool doesn't like her. Next, what happened this morning did nothing to change his opinion of you. Thranduil made up his mind about you a long time ago and nothing you did or didn't do today is going to change that. He has to get to know the real you, not what he thinks you are like. And, you have to understand that his opinion of you is coloured by his dislike for Elrond. Finally, so what if you were emotional. Who gives a fig? You are pregnant Estel; you are going to be emotional. It comes with the territory. I remember making Elrond's wife cry for two hours straight when she was carrying the twins because I brought her some wildflowers I found while hunting. There is nothing wrong with showing emotions sometimes. You don't have to be like Elrond in everything."  
  
Estel thought about what Glorfindel said. "But it just seems so weak to cry all the time."  
  
"Why, is it weak to laugh when something is funny? Is it weak to get angry when something goes wrong? What is the difference? We men, are taught that emotions are weak, but only some emotions. I wonder who determined which were strong and which were weak. I think women have it easier because they don't make those distinctions. And now that you are a woman, at least for the time being, you have the luxury of being as emotional as you want."  
  
"I guess. I just wish I didn't feel so out of control all of the time. This morning I kept telling myself not to cry at what he said, but it didn't work any better than when I tell myself not be sick." Estel smiled ruefully while he ran his fingers down a silky ear.  
  
"I can't give you any advice from experience, but I would guess that there is nothing you can do about it. Your emotions being upside down is no more under your control than getting hungry, thirsty, or sleepy. So don't worry about."  
  
"I'll try."  
  
"Come on. We should get back. Your father was about to send out the whole of the guard to find you. Besides, it is getting close to dinner time and we both need to clean up. The rest of the royal guard from Mirkwood have arrived and there will be a state dinner for them."  
  
Estel groaned. "Do you think Ada will let me skip dinner?" Glorfindel rested a comforting hand on the Ranger's shoulder.  
  
"I doubt it. If Thranduil is going to make the announcement about your daughter tonight, I think you have to be there."  
  
"Great." Estel could feel his shoulders tense in worry.  
  
Once back in the house, Estel immediately sought out his father. Elrond was in his private chambers getting ready for dinner, which meant that he was pacing back and forth trying to calm himself down enough to be civil. He could not remember the last time he was this angry. Not even the news that Legolas had taken advantage of his child had made him this mad. He wanted to stab out Thranduil's eyes with a hot fireplace poker and watch as the jelly cooked to the stick. Then he wanted to rip out his finger nails and slowly break every finger and toe. And that was just the beginning. All of these vengeful fantasies were swimming through his mind when he heard a soft knock at his door.  
  
"Enter." The elflord snapped without meaning to.  
  
Estel peaked his head in the door. He didn't realize his father was in such a bad mood. "Sorry, Ada, I didn't mean to bother you." Estel could feel tears spring to his eyes again. Damn it. he would not let them fall.  
  
"Sorry Estel, sweetheart, I didn't know it was you." Elrond walked quickly to the door and ushered in his youngest. "How are you?"  
  
"Ok I guess. Embarrassed, but I guess I'll live. What happened after I left?"  
  
"We talked for a while longer before we all realized that it was useless. Then we broke for lunch. Legolas has been trying to talk some sense into his father ever since."  
  
"Oh." Estel didn't know what he had been hoping to hear, but that certainly hadn't been it. "Ada, can I skip dinner?" Estel mentally crossed his fingers. He still vividly remembered the last stately dinner he had been forced to attend and he had no desire to faint in front of half of the Mirkwood guard.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Elrond needed his child at dinner, but not at the risk of his health or pride.  
  
"Like hell." Estel smile. Hell, was what he normally felt like. "Worse than usual anyway."  
  
"How so?" Elrond sat down on the bed behind his Estel and began to brush out his hair. It was a still in a messy ponytail and Elrond thought it should be styled better for dinner. He had always love combing his wife's and his daughter's hair, Estel's hair was no different. Add to that the fact that his foster child still had not mastered the art of plaiting hair and Elrond realized what a service he was doing for both of them.  
  
Estel relaxed at the feel of the brush sliding over his hair. It was almost hypnotic. "I just feel really nauseas. I'm having a hard time keeping anything down. Harder than it normally is." Estel hadn't meant to say the last sentence.  
  
"What is usual like?"  
  
"I don't know." Estel wanted to change the subject.  
  
"Are you normally nauseas?"  
  
"I guess so."  
  
"Do you normally vomit?"  
  
"Yeah, but not normally as many times as I have today." Elrond had gotten up and was selecting gold strands and beads to braid into Estel's hair.  
  
"How many times were you ill today?" Elrond pretended to concentrate on searching, but was really interested in hearing about his child's health.  
  
"Ten, maybe twelve times. I lost count." Estel looked down at his lap, ashamed at his weakness.  
  
"What is normal for you?"  
  
"I usually only throw up three or four times a day now. It really isn't as bad as it was." Estel tried to make it sound better than it really was. He didn't want to worry his father.  
  
"I see." Elrond was in fact worried. He had spent the better part of the afternoon locked away in his study thinking on some of the things that Thranduil had said. And one thing stuck out in is mind. He chided himself for not having remembered it before. When his brother, Elros, had gotten married to a human woman, they had great difficulties in starting a family. Like Thranduil had said, human women could rarely carry Elvin children. His sister-in-law, had been pregnant eight times, but had only had one child. Elrond recalled that she had been so ill during that pregnancy that she had been unable to leave her chamber during the entire time. She had grown so weak that it was eventually the death of her. He had hoped rather than saw that Estel was getting better. He didn't know if he could stand to loose his Estel.  
  
"Is there any time of day that you feel better or worse?" He had to find some pattern in it, some way to help his child survive.  
  
"Not really. Sometimes it is worse in the mornings, sometimes in the afternoons. But I usually can't hold dinner down very long. Ada, I don't want to go out there tonight. I still feel very ill and I don't' want to make a bigger fool out of myself than I already have."  
  
"I know, but you really need to be there, at least at the beginning. I'll tell you what. Just pretend to eat and I promise I won't bother you about actually eating. And if you start to feel like you are going to faint or be ill, let me know and I will excuse you immediately." Elrond gave Estel and encouraging smile as he began to braid his hair.  
  
"Ok, Ada. For you. But can I sleep in late tomorrow?"  
  
"Of course, as late as you want."  
  
Estel reluctantly shuffled back to his room to get dressed. He selected all black with a green tunic. He knew that most of the elves would be dressed in bright colours to celebrate the summer, but he didn't feel bright or like celebrating. He felt nervous and unhappy. As he got ready for dinner he brewed another cup of tea in hopes he could keep it down long enough to help his stomach. He had eaten nothing all day except the crackers Glorfindel had given him, and he was hungry. But he was also terribly nauseas at the same time. It was a decidedly unpleasant feeling.  
  
Far sooner than he would have hoped, he heard his father and brothers head down to the formal dining room. Estel downed his entire cup of tea in one swallow and burned his tongue in the process. Then he looped his belt loosely around his waist. He took a few deep breaths trying to dispel his body's nature rebellion from having pressure on his belly.  
  
Once Estel got his stomach calmed down, she quietly walked towards the dining room. He paused at the front the private chambers and watched the servants scurry around putting finishing touches on place settings. They all wore a salmon-pink coloured tunic, the shade of which made Estel ill. He stood in the door way for a moment covering his eyes. He didn't hear Legolas come up behind him.  
  
"Why are you just standing here, love?" Legolas had slipped a hand under Estel's hair so he could lightly rub his back.  
  
"It is making me sick."  
  
"What is making you sick?"  
  
"Pink."  
  
"Pink?"  
  
"Yes, pink, the colour of the staffs' tunics." Estel was getting aggravated with his own weakness.  
  
"Honey, a colour can't make you sick." Legolas thought that was the dumbest thing he had ever heard, but he could see Estel's discomfort for himself.  
  
"Well, it just does." Estel snapped in irritation.  
  
"Ok." Legolas did not recoil or even move his hand from Estel's back. He was becoming more and more used to Estel's moods.  
  
Estel finally uncovered his eyes and looked up at Legolas. Rather than anger or disappointment he saw love and acceptance. He felt terrible for snapping at his best friend, but sometimes, like now, he couldn't help it. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean snap."  
  
"It's fine. No harm done." Estel moved over and rested his forehead against Legolas's chest. Legolas wrapped both arms around him and gave him a much needed hug. Estel felt better just for the brief contact with the elf. He finally snaked his arms around Legolas and hugged him back.  
  
Finally almost everyone had arrived so they were forced out into the dining room. Estel took his seat as fast as he could because he didn't' want any of the Mirkwood Royal guards to see his belly. Many of them were his friends and he just couldn't stand the embarrassment right now. His seat was between Elrond and Thranduil. He could feel his leg start to bounce with nerves, he tried to stop it.  
  
Estel never liked these formal dinners. They were always so loud and stuffy and made him feel claustrophobic. This one was no different. It was hot in the hall, even though Elrond had ordered every window opened to its fullest. Partially because he wanted the room to be cooler for the human, and partially to help dissipate some of the food smells. He understood his son's canine like nose made him very sensitive. Right now the only thing that Estel could smell clearly, was the rainstorm brewing outside.  
  
Estel was fine during the first two courses. As he promised Elrond, he sat quietly and pretended to eat what was given to him. In reality he just made a game of drawing pictures with his food. If he thought about them like paints rather than food, they didn't make him feel quite so queasy. He had managed to choke down a few bites of potato though.  
  
It hadn't been bad so far. Thranduil had only talked to him once. The king had questioned by he drank lemonade while everyone else had wine. Estel had simply answered. "Any type of alcohol makes me feel sick. I can't stand the taste or the smell." Thranduil had almost smiled at that. His lady wife had been the same way when she was pregnant with Legolas.  
  
The problem occurred when the main course arrived. The servants came and cleared away the dishes from the second course, and one smiled at Estel understanding why he hadn't eaten a bite from his plate. She had covertly patted him on the back as she took his plate. Estel began to think that he might survive after all until it hit him. That smell, that rancid, sweet, carrion like smell: rabbit. He vaguely heard Thranduil telling everyone that the MIrkwood guard had caught them and his own chef prepared the special dish, the princes favourite. Estel groaned trying to get Elrond's attention.  
  
Because of the number of people present, the high table had to be pushed against a wall, Estel could not leave until either Elrond, or five people to his right got up. Estel put his napkin over his mouth and tried again to get his father's attention. Just about the time that Elrond questioned Thranduil what the dish was, Estel muttered, "oh gods, rabbit." This all occurred a split second before Estel leaned over and vomited on the floor, hitting the side of Thranduil's robes.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry." Estel immediately apologized as soon as he was able. He covered his mouth his napkin again, trying to block the smell out again. Thranduil just glared at him with cold blue eyes filled with rage.  
  
"You stupid, useless human." Thranduil roared and then smacked Estel soundly across his left cheek. The blow knocked him out of his chair onto the floor between him and Elrond. Everyone in Estel's family rose at once to advance on the king, but Estel would not allow that to happen.  
  
"Don't worry, I am alright. I deserved that." Estel got off of the floor and sat back down, using his napkin to blot at the cut on his cheek. He prayed his voice didn't sound as shaky as he felt. He could hear thunder rumble outside and rain begin to pound the ground. It disturbed Estel that he could hear anything outside because that meant the groom was dead quiet and everyone was looking at him. He could feel his face blanch. He wanted to run away as fast as he could, but he knew that he couldn't.  
  
"Yes, you did. You have ruined my robes. I hope you are happy." Thranduil's angry tone drew his attention.  
  
"I am sorry, sir."  
  
"Sir?!? You peon, I am no sir. It is your majesty. I thought Elrond would have taught you better." Estel felt his eyes burn with shame. He hadn't mean to get sick.  
  
"I am sorry," Before Estel could finish what he was saying, Elrond interrupted. He would not allow is child to be treated like this while he still drew breath.  
  
"Yes, yes. Everyone here knows you rank. We tend not to stand on formality. You do not hear anyone address me as High King." Elrond calculated the comment to sting he knew Thranduil hated being reminded that if Elrond chose, he would be the high king of the Noldor as the heir of Gil- Galad and through his own family. But Elrond was not done yet. "Nor do you hear anyone refer to Glorfindel as lord of the House of the GoldenFlower." That was a direct hit. Glorfindel's house had been second only to the royal house of Gondolin.  
  
Thranduil fumed silently as the dinner was served and the mess cleaned up. After a few minutes, Elrond turned to Estel and whispered. "Why don't you go lie down? You look worn out."  
  
"Thank you." Estel slipped out of the hall and then ran down the hallway.  
  
He tried to go to his room, but he could still smell the rabbit in their. He quickly changed is clothes and tied his hair back, just in case the smell had sunk in, and went to the covered balcony at the far end of the house. The wind and rain whipped around him mixing with his tears. He sometimes wondered how Elrond dealt with having so much power. If it had been him, he didn't know if he would be able to fight the urge to call the river and drown that self-righteous king.  
  
Estel sat on the balcony tucked away from the rain for several hours. Finally Legolas approached him.  
  
"There you are, I have been looking all over for you. Why aren't you in bed? It is late." Legolas sat down beside Estel on the bench.  
  
"I can still smell the cooking rabbit. It is windy enough out here that I can't." Estel sniffled. He hadn't even realized he was still crying.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Besides, I didn't want to see anyone." Estel mentally smacked himself. He didn't mean Legolas.  
  
"I will leave you alone then. I just wanted to make sure you were alright." Legolas stood stiffly to leave.  
  
"I didn't mean it like that. Please stay." Legolas sat back down  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
"Just dandy." Estel could feel tears start to work their way down his face again. Legolas wiped one away.  
  
"It will be ok, love."  
  
"No it won't."  
  
"It will, everything will be ok."  
  
"Stop saying that!" Estel angrily said as he batted Legolas's hand away from his face. "It is not ok and it is not going to be ok. I just tossed my cookies on your father in the middle of dinner. How could things possibly be ok?" Estel dropped his head. The movement made his cheek hurt. He could tell he would have a nasty bruise by morning.  
  
"I know that it seems bad, but it really isn't. I explained to him about how rabbit always makes you sick. He understands. He just didn't know. Legolas again reached out and this time Estel allowed himself to be touched.  
  
"How am I supposed to look him in the eye? I ran out of the room crying this morning, and now throw up on him. He is never going to accept me." Estel looked down. Silently thinking "or my daughter either." Legolas didn't know what to say.  
  
A short time later, Estel unfolded himself from the bench.  
  
"Where are your going?" Legolas was worried about Estel. He hadn't seen him this unhappy in weeks.  
  
"To go throw up." Estel sniffled again. "I'll see you in the morning." Estel left a worried elf watching the storm rage.  
  
TBC 


	10. Damnation part 1

A/N Hey, sorry for the long lag between updates, but I have been unwell. There are few things that make you want to write less than being 8 months pregnant in 98-degree weather and still suffering from morning sickness. Though it actually makes me feel better to torture Estel. But anyway, here is a nice long post to keep you entertained until I finish the next section.  
  
Thanks to everyone that reviewed. I am still looking for a good name for their daughter if anyone has any suggestions. I have one possible name from a reader, but I would like more.  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.  
  
ESTEL/ESTELLE  
  
Estel lightly hugged his pillow to his chest as he sat up in bed to watch the sunrise. The dawn was hazy with promise of hot muggy day. The storm had raged until the wee hours of the morning and had contributed to Estel's wakeful condition. He had grown to hate storms over his time in Rivendell. He always associated them with his Elrond's anger.  
  
Estel felt his stomach growl and curled more tightly around it. He had been up sick half of the night, but had started to feel better over the last few hours. Now he was hungry and needed to eat while he could. But he didn't feel like getting out of bed. Instead he hugged the pillow more tightly to him and continued to watch the sky. He was exhausted and wanted to lie down and sleep, but his back hurt too much. He had been forced to spend the entire night either on his back or on his right side. The bruise and cut on the left side of his face pained him too much to put pressure on. He rubbed at his cheek just below his eye to feel where Thranduil had smacked him last night. He hadn't looked at it in a few hours, but he knew it had turned purple and darkened into an ugly bruise.  
  
He tried not to think about the bruise because if he though about the bruise he would be forced to think about what a fool he had made of himself last night. Estel groaned both in embarrassment and discomfort as his stomach gave another rubble. He needed to get something to eat soon or he would start to feel sick again. Not liking that idea, Estel crawled out of bed quickly steadying himself on the side table. Lack of food had made him lightheaded.  
  
Once the room quite spinning, Estel stole down to the kitchen without even changing out of his sleeping clothes. It was just barely past dawn and he assumed no one would be up and moving yet this morning. After the late night that was had last night, he doubted even the servants would be about yet.  
  
Estel stopped at the threshold of the kitchen. When he had been very young and just come to Rivendell, he had learned that Lord Elrond did not like anyone in the kitchen between mealtimes. Especially a dirty four year old. Estel remembered the Elf Lord's displeasure, even to this day sixteen years later. Plus he was worried about going into the very birthplace of food odors. A fearful thought of the rabbit still being present in the kitchen nearly sent him running back for his room, but then his stomach gave another insistent rumble followed by a light wave of nausea. He stood for a few moments longer in total indecision.  
  
Finally he moved forward to the door and pressed his forehead against it. He knew he needed to go in there and find some food, but he could already smell the leftovers from last night's feast. He almost whimpered at the idea of having to face the smell of rabbit mixed with the pine scented cleaner the elves used to keep the kitchen clean. But before he could make a final decision as to what to do, the door he was leaning against was quickly forced open smacking him in the face and almost knocking him down.  
  
"Ow." Estel yelped as he grabbed his nose. He could not yet tell if it was bleeding, but the door had hit hard enough to make his cheek start throbbing even worse.  
  
"Estel, I am so sorry. Are you alright?" The head of the kitchen staff, and the fattest elf in Imladris said. He had not known the young human was on the other side of the door. He could not imagine why anyone but him would be up at this hour, much less the young one who seemed to spend so much of his time sleeping.  
  
"I'm ok." Estel's muffled reply came from behind his hands. He had not moved them from his nose and cheek yet.  
  
"Mercy, Estel, what are you doing up at this hour?" And why are you hiding behind doors?" The elf took a good look at the Ranger and noticed the large ugly bruise on his left cheek. It was so swollen that the human's eye was nearly forced shut by it. "Gracious, I didn't do that did I?" He reached out to touch the damaged area.  
  
"No." Estel jerked away not wanting anyone to touch his face. Now that he was standing and talking the movement made his whole face hurt. "You did nothing more than bump me in the nose." Estel tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace because his face hurt so much.  
  
"Fair enough. But that doesn't explain why you are up so early."  
  
"I was hungry." Estel suddenly felt very self-conscious. If there was one thing Elrond didn't like even more than going into the kitchen between meal times, it was bothering his staff between meal times.  
  
"Well come in and let me fix you something. You need to eat, you are skin and bones." The elf began to lead the human back towards the kitchen when Estel stopped again at the threshold. "What is it?"  
  
"It's just." Estel didn't know what to say to not insult the elf. But, he knew the smell would make him ill if he got any closer.  
  
"It's just what?"  
  
Estel thought he would try another excuse. "Ada always said we weren't allowed in the kitchen between meals."  
  
"Oh, that is an old rule that I asked him to put in place to protect me from his twin hellions many years ago. Those two would come running into the kitchen with frogs and snakes wanting to put their grubby hands on the fine dishes. I threatened to quit unless the Lord did something about it." The portly elf chuckled.  
  
Estel still refused to move. He had no choice now but to tell the truth. "It's just the smell."  
  
"What smell?"  
  
"It's nothing bad." Estel quickly said trying to spare the elf's feelings. "But with my nose, even good smell make me feel sick." Estel added with shame.  
  
"Oh, I see. Well what would you like, I shall bring it out to you?"  
  
"You don't have to do that." Estel felt guilty, but grateful none the less.  
  
"Never you mind about that, young one. You need to eat and keep your strength up for that little one of yours." Estel was used to people telling him he needed to eat. Even he could tell that he had lost a tremendous amount of weight, but he felt his eyes open in shock as he realized what the chef had just said.  
  
"How did you know?"  
  
Again the large elf chuckled. "It doesn't take a seer, Estel. I have been around long enough to know the signs of a woman when she is with child. And besides, even though you try to hide it with baggy clothes, you can still see your belly." The elf gently reached down and touched Estel's stomach, resting his hand for a moment on the bulge just under his ribcage. "Now what did you want to eat?"  
  
"Crackers" Estel squeaked, too shocked to say anything else.  
  
"I think we are out, but I will see what I can find." With that the elf left for the kitchen and Estel sank into a chair holding his tummy. He hadn't realized that anyone could tell he was pregnant yet. And now they could. He dropped his head onto the table. He was not ready for this.  
  
A short time later the elf returned with a plate full of cookies, each with a dollop of peanut butter and a banana slice on it, and a glass of milk. "Here you go, Estel. I guess I have to bake more crackers and waybread today."  
  
Estel smiled at the yummy looking cookies. For some reason whenever he did feel like eating, all he wanted was peanut butter or potatoes. The chef must have noticed this. "Thank you so much." Estel could feel tears come to his eyes.  
  
"Now hurry off, Estel. My staff will be here soon to start breakfast. And I don't want your no good brothers to see that I let you eat between meals or they will forever be hounding me for snacks again." Estel rose to leave, but when he reached the door, he turned at the sound of the chef's voice again. "Estel, if you are ever hungry at anytime, feel free to come in the kitchen or ask someone to get you something. We all want you and your baby to be healthy and we promise not to tell your father." The elf winked as he turned back into the kitchen.  
  
Estel made his way to the terrace he sat on last night. It was in the farthest western wing of the house between Elrond's study and his chambers. It was usually very quiet, but more importantly, it was the farthest away from the kitchen and its smells. He rounded the corner lost in thought and was startled nearly to the point of dropping his food by the Lord of Imladris. Estel had not expected to see anyone, especially his father. He hoped he wouldn't get in trouble for snacking in between meals.  
  
"Good morning, Estel. I thought you were going to sleep in this morning?" The elflord raised an elegant eyebrow.  
  
"I was, but I couldn't sleep. I got hungry." Estel noticed that the lord was still in his robes from last night. He stood uncertainly by the entrance. He didn't want to disturb his father, but he didn't want to go back to his room either. He refused to bring any food other than crackers into his room for fear the scent would linger. He shuffled his bare feet with indecision.  
  
"Would you like to join me?" Elrond looked at his child. In truth, in the young Ranger looked exhausted and ill in the pale morning light. He had dark circles under his eyes and the left side of his face was black and blue from Thranduil's slap.  
  
Estel attempted to smile before he remembered that it hurt. He ended up with more of a lopsided grimace. But he sat down on a bench and tucked his legs under him taking a sip of milk. He then took a cookie and pealed off the banana eating it. Then he licked the peanut butter off, finally discarding the cookie.  
  
Elrond watched with a smile on is face. He would never understand why Estel had to dismantle food before he could eat it. No matter what it was, he would inevitably pull at least some of it apart into its component pieces and eat the pieces separately. It was just one of the quirky little quirks that he had come to love about his son.  
  
Estel finally seemed to notice the scrutiny and looked up. "Do you want one, Ada?" Elrond sat down beside his son and took one of the cookies. He had to admit the combination was quite good.  
  
"Did you make these yourself?"  
  
"No, the chef made them for me. I didn't ask him, honest. I wouldn't have gone to the kitchen before breakfast except I was so hungry I was starting to feel sick. I promise, I won't do it again." Estel had stopped eating and looked at his father. He felt slightly afraid and he had no idea where it had come from. He knew Elrond would never hurt him.  
  
Elrond seemed to sense the fear and smiled at his son. "That is alright, Estel. I do not mind you eating between meals. I want you to eat whenever you are hungry. You are far too skinny for you own good."  
  
Estel finally ate a cookie and grimaced in pain as the pressure of biting into the cookie shot pain all the way up to his temple. His cheek throbbed mercilessly.  
  
"Does you face pain you that much?" Elrond looked on with concern at his son. He lightly ran his hand across Estel's cheek and his healing sense already told him there was a small break in Estel's cheekbone. He cursed Thranduil to the deepest pit's of Morgoth.  
  
"It's a little sore I guess." Estel tried to calm his breathing. The last thing he wanted to do was start another fight between the elf lord and the elf king.  
  
"Why don't you stick to the softer foods on the plate and when you are done eating I will look at your cheek?"  
  
"Ok."  
  
"Then, you go back to bed for the rest of the morning." At the mention of bed, Estel couldn't stop himself from yawning. Elrond smiled and took one of the discarded cookies. Though his anger had been great over what had transpired last night, in the morning light maybe things weren't so bad after all.  
  
Two weeks later Elrond sat at the table nervously looking at Thranduil. The elf king had a sour look on his fair face as he tapped his fingers on the table. Breakfast should have been served ten minutes ago, but they were all waiting for Estel too appear. This was the third time in the last two weeks that the young Ranger had been late for breakfast. Elrond didn't blame him, he still needed a great deal of sleep and often felt unwell in the mornings. The others generally had no problems waiting for him, but Thranduil was a different story. Elrond could sympathize, Thranduil was a king and therefore used to having his own way. It must be annoying to be forced to live in someone else's house where they give the orders, especially a half elf.  
  
Thranduil had stated plainly that he was staying until the birth. The arrogant woodelf hadn't even waited for an invitation. He had just proclaimed it. Well, Elrond would not be the rude one and kick him out no matter how much he may have wanted to. The king said that it was imperative that he remain to see that all the proper procedures were safeguarded if this child was to be accepted into the royal house of Mirkwood. What procedures Elrond had no idea, given normal Mirkwood customs he probably wanted Estel to give birth squatting in a field, bathed in deer's blood, biting on a old discarded bow. Then they would dance around a bonfire wearing pieces of the afterbirth.  
  
Elrond's musings were interrupted by the choked sounds of Glorfindel trying to stifle his laughs. He should have known that the blonde would be eavesdropping on his thoughts. The two had been friends for so long they shared a very strong psychic bond, stronger in fact, than the one Elrond had with his children.  
  
Elrond looked at his best friend and felt himself start to chuckle. He knew he had to leave before he dissolved into a very unsightly laughing fit. "I think I will go see what is keeping Estel. Elladan, order breakfast to be served." Elrond gasped out as he all but ran from the room.  
  
However, not before he heard Glorfindel yell. "And I will go see if I can find an old bow no one is using." Both elves could no longer fight the laughter and the halls echoed with it.  
  
"Those two will never change." Thranduil groused. In truth he envied the close friendship Elrond and the blonde had. He had no such friends. He had to admit that he was very happy that Legolas had found a friend to be that close with, he only wished it were not Estel. He had feared for many years that his son would forever be lonely because he was very shy, but he now seemed to be very happy around the twins and the human.  
  
Speaking of his son, Thranduil spared a look at Legolas. He was perfectly dressed and seated, but looked very dark and worried. He also looked like he wanted to say something, but stopped himself. Thranduil leaned over and questioned him. "Why are you frowning so, my little Greenleaf?"  
  
"Estel is unwell. I can feel it."  
  
"Do not worry, from what I have seen, he is always unwell." Thranduil placed a hand on his son's leg. Legolas gave him a small smile. Before anything could be said the four remaining at the table heard another burst of laughter from Elrond and Glorfindel. "Will those two never grow up?" Thranduil rolled his eyes good naturedly trying to cheer his son.  
  
"What do you mean?" One of the twins asked him. Thranduil didn't know which one, he could never keep them straight.  
  
"For as long as I have known your father and the Barlog-slayer, they have acted like elflings." All eyes at the table were now fixed on him. All of the younger elves were shocked to hear someone say something like that about the powerful Lord Elrond and the Great Lord Glorfindel. But they were also very curious because few ever told stories about what the two were like in earlier years. So Thranduil launched into a story about the first time he ever met the two.  
  
Upstairs, Elrond knocked on Estel's door, his keen elvin hearing already picking up the sounds of one being ill from inside. He pushed to door open and went to his child. Estel knelt on the floor in front of the privy vomiting and trying to hold his freshly washed, but completely unbound, hair. Elrond gathered the wet strands in his hand and spoke soothingly to his child. He noticed that Estel only had on is breeches and shirt, everything else was still sitting on the side of the chase lounge in his bathing room. The lounge had been moved into Estel's bathing rooms so that he would have somewhere more comfortable than the floor to lie on when he felt ill.  
  
When Estel was finished, he sat back on his heels and looked up at his father. "Am I late for breakfast again?" He hadn't meant to be late. He knew how angry it made Thranduil and he was trying everything he could to make the king like him better. He rose quickly, looking around for the rest of his clothes. However, the room began to spin and he stumbled. Elrond steadied him before leading him over to the chase lounge.  
  
"Yes, you are late but it is of little matter. Are you feeling better?" Elrond smiled kindly at his child, while tucking a lock of hair behind Estel's ear.  
  
"I guess." Estel tried to reach for his outer tunic, which was located behind Elrond. The elf simply raised an inquisitive eyebrow at the Ranger.  
  
"Really?" Elrond held the tunic out of reach.  
  
"Ok, not really." Estel hung his head and rubbed his hand up and down on his belly.  
  
"Then I want you to go back to bed for a few more hours." Elrond helped Estel stand and led him back to the bed.  
  
"But."  
  
"But what, Estel? You are ill and need to rest." He pulled the covers back so Estel could slip back under them. "Now, try and rest. I will have some tea sent up for you in a bit. I want you to drink all of it. The tea does no good for you if you only drink a few sips." The elf lord smiled again at his child. To his eyes Estel looked so young and vulnerable, not nearly old enough to be a parent himself. He remembered when Estel had been very young and would not go to bed until Elrond told him a story. He missed that cuddly little boy. He bore little resemblance to the thin, unhappy woman who looked at him now. "And if you are very good and are able to eat something later, I will come and entertain you with tales later."  
  
Estel's eyes lit up. It had been a long time since Elrond had told him stories. It had been a long time since he and his father had spent any time alone together unless he was too ill to move and needed Elrond to take care of him. He knew conceptually that Elrond was not angry with him for getting pregnant, but in his heart he still feared that his father was disappointed with him. "That would be wonderful, Ada. Thank you."  
  
Elrond smoothed Estel's hair back and kissed him on the forehead. "Now, get some rest." Elrond closed the door behind him.  
  
It wasn't much past the time that Elrond closed the door that Estel was fast asleep. He hated being so tired all of the time. He tended to sleep between ten to twelve hours a day as opposed to the elves, who only slept two to three. But it was still better than his first few months of pregnancy where he slept around fifteen hours a day.  
  
Estel spent much of the morning in bed before Elrond would allow him to get up. By lunch he felt much better, and even went to the table to eat with everyone else. Thranduil was completely disgusted in Estel's choice of lunches. The young Ranger chose to eat a peanut butter and cheddar cheese sandwich. Elrohir decided that he would try a bite of it because he was convinced that there was no way it was edible. It tasted so bad that the twin was unable to swallow it. But Estel seemed to enjoy it, which was good enough for the family.  
  
By dinnertime, Estel was not hungry but decided to go anyway. He just played with the fish and side dished on his plate until his father turned to him. "Is there something wrong with your dinner?"  
  
"No, sir." Estel yelped. He hadn't realized anyone was paying attention to him.  
  
"Are you feeling sick again, love?" Legolas asked from across the table.  
  
"No, not really. I just don't feel like eating this." Estel pushed a piece of fish across his plate.  
  
"What do you feel like eating? We can have the cooks prepare it." Elrond asked. He had learned that trying to force Estel to eat something he didn't want would only result in the young human being ill later.  
  
"I don't know. The idea of eating anything is just blechk." Estel stuck his tongue out for emphases. "I guess maybe I should just go to bed." He looked to his father for permission to leave the table.  
  
"Oh Estel, don't leave yet. I had the chef's make chocolate ice cream for you." Legolas said.  
  
"Ice cream, really?" Legolas shook his head yes in response to Estel's question.  
  
"If you would eat that, I will have the chef's bring it immediately." Said Elrond from the head of the table.  
  
"Yes, that sounds wonderful." Estel could just imagine the sweet, sweet ice cream.  
  
Soon the servants set a bowl of it in front of the young human, and he spooned some into his mouth. It was just as good as he thought it would be. He enjoyed it thoroughly. But before he could enjoy anymore of it, Thranduil spoke up.  
  
"Elrond, I cannot believe that you are spoiling it, by letting it eat whatever it wants when ever it wants. Have you no sense of discipline in this house? It will end up as big as a horse if you let it keep eating like this. Why not make it eat food that is good for it and its child?" Thranduil could not believe the way they spoiled the Ranger. Letting him have dessert before he even ate more than a bite of his dinner. It was ridiculous.  
  
Elrond grit his teeth so that he didn't yell at the king. He hated the way Thranduil refused to refer to Estel by his name. The woodelf always called Estel "it." But worse than that, was that Estel had put his spoon down and pushed his bowl away from him. Elrond could see tears glistening in the silver eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Well you should be. You are a spoiled brat. Legolas learned to eat what was put in front of him whether he liked it or not. Obviously Elrond did not teach that lesson to his children." Thranduil snapped at Estel. Estel just hung his head and looked at his hands.  
  
After a while, Estel turned to Elrond. "Ada, may I be excused?" He felt like he was about to start crying and he wanted to leave first.  
  
"Do you not want to finish your ice cream?" Elrond hoped he could coax his child into eating a bit more. But Estel just shook his head "no." "Ok, then you may go."  
  
Estel made to leave the table when Thranduil again spoke up. "NO, my son had the cooks make this for you especially and you skipped your dinner for it, so now you should eat it." Thranduil thrust the bowl of melting ice cream back at the Ranger. "Eat it."  
  
"I'm not really hungry any more." Estel avoided looking at the food. Everyone else at the table recognized the look on Estel's face. They all had learned that meant the Ranger was feeling sick and not to push him to eat.  
  
"I didn't ask if you were hungry, I said to eat it." Thranduil handed the spoon to Estel and glared. Estel wanted to make the king happy, but he knew he couldn't hold it down if he ate it, especially the whole bowl.  
  
"Estel, you don't have to eat any of it if you feel ill." Elrond said. He was at the end of his patience with the king was barely holding on to his politeness. He was just glad Glorfindel had chose to eat dinner with the guard rather than the family.  
  
Estel could see the two powerful elves lock eyes with each other and new that a fight would breakout soon if he didn't do something. So he picked up the bowl and began to spoon the ice cream into his mouth. It now tasted like clay to him. It was hard to force it past the lump in his throat, but he knew he had to or there would be trouble.  
  
He made it half way through the bowl before he could feel it trying to come back up. He managed to swallow it back down and turned to his father again. "Ada, can I be excused?"  
  
"Of course. I will come check on you later." Elrond could not miss the way his child kept licking his lips and swallowing. But at least Thranduil looked somewhat appeased.  
  
Estel barely made it to his washroom before he was violently ill. It was still cold when it came back up. He was so lost in his misery he didn't even look to see who it was that had come in and started rubbing soothing circles on his back. But he could tell that their touch both relaxed and strengthened him.  
  
When he was finally finished the person handed him a glass of mint water to rinse his mouth out, and even helped to steady the glass in Estel's shaking hands. Estel then felt himself enveloped in strong arms and pulled back against a warm chest. They wiped away his tears and hummed softly to him. It was then finally realized it was Legolas that had come to help him. The blond elf stroked Estel's hair back from his face and placed a few gentle kisses on his brow.  
  
"I don't think I like chocolate ice cream anymore." Estel said shakily.  
  
"I don't suppose that you would." Legolas smiled.  
  
"Isn't your father going to be angry with you for leaving the table?" Estel was starting to feel sleepy.  
  
"He doesn't know that I left. Elrond asked to have a word with him and the two left the room. I suspect they didn't want us to see them arguing." Legolas could feel Estel relaxing against him.  
  
"I think I need to go to bed." Estel tried to find the energy to get up, but it just wasn't there. Legolas seemed to sense this and just lifted Estel up and carried him to bed. It worried him greatly how light his friend felt. Estel was nearly asleep by the time Legolas had gotten him changed into his pajamas, so Legolas gave him one final kiss on the forehead and drew the shade before leaving the human to sleep through the night.  
  
Down the hall in Elrond's study things were not so peaceful. Elrond had requested that Thranduil join him here immediately after Estel had left the table. He needed to find a way to make the king understand that he was not going to be allowed to treat Estel that way. In the back of his mind he remembered that he should try and be politic about it, but his paternal protectiveness was getting the best of him.  
  
Once the door was closed Elrond turned to Thranduil. "Don't you ever talk to Estel like that again."  
  
'I am not suppose to tell him my opinion?"  
  
"Not when it involves his eating habits." Elrond took a deep breath hoping to calm himself. "Thranduil, Estel has been hyperemetic since the very beginning of his pregnancy. It is imperative that we let him eat whatever he wants when ever he wants just so that he can have enough energy to survive and keep the pregnancy viable."  
  
"We are not all healers, speak plainly." Thranduil was annoyed that Elrond was using medical terms that he didn't understand. His father had not found it important that he learn the healing arts. Apparently, at least one of the many elves that had acted as Elrond's guardian when he was young, had different ideas.  
  
"It means, that he has been very ill since around the fifth week of his pregnancy. Some days, he vomits so much that he cannot hold down water and is too ill to get out of bed. For months now it has been a struggle to get him to eat at all, much less two meals in one day. It doesn't matter what he eats, just that he eats. I would much prefer that he ate fish and chicken and vegetables every meal that it was served, but he cannot. I will be happy with him eating peanut butter and cookies if that is what he is able to hold down. If he does not eat or is not able to hold down enough food, there is a very real possibility that he could loose the baby, even now."  
  
"Really." Thranduil found this all to be very interesting. Maybe he could take care of this situation after all.  
  
"Please, just promise me that you will leave him alone when it comes to what, when, and how much of something that he chooses to eat."  
  
"Very well, Half elf." Thranduil turned and left in a flurry of robes. He had much work to do.  
  
Three weeks later Estel relaxed in the sun under a large tree. On his lap he held a large tome about the history of Mirkwood. Two weeks ago he had gone the Thranduil and asked to be tutored in the history of the Woodland realm. He knew that the king was very knowledgeable on the subject, so he decided to take a chance. Thranduil had agreed to teach him and so they had lessons in the morning and then Estel read for the next day in the afternoon. He was at least three lessons ahead in reading, but it was of little consequence because he found it interesting.  
  
So engrossed in his reading was Estel, that he did not notice the elf watching him. Legolas stood in he shadows looking at the Ranger. The two had barely spoken at all since Thranduil arrived five weeks ago and he missed his best friend. Thranduil was with Elrond discussing matters that Legolas wanted nothing to do with so now was his chance to snatch some time with Estel.  
  
Decision made, Legolas stalked up soundlessly through the trees until he was a few feet above the human. Then he dropped down beside him. Estel barely seemed startled.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Hi, what are you reading?" Legolas tried to see over Estel's shoulder from his seat directly beside the human.  
  
"A history of the early days of Mirkwood. Very interesting." Estel tried to hide his smile. He knew Legolas would not be ignored for a "stuffy old book" as he called them.  
  
"Why do you want to read that when the day is so beautiful? You should be out enjoying it."  
  
"I am out enjoying it. Besides, your father told me to read it."  
  
"Sitting under a tree reading a book is not enjoying the day. You should be out on the fields practicing archery or swords." Legolas tried to take the book from Estel. Estel just turned slightly so the book was out of Legolas's reach.  
  
"If you haven't noticed, my friend, I am not in any shape to practice swords." Estel touched his stomach. "Nor do I feel like being laughed at by the Mirkwood guard who have taken up residence on our archery fields." Estel flipped the page even though he hadn't actually read it. 'I think I shall just stay here and read for the afternoon."  
  
Legolas was becoming annoyed with Estel's lack of interest in his presence. He flopped his head in Estel's lap fanning his hair out to cover the pages of the book. Estel looked down at him in question. Legolas smiled at the Ranger and Estel finally smiled back. Legolas had almost forgotten how pretty Estel's smile was. After all, it had been over a month since he had seen the young human smile.  
  
Legolas sat up slightly and kissed Estel on the tip of the nose. Estel smiled even brighter and kissed Legolas on the lips. Legolas returned the peck not expecting it to go any further, but to his surprise and great joy, Estel deepened the kiss. Estel's hair fell forward blocking their kiss from view of prying eyes, but Legolas was developing a rather embarrassing bulge in his leggings.  
  
Finally Legolas broke away, sat up, and looked at the Ranger. Estel blushed. "Did I do something wrong?" Estel asked.  
  
"No." Legolas continued to stare at the Estel, his mind racing to try and figure out where they could go to be alone. Then he remembered the small cave not far from there that the two of them had sat out the spring storm. "Take a walk with me."  
  
Estel stood and followed Legolas, grasping the hand the elf held out for him. He led them to a small cave that Estel remembered well. Legolas settled the two of them on the floor, using Estel's cloak as a bed and his for covers. Now it was Estel's turn to stare at him. Legolas reached for him and he melted into the touch. He had been wanting this for weeks now, to the point where it had almost become a physical pain. It wasn't just the sex, but that was nice too, it was Legolas's touch and presence that he longed for.  
  
Each spot Legolas touched was like being submerged in warm water after a cold day. And when Legolas finally entered him he realized that the elf was his sun. That he would freeze to death without Legolas's touch. The sensation was so intense Estel could almost not bear it. The absolute feeling of completeness of having their entire family together in his body was mind blowing.  
  
When they were finished and collapsed as sweaty heaps under Legolas's cloak, the elf tickled Estel's side and he giggled. Legolas then realized that it had literally been months since he had heard his friend laugh, and he sincerely missed the sound. However, it didn't take long for him to settle into a light doze with Estel cuddled against his chest with one leg still thrown over the elf's hips. Legolas soon began to feel wetness on his chest and noticed that Estel was crying.  
  
"What is wrong Estel?" Legolas tried to look into the human's eyes, but Estel refused to meet them.  
  
"Nothing." Estel sniffled.  
  
"Then why are you crying, sweetheart?" Legolas stroked the Ranger's hair back and kissed his forehead.  
  
"It's just that I am happy to see you. I have missed you." Estel snuggled even closer to the elf as he spoke, still craving the skin on skin contact.  
  
"I missed you to, love. I didn't mean to stay away so long. My father has kept me very busy."  
  
"I know, I guess I was just kind of lonely. I thought maybe I had made you mad or something."  
  
"No, I could never be mad at you. I promise not to stay away so long, if you promise to tell me if you are lonely." Legolas looked down and noticed that Estel was finally looking up at him. The answering smile melted Legolas's heart.  
  
When Legolas got back to the house he made a point of talking to Elrond about Estel's mood. The Half elf had also noticed how down his foster child had been lately. Along with Glorfindel the three devised a picnic by the water falls for the next day to try and cheer up the Ranger.  
  
After the decision was made, Glorfindel left to make arrangements, while Elrond surreptitiously made sure the weather was going to be warm and clear the next day. Legolas was left the job of convincing the Ranger to go. It turned out to be much easier than he had expected. As soon as he had mentioned it to Estel, the human had thrown his arms around Legolas's neck and thanked him for setting up the picnic. He decided not to tell Estel that it was actually Elrond's idea.  
  
So in a good mood and very full of himself, Legolas sought out his father to invite him as well. The outing was supposed to be for family, and Thranduil was family, Legolas's anyway. At first his father seemed reluctant, but he was unable to resist the pleading of his only child for long.  
  
Just after breakfast the next day, Estel, Legolas, Elrond, Glorfindel, the twins, and Thranduil set off towards a steam heated swimming pond near one of the smaller waterfalls. It was little more than an hour's hike, but the weather was beautiful and the forest alive so everyone enjoyed it greatly. Even Thranduil was enjoying himself. He realized that he had been away from his beloved trees for too long and now he reveled in their chatter.  
  
When they finally reached the pool it didn't take long before the twins and Legolas were enjoying a good swim. Even Elrond and Glorfindel stripped down and partook of the warm water. Estel just dangled his feet in saying that because he was as big as a whale he would probably displace too much water. Then he kicked water at Elrohir when he mentioned that even Oliphants liked to bathe in pools. But the younger twin ignored the shower of water because he was just so happy to see Estel's eyes shining again with humour.  
  
Thranduil shunned the pool in favour of perching in a tree above it. Being from a completely landlocked nation, he could never understand the half elf's fascination with water. Thranduil, himself, disliked water greatly and rarely went anywhere near it unless it was in a bath or he had no choice.  
  
While he sat above them all in the tree watching, he turned his attention to Estel. The human did look much happier than Thranduil had seen him since his arrival. His spirit shone through his ridiculously pretty silver eyes and his smile made him look annoyingly radiant, for a human anyway. Thranduil could almost understand what his son saw in the little mortal worm. He also noticed that he could detect a faint glow from his granddaughter as well. Her spirit was now strong enough to be seen if he looked closely, even as she was draining her mother's. He realized if he wanted the human to loose the child he would have to do something soon, before his son became too attached to either. He would hate to see his beloved son, the only reason he still remained in Middle Earth, hurt when his lover died. But that is what would happen if he continued to fall in love with this Ranger.  
  
His plan formed he dropped from the tree just in time to be hit by a shower of water from Glorfindel which had been aimed at Elrond. The dark-haired lord had dropped below the water to avoid it though. The Mirkwood king had to admit he had rarely seen anyone move so well in the water as Elrond. He supposed it had something to do with having grown up always around water but he did not know for sure. Given Elrond's convoluted family tree he was probably related to a mermaid somewhere.  
  
But now was not the time to ponder it, now he had to kill a certain golden- haired elf. "What are you trying to do drown me, you moron?"  
  
Elrond surfaced just in time to hear Thranduil yelling and to see Estel cringe beside him at the sound.  
  
"Nay, you just got in the way. If I wanted to drown you I would take you someplace far more secluded than this, where no one would hear you screaming." Glorfindel smiled back sweetly.  
  
Thranduil wished to say more to the obnoxious Vanyar elf, but took one look at the pleading eyes of his son and again caved in. Instead he turned to Lord Elrond. "Why did you bring your guard dog anyway? I thought this was a family affair."  
  
"Glorfindel is family." Elladan spoke up.  
  
"Yeah, I am their grandmother's cousin."  
  
"You, imp of Morgoth, are about as closely related to them as the Ranger over there. Just because they call you uncle does not make you one." Thranduil enjoyed the hurt expression on Estel's face. It was time for the next insult. "Too bad you are not another adoptive father for Elrond. Then at least Middle Earth would be rid of you, since his fathers never seem to last very long. The kiss of death seems to be being called 'ada' by the half elf." Thranduil mentally considered who would yell at him first. He purposely ignored Legolas. He did not want to see the hurt in his elfling's eyes.  
  
"Ada, can we eat? I am getting hungry." Estel interrupted before anyone could yell at Thranduil. He didn't want this day ruined with fighting. Thranduil enjoyed seeing the spirit seem to bleed out of the young human. He again looked tired and sad. Somewhere, Thranduil could not tell from where, he felt a pang of guilt at making Estel stop smiling. He guessed it was like yelling at a dog. But he did have to admit that Elrond's pet human was frighteningly loyal to the elf lord.  
  
Elrond recognized that Estel was trying to defuse the fight. Part of him wanted to tell the rotten king what he thought of him and then throw him bodily from his valley, but he would not lessen Estel's sacrifice. "Of course, my child. We shall serve lunch right now." In truth it was getting close to lunchtime.  
  
Soon everyone was out of the water and seated on a large blanket to eat. The cooks had sent an enormous amount of food, and even a large hunk of meat still on the bone for Glorfindel's dog. Estel sadly picked at the food on his plate, all appetite gone after the incident with Thranduil earlier. He smiled when someone talked to him or joked with him, but the smile never touched his eyes.  
  
Glorfindel noticed the change in the young human and was determined to do something about it. Picking his target well, he waited until he knew Estel was looking at Elladan and then launched a strawberry straight at the elder twin's face. The fruit exploded on impact, leaving a sticky read trail down Elladan's face. Elladan looked over and Glorfindel innocently pointed at Legolas, who was sitting beside him with a plate full of strawberries. In return Elladan picked up a handful of cooked yams and lobbed them at the prince's face, resulting in a direct hit. It didn't take long before the younger elves and Estel were in a full-fledged food fight. Glorfindel sat back and enjoyed the way Estel cheered up from getting to throw carrots at his brothers.  
  
Finally Elrond was able to end the battle, getting quite messy himself in the process, and everyone settled back down to eat. This time Estel actually ate a bite or two of each type of food on his plate. The elflord guessed it was one of the largest meals the Ranger had eaten in months.  
  
After meals were eaten and food washed out of hair and off faces, Elrond and Glorfindel went exploring to find herbs, while Thranduil again climbed a tree to have a higher vantage point. He watched as Estel leaned back against his son as Legolas lightly massaged the human's back. Elladan and Elrohir seemed to be amusing themselves trying to get rocks to skip across the water.  
  
Estel eventually lied down on the blanket with his head pillowed in Legolas's lap. He gently rubbed his hand up and down on his belly. He started to doze off in the warmth of the day and the warmth of the company when Legolas distracted him.  
  
"Are you feeling unwell?"  
  
"No, why, do I look unwell?" Estel cracked his eyes open to look at the elf.  
  
"No. It is just that you keep rubbing your stomach. I thought perhaps you felt ill."  
  
"Oh, I just do that because it feels good." Estel shrugged. He then felt Legolas's hand begin to rub his belly. The elf used a feather light touch that made Estel giggle. "That just tickles." Thranduil wanted to puke at how cute they were.  
  
The king's ponderings were interrupted by the twins. "Legolas, come with us to the top of the waterfall. The view up there is amazing. There was some quiet discussion between his son and Estel before Legolas dropped a kiss on Estel's forehead and left.  
  
Thranduil watched for a while longer as the human dozed in the sun. But soon the human got up and started to collect the dishes to rinse out. He carried them some ways down stream and Thranduil followed. He found it fitting that the human should be the one cleaning up after the elves. Part of him wished it were Glorfindel doing it just so he could see the mighty Lord of the Golden Flower washing dishes. Thranduil dropped down beside the human startling him badly.  
  
"Did I frighten you, young one?" Thranduil purred as he leaned against a tree trunk.  
  
"Yes. I didn't hear you up there." Estel tried to smile at the elf king. Secretly he had hoped that things had gotten better between them as of late.  
  
"Not surprising." The king mumbled to himself, but out loud he said. "Why are you washing dishes? Surely your brothers would help you when they return."  
  
"Oh, I don't mind. Besides, the smell from the food left on them was starting to make me feel queasy." Estel gave a wan smile to Thranduil.  
  
"Well, we wouldn't want that now would we. You must take better care of your self, dear Estel, you are simply skin and bones. What elf would want to cuddle up to someone as thin as you. It would be like hugging a skeleton, with a big bulbous stomach." Thranduil tilted his head thoughtfully. "I take that back, more like a spider. With a round torso and long thin limbs. I suppose that you remind my son of home." Thranduil was rewarded with the Ranger looking down self-consciously at his belly and blushing.  
  
"Oh, do not act so coy. It is obvious that you and my son have lain together; otherwise you would not be in this state. In fact, I believe most of the Mirkwood guard knows that you two lay together. My son has informed them exactly where you like to be touched and what noised you make. Normally I would not put up with him treating a lady in such a manner, but since you are no lady it is of little consequence. I am more angry with my little Greenleaf for not being more careful when he slept with a whore." Estel looked up at the king with hurt eyes. "Do not look at me like that. What type of person would have sex with a man so quickly? Not a someone of virtue, that is the truth." Estel could feel tears rise in his eyes and again dropped them to the forest floor.  
  
Thranduil saw the tears and reveled in them. "A person like you should not be the type to raise a member of an Elvin Royal family. You will raise the child to have weak morals." Only if Thranduil thought about it, Legolas was far more to blame in this situation than Estel. Estel could not help craving the touch of his child's father, it was only natural, but Estel did not know that. "Yes, I think she will be better off in Mirkwood away from you. We will take her their as soon as she is born. I think it best that you do not see her again after that."  
  
"You can't take her from me." Estel felt fear like he had never felt before at the thought of having his daughter taken from him. But he also felt another type of fear that was so strong and so primal it almost took his breath away. It was the type of fear he felt when he was very young child and went to his mother's room to wake her and she would not answer his call. It surrounded him and made him start to shake.  
  
"Oh yes I can. I am a king, and you are a bastard human that Elrond keeps as a pet. The Elders will never agree to let you keep an Elvin child. The only hope you have would be to tell them who you truly are, and that would mean certain death for her and you." Thranduil smiled evilly at the human and Estel felt another wave of fear nearly drown him. Thranduil of course knew that what he said was mostly untrue. The Elders already knew Estel's identity. Moreover, some of the most powerful among them were either related to Elrond or very close friends of the half elf. They would never side against Elrond, who was the most one of the two most powerful (his mother-in-law Galadriel being the other), but again Estel did not know.  
  
"I know what you are thinking, you will talk to Legolas and he will straighten this whole thing out." Estel had not been thinking that, but it was a good idea. "Well, it won't work. Legolas doesn't care about you. You are nothing more than a broodmare to him. You are a way to spend his time before he marries Elrond's daughter Arwen. Think on it a moment, why would he want you, when he could have the most beautiful elf-maid in centuries? He wouldn't. You are a diversion. He only seeks you out when he wants sex. Or, hadn't you noticed." Thranduil closed in for the kill. "Though I doubt he will want you much longer, the way that you look. My guess is that he will turn again to Elladan's bed or one of his friend's from home and you will be left in the cold. Freezing for his touch. But do not worry, from looking at Glorfindel, Elrond takes good care of his pets." Thranduil began to laugh at Estel's distress as the Ranger ran from the glade he was in. He didn't even pick back up the dishes.  
  
Estel ran back towards the path that would take him home as fast as he could. Tears blurred his vision and he tripped more than once, cutting both his hands and knees. When he made it back to the blankets, Elrond and Glorfindel had returned and were chatting quietly. Thranduil leaned against a tree just off to the side. Estel didn't even wipe the tears from his face before he turned to run home.  
  
Elrond called after his child. "Estel, where are you going in such a hurry?"  
  
"Home." Estel gulped trying to still his tears.  
  
"Why? We were not planning to leave until closer to dark."  
  
"I don't feel well. I want to go lie down." Estel sniffled, but tears still poured down his cheeks.  
  
"Well, wait and we will all go. Or I will return with you if you are feeling ill." Elrond rose to accompany his child.  
  
"No. That is not necessary. I just need to go home. You stay here with the others. I'll go alone." Estel's voice broke on the last word and he turned and ran off again before Elrond could protest. Alone was how he would be for the rest of his life according to Thranduil. Estel had been alone a lot when he was a child. He was the youngest person in Imladris by several hundred years. Consequently he had no one to play with and spent a great deal of time alone. He had hoped as he grew older that he would find someone to spend his time with, be they friend or lover and he had found both in Legolas. Legolas had given him a daughter who would drive away his loneliness. But Legolas didn't love him. Legolas would take his daughter away from him. Estel again felt the irrational fear almost swallow him as he ran back towards the house.  
  
Soon he reached the courtyard winded from running and crying. All the way home he kept thinking on what Thranduil had said. That he would never get to see his daughter. The thought was beyond terrible to him and it literally made him sick as he bent down and vomited in the middle of the courtyard. He felt awful. One reason he tended to eat bland foods, was because they were bland when they came back up. Not so with what he had eaten at lunch.  
  
He felt someone supporting him as he wretched and was glad of it because his knees were beginning to shake. He finally looked up at Erestor's worried face. "Oh Estel, are you going to be alright?"  
  
Estel wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Yes, I just am not feeling sick right now."  
  
"Obviously." Erestor smiled at the human. "I shall have someone clean this up and summon your father."  
  
"No, that is alright. I just need to go my room and rest for a while. I am sorry I stopped you." Estel allowed Erestor to lead him into the house and towards the stairs which lead to his rooms. Erestor was someone Estel had known almost his whole life, but was not very close to. He knew that Elrond considered the rather shy elf to be a very good friend, but Estel had just never warmed to him the way he had to Glorfindel. When Estel was young, Erestor had taught him political theory and mathematics. He supposed that he always associated the elf with those boring subjects and long unpleasant afternoons being cooped up in a study for far more hours than a young boy should be forced to sit still. Erestor was the consummate civil servant and Estel did not doubt that Imladris would fall apart without him, but he was not as kind as Elrond or as charismatic as Glorfindel. Erestor enjoyed going over accounts more than archery practice and Estel had always found that just plain weird.  
  
However, right now Estel didn't care about any of that as he leaned slightly on Elrond's advisor. "Do not trouble yourself about that Estel. I was just on my way to the stable to see if the groom had counted the bags of feed we had left to determine how many we would need. I figure that we can see what we don't need and make a tidy profit." Erestor droned on and on about similar veins and Estel remembered why he never sought out this elf's company.  
  
When they finally reached Estel's room, the human rested his head against the door for a moment and Erestor looked on in concern. "Are you sure you will be well?"  
  
"Yes, I will be fine. This happens all the time. I just need to take a nap. Thank you Erestor. And I really am sorry about the courtyard."  
  
"No harm done. You just rest and feel better. I will see you later." Erestor stood outside of the closed door a moment and worried. He had not missed Estel's red rimmed eyes or the way his voice hitched now and then. He did not doubt that the young human felt ill, but there was clearly something else bothering him. He would discuss it with Elrond when he returned. 


	11. Damnation part 2

Lord Elrond returned to Erestor sitting in his study waiting for him. He guessed that the other elf wanted to make up for lost time by going over some account or other and he sighed. He never had wanted to be a leader. He was much happier being a standard bearer.  
  
"Lord Elrond. Is Estel doing better?" Erestor said by way of a greeting.  
  
"I have not seen him. Why do you ask?"  
  
"I ran into him earlier today, and he was rather unwell."  
  
"Unwell how?"  
  
"He vomited in the courtyard and looked like he had been crying. I could see blood on his hands and on his pants. I normally would not have said anything, but he did not seem at all himself."  
  
"Thank you, I will go check on him directly." Elrond left his study to go and see Estel. Elrond feared the worst when he heard Erestor say he saw blood on his child's pants. Estel was loosing his baby. He had let on to no one but Glorfindel just how real of a possibility that miscarriage still was. Normally the risk dropped dramatically after the first three to four months, but Estel was so weak and malnourished and his daughter needed so much to survive, there was every chance that the human would not be strong enough to keep the elvin child alive. Elrond prayed that it wasn't so.  
  
Elrond reached the room and gently knocked on the door. Estel bade him to enter and he did. He half expected to see the human atop a blood covered bed writhing in pain, instead he saw Estel sitting on the window seat with his legs tucked under him hugging a pillow. There were tears drying on his pale face. Elrond immediately went to him.  
  
"What is troubling you? Erestor said you were unwell." Elrond crouched beside him trying to discern what was troubling his child and where the blood had come from.  
  
"I threw up in the courtyard." Estel would not meet his gaze.  
  
"That does not explain why you are crying." Elrond wiped away a tear that had slipped from his child's eye.  
  
"I am just tired and worried about things." Estel was intentionally vague.  
  
"What things, sweetheart?"  
  
"Just what is going to happen after she is born." Estel ran his hand down his tummy and Elrond saw that he hands were sliced up and still oozing in places.  
  
"Try not to worry about that right now. You need to worry more about staying healthy. It is almost time for dinner. You should get ready." Elrond hoped giving Estel something else to do would make him forget about the future for now.  
  
"I don't want to go to dinner. I feel nauseous." That was not a lie. He had thrown up two more times since he had gotten back to his room.  
  
"Ok, you can stay up here and rest. However, let me see your hands." Elrond sat down on the window seat opposite his son and took one hand in his own.  
  
"It is nothing. Just scratches." Estel looked away. For some reason he was having a hard time looking at the cuts. They made him feel queasy every time he did.  
  
"These are not simply scratches, Estel. Why haven't you cleaned them out? You cannot risk getting an infection now. Do you have any idea what that could do to your daughter?" Elrond stopped talking as soon as he sensed what his words were doing to Estel. The human had started crying again and Elrond could feel self-hatred radiating off him like heat from a fire.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ada. I didn't mean to. I can't do anything right." Estel whimpered. He tried to pull his hand away, but instead Elrond pulled him forward into a warm embrace.  
  
"Do not cry, child. I am not angry with you. I am just concerned. It is unlike you to run off so quickly and to leave wounds untended for so long. I only want to see you happy and well." Elrond soothed his son as he cried. Elrond could sense that something had truly upset his child, but he couldn't tell what it was without probing farther than politeness dictated.  
  
"I tried to clean and bandage them, but looking at them made me sick." Estel sniffled.  
  
"I see, well I will tend them for you." The elf lord cleaned the wounds and bound them neatly causing as little discomfort to Estel as possible. Estel also showed Elrond his knees and the half elf fixed them as well. He supposed that the knee wounds could have accounted for the blood Erestor said was on Estel's pants. He wished his advisor had been more specific. It would have saved him several very unpleasant moments of worry.  
  
When he was finished he rose and gave Estel a quick hug. To his surprise, Estel clung to him like he was a life saver.  
  
"I love you, Ada. Thank you for taking the day off to have a picnic for me." Estel felt tears glisten in his eyes again, but this time for a different reason.  
  
"You are welcome, my child. I love you too. Now get some rest."  
  
After Elrond left, Estel crawled into bed and fell into an exhausted sleep.  
  
Estel woke several hours later, after midnight. He was hungry, thirsty, and had to use the privy. One problem was easily solved. When he was finished in the privy he sat back down in bed. He still felt tired and wished he could go back to sleep, but his stomach again prevented it. He was hungry almost to the point of nausea and he hated that feeling. He knew if he didn't eat something now, he would probably be sick all day tomorrow, but he didn't want to get out of bed.  
  
Unhappy at the prospect of spending the next twenty-four hours lying in bed too hungry to sleep but to sick to eat, he rose and headed for the kitchen. But this time he remembered socks.  
  
When he reached the entrance to the kitchen it was all-quiet. He stood at the door uncertain of whether he would be able to enter. He had done this several times and each time felt more foolish than the last. Usually he was saved by one of the staff showing up and getting him something to eat. But he could hear no one moving about. But luck, or rather a very loving father, was on his side. Estel noticed a covered tray sitting on the sideboard. There was a note on it with his name. It read: "Estel, I thought you might get hungry later so I had the chef leave this for you. Love El." Estel put down the note and uncovered the tray. Under it there was peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk on ice. Estel felt self- doubt surface regarding whether he could ever be as good of a parent as his father.  
  
However, Estel decided that he could eat and ponder at the same time. It was a beautiful night, so he decided to head for the closest terrace to sit outside and eat. As soon as he stepped outside, He heard a voice that had haunted his dreams for the last several hours. Behind Estel stood Thranduil holding a bottle of brandy and swaying slightly on his feet.  
  
"So little pet, too good to eat with the rest of us." Thranduil slurred. Estel was so startled he dropped his glass of milk with a loud crash.  
  
Before Estel could even answer, the king moved closer and backed Estel up against he railing for the terrace. There was nowhere for him to go because they were at least a hundred feet above the river below.  
  
Thranduil reached an unsteady hand out and stroked Estel's hair. Estel stared at him wide eyed with fear. He was so scared he could barely think. "I see what my son likes about you, whore." He looked appreciatively at Estel's rather less than opaque pajamas. Thranduil reached out and took the plate from the Ranger and set it on the railing. "How do you pleasure my son?" Thranduil asked, skimming a hand over Estel's breast.  
  
Estel tried to move to the side, but the king grabbed his hair and pulled him in for a brandy soaked kiss. Estel tried to push him away, but the royal elf was far stronger and had more leverage. Estel was reminded of the fear he felt the first time he was alone in the cave with Legolas. The fear that a stronger man would force him to do something he didn't want to do. But his fear of Thranduil was far worse.  
  
Thranduil yanked Estel's hair and forced him onto his knees in front of the king. "Do you pleasure him like this?" Thranduil mumbled. But before he could force the issue any further he noticed there was sword at his throat. It was long and slightly curved of the sort favoured by the Vanyar elves. He could see ancient Quenya engraved on the blade. There was no doubt in his mind whom the sword belonged to, even before he heard the voice.  
  
"And what do you think you are doing?" Glorfindel's voice was lethally soft.  
  
"Stay out of this. The young one is none of your concern." Thranduil slowly turned to face the golden-haired elf. The companion to the blade at his throat still rested at the elf's hip. For all that Thranduil absolutely hated Glorfindel, he had to admit it was a thing of beauty to watch the Eldar fight. Few, even among the elves, had the dexterity to fight with double sabers.  
  
"That is where you are wrong. He is my concern." Glorfindel called to Estel. "Come Estel, I think we should go inside." Estel scurried around the king and hid behind the brightly glowing elf.  
  
"He is not truly of this house. Or have you forgotten that the twins brought him back a bastard to keep your lord from going crazy with grief after he was unable to save his wife." Thranduil spit the hateful words.  
  
"I protect the line of kings, and Estel is descended from that line. But more than that I have watched him grow from a babe into a person far more worthy of respect than you." Glorfindel lowered his sword but did not sheath it. "Now I suggest you seek your bed before you do anything else you might regret." He turned to leave pushing a very shaken Estel before him. But he turned and said. "And if you ever lay a finger on him again, I will send Legolas back to Mirkwood as king." With that he left a very angry king fuming on the terrace.  
  
Glorfindel led Estel back to the private dining room and sat him down, slowly checking to make sure the human was unhurt. From what he could tell, Estel only seemed shaken.  
  
"Well, what are you doing up so late, pup?" Glorfindel smiled at the frightened Ranger.  
  
"I was hungry. I dropped my glass of milk on the terrace. I need to clean it up." Estel stood up, but the blond pushed him back down.  
  
"Don't worry I will clean it up later. What would you like to eat?" He tried to seem light even though he was seething with rage. He would have to be careful or his ire would wake Elrond. If he had learned one thing over the last several thousand years, it was that his charge was excessively psychically sensitive.  
  
"Ada made a sandwich for me, but I left it outside."  
  
"I shall make you another, wait here." Glorfindel went to the kitchen to quickly fix another sandwich and glass of milk for the human. He allowed the door to remain open so Estel knew he was still there. Estel appreciated the gesture. Till his dying day, he would never feel as safe as when he had Glorfindel around. Thranduil had called him "guard dog" but in a way it was true. There was something about having one of history's best fighters watching over you. Especially when the sole reason for his existence, was to assure your safety. He felt himself relax a bit.  
  
Glorfindel soon returned bearing a sandwich and a glass of cold milk along with a plate of cookies. Estel accepted them with a quiet thank you. Glorfindel did not like the way Estel seemed to have pulled into himself. He missed the witty Estel he had grown to love.  
  
"You do not have to worry, my friend, not even Thranduil is stupid enough to bother you again tonight." Glorfindel spoke as he munched on cookies, sharing them with his dog, who had quietly padded into the dining room and taken up residence beside his master.  
  
"I know." Estel mumbled. Now that it was all over he was mortified. "Glor, will promise not to tell anyone what happened?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I just don't want anyone to know." They would all think it was his fault. It probably was, but he wasn't sure how. He felt very bad about himself and it was getting worse.  
  
"There is nothing to be ashamed of, little one, you did nothing wrong." Estel was irrationally annoyed that Glorfindel seemed to know exactly why he was upset and had called him 'little one.' He hated when he was reminded how much younger, smaller, and weaker he was than the elves. But he guessed that when you were born when the trees of Valinor still shone brightly he wouldn't take it as an insult.  
  
"I know, I still don't want anyone to know. I don't want him and Ada getting into another fight." Estel picked at his sandwich. He really wasn't hungry anymore.  
  
"Very well. I will tell no one about it if you promise not to tell your father that I let my dog into the dining room. Now eat."  
  
Estel ate a few small bites of his sandwich. Glorfindel had mixed strawberry jam in with the peanut butter and Estel suddenly remembered his hunger. After he had finished about half of the sandwich, he turned to the elf lord across from him who was cooing at his dog. "Why does Thranduil hate Ada so much?"  
  
"Take your pick of reasons. Your father is a horrible elf with no redeeming qualities." Glorfindel smiled as he teased the Ranger. There was a point in time, when he and Elrond had first met, that he would have said that and meant it. He feared for the sanity of the Valar in sending him to protect a quiet, introspective, genius with sad grey eyes. The two had had nothing in common and got on each other's nerves. Elrond could not stand Glorfindel's constant energy and impulsive need for action. Glorfindel hated the way Elrond chose to think everything into circles until it was too late to do anything about it. The blonde joked and teased merrily, while the raven-haired half elf took everything personally and saw all failures as his fault. But eventually Glorfindel realized that Elrond's silence was the result of his natural shyness and a learned reticence around unfamiliar elves, especially those related to Feanor no matter how distantly. And Elrond learned that Glorfindel's jokes were only meant to make him laugh and smile, not hurt his feelings. But now they were best friends, closer than brothers or lovers. Elrond's children knew that loosing Gil-Galad had wounded is heart, loosing Elros had damaged his soul, and loosing Celebrian had made him bleed; but loosing Glorfindel would shatter him  
  
"Seriously."  
  
"There are a lot of reasons. Thranduil's never liked half elves. Not to mention he was angry that Gil-Galad had made a penniless half elf his standard bearer and later his heir. He thought he should be given Vilya because he ruled a kingdom of elves, not a valley of refugees. He even appealed to the Counsel of Elders to have Vilya given to him."  
  
"What happened?" Estel was enjoying the story.  
  
"They said no. Who better to wield a mystical magic ring than one descended from an escaped maian and kings, who has held a Silarillion, and whose father turned into a star. Thranduil had been livid.  
  
"Add to that the fact that Thranduil was supposed to marry Celebrian, but she fell in love with Elrond." There was far more going on to that story than Glorfindel wanted to get into right now. "Then of course when he did marry, Elrond did not attend his wedding. Elrond had twin sons and a daughter and Thranduil's wife gave him only one son. Thranduil's rage at Elrond was so great that when Elrond foresaw that death of Thranduil's wife in childbirth, the king refused his aid. Then when she did die he blamed Elrond for not coming and saving her.  
  
"Thranduil has always been angry that Celeborn likes Elrond better than him even though he and my dear cousin, Galadriel's, silver haired stallion are more closely related. Throw me into that mix and there is no way in Arda that those two will ever like each other."  
  
"So basically Thranduil is jealous of Ada?"  
  
"Yup. He thinks he deserves the respect that Elrond gets, only he never earned it. It is a wonder that Legolas turned out half has good as he did. My guess would be his mother's and Celeborn's influence."  
  
"Yeah, Legolas told me he often spent time with Celeborn when he was young."  
  
"Not surprising. You wouldn't be able to tell by looking, but the silver- tail lord is the consummate mother hen. He takes in every stray child he can find. You know he helped raise your father's mother and grandmother?" Glorfindel waited for Estel to answer, but Estel's eyes were wide with worry. "Estel, is something wrong?" All of the colour had drained out of Estel's face.  
  
"Yes." Estel started to nervously look around.  
  
"What? Should I get your father?" Glorfindel thought perhaps the young human was ill or in pain. Estel's teeth were starting to chatter and he was hugging himself.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Glorfindel sent an urgent mental message to Elrond that he was needed then the crossed the table and knelt in front of Estel. "What is the matter, Estel?"  
  
"Something is wrong. I don't know what."  
  
"Where does it hurt?"  
  
"Not me. Something else." Estel shook his head trying to make sense of the sudden fear, self-loathing, and love that washed over him.  
  
"Estel, you aren't making any sense." Before the blonde could question him any further the human looked up with frightened eyes.  
  
"Legolas." Was all Estel said before he jumped past Glorfindel and sped towards the prince's room. The golden-haired elf was hot on his heels.  
  
When they rounded the corner, Estel pushed open Legolas's door and found his best friend on the floor being kicked by his father. He could see that the prince's lip was spit and so was his cheek. Blood also poured freely from a cut by his hairline. Estel immediately entered and got in between the king and Legolas.  
  
"Leave him alone." All the fear forgotten in seeing his friend injured.  
  
"Get out of my way you meddlesome babe." Thranduil attempted to knock Estel aside, but did not account for the human's training and found a well- placed kick knocking him to his knees. However this only fueled his anger and he rose knocking the human to side with a strong swipe. Estel flew back connected with the wardrobe even as his hand went through the window leaving long angry gashes along his hand and forearm.  
  
With Estel out of the way, Thranduil turned back to his son who had now made it to a sitting position. He grabbed his brandy bottle and smashed it against Legolas's head. The prince's hair mostly protected him from receiving any cuts, but the blow still hurt. All the while the king yelled mean and hurtful things at his son.  
  
By this point Glorfindel arrived and charged into the room engaging Thranduil to protect Legolas. The Vanyar could contain his anger no longer and was not gentle with the king. Thranduil fought like a wild man, but was no match for Glorfindel.  
  
Glorfindel had the king pinned when Thranduil spoke again. "You have no place here. Your protection may extend to Elrond's pet human, but you have no place interfering in the discipline of my child." By Elvish law, Legolas was still under the control of his father's house so really no one could interfere.  
  
"This is not discipline, it is abuse." Glorfindel did not move.  
  
"That is not your decision. Now let me up." In the background Thranduil could hear angry growling that sent a shiver up his spine.  
  
Caught between a rock and a hard place Glorfindel had no choice but to let Thranduil go. The king rose and walked over to his son. "How dare you call them for help." He roared and backhanded Legolas.  
  
Glorfindel was about to intercede again when they all heard. "Halt." The Lord of the Imladris had arrived and he was not happy. Elrond surveyed the scene with his own eyes. He knew what had happed from Glorfindel, but he still could not believe it. "What is going on here?"  
  
"Get out mongrel. You have no place here." Thranduil spat.  
  
"This is my home, Thranduil, my place." The two great elves locked eyes and it seemed violence would break out and this time Estel had no desire to stop it.  
  
However, Legolas did. "Adar, please."  
  
Thranduil turned to is son and glared. How dare he interrupt when he was not wanted? "Shut up." He lifted his hand to smack his son again. But he was stopped by as strange feeling. Like his stomach flying into his throat from a fall, and spinning until he was dizzy. He looked up at Elrond just before the half elf summoned a wave of force that threw him backwards. Thranduil connected with the wall, hard, just about the same time every window on the entire hall broke. To everyone else, the power of Vilya channeled through Elrond's anger felt like being hit with hurricane force winds that did not try to move you or being dropped 50 feet under water where the pressure made you feel like your ears would explode and your eyes would pop from your head. It took your breath away and made your heart pound.  
  
Thranduil picked himself up off the floor shakily. Every bone in his body hurt, but he was enraged. Elrond stood looking at him with one eyebrow cocked, not a hair out of place. Thranduil charged the half elf. He however, never made it. Glorfindel quickly caught the king and put him in a choke hold until he lost consciousness. He dropped the drunk elf into a pile on the floor.  
  
Glorfindel immediately went to Estel to check over his wounds. The cuts on his hands and arms were long and jagged, but not deep. They would need stitching, but were not life threatening. Elrond went to check on Legolas, but the prince pushed him out of the way to get to his father.  
  
"Lord Elrond, is he ok?" Legolas was nearly panicked.  
  
"Yes, he is fine. Glor simply knocked him out cold. He will wake in the morning. I am more worried about you." Elrond again tried to reach for the prince, but Legolas pushed him away a second time.  
  
"Help me get him into bed." Legolas was attempting to move the king, but it was akin to trying to move a 170-pound sleeping cat. Elrond relented and helped, hoping then Legolas would let him tend his injuries.  
  
When Thranduil was deposited on the bed, Legolas began to brush back his hair and whisper his apologies for being a bad son. Elrond felt sick.  
  
"Legolas, are you all right?" Estel came over and brushed Legolas's hair back from his forehead to expose a nasty looking gash that was already purpling. Estel could remember first hand how hard the elf king could hit.  
  
"You don't understand. He isn't normally like this. He is just upset about something. I did something to upset him." Legolas fought against his hysteria. He had to make them understand.  
  
"You didn't do anything wrong, Legolas. You didn't deserve this." Estel tried to calm his friend down. Glorfindel realized that this was the same conversation he had had with the human earlier.  
  
"Please go. Leave us alone." Legolas refused to meet anyone's eyes. Estel was sure that his father would insist that someone stay, but Elrond ushered him out.  
  
"Ada, we can't leave them alone. What if he wakes up and attacks Legolas again?"  
  
"He won't. Glorfindel and a large amount of brandy made sure of that. They need to be alone with each other. Nothing you do or say will make a difference until everyone cools down. Now go to your room and I will get some silk to stitch your hand." Elrond brooked no refusal, so Estel went to his room.  
  
Elrond and Glorfindel walked towards the infirmary. "You are in so much trouble, my friend." Glorfindel said with laughing eyes.  
  
"Why, because I interrupted a family dispute? You know damn well the Elders will not reprimand me."  
  
"I know. When children are involved is the only time Celeborn develops a modicum of a backbone. Most definitely if he knows them personally."  
  
"Why do you pick on him so? Do you really did like your cousin's husband that much?"  
  
"No. I just like busting his balls. That is when my dear cousin will remove them from the pouch on her waist for others to play with." Glorfindel laughed and strangely enough Elrond joined in. Few knew better than the two of them just how forceful Galadriel could be and just how compliant Celeborn had had to be.  
  
Finally Glorfindel stopped laughing, but mirth still shone in his bright blue eyes. "Actually, I was referring to you being in trouble with Erestor."  
  
"Erestor, why?"  
  
"You remember how upset he was the last time you broke the windows?" Glorfindel referred to a little outburst Elrond had had after Celebrian had sailed, which had left every window in Imladris shattered.  
  
"One set of windows. It wasn't that bad."  
  
"Do you realize there are over a thousand windows in this place? Erestor will not be happy having to replace the ones you broke."  
  
"This is my house. I can break the windows if I want."  
  
"Fine, you deal with his lecture. I swear, listening to him is like my atar came over from Valinor." Elrond laughed at the fake shudder Glorfindel gave. The blonde elf felt bad for poking fun at his fellow counselor when he was not here to defend himself, but it was worth it to make Elrond smile.  
  
Elrond soon returned to his child's room with the proper supplies. Estel again sat on the window seat looking out at the night sky. For the second time in twenty-four hours Elrond set about cleaning Estel's wounded hand.  
  
"I am sorry, but I cannot give you anything for pain. It is not safe for your daughter." Elrond apologized when his son winced from the ministrations.  
  
"That's ok." Estel sat quietly for a while until he finally asked the question that was burning in his mind. "Ada, why did he do it?"  
  
Elrond sighed, but continued working. He hoped talking would help distract Estel from the pain. "I don't really know. Thranduil has always been somewhat unstable. He has gotten much worse since the death of his queen, but I had not realized that it had gotten to this point. I suppose that he is just hurting so much that he wants someone else to hurt too." Elrond could understand that feeling. After Celebrian had sailed he had lashed out had anyone and everyone who came near him. Finally Glorfindel had gotten so tired of having goblets and plates thrown at him that he forced Elrond to go on a year long orc hunting trip with him. It had been very cathartic to hack and slash his way through hundreds of orcs. Yes, he could well appreciate how Thranduil felt, but he could never fathom turning against one of his own children.  
  
"Not Thranduil, Legolas. Why would he let his father do that to him? He is an excellent fighter, he could have easily stopped Thranduil without really hurting him if he had wanted to, but he didn't."  
  
That was an even harder question. One Elrond was thankful Estel could not understand the answer to. "For better or for worse, Thranduil is his all of the family Legolas has left. Perhaps Legolas is just trying to make his father happy." Elrond closed his eyes against a very painful rush of memories that he would rather forget.  
  
"Will Legolas be ok?"  
  
"Yes, I will look after his injuries as soon as I am finished with you." Elrond tied the last bandage as he spoke and smiled at Estel. His child's furrowed brow finally relaxed now that here wasn't a needle going in and out of his skin. Elrond collected his things to go.  
  
"Ada." Elrond stopped at the door. "Do you think, I mean." Estel stuttered and looked down but Elrond just stared at him waiting for the actual question. "Will Legolas treat our daughter that way?" Estel finally asked. He felt awful for even thinking it, but he had to know. He would never willingly put his daughter in the hands of someone who would hurt her. He would die first.  
  
"I can't answer that. But look at what you know of him and look into his heart to find the answer." Elrond left. Estel hated when he gave those cryptic answers.  
  
Elrond walked to the next room and bent down to pet the large dog sitting before it. "I see Glor has left his eyes and ears to guard the door." The dog wagged its plumed tail and looked up at Elrond. Making sure no one was looking, he bent down and hugged the dog and the dog gave him a good licking. Elrond smiled and ruffled the beast's coat. "Now, you know you are not suppose to be in this part of the house. All is well, so go find your master." The animal just doggy smiled up at him. "Go, find Glorfindel." The dog gave Elrond a paw to shake. The half elf sighed. "Would that I had that Vanyar's gift." Elrond mumbled, sending a silent mental message to his best friend. "Glor, get your dog. He is shedding all over my rugs."  
  
"Sure thing," Glorfindel sent back. Elrond saw the dog's head snap up and then it trotted off towards the blonde's chamber. "And I know that you hugged him." Glorfindel sent back merrily. Elrond just pinched the bridge of his nose. Sometimes he didn't know why he even bothered getting out of bed in the morning.  
  
Elrond quietly pushed the door open and found Legolas sitting on the edge of the bed brushing his father's hair back from his face. Given the care the prince was showing, one would think Thranduil was a small babe. Elrond could hear Legolas whispering words of love and strength to his father. He barely looked up when Elrond walked in and took a chair across from him.  
  
Finally Legolas looked over at the elflord. Elrond watched him with unwaivering eyes. "Have you come to judge us?" Legolas did have to admit, that sometimes many of the Noldor elves tended to be very judgmental. They looked down their noses at their woodland brethren, but Elrond had never really struck him as that type. After all, the half elf had married a half wood elf.  
  
"No, I came to check on you."  
  
"I am fine, and so is he. We just need to be alone."  
  
"Are you really fine?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I do not think so. I think that you are troubled and hurting." Elrond spoke offhandedly as if he were discussing the weather.  
  
"What would you know of it, Elrond? You are wise, but you do not know everything. You could not understand what I feel unless you pulled it from my mind with your mental tricks." Legolas, like his father and most sylvan elves, with the exception of Celeborn, had no real psychic powers. He could not read minds or summon rains, or even talk to animals. Their gifts allowed them to speak with trees and understand the language of the winds. But still, he was a poor example of an elf compared to the one who sat across from him.  
  
"I don't need to read your mind to know what you feel. I understand better than you think, young one."  
  
Legolas looked up suddenly understanding what the half elf was telling him. "Who?"  
  
Elrond leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. The memories came again. He could clearly see the tall redhead frowning at him and the slightly shorter auburn haired elf trying to quiet Elros. As always any time he thought of his beloved brother the memories brought both pleasure and pain. Elrond spoke only one word. "Meadhros." Legolas looked confused. Elrond gave him a soft smile and continued. He could read from the prince's mind that he saw no similarities between his father and the eldest son of Feanor. "History remembers only what it wants to. History tell us that the son's of Feanor killed and pillaged across Middle Earth seeking the Silmiarilion. That they sacked and destroyed Sirion and forced my mother to jump into the sea to protect it. All of this is true. But what history doesn't tell us, is that Meadhros and Maglor were both good elves in their own way. During the years Elros and I lived with them, they taught us both many things. Meadhros taught us how to fight with daggers and how to track, while Maglor taught us how to sing and to use a bow. Meadhros taught me how to read. I remember sitting for hours in his lap at Himring while he read stories to me or I read them to him.  
  
"Sometimes they were so kind that I almost forgot about what they had done. Other times, like when Meadhros got angry, I would remember. He had a temper. If you crossed him when his mood was black, you took a beating. He would always apologize for it afterwards and say how much he cared about his little half elvin foundlings, but the bruises still hurt and I still wondered what I had done so wrong to cause him to raise a hand to me. He hurt me and he made me doubt myself, but yet I still loved them both. They are the most despicable elves in all of history, but I still loved them.  
  
"After we moved in with Gil-Galad, I half expected the same treatment from the king or Cirdan. But eventually both Elros and I learned, that we were not the ones who had made the mistake, it was Meadhros who had done wrong." Elrond noticed that Legolas had his head in is hands and his shoulder's were shaking. The half elf leaned forward and gathered the prince in a fatherly embrace and Legolas took full advantage of it. It had been years since he had been held like this and he missed it. Elrond realized in that moment that he felt no ire towards the young elf anymore. The lord would be happy to accept the prince into his family.  
  
"He doesn't do this very often. It has been years since the last time. He only acts like this when he gets drunk. He would never hurt me otherwise. He loves me. I know he does. He still calls me his little Greenleaf." Legolas babbled.  
  
"I know, young one. He does love you very much and I know he does not mean to hurt you so." After a while the crying subsided and Elrond spoke again. "Now, let me tend your wounds or I shall be hanged by Estel for letting you suffer." Elrond smiled and Legolas gave him a tentative smile in return.  
  
The next two weeks passed much as the one before. Estel's belly grew larger, but his mood grew darker. Legolas could hear him crying at night in his room. He ate little and slept little and all in the house save one worried for him. The young human did not laugh or smile and resembled the walking dead. His face was always pale and his eyes always tired and circled. More often than not he refused to take meals with his family and when he did he asked to be excused at the earliest he could.  
  
Thranduil was the only one who did not seem concerned about the young human. He enjoyed watching the spirit drain from the annoying little whelp. He had, in fact, made sure to continue their lessons about Mirkwood so that he could watch his handy work. He never missed an opportunity to remind the stupid child that the baby would be taken to his realm and he would never see her again. He had also gone out of his way to make sure his son was busy so that he had no time to spend with the human. He did his best to isolate Estel from those who cared about him. However he could not keep the meddling lord of Imladris away from Estel. He did enjoy watching the implacable Lord Elrond grow more and more snappy the more worried he became for Estel. Which of course, as Thranduil pointed out to the Ranger, was all his fault.  
  
It was a brilliant plan. Even now as he watched Estel reading in the corner, he could see how tired and depressed the human was. Thranduil smiled to himself. He gave it a less than a month before the human miscarried. He could only imagine how painful it would be since the human was around 28 weeks along. He hoped he got to see it.  
  
The only real dark cloud was Legolas. Thranduil knew that his son was looking forward to being a father and that the prince was hurt by Estel's unhappiness. However, Thranduil considered it a small price to pay. That was why he had devised with Elrond to have Legolas, his twins, and a few others go to Bree to see if there was any word from Gandalf. They would leave tomorrow morning.  
  
It was almost lunchtime, so he would dismiss the human with a few parting words. "It is time for lunch, you should go." Estel closed his book and rose, but then he stumbled putting his hand over his stomach. He looked down with a very worried expression. Thranduil licked his lips, maybe this was it. "Are you well, youngling?"  
  
Estel looked up at him confused. "I don't know. I feel something strange. Like someone blinking their eyelashes against the inside of my stomach." This was not what Thranduil had hoped. He marched over and put a hand roughly against Estel's belly. His sensitive fingers could just barely feel the butterfly movements of his granddaughter.  
  
"Don't be so dramatic. It is just the child moving around." Thranduil said in a disgusted tone. He had hoped the human was loosing her. But instead he annoyingly felt his heart soften at the feel of her moving against his fingers.  
  
"Really?" Estel looked up with a dazed smile on his face.  
  
Thranduil had to fight to not smile back. "Yes, my new daughter is making her presence known." Thranduil did smile when he saw Estel's face fall. "Now, go to lunch." Estel scurried out before the king could see his tears.  
  
The chef's had made a delicious yogurt parfait for lunch with berries and crunchy grains. Estel loved them, but right now he could do nothing more than mix it around in his bowl. The past two weeks he had been unable to think of anything but Thranduil's words. The king would take his daughter from him and he would never see her again. And almost as upsetting, Legolas didn't care about him. Legolas would leave him all alone too. He felt like he wanted to throw up.  
  
Estel pushed his bowl away and turned to his father. "Ada." He began before he heard Thranduil's growl. The king disliked a human calling an elf, even a half elf, father. "Lord Elrond, may I be excused?"  
  
Elrond looked at his child. Estel's shoulders were hunched and he hung his head. He could feel depression radiating off of him so strong he could barely block it out. "Estel, you didn't eat any breakfast and only picked at your dinner last night. I think you should try and eat something, even if you are not really hungry." Elrond's voice was kind as he pushed the bowl back towards Estel.  
  
Estel looked down dejectedly at the dish as he stirred his yogurt around. He didn't want to eat it. He felt like there were rocks in his stomach.  
  
"Estel, please eat it. How am I to teach my little girl archery if her bones are not strong enough to hold a bow?" Legolas implored.  
  
"Teach her archery in Mirkwood, where I can never see her." Estel thought. He hung his head so his hair would hide his face as he felt tears slide out of his eyes. Only Elrond and Legolas saw the two tears fall onto Estel's hands where they lay clasped in his lap.  
  
Legolas looked up at Elrond helplessly. He didn't understand what was bothering Estel. He could feel that the human was very upset about something, but he didn't know what. Not for the first time he cursed not having Noldor blood so that he could read minds. It was true that they had a bond, but Estel's human blood meant that they could only really feel each other's emotions.  
  
Elrond finally took pity on Estel. "You may go." Estel just shook his head and walked quickly from the room. He kept his face hidden behind his hair until he got outside. When he made it outside he walked as fast as he could to the waterfalls where he could be alone.  
  
He sat there until the sun started to go down and the temperature dropped. Fall was upon them and the nights were growing cold. Estel had not brought a cloak with him and shivered in the wind. But he was not ready to go back yet. He was tired of everyone's concern even as he feared that he would not have it. He was confused.  
  
As he shivered and watched the stars begin to twinkle he felt a cloak draped over his shoulders. He looked up into the grey eyes of Lord Elrond. He hadn't even heard him approaching; he had been so lost in thought.  
  
The half elf sat down on the boulder beside his son. "A little chilly for star gazing isn't it?" Estel nodded and pulled the cloak around himself. He was thankful for the warmth. "What troubles you, my child?" Elrond too looked up at the stars watching his father set out on his journey across the sky. He felt Estel shudder beside him. He tried a different tactic. "This very spot is one of the reasons I choose to make this valley my home."  
  
"Glorfindel said it was in our blood to seek water when upset." Estel finally murmured. His voice was nasal from crying.  
  
"I suppose in a way he is right. I find great piece in listening to the sound of rushing water. That is why my bedroom faces this way. So I can hear the river's song as I sleep. Of course it drove my dear lady-wife to distraction for the first few years." Elrond smiled remembering the way Celebrian had begged him to change rooms because she found the water too loud even as it soothed him.  
  
"Elros especially loved the water. He wanted to be a great mariner like our father at one time." Estel looked over at his foster father. Elrond rarely spoke of Elros. "He had never really wanted to be a king."  
  
"What did you want when you were young?" Estel asked dreamily. His father rarely spoke so freely about such things.  
  
Elrond thought for a moment. He could not tell Estel that when he had been young, all he had ever dreamed or prayed for was to be safe and loved. To never have to worry about loosing his loved ones to wars or evil. He could not let his fears hold his son back from his destiny. "I wanted to be a great healer."  
  
"You didn't want to be a ruler."  
  
Elrond chuckled. Like Estel he fought tooth and nail against having to rule anything. Gil-Galad had to order him to run Imladris. "No, I never wanted to be a ruler or king. But I found that I could be both a leader and a healer of a group of miscreant refugee elves and the occasional Edain." He smiled at his son.  
  
"And maybe another half elf?" Estel questioned.  
  
"Most certainly another half elf." Estel smiled back finally. "Why do you sit down here all alone? Even when you were a child you spend too much time alone."  
  
"There was no one here my one age for me to play with."  
  
"I sometimes think I should have sent you to Gondor to be raised where you would have had other children to play with. I think you would not be so introspective then." Elrond realized the humour in him calling someone too quiet and introverted and he laughed to himself.  
  
"Why didn't you? I mean I am glad that you kept me, but why did you?" Estel half expected some romantic story about looking down into his eyes and instantly falling in love with his child self.  
  
"Actually, I didn't want to. Gandalf brow beat me into it." Elrond leaned over and used his shoulder to slightly push Estel to show that he had not meant the statement to be hurtful. But Estel felt pain from it.  
  
"Of course you would not have wanted to keep me. Why would you want a worthless human child?" Estel threw back the words Thranduil had spoken to him. The stars began to waiver through his tears.  
  
"You are not worthless, sweetheart. Don't ever think that you are. I didn't want to keep you here because I knew I would love you and I feared opening my heart to love again. I feared getting hurt. Gandalf made me face that fear and I have never regretted it. Before you came I stayed alive because I knew the Valar needed me to do something. After you came I started to live again. You, Estel, taught the wise and powerful Lord Elrond half-elvin of Rivendell what it meant to love again. That has great worth."  
  
"Like a dog." Estel sniffled.  
  
Elrond bit the side of his cheek to contain his anger. He knew this was Thranduil's doing. Maybe he would give Glorfindel his wish and allow the blonde to take the king on a hunting trip. Elrond felt a wicked smile pull at his lips thinking about the king alone in the woods with the Barlog- slayer. "Estel, you may not be the golden and shining king of Mirkwood, but not all that is gold glitters." Estel leaned over against his father's shoulder and the two stared at the stars a little bit longer. "Come Estel, you have not eaten all day and you must be starving. I had the chef's prepare mashed potatoes for you with extra salt." Elrond heard his child's stomach growl at the mention of food.  
  
"I guess I am a little hungry." The two rose and walked into the house for dinner.  
  
A few hours after dinner Estel again sat star gazing. Dinner had been hell on Middle Earth. Elrond and Thranduil fought all through it while every so often Elladan and Legolas would go at it. And at one point when Thranduil threatened Elrohir with bodily harm, Estel thought Glorfindel was going to kill the king right there. After half an hour Estel had taken his plate and snuck out. No one had noticed.  
  
His reflections were soon interrupted by a knock on his door. It was late, so Estel had no idea who it could be. He opened the door half expecting to find another drunk Thranduil, but instead it was Legolas.  
  
Estel let the prince enter and sat on the bed. Legolas sat on the bed beside Estel and smiled at the human. The Ranger was curled up at the top of the bed with his bare feet tucked under the covers. He hugged a pillow to his chest, giving every nonverbal sign he did not want to be touched. Legolas guessed he wasn't going to get the goodbye he had hoped for.  
  
"I didn't want to leave without saying good-bye."  
  
"Good-bye." Estel said.  
  
"Are you angry with me?" Legolas could not understand why Estel was being so cold to him.  
  
"No." Estel had to look down at his lap to avoid the elf. He wanted to throw himself in Legolas's arms and feel the heat and strength of his best friend warming and protecting him.  
  
"Can you say anything more than one syllable at one time?" Legolas tried to joke with the Ranger.  
  
"Yes." Estel wanted so much for Legolas to hold him. He needed the contact. He could feel his daughter start to move at the sound of her father's voice. He tensed slightly at the foreign feeling. Legolas noticed.  
  
"Are you ok?"  
  
"Yes." Estel slid his hand underneath the pillow he was holding and rested it against his belly hoping to calm her down.  
  
"Are you sure, you look unwell?" Legolas was concerned.  
  
"Yes, I am sure." Estel snapped.  
  
"Then why do you look like you are in pain?"  
  
"I can feel her moving around. It is just strange to me."  
  
Legolas's eyes lit up. "Does it hurt?"  
  
"No, it kind of tickles. Like a butterfly's wings." Estel finally moved the pillow and uncurled so that Legolas could touch his tummy. The elf lightly skimmed his hand over the bulge trying not to tickle Estel like he usually did. He could just barely feel her fluttering at his touch. He smiled up at Estel.  
  
Estel was happy for the touch, even if it tickled. He missed Legolas so much. He just wanted to curl up in the elf's lap like a cat. He felt so sad and wanted Legolas to hold him so much, but he didn't know how to ask. The only time Legolas ever held him was if he was ill or after they had sex.  
  
Legolas removed his hand from the human's stomach and leaned back. Estel felt so cold and alone without the touch that he made up his mind to get it back. He leaned forward and kissed Legolas. The prince did not wait even half a heartbeat to sweep Estel up into a crushing embrace. All Estel could think about were Thranduil's words. "He only seeks you out for sex."  
  
Soon Legolas had removed both of their clothes and had pushed Estel onto is back. He climbed on top of the human and entered him. Estel almost screamed. The combined pressure of the elf's weight on his belly and his thrusting from below were unbearable. He felt like he couldn't breathe. It made him nauseous and it hurt. He tried to stand it, but he couldn't.  
  
"Legolas." The human gasped.  
  
"Oh Estel." The elf moaned back in return.  
  
"Please." Estel whispered and Legolas took that as a sign of pleasure. The elf thrust harder and faster. "Stop, you're hurting me." Estel finally managed to gasp. Legolas stopped immediately and Estel shoved him away trying to still his breathing. Estel then realized that Legolas had moved to the farthest side of the bed. The elf was angry with him. "I'm sorry." Estel cried just before he grabbed his shirt and ran for the bathing room.  
  
Legolas sat stunned for a moment staring after the human. On the other side of the door, Estel crouched on the floor crying. Now Legolas would never seek him out. He couldn't even give the elf sex. He would have to survive the rest of his pregnancy alone. Estel started to feel sick just thinking about it.  
  
He vaguely heard Legolas knock on the door, but he ignored him. Legolas was starting to worry so he opened the door anyway, just in time to see Estel start to be sick. The elf gathered the loose hair in his hands and held it for Estel. Then he pulled the human back into a comforting hug. Estel tried to remember the feeling of having Legolas near him. He didn't know how much longer he would.  
  
After some time passed, and Estel no longer matched the green of his tunic, Legolas asked. "How did I hurt you, love?"  
  
Estel sniffled and wiped his slightly runny nose on his sleeve before he answered. "The pressure of your weight on my belly hurt. It made me feel sick, and like I couldn't breath." His voice was scratchy sounding. He continued before Legolas could say anything. "I am sorry, so sorry. We can try again. I promise I won't complain this time. Just." Estel never got to finish what he was going to say.  
  
Instead, Legolas grabbed the human's upper arms and thrust him away shaking him slightly. "How dare you say that to me? How dare you think that I would want?" Legolas was too angry to continue. He could not believe Estel thought he would want to have sex if it caused anything but pleasure to the young Ranger. He would never want to hurt Estel like that. Why had Estel not said something then they could have used a different position? He was absolutely irate.  
  
Legolas stood quickly and left the room slamming the door shut behind him. He had not heard Estel finish his sentence. "Just please don't leave me."  
  
Across the hall, Thranduil heard the door slam and say his son storm away. He smiled to himself. "Now, you have driven him away, child. Your daughter's days are numbered." 


	12. I want to be fat and happy

A/N Thanks to everyone who reviewed. It is always great to hear that you are enjoying my story. I have to say I think this is one of my favourite chapters. I based it, and large chunks of the story, on personal experience. For those of you who have questioned, Estel is suffering from a condition called hyperemesis gravidium. In other words excessive nausea and vomiting during pregnancy. It is very real and very unpleasant. No one who hasn't gone through it can understand how demoralizing it is to be that sick for months on end. I am 8 1/2 months pregnant and haven't been able to go near my kitchen in seven months. But like I said, torturing Estel makes me feel better. Making him go through the same thing in a vaguely homourous way helps me deal with insensitive people telling me "it is all in my head" or "eat some crackers."  
  
Anyway, enough of my ranting, enjoy the story.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
ESTEL/ESTELLE  
  
Two days later Estel was rudely awakened in the very early morning by a knock on his door. Estel covered his head with a pillow and tried to play dead, hoping whoever it was would go away. He was sleepy and felt sick. After a few more unanswered knocks, Glorfindel opened the door and spied a pillow covered lump on the bed. He prayed to the Valar that Estel was in a good mood, though he doubted it.  
  
"Estel, you need to get up. There are some human ambassador's arriving shortly and your father will need you there to greet them."  
  
"Why? He has been dealing with ambassadors for thousands of years before I was even born. Why does he need me now?"  
  
"Your presence will make them feel more easy about being surrounded by elves. So get up." Glorfindel pulled the covers down and left with them so Estel would be forced to rise.  
  
Estel got up and washed, braiding the two front pieces of his hair in a simple style. He knew he would never rival the elves for beauty, so he saw no reason to try. He dressed in baggy trousers, which were not quite so baggy around the waist anymore, and a baggy shirt and tunic that had the same problem. The tunic had become so tight that he had to leave the front of it opened or it put too much pressure on his churning tummy. He was really going to have to do something about finding more comfortable clothes soon. Over it all he pulled his worn overcoat to help ward off the morning chill. It annoyed him that he cuffs fell over his hands now.  
  
After he was ready he staggered down to the courtyard to meet his father, feeling dizzy and nauseous. He greeted everyone with a grunt and sat down on the front steps, resting his spinning head against the cold stone railing. He wondered if Elrond would get angry if he lied down on the steps.  
  
After a few minutes, the chill in the air made him start to shiver so he pulled his coat as tight around him as he could and huddled down into it. He tried not to look at the way the elves were all walking freely around as if it weren't thirty-five degrees. Estel again closed his eyes and tried to relax until he was needed. He was exhausted from being up sick most of the night. Thranduil had insisted on having some stupid Mirkwood dish made for dinner last night, the smell of which was so strong, the colour so repugnant, and the tastes so rich it guaranteed that Estel would not be able to tolerate it. Moreover, he was still depressed about his fight with Legolas. He was sure the prince hated him and that he was going to be alone for the rest of his life. However, somewhere in his subconscious he realized that Legolas felt just as badly as he did about what happened. Worries about the elf stole sleep away from him as surly as his upset stomach. All of which added together to make him one very tired, very cranky pregnant woman, which can be very dangerous.  
  
Estel was eventually brought back to the here and now by a servant handing him a cup of steaming tea. The human took the tea in a shivering hand and mechanically drank it, expecting that it would be the usual ginger and peppermint tea he drank in the morning to help combat his nausea. Instead, it was strong black tea heavy with the bitter taste of chicory. Estel immediately spit the foul tasting brew out all over the stairs to his left side. Elrond looked up at the noise to see his foster child spraying tea into the air. He went to Estel to find out what on Middle Earth he was doing.  
  
Off to the side, Thranduil pretended to drink from his teacup to cover his mouth so no one would see him smile. The ginger and peppermint tea had a very medicinal taste that he did not care for, but it worked to disguise his mirth. He had purposely ordered the disgusting chicory tea and had it sent to Estel in hopes of making the young human ill. From the looks of Estel this morning, Thranduil didn't think it would take much to send the young Ranger running for the nearest privy. Unfortunately, he watched as Lord Elrond expertly tried to sooth Estel until he felt better. And when that failed, comfort the human through his illness.  
  
Thranduil cursed, irritated. He strongly disliked the fact he felt a twinge of guilt for what he had done. He thought perhaps it might be the fact that Estel looked so pathetic sitting on the steps hunched over a bowl, vomiting. But he figured it was probably guilt from betraying his promise to his own son.  
  
Before Legolas had left two days ago, he had pulled his father, Thranduil, aside. Thranduil clearly remembered the conversation.  
  
"Adar, please be kind to Estel while I am gone." Legolas had asked as they walked towards the stables.  
  
"Why? He does not deserve my kindness." Thranduil had been haughty even for an elf.  
  
Legolas had changed tactics. "Do you remember when Naneth (mother) was pregnant with my sister? How happy she was?"  
  
"Yes. Her only complaint was that her face pained at the end of the day from smiling. She was the same way when she was pregnant with you. We both were." Thranduil remembered wistfully. He normally hated thinking about his late queen and her death in childbirth, but some memories were good. Even if those memories also brought the pain of loneliness.  
  
"Estel cries a lot, Adar." Legolas had interrupted his memories. They had reached the stables and Legolas swung up onto his horse. "Please promise me you will try." Thranduil had reluctantly agreed and his son had ridden off to Bree.  
  
Now he stood watching Elrond hug the human and listening to the human groan every so often. He hated feeling guilty.  
  
When Estel had spit out the tea, Elrond had immediately gone to his side. Estel had thrust the offending liquid at him with a look of almost fear. Elrond sniffed the tea and realized the mistake the staff had made and felt sympathy rise for his child. Chicory was detestably foul tasting on the best of occasions, and now was not the best of occasions.  
  
He crouched in front of but just off to the side of Estel, in case the human vomited while he was crouched, trying to get him to relax and breathe through his nausea. "Are you going to be ill, sweetheart?"  
  
"I think so." Estel's voice sounded shaky.  
  
Elrond motioned for one of the staff to get a bowl for him. He then turned to Estel. "Just breathe. Try and relax. Count backwards from ten." Elrond tried everything he could think of to distract Estel but in the end it was all for naught. Estel groaned and doubled over retching. Elrond held the bowl with one hand and rubbed Estel's shoulder with another. The elves all tried not to stare, but Estel was still going to be very embarrassed.  
  
Luckily there was almost nothing in Estel's stomach so the bout didn't last long. Glorfindel kindly disposed of the bowl so Elrond could stay with Estel. The half elf sat down directly beside his child and pulled him over to lean against the Lord's shoulder. He then wrapped his warm cloak around the shivering human and cuddled him like a child.  
  
After a few minutes, the shivering stilled and Estel seemed to relax. "Estel, maybe you should go back to bed." Elrond said softly. He knew many of the advisors would not be happy with loosing the human, but Elrond was not willing to risk his health.  
  
Estel looked up at his father's face and saw that Elrond sincerely would allow him to go. However, he also saw that Elrond did need him to act like a buffer in case the humans were uncomfortable. He had done it many times before with great success, though he didn't know how successful he would be now. But he would not desert Elrond. The half elf was all he would have left soon.  
  
"I will be fine, Ada. Sometimes the illness is very bad when I first wake up." Estel smiled.  
  
Elrond knew that his child was lying, but he had no time to press the issue because the humans were arriving in the courtyard. Elrond rose and returned to the end of the steps to greet his guests. Estel finally rose and went to the end of the steps, but remained leaning on the railing for support.  
  
The human contingent was made up of two men, quite obviously brothers, and two women, who Estel guessed were mother and daughter. Estel paid no attention to the men's names because his stomach gave a painful and nauseating clench. He was able to pay attention again when the women were introduced. The younger woman's name was Meglin and she was the husband of one of the men. Estel guessed she could not have been more than 17 or 18 years old. She was rotundly pregnant and quite chubby. She had curly red hair and freckles and smiled entirely too much. When the man introduced her he hugged her close and rested his hands lovingly on her swollen belly. Estel took an instant dislike to her.  
  
The older woman did turn out to be Meglin's mother, Maylin. She was in her late fifties, and looked to be very old. However, her eyes still shined with humour and love towards her daughter. She had a thick bun of silver hair still mixed with red that was coiled tightly to her head and the strong build of one used to hard work. Unlike the others she did not seem nervous or intimidated by the elves. Estel decided he liked her best.  
  
Estel listened to Elrond make the lengthy introduction of the elves that had assembled outside. He knew them by heart. "I am called Elrond Peredhel Lord of Imladris. I welcome you to Rivendell. This is Lord Glorfindel my chief advisor, head of the House of the Golden Flower and sacred protector of the Kings of Noldor." Estel sighed in dark humour as the clouds broke and a ray of sunshine fell upon the Golden Lord as if sun itself was paying homage to the Vanya's beauty. He could see the human's stare in awe. He personally was used to it.  
  
"This is Erestor." Estel knew they would drone on and on. He loved the elves that he lived with but sometimes he wanted to bash their heads together when it came to formality. There was a tradition for everything and everything must follow tradition. They ignored the fact that there was five human's standing outside in the freezing cold morning with their teeth chattering.  
  
Finally Lord Elrond turned to him and introduced him simply as "Estel." Estel made his greetings and welcomes, trying his best to still his shivering and stop his teeth from chattering. He could again see the human's stare with open-mouthed shock, only this time it was at him. But he guessed that they would. It would seem very strange to them to see a young, pregnant human being introduced as a member of an Elvin house. Estel self-consciously pulled his coat closed to try and hide his belly.  
  
Sensing Estel's discomfort, Elrond ushered everyone inside. Once inside he told the human's that Erestor would show them to their rooms and then they could come to breakfast. This elicited a squeal of joy from the young Meglin because she stated she was quite hungry and could eat a horse. Then she turned to Estel and said. "I'm sure you know 'ow that is sweetie?" Estel gave a very fake smile and turned towards the private rooms with every intention of going back to bed. But then he remembered that he wanted to help Elrond, so he only hung his coat up in his room rather than collapsing on the bed like he wanted to.  
  
Estel made his way down to the more formal dining room used for company and took his seat next to Elrond. The half elf smiled reassuringly at him. He had no desire to be there at all, and only hoped he didn't embarrass himself by tossing his cookies at the table. Estel noticed as the others started to come in, that Thranduil took a seat catty corner from him, rather than directly beside him like the king usually did. Estel breathed a sigh of relief until he realized that Thranduil had left the seat beside the human open for one of the women. Much to the Ranger's dismay, a mighty mound of Meglin plopped herself directly beside him, turning around to beam at him with her crooked tooth grin.  
  
Meglin was pleased she had gotten the seat next to the pregnant woman. She and her mother had just been discussing Estel out in the hall. They had both assumed that he must be some sort of servant to the elves. He wore men's clothes like he had no others. The clothes that he did wear were not as fine as those of the elves. He looked tired and just plain worn out as if he worked constantly and had no time for rest. Meglin was quite shocked to see him sitting at the table, especially directly beside the lord himself. There was obviously more to this silver-eyed human woman than met the eye.  
  
Meglin decided she would engage the other in conversation. That way she could find out more about Estel, like where his husband was. "We should just tell them to push all of the food over to this end, right there Ethel." She lightly elbowed the woman next to her.  
  
Estel looked down his pointy nose and corrected her. "It's Estel." '* You ridiculous ninny, I was the only one not introduced with thirteen titles and you can't even remember my name.*' Estel thought to himself.  
  
"Sorry, Estel." Meglin said still bubbling and smiley. Estel almost cringed at the way she pronounced his name. From her mouth it came out sounding more like Aystow. If she mangled his name that badly he could not imagine what she would do to the more complicated elvin names. "So, what kind of eats do they 'ave around 'ere?" Meglin rubbed her hands together in anticipation.  
  
Estel just gave her a weak smile as the food was brought to the table. The servants brought him a cup of sweetened tea for his stomach and he sniffed it experimentally to make sure they had gotten it right this time. Satisfied he slowly sipped at it. Given his druthers he would have eaten nothing, but Elrond had different ideas. Before Estel could complain, Elrond served him two dry pieces of cinnamon raisin toast. Estel tried to stop himself from glaring at them as they sat cheerily brimming over with plump raisins and bands of butter and sugar-sweetened cinnamon, just begging to be eaten.  
  
Elrond leaned over and spoke quietly to his child in Elfish. "The humans will think there is something wrong with the fare if you do not eat."  
  
"They will most definitely think something is wrong if I throw up on the table after I have eaten it." Estel snapped back in the same language. But he relented and tore off a small piece of toast and nibbled on it.  
  
In the amount of time it took for Estel to drink half of his cup of tea and eat the corner of a piece of toast, Meglin had eaten three pieces of toasts, two slices of ham, a scone, a glass of milk and one of juice, and a liberal helping of small fried potatoes. Estel was floored by the amount of food that the woman managed to pack away and she was still eating. '* No wonder you are the size of a house.*' Estel thought rather unkindly.  
  
Meglin seemed to notice Estel's scrutiny because she turned around and smiled again at him. "Good food they 'ave 'ere." Estel smiled back. "Cripes, that can't be all you plan on eating, luv?" She pointed at the half eaten slice of toast sitting next to the untouched one on his plate.  
  
"I am not very hungry right now." Estel answered trying not to notice the fact that her hand was so much shorter than his yet much thicker and less skeletal.  
  
"What mean you that you aren't 'ungry? 'Ow could you not be 'ungry with all this fine fare around? Why, if I lived 'ere you'd be 'aving to roll me out of the room." Meglin scolded Estel.  
  
"Aye, lass. You are skin and bones. 'Tis not good for your young one to be so thin." Maylin spoke in her quiet authoritative tone. She did not know the young woman's station, but she figured she could get away with calling her 'lass' because of the age difference.  
  
'* Obnoxious intrusive people, you have known me for about half an hour. My size has nothing to do with you and is none of your business. Just because I do not resemble a bloated tick like your broodmare over here does not mean I am not taking good care of my daughter.*' Estel mentally ranted. But outwardly he simply dropped his head with a small smile. Every elf at the table could feel his anger; however, the humans were completely oblivious.  
  
Thranduil could not really sense Estel's anger, but he didn't miss that the young human was holding his teacup hard enough for his knuckles to turn white. The king guessed Estel was angry rather than weepy today. He felt he should start a pool to bet on the human's moods.  
  
The king decided to take advantage of the Valar given gift of the women's concern. Above all other things, Estel got spitting mad when people tried to get him to eat when he wasn't hungry. He had seen the Ranger nearly rip out Legolas's throat for bringing him a plate of apples when he had an upset stomach. This could prove to be rather fun.  
  
"Yes, our young Estel here shuns food if at all possible. She only eats if someone forces her to. Some misbegotten notion of fashion I think. It is quite sad really for I think it makes her unhealthy. Perhaps you will be able to convince her that she needs more sustenance than a cup of tea and a crust of bread?" Thranduil made sure to add the proper amount of concern to his voice so that the old woman would believe him. He had nearly tripped up a few times trying to remember to refer to Estel as a 'she.' When he glanced over the look in Estel's eyes was a fair rendition of Sauron.  
  
Both women clucked worriedly over the thin lady with nothing on her plate but bread. Maylin spoke first. "Try some of the eggs. They are rather good." She held a ladle full out to him.  
  
Estel felt his stomach turn over at the sight of the sunny side up eggs. They looked like large yellow boils just waiting to be lanced so they could explode forth with jellied, yellow pus. He put one hand over his stomach and swallowed before answering. "No thank you, I assure you I have had quite enough to eat." '* I am going to throw up. I am going to projectilely vomit on you if you do not quit putting food in my face.*' Estel thought.  
  
Elrond saw the rather dire situation of his youngest, so he intervened. "Meglin, when is your child due?"  
  
"Oh, I am about five months along now, so in late January or so. It'll be our first." Meglin again beamed with pride and happiness.  
  
Estel on the other hand almost spit out the water he was drinking to try and force his breakfast to stay where he put it. He did not understand how he could be two months further along than this woman, but so much smaller. He was sure some of it could go to the elvin blood of his daughter, but she was huge. Even now at seven months, his belly was more of an all around thickening of his middle rather than a round, forward facing bulge like hers. If he had to guess, compared to himself, he would have thought she was close to delivery. But, he was wrong.  
  
Estel sank back in his chair morosely ignoring the pointless conversation between his father and the humans. He was so lost in thought that he docilely drank the rest of his tea when Elrond handed it to him. A short time later, Elrond said that the men would retire to the council chamber for business and Estel would show the women back to their rooms. As they all rose to leave Elrond summoned him over.  
  
"After you have taken them back to their rooms, go lie down." The half elf smiled. "You look terrible. OK?" Elrond tugged on one of Estel's two front braids to emphasize his point.  
  
"Ok." Estel smiled back at his father.  
  
Estel then turned and quietly led the women back to their rooms in the guest quarters of the house. He said his goodbyes and left them. Elrond had been right. If he looked half as bad as he felt he was surprised that no one had buried him yet. He slowly trudged back through the house considering his options. He didn't really want to walk all the way back to his room. It was at the other end of the house and even worse it would be cold. His room faced almost due west, so it caught the afternoon warmth well and stayed warmer longer into the night. However, it also took longer to warm up than many of the other rooms. Moreover, if he returned to his room he may not leave it. He would curl up in bed and not get up again until thirst, hunger, or his bladder forced him to do so. And that wouldn't be much help to his father.  
  
His favourite window seat in Elrond' study was no better. Though it caught the morning sun it was still at the other end of the house. Not to mention he ran the risk of Elrond bringing the guests in there. So he finally decided on a chase lounge facing one of the Eastern verandas. He found one in a delicious looking sunbeam and collapsed with every intention of dozing there until his father needed him again.  
  
It took him some time to finally fall a sleep because he stomach kept doing flip-flops, his daughter seemed to think now was a good time to do calisthenics, and he was chilly. The sun seemed to be doing nothing to combat the October chill and Estel was already tired of being cold. He wished Legolas were here to keep him warm like Meglin's husband had been doing for her. He was sure he would have been able to fall asleep faster if the prince had been cuddled up behind him. However, he realized that after the argument they had had, Legolas might not ever want to cuddle with him again. Estel sighed trying to think positively. Maybe Legolas would forgive him and consent to hug him every now and again. He could take the crushing pain of having sex if it meant that the elf would hold him afterwards.  
  
Back in the room with the woman, Meglin and Maylin discussed the young pregnant woman that had just left. Both women had made several observations about their possible hostess. First off, they noticed that she was tall, very tall for a human woman. She stood as tall as their men. Neither had noticed earlier because she had looked short next to all of the elves. She had a long limbed grace that both of the petite woman lacked entirely.  
  
Next they had noticed Estel's eyes. Never before had either seen a person with truly silver eyes. Greys usually tended to be steely or lean more towards the blue, but this woman's eyes were as silver as a wedding band. Those eyes held an age and wisdom that the face and body did not show. If either were to guess, they would have placed Estel's age at around 17or 18 years old but the eyes showed a depth of spirit that was not generally seen in one so young.  
  
Finally they had realized that Estel spoke with the same musical accent as the elves, even if it wasn't as thick. Her voice was deep and throaty for a woman, but she seemed rather soft spoken.  
  
Meglin turned to her mother, Maylin. "So, what do you make of 'er?"  
  
"She is certainly no servant. Not even the kindest lord would allow a mere servant girl to share the table like that. And they all spoke to her as if they knew her well."  
  
"Too right. I ain't seen no other 'umans around. I wonder where 'er 'usband is?"  
  
"Good question. I also wonder why she seems so unhealthy and unhappy." Maylin mused, her maternal instincts kicking in to try and protect the young woman.  
  
"Mum, you don't suppose they keep 'er as some sort of sex-slave do you? And they just trotted 'er out to impress us." It was not unheard of for human lords to keep a harem of woman for their pleasure, why couldn't elvin lords to the same.  
  
"I don't know. But I suggest we find out. If that is the case I want no business with these elves and I am taking that poor girl with us." The two women exited the room in search of the possible slave, Estel, with every intention of winkling her story from her.  
  
After about an hour of tossing and turning, Estel finally managed to fall into a light sleep. He was enjoying the mindless relaxation of it when he heard footsteps approaching. Somewhere in his foggy brain he registered that elves didn't make noise when they walked, which meant only one thing. It must be the humans. Estel thought about diving off of the balcony to get away from them, but it was too late. He cursed his bad luck.  
  
He had no idea how they had found him. He was partially hidden in a small alcove and the high back of the lounge hid him from causal observers. Then he heard the women and Thranduil and Estel cursed again. '* That bloody bastard. I think it is high time Legolas took the throne of Mirkwood, you insufferable sot.*'  
  
Estel sat up just as they arrived. He smiled pleasantly all the while trying to come up with some excuse why he needed to leave.  
  
"Hello there Estel. Would you care to join us?" Maylin said.  
  
'*No thank you, I would rather rush a band of orcs than suffer you two for one minute longer." Estel thought, but he said. "Sure, that would be nice." '*But if you start talking about sewing or cooking don't be surprised if I chew my own arm off to get away.*'  
  
There was not enough room for all of them to sit, so he rose and abandoned his warm sunbeam and led them over to a couch and two chairs. Estel moved to take one of the chairs, but Maylin pulled him down onto the sofa beside her. He barely managed to stop himself from yanking his arm out of her grasp.  
  
"So, Estel, how long have you lived here with the elves?" Maylin decided to start small.  
  
"Sixteen years almost seventeen years." Estel answered dully.  
  
"Where were you from before you came here?"  
  
"The North." Estel said, but thought. '*Why are you being so nosey, you old hag? Why don't you go bug one of the elves? Their lives are far more interesting than mine.*'  
  
"Those are interesting clothes, you 'ave there. Is your 'usband a Ranger?" Meglin piped in with her high-pitched voice.  
  
"No, I am a Ranger." Estel was vaguely insulted that this woman thought that he was not capable of being a Ranger just because he was now female. Some of the best trackers and fighters he knew among the Dunedain were women. Estel figured that she had probably never met a real Ranger in her life.  
  
"Where is your 'usband?" Meglin asked.  
  
Estel was saved from answering by the arrival of a servant with a fully loaded try of pastries and drinks. There was a large pot of hot coco and many strawberry and cream cheese pastries. Estel was about to wave them away when Meglin squealed in delight.  
  
"Yum! Those look wonderful." The servant served two cups of coco and gave Estel the large glass of ice water the chef had sent for him. Estel smiled genuinely at the elf and he smiled back. Estel would have to remember to thank the chef personally. He was glad the chubby elf remembered that it had become easier for him to tolerate very cold drinks than hot ones. The water had several large chunks of ice in it that would keep it cool for hours.  
  
"Aren't you going to eat anything?" Maylin asked as the servant left.  
  
"No, I am not hungry."  
  
"But they are so good." Meglin sang.  
  
'*How can you still be hungry. I have heard of eating for two, but not twenty-two. You are going to explode soon.*' Estel tried to hide his thoughts from his face by sipping at his water.  
  
"At least try some of the coco. It is very rich and wonderful. The best I have ever had." Maylin tried to tempt him with the sugary sweet hot chocolate and he couldn't stop himself from curling his lip up.  
  
"Truly, ma'am. My water is all I want."  
  
"That can't be all you want, luv. Surely you would at least like a biscuit?" Maylin held out a long piece of shortbread  
  
"No thank you, really. I assure I am quite content with what I have." Estel tried to keep the edge from his voice.  
  
Maylin tried another tactic and reached her old, wrinkled hand out and placed it on Estel's belly. She was trying to tell how far along he was in his pregnancy. When Estel saw the hand coming he moved backwards away from it, pressing himself into the corner of the couch. He was not about to suffer being manhandled by this woman.  
  
'*If you move that grizzled meat hook one inch closer to me, woman, you are going to loose it.*' Estel thought as he moved away from the woman.  
  
Maylin on the other hand, found Estel's reaction telling. She found it to be quite strange that the human shied away as if he were afraid she was going to be slapped. In the older woman's mind, she saw a life of abuse for the young lass and it broke her heart. "You needn't be worried, lass, I am a midwife. I have been birthing babies longer than you have been around. I just wanted to check to make sure everything is alright with you and your little one since I don't see any woman around here to take care of you." Maylin explained, hoping the Ranger would relax and allow herself to be examined.  
  
'* I don't really think I need you to examine me, hag. I have the best healer in all of Middle Earth taking care of me. I doubt there is anything that you could do that he couldn't.*' Estel thought angrily. He was tired of these women and their intrusive ways. He just wanted to be left alone for a while so he could sleep. He didn't want them touching him, talking to him, or trying to make him sick by force feeding him. "That isn't necessary ma'am. I am fine." Estel tried to stop the ice from creeping into his voice, but he was not succeeding. Like his father, Estel did not usually rant and rave when angry; Elrond's bout with Legolas a few months ago was the exception. Estel tended to get very smiley and polite the angrier he became. He could not yet manage to put frost on the windows with his tone like Elrond could, but anyone who knew him would know that he was angry now.  
  
Thranduil spied on them from the other side of the room. He chuckled to himself at the antics of the Ranger. Estel had grown up around elves to take on many of their mannerisms. Like most elves, Estel did not like being touched by people he didn't know. Elves, unlike humans, did not generally have casual contact, did not touch during greetings, and never touched those they were not well acquainted with. Estel seemed grotesquely uncomfortable with the idea of the old matron touching him.  
  
Thranduil noticed that Estel was clearly becoming seriously annoyed with the women. He had to intervene and keep Estel in a forced politeness if he wanted his fun to continue. So he confidently strode over to the three of them and smiled sweetly at Estel. The Ranger was not fooled and he began to feel the hair rise on the back of his neck in warning. The king was up to something.  
  
"Good morning ladies. How are you enjoying Rivendell and Lord Elrond's hospitality?" Thranduil nearly choked trying to call Elrond 'lord.' He noticed that Estel was eyeing him warily.  
  
"Oi, it is a grand 'ome. I ain't never seen nothing like it before." Meglin said all smiles again.  
  
"Rivendell is not just a home, madam, but also the surrounding valley. Elrond has some of the most magnificent gardens in Middle Earth. And the prospect from the waterfalls is breathtaking." It pained him so to compliment the half elf's home. Even if what he said was true.  
  
'*You don't even like Imladris. Why are you saying this? You hate humans, go away. I would like to take you to the top of the waterfalls and throw you in, you obnoxious prickly pear.*' Estel hoped Thranduil could not read his thoughts.  
  
"Perhaps, dear Estel, you should take these two women for a tour of the grounds. I think the fresh air would do you well. You are looking a little peaked. Perhaps you should eat." Thranduil held up a messy looking strawberry pastry.  
  
Estel felt himself blanch at the sight of it, but he still answered. "If that is what you would like to do, than I would be more than happy to give you a tour." '* And take you to the borders and hope a warg eats you.*' "Let me go and get my coat and you can retrieve you cloaks and we shall meet by the front door in twenty minutes." Estel said, all the while damning Thranduil.  
  
As he was leaving Estel shot Thranduil a truly angry glare and Thranduil thought it was the first time he had seen the Ranger really get angry at him. At least, the first time that he remembered. Perhaps the young one had a backbone after all. Only time would tell. But for right now, Estel was leading a pack of boring women around the woods in forty degree temperatures when it was clear he should be resting someplace warm. He didn't know much about medicine, but he figured that it wouldn't be good for Estel.  
  
Estel made his way back to his chamber to retrieve his coat. He slammed his door shut when he reached his room and pounded his fist into the door a few times to help center himself. He was so mad he could barely think. '* How dare that man? How dare he volunteer my time to show them around the grounds? I hate him. I want him dead. I want to see him writhing in pain on the floor in front of me.*' An evil gleam came into the Ranger's eye as he turned to leave. '* Better yet, I want to see him pregnant.*'  
  
Estel walked back to the front door by way of the kitchen. He had planned out the route he would take the humans on and it would take them by the stables. He wanted to get a treat for Orlean, his mare. He only hoped there was someone willing to go into the pantry and get it for him. On his way there he ran into Elrond. The Lord was discussing the dinner menu with the chef.  
  
"Estel, what are you doing up and dressed to leave? You should be resting somewhere." Elrond eyed his child critically. Estel still looked tired and ill.  
  
"Thranduil volunteered me to show the women around the grounds. I thought I would take them through the southern gardens past the stables. I wanted to get a carrot for Orlean." Estel sounded exhausted even to himself.  
  
"Are you sure you are up to it?"  
  
In truth, Estel wasn't sure. He felt weak and shaky, probably from not eating, and he still felt pretty queasy. "I guess. I just feel kind of sick and shaky." Estel held his hands out and they trembled slightly. "But I don't have much of a choice. It would cause offense to your guests if I backed out now." Estel looked depressed.  
  
Elrond whispered something to the chef who disappeared into the kitchen as the lord led his child over to a bench. Elrond poured Estel some water and bid him to drink it. Estel didn't really want to because it was room temperature and he liked it almost freezing, but he did what his father told him. The water perked him up slightly. Soon the chef returned with a stack of crackers and two carrots with the green, leafy ends cut off. Estel smiled his thanks up at the chef. The portly elf was always very kind to him.  
  
Elrond handed the crackers to Estel. They were small white salt covered squares that tasted much like parchment. Estel wasn't very fond of them, but they were bland and he could usually tolerate them. He figured that once he had his daughter he would never go near another cracker again as long as he lived.  
  
"Eat these. They should help. My guess is, you feel shaky because you haven't eaten enough. Remember, sweetheart. If you are feeling shaky and weak, what must your daughter be feeling?" Elrond put his hand over Estel's tummy and Estel sighed in guilt. It wasn't like he wanted to starve himself. It wasn't his fault he couldn't stand to be around food. He was really tired of everyone making him feel bad about it.  
  
"She has spent a lot of time moving around today for someone who is feeling weak." Estel tried to distract Elrond.  
  
Elrond smiled and concentrated on his granddaughter. She seemed to sense his energy and shined a little bit brighter in greeting. The lord's face spit into an even bigger smile. Estel looked at him in confusion. "She is well and energetic today. But it is you I am concerned with. So eat your crackers and come back if you start to feel ill. I would rather give offense to them than risk you making yourself sick. Am I understood?"  
  
"Yes, Ada." Estel bit into a cracker and determinedly munched at it. He tried to ignore the flat ashy taste.  
  
"Enjoy your walk then. And do give the other carrot to my mount, would you?" Elrond rose and placed a fatherly kiss on the top of Estel's head.  
  
Estel continued to eat his crackers as he walked towards the front door. He took one last drink of water, pocketed his carrots, and headed outside with the women. The Ranger finished the last bite of cracker and turned to the women. "I thought we should take the southern pass. The way is smoother and the sights very pleasing. I am afraid the climb to the top of the waterfall may be beyond all of us right now." Estel managed to find a smile.  
  
As they headed out, Estel noticed that Meglin walked with a strange kind of waddling gate. She moved more like a duck than a normal person. He knew he was walking slower and stiffer than he usually did because he back was bothering him. However he did not waddle like a water fowl. He wondered again at how much larger she was than him. He self-consciously ran his hand over his belly.  
  
Estel then turned his face up to the sun trying to warm up. The two women behind him took that moment to watch him. They were both stunned at the young Ranger's beauty at that point. His skin was flawless and his bone structure prominent. Meglin most of all admired Estel's thick mink coloured hair. It fell all the way down to Estel's hips and was shiny and silky in a way that her red curls could never match. She felt short, fat, and dumpy next to Estel. What she did not realize was that Estel felt like an impossibly tall and gangly adolescent next to her.  
  
The young human in question turned to both of the women and spoke. "If you don't mind I would like to stop by the stables on our walk. Rivendell boasts some of the most magnificent horses outside of Rohan."  
  
"That would be wonderful. I love 'orses." Meglin squealed again.  
  
"This way then." Estel spoke. '* She is shrill enough to be a bird.*'  
  
The three approached the stables. There were three large buildings which housed the horses surrounded by several lush fields. Since the days were getting cooler, the grooms let the horses out during the day rather than at night as they did in the summer. But most of them were still close to the buildings in one of several paddocks that surrounded them. Estel put his fingers to his lips and gave a serious of loud whistles. Soon a large buckskin mare came trotting over with her filly in tow.  
  
The two foreign women found this to be the strangest thing they had seen yet. The paddocks had no fences around them to keep the horses from running away. Maylin pointed this out.  
  
"If they want to leave they are allowed. We would not want to keep an animal here that did not want to be here. They stay because we love them and treat them well. Orlean and I have been in many tight scrapes and she alone is the reason I have survived." Estel pet his mare's felty nose with the backs of his fingers.  
  
Estel heard a gasp behind him and followed the women's stares. Over the rise just east of them came Asfaloth, Glorfindel's horse. He was huge and pale grey, almost white. His mane and tail swept the grass and he posed for a moment against the sun. "Show off." Estel muttered as he broke one of the carrots in half and beckoned the mighty stallion over. Both women backed off. Not sure of the safety of being around a mare with a foal and a stallion with no fence to protect them.  
  
But Maylin felt she had to speak. "That is the most beautiful horse I have ever seen. He is like something that stepped out of a ballad."  
  
Estel actually chuckled. "Don't let Arlyss hear you say that, he will get jealous." As if on cue a huge coal black stallion came from the West. He surveyed his dominion from a distance before deigning to come and join the other two horses. When he arrived, both women backed off even further, now completely sure this was not safe. Two stallions and a mare in foal were clearly not a safe combination. They tried to get Estel's attention so that the Ranger could also retreat to safety, but he just held the other half a carrot out to the large black horse.  
  
Estel beckoned the two women to come closer. "This," he said pointing to the black stallion with the intense eyes, "is Arlyss. He is Lord Elrond's mount. He is somewhat standoffish with strangers. But he is brave and true. Aren't you?" Estel cooed as he rubbed the horse under the chin. Once Arlyss had his carrot and realized that no harm was going to befall his friends, he turned and headed back to his harem over the western hill.  
  
Estel then turned to the grey horse. "And this is Asfaloth. He belongs to Lord Glorfindel. He is a decedent of Shadowfax, the lord of horses. He is said to have a stamina that no horse but his sire could match, much like his rider." The grand words were lessened some by the fact that Asfaloth nosed around Estel's pockets looking for more food and grabbed onto one of Estel's braids and tugged on it trying to get the other carrot. "No, that is for Orlean." Estel said firmly. The horse released his braid and turned to the two women behind him. The stallion sauntered up and snuffled them to see if they had food. Since they clearly did not he turned with a last bow of his head towards Estel and returned to grazing.  
  
Finally Estel returned his attention to his horse. He leaned into her and whispered to her in elvish. She whickered and accepted the carrot. Estel played with her ears and spoke quietly to her. She nosed him gently in the belly and he giggled and said something else to her. She tugged on his braid and he relented and gave her chest a good scratch. Next she put her large head over his slender shoulder and pulled him towards her so he could wrap his arms around her neck. She horsey hugged him and finally let him go.  
  
The women were in awe watching the exchanged. The quiet, morose woman they had seen inside had come to life around the horses. But what was just as strange was that the horses seemed to respond to her has well. They watched as the Ranger spoke in the Grey tongue to the mare and it seemed to them the horse understood. Then they were even more shocked when the mare beckoned her foal over and nudged it into the Ranger. Estel spent some time scratching the young horse and just generally loving on it before he finally turned to the women to lead them away. The two could not understand how this woman looked and dressed like a human but acted, spoke, and moved like and elf. They had begun to abandon the idea that Estel was a slave, because who would gift a slave with such a beautiful animal?  
  
As Estel led the women down the well worn path through a thicket of trees, he pointed out sights along the way. He had hoped that this would be a quiet walk, but the women seemed to have discarded the word quiet from their vocabularies. They walked loudly and talked even louder.  
  
"So, where is your 'usband? Does 'e work in the stables?" Meglin asked.  
  
"I'm not married." '* People can have children outside of wedlock, you stupid sow.*'  
  
"Oh dear. Where is your mother sweetheart?" Maylin's first thought was that some dishonorable man had led the young beauty astray.  
  
"She is dead. She died just after she brought me to Rivendell." '*My father is dead too. So is everyone else in my family that is human. If you want to meet them I shall be more than happy to send you to your death if you ask me one more question.*'  
  
"That is just awful. You in this condition and no mother to 'elp take care of you." Meglin felt tears spring to her eyes.  
  
Estel was almost pleased about having upset her because it meant that she finally stopped smiling. As he walked a bit further along, he started to feel a rather unpleasant sensation in his stomach. One he was quite familiar with. He felt like someone had stuck a straw in his stomach and was blowing bubbles in the contents. He took a deep breath trying to dispel the nausea. But before he could completely exhale he felt bile rise in the back of his throat. He turned to the women and spoke quickly. "Excuse me a moment. Just wait here. I will be right back." He rushed off towards the tree line.  
  
He had intended to make it further away from the women, but he was not able. He braced one hand on the trunk of a tree and leaned over, emptying his stomach onto the forest floor. He had ceased being frightened of vomiting many months ago, but he was still unable to stop the surge of adrenaline he felt just before he retched. Nor could he stop the weak and shaky feeling that turned his knees to jelly and made his hands tremble afterwards.  
  
He leaned heavily against the tree trying to stop himself from panting when he heard the other two women crashing through the brush. '* Oh please, not now. Can't they just leave me alone for a moment? The last thing I need is them mothering me.*'  
  
"Oh dear, are you ok, sweetie?" Meglin crooned.  
  
'* They did it, they asked the hated question. They asked me if I am ok. I hate that. Why do people ask me that when I am not ok?*' It took every ounce of self control Estel had, plus the lingering ill feeling, to not pounce on the younger woman and give her a thrashing. '* Yes, of course I am ok. I enjoy this. I thought that the forest lacked some colour, so I thought I would toss my cookies on to it. Only I wish I had had the presence of mind to eat something red to add to the colour palette.*' Estel mentally snarked. But he actually said. "I am fine. It is just, you know." He shrugged his shoulders.  
  
Maylin crouched down in front of the human who had given up trying to hold himself up on quivery knees. She quickly grasped Estel by the chin and then rested her hand on his forehead. She used the hand on the Ranger's chin so that he couldn't get away. "You don't seem to have a fever. Are you still suffering from pregnancy illness?" It was very uncommon for a woman to still feel ill much past the third month and downright rare for her to still be ill once she started showing. She guessed the Ranger was about four months along, so she supposed the woman could still be ill.  
  
"Yes. Sometimes." Estel was not comfortable having this conversation with this woman he barely knew. He was mortified that they had seen him ill. Of course he should be used to it by now. He figured by the time she was born he would have no pride left.  
  
"How far along are you, lass?" Maylin was a midwife and had been for years so her every instinct told her to try and help Estel.  
  
"Around seven months."  
  
Both women stared wide eyed at him. They could not fathom how this lady could be seven months pregnant and still be so tiny. He was smaller than Meglin by quite a bit. Some of that could be contributed to Meglin's shorter waist and relative weights and muscle strength before pregnancy, but it was still shocking. Even worse, was that the Ranger was still ill after seven months. So ill in fact that he was apparently unable to eat a good breakfast.  
  
Estel wanted to tell them to stop staring at him but he couldn't think of anyway to do it that would not be rude. So instead he stood to head back to the path. The movement spurred another wave of nausea and he leaned over vomiting again. '* This is so embarrassing.*' Estel thought. When he was finished he wiped his mouth on the cuff of his sleeve and turned back to the two concerned women.  
  
"I am truly sorry about this. I am sure you understand." Estel tried to smile, but his stomach took a nauseating turn and he feared he was going to be ill again.  
  
"Don't worry about it, luv. I remember in my early months I got sick maybe five or six times. It was awful." Meglin gave a mock shudder in remembrance.  
  
'* Five or six times. I threw up that many times last night. I hate you, you fat , stupid broodmare. You are treating me like a child and you don't even realize that I should be your king.*' Estel couldn't fight off the resentment he felt. It wasn't fair. Why was she so fat, happy, and healthy and he looked like a wraith? He felt like he wanted to cry. But luckily he was interrupted by the practical voice of Maylin.  
  
"Let's get you back to the house and onto a couch with your feet up. The best thing to do for pregnancy illness is to eat something. If you have food in you belly than you won't notice the sickness there." Maylin spoke the old wives' wisdom on how to treat it. However, Estel had tried that. He remembered one day lying on a chase lounge valiantly trying to choke down crackers Legolas was force feeding him that would come right back up as soon as he swallowed them. "You need something with a lot of protein, like some duck or quail. Pork would be even better. I know we have a nice slab of salt pork left I can fry you up for lunch."  
  
"Please stop talking about that." Estel groaned as his stomach took another turn. Was this woman intentionally trying to make him sick? The three slowly made their way back up to the house and entered to meet the men during a break in their meeting with Elrond. Estel leaned against the door and watched how Meglin's husband pulled her into a hug and planted a soft kiss on her lips. He then took her hands in his to warm them after the chill of being outdoors. The man seemed to enjoy touching Meglin as much as she enjoyed being touched by him. Estel felt a great pang of jealously. Legolas would never act like that. He could never see the reserved elf standing in the middle of the entrance hall holding Estel from behind and rubbing his belly. He wanted to cry.  
  
Estel pushed off from the door and tried to head back towards his room. He didn't really care if he gave offense anymore. He felt terrible and he wanted to curl up in bed in front of a warm fire and cry himself to sleep until he felt better. But luck was not on his side today. As he moved towards the hall leading towards the private chambers, Thranduil noticed him and called attention to his escape.  
  
"Estel, where ever are you going? It is almost time for lunch." Thranduil called in concerned tones.  
  
"To my room." Estel responded dully.  
  
"But what about lunch? You hardly ate any breakfast. You must be starving. I understand that the chef has outdone himself for lunch. He has made game pie with pork, venison, duck, and every good thing. Maybe even rabbit." Thranduil stressed the last syllable well remembering the Ranger's aversion to rabbit.  
  
"I'm not going to lunch. I am going to my room." Estel ground out through clenched teeth. '* Why did he have to mention rabbit?*"  
  
"But Estel, dear, you look peaked. I think you should eat something." Thranduil turned to Maylin and spoke with a small pout on his lips. "Your daughter mentioned you were a midwife. Don't you agree, from a medical standpoint, that Estel should go to lunch?"  
  
"Yes, I agree completely. Remember what I said Estel. A full stomach feels the illness less than an empty one." Maylin encouraged the pale Ranger.  
  
"Thank you for the advice, but that isn't always so. I am not feeling up to attending lunch right now. But I will take your words under advisement." Estel spoke coolly, but he thought. '* You just watched me hunched over in the forest retching on to the floor. How could you possibly think that I would want to go to lunch? Are you as insane as your daughter is annoying?*' Estel turned again to head down the hall when Meglin spoke.  
  
"Oh Estel, Mama really is right. You should eat something. I bet it will make you feel right as rain in no time." She smiled brightly at him from her position of being cuddled by her husband.  
  
Estel felt his anger rise to a point where he wasn't sure he could control it. He took a deep breath to yell at the women and the king when Elrond showed up and beckoned him into another room. Estel stiffly walked to his father, his hackles still up. They moved into an alcove just out of sight of most of the party, except for Meglin, who had a clear view of them reflected off of a mirror in the entryway.  
  
She watched as Estel walked to Elrond and the two began to talk. Estel seemed angry, but then relented. She watched in shock as Elrond reached out and tucked a piece of the human's hair behind his ear and Estel leaned forward resting his forehead on the elf lord. She was even more stunned when she watched the fearsome Lord Elrond wrap his arms around the human and rub her back soothingly and even kiss her on the forehead just before he led the Ranger away out of her sight.  
  
Estel stalked into the next room where his father was waiting for him, expecting to get a lecture on politeness. Instead, Elrond simply watched him for a moment before he spoke in quiet Elvish. "What is bothering you, my child?"  
  
"Those stupid people and that obnoxious king. He has that old woman following me around like a nursemaid trying to force me to eat." Estel pointed angrily back at the other room.  
  
"It that all?" Elrond realized that Estel needed to vent.  
  
The young Ranger dropped his gaze and then his head until his hair almost obscured his face and he mumbled. "I got sick on the walk." He didn't know why he was embarrassed to tell his father, he just was. He was tired of feeling weak, and didn't want to get another lecture about eating enough for two. He just wanted to lie down.  
  
"And the women saw you?" Estel simply nodded his head "yes." Elrond put his finger under Estel's chin and forced his child to lift his head. "How are you feeling now?"  
  
"Do you want the truth or what I am telling everyone?" Estel tried to joke.  
  
"The truth."  
  
"Awful." Estel took a step forward and rested his forehead on Elrond's chest. It always surprised him how much strength he felt there given the fact that he rarely saw his father pick up anything more strenuous than a quill.  
  
Elrond wrapped his arms around Estel and rubbed his hands up and down on his child's back. He could tell that Estel was no longer angry, but was back to being depressed. He guessed that there was something more to Estel's dislike of the humans then their nosiness, but he wasn't sure what it was yet. He doubted it could really be their desire to see him eat; after all, every elf in Imladris did the same thing to him on an almost daily basis. He should be used to it by now.  
  
"I am sorry, sweetheart. I will have the cooks prepare you some tea to drink and I think you should go to bed. We will work around your absence." Elrond kissed Estel's head where it rested against his chest. He would much rather have the human there to deal with the others, but he also did not want to make Estel feel bad unduly. The humans did not fully trust them, and he was no longer good at dealing with them. He had seen the weak and useless ways that the human's had destroyed his brother's kingdom and generally speaking didn't have a very good opinion of most of them. These two seemed just as greedy and treacherous as most humans he had met.  
  
Estel rested against Elrond a moment longer. He really wanted to go upstairs to his room and rest, but he would not let his father down. He would keep the human's company and act as a buffer between them as long as he could stand. But right now he felt sick. "Ada, I think I am going to throw up." Estel choked out.  
  
Elrond led him away to a nearby privy in the private part of the house. Estel crouched on the floor feeling the nausea ebb and flow over him. He hated this. He would rather just vomit and get it over with than sit for hours feeling like he needed to. Elrond knelt beside him speaking soothingly to him. After a few minutes past and Estel had still not gotten ill, Elrond handed the human a glass of water.  
  
"Try and drink some of this. It should help." Elrond rested his hand between Estel's shoulder blades. He could feel his son trembling slightly every so often.  
  
Estel accepted the water and sipped at it. Amazingly it stayed down and he drank some more. He needed a distraction and turned to his father. "How are the negotiations going?"  
  
"Not well. The humans are covetous and wish to make an unfair deal with us. They wish for us to donate much, for them to do little for it. I would not mind so very much, except Erestor is up in arms about raising the wealth of Rivendell." Elrond went on to explain some of the sticking points. "Have the women mentioned anything to you?"  
  
Estel thought back over the conversation that he had had with them before he answered. "Not really. I would guess, though, that they are not from a rich village. Their clothes are homemade and Meglin doesn't even have gloves. I'm guessing a farming or mining community. They seem well fed, but also well worked. I bet you could sway them by offering them some luxury item that they could never attain on their own. Both Meglin and Maylin were in awe of the horses. Perhaps you could convince Glor to part with one of his mares if it would sweeten the deal." Estel was now leaning against his father's shoulder as he talked with his eyes closed.  
  
"That is an excellent idea. I will talk to Glor about it. I will tell him that he has to part with Asfaloth and see what he does." Elrond chuckled to himself. Glorfindel loved his horse like a child.  
  
The two sat in silence for a few more minutes before Estel finally sat back up and spoke. "I feel better now. Sorry about the false alarm."  
  
"That is fine with me, child, I could use the break. And your insight shall be helpful. Now, I think you should go to bed." Elrond helped Estel into a standing position. It was getting harder for the young Ranger to get up off the floor.  
  
"No, that's ok. I will go to lunch. I can't promise I will eat anything, but I will go." He smiled at his father.  
  
The two exited the bathroom and entered the dining hall just as everyone else had begun to arrive. Estel could already smell the food and regretted not taking Elrond up on his offer of going to bed. But his decision was made and he shrugged out of his coat and slid into his seat beside the lord. Maylin sat beside him this time and Estel was not pleased.  
  
Lunch was served and Estel waived off everything except a cup of tea for his stomach and another stack of tasteless crackers, of which he ate few. He felt better than he had earlier, but his stomach still felt very queasy and he didn't want to chance eating anything to rich. He hated having to watch Meglin fill her face with tons of food. He was jealous because it had been months since he had really enjoyed eating. There were a few isolated instances were something tasted good to him and he enjoyed eating it, but more often than not he ate because he knew that he had to. Like most things in his life right now, he went through the motions because that was what he needed to do.  
  
He let out a small sigh as he watched Meglin eat a butter and potato filled dumpling topped with sour cream. He loved those. He wished he could have one, but his rolling stomach reminded him not to even try. He was having a hard enough time with tea and crackers. Maylin heard him sigh and turned to him.  
  
"Lass, why do you no try to eat of these?" She held a potato dumpling. "Or some of the game pie. It has a lot of protein and would help your stomach."  
  
"My tea helps my stomach, ma'am." Estel motioned to his cup and tried not to look at the game pie. Luckily it didn't have rabbit in it.  
  
"Try some soup, Estel. Surely if you can drink that foul tasting tea, you can drink some soup." Thranduil held up a bowl of split pea soup heavy with garlic and onions right to the Ranger's face. Estel blanched at the horrid green colour and the strong smell.  
  
Estel smiled and spoke sweetly to the king in Elvish. "If you do not get that out of my face, I will vomit on you."  
  
"You mean again?" Thranduil answered the same way.  
  
"Enough." Elrond spoke to them. He was not about to let Estel and Thranduil get into a fight in front of his guests.  
  
"By the way, how did you know that my tea tasted foul?" Estel questioned this time in Westron so the human's could understand.  
  
"Guess. Though, I am sure it is not so bad as the chicory tea you had this morning." Thranduil's voice was sugary sweet.  
  
Before Estel could answer the king, Maylin spoke up. "I think you need something more substantial than tea to help you. I know a good cure for pregnancy illness. I just need some pork fat and a few other things I am sure you have around here."  
  
Estel was sure he wanted nothing to do with any cure that involved pork fat. "Ma'am, I am sure that Estel appreciates your advice. But I assure you that she is being well looked after. We have done everything we can to help and ease the discomfort of her pregnancy." Elrond piped in before the woman inadvertently made Estel ill with talk of her cure.  
  
"Lord Elrond, with all due respect, I know that you are wise but what would an elf king know about pregnancy and healing?" All she wanted to do was help the too thin woman to her left.  
  
Off at the other end of the table Estel heard Glorfindel choke trying not to laugh at the same time he had to drop his head to hide his smile. Even Thranduil seemed amused at the impertinence of the woman in thinking she knew more about healing than Elrond. For his part, Elrond simply gave an indulgent smile and said. "You would be surprised good woman, you would be surprised."  
  
When lunch was over, the women immediately flocked to Estel and led him off somewhere. Elrond threw a quick prayer to the Valar that his child would not snap and kill them.  
  
Estel and the women returned to the sitting room they had been in earlier and took back up the seats they had occupied. Maylin forced Estel down onto the couch and pulled his boots off and put his feet up on the arm and a pillow behind his head. He had to admit it was pretty comfortable. It took some of the pressure off of his aching back.  
  
The young Ranger started to doze in the soft comfort of the couch as the women talked quietly to themselves. Just as he relaxed into a deeper sleep, Meglin called his name and woke him up. His brain felt fuzzy and he wondered if you could actually die from being woken up too often. "Hmm?" He mumbled, hoping the cow would realize he had been asleep.  
  
"You said your mother was dead, what about the rest of your family?"  
  
'* Great, her comes the questions again. People die everyday for no good reason, why can't this bloated windbag be struck down?*' Estel thought before he answered. "The elves are my only family left. My village, for lack of a better word, was attacked by orcs. My father was killed and my mother and adoptive brothers brought me here." Estel hoped that would satisfy her.  
  
"Where are your brothers now?"  
  
Estel sighed. He would get no peace and quiet this afternoon. "Bree. They are on an errand for Elrond." '* Along with Legolas. I wish you were here. You would scare these women away and then they wouldn't be bothering me.*'  
  
"What about a grandmother or sisters?" Maylin spoke this time.  
  
"I never knew my grandmothers they died before I was born. I didn't have any siblings until I was adopted. I have an adopted sister, but I have only met her once." He had heard of Arwen, but he had not seen her since he was so young he could not be sure if it was a dream or reality. He remembered her being breathtakingly beautiful though.  
  
"Then who is acting as your midwife? Who is taking care of you? And where is the father?" Maylin was annoyed at what seemed to be the very nonchalant way they treated this rather ill woman.  
  
"Lord Elrond, I guess. He has been taking care of me. I don't have a midwife. I assumed he would deliver her." Estel ignored the question about the father. They had been pestering him about the father for hours and each time he refused to answer.  
  
"You can't 'ave a man deliver your child. It's unseemly." Meglin said in disgust.  
  
Estel didn't really know what else to say. She had no idea that Estel had once been a man and was far more comfortable with a man seeing him from the angle of delivery than a woman. Not to mention, that Elrond was his father and the best healer in Middle Earth. He could not ask for someone better to take care of him.  
  
Estel was just about to say something when he realized that he was about to be sick again. He sat up quickly and bolted for the nearest privy. The women stared after him trying to figure out what to make of the situation.  
  
"Mama, I saw something strange earlier. When Elrond called Estel away, I saw 'im kiss 'er and 'ug 'er. 'E was very familiar with 'er. I think maybe 'e is the father. And Estel don't want to say because she thinks that it will affect our dealings with 'im." Meglin filled her mother in on what she had seen.  
  
"That is plausible. The lord seems very protective of her. She could be the lady of Rivendell."  
  
Before Maylin could say anymore, she heard a chuckle from behind her. Both women turned around to see Glorfindel smiling at them. They found his beauty almost painful to look at. All of the elves shined, but this one seemed to glow brighter than all of the others.  
  
Glorfindel tried to tone down his naturally bright aura so the humans would not be so awestruck before he spoke. "You are trying to figure out the riddle of Estel's daughter?"  
  
"Yes." Maylin managed to choke out. Gazing on this elf was almost like looking at the heart of a fire.  
  
"What have you come up with?" Glorfindel smiled to try and relax them. He had forgotten the affect he had on people.  
  
"We think the child might be Lord Elrond's. That Estel is 'is lady." Meglin finally managed to squeak.  
  
The blonde again chuckled. "That is an interesting theory. I suppose it makes sense. Elrond is very protective of Estel and there is much love between them. However, not in the way that you think. There is only one lady who has ever turned Elrond's head that way and she long ago crossed the sea." Glorfindel pointed at a large portrait of Elrond's wife Celebrian.  
  
"She is beautiful." Maylin gasped.  
  
"Aye, she is. My lord misses her daily. But he does not use Estel as a replacement. He adopted Estel into his family when Estel was orphaned. He has raised her ever since. He loves her as dearly as any of the children of his body."  
  
"Then who is the father?" Meglin asked. Starting to feel more relaxed around the friendly blonde elf. She was fascinated with his hair. It looked exactly like spun gold. She had never seen anything like it. Before she could stop herself, she asked him. "Could I touch your hair?" She then clapped her hand over her mouth, embarrassed.  
  
Glorfindel just laughed. "Of course." He leaned over towards her. "It's where I get my name from. Glorfindel means 'golden-haired elf."  
  
When Meglin had finished touching his hair Maylin again asked about the father. Glorfindel answered. "To find the father you need look little further than over there." He pointed to where Thranduil sat hanging one leg out of the window, reading a book. "King Thranduil's son, Prince Legolas, is the father."  
  
Both women gasped. "Does that make Estel a princess?" Meglin asked.  
  
"I suppose it sort of does. I know Legolas would want her to be his princess, but I think Estel has other ideas. But Estel is a princess in her own right. She is descent from royalty. Moreover she is considered through all circles as the daughter of Elrond, who is actually the High King of the Elves in Middle Earth. Though, Elrond will never use that title or claim the power for himself. Shirks responsibility terribly, that one does." Glorfindel joked. He figured Estel would be angry that he had told the women that he was royalty, but he also guessed that these rather simple people would be so over awed that they would leave the Ranger alone.  
  
Shortly after Glorfindel finished talking, Estel emerged from the privy and shuffled back to the couch. When he arrived, both women turned and bowed to him. He looked at them in confusion before he noticed Glorfindel's smiling eyes. "What did you tell them, Glor?"  
  
"Should we call you 'your highness' or 'your majesty'?" Meglin humbly asked.  
  
"Just the truth, my little princess." Glorfindel smiled as he spoke. He managed to dance out of the way as Estel threw his boot directly at the elf's head. He turned and began to leave.  
  
Maylin spoke softly to Estel. "He has the most wondrous smile I have ever seen."  
  
"Yes. He has a beautiful countenance, too bad it hides a trickster's heart that is so evil even Morgoth fears it." Estel's voice rose at the end.  
  
"I heard that." Glor yelled back.  
  
"I know." Estel bellowed in return.  
  
It wasn't long until dinner, and the women were generally leaving him alone. They still spoke with him, but they seemed uncomfortable and unsure of themselves. But if nothing else, they had quit asking him intrusive questions. He would have to thank Glorfindel later.  
  
Estel took his leave of the women so that they could all prepare for the formal dinner that would soon be served. Estel really didn't need an hour and a half to get ready, but he wanted to rest before he was forced to sit through a long stuffy dinner. He hadn't had the best track record in attending them lately. He trudged up to his room and collapsed on the bed. His room was cold and would be almost freezing by tonight if he didn't light a fire soon. But he didn't really have the energy to get up and do it. He hated the absolute exhaustion and weakness he experienced after not being able to hold anything down for a while. He felt like he didn't have the strength to lift his head up off the pillow.  
  
The Ranger relaxed into a light sleep for an hour before it was time for him to get ready. After he drank a glass of water he felt somewhat revived and slightly hungry. He slipped into his formal ware, and realized that the tunic and breeches, which had been cut for his male body, were far too tight for his now pregnant female one. He threw them aside angrily and went back to his wardrobe to find something else. After trying on three more outfits and having to also cast them aside, he despaired. '* Maybe I should just start wearing robes like the elves do.*' But he knew that robes too would be too tight since they were cut to be form fitting to the waist.  
  
He finally decided on his baggiest pair of black pants, a dark grey shirt, and a black tunic opened in the front. Over this he looped his dress belt, but kept it slung under his belly around his hips. He went into his bathing room to rebrush and braid his hair and he stopped and looked at himself in the mirror. He barely recognized himself. His complexion was sallow with dark circles under red rimmed eyes. His dark coloured clothes only made him look worse. No wonder Maylin and Meglin were so worried about him. It just wasn't fair, why did he Meglin look so happy and healthy and he looked and felt like he had one foot in the grave.  
  
Estel felt tears rise to eyes. He was so tired. He felt like he didn't have the strength to keep going. He just didn't think he was strong enough to do this. He felt alone and unhappy and he really missed Legolas. More than just about anything right now he wanted is best friend to hug him and kiss him and tell him that everything would be all right. But Legolas wasn't here. He wasn't even sure if the elf would want to make him feel better even if he were here. Estel was alone. He sat down on the chase lounge and covered his face with his hands. He started to shake with the effort of not sobbing. He couldn't handle this, not on his own. Then he felt his daughter wiggle around inside of him. Her touch, feather light, but he could still feel it. He also felt a wave of unbelievable love. Like nothing he had ever felt before.  
  
He dried his eyes and finished braiding his hair. He may be tired, look awful, and feel even worse but he wasn't alone. He could do it, for her.  
  
Estel walked into the main chamber in front of the formal dining room. The room was packed with elves waiting for the staff to allow them entrance to be seated. Almost the moment that the Ranger entered the room, he was mobbed by Meglin. She clapped her hands and squealed in delight at seeing him. Estel almost thought about running back upstairs.  
  
"Lady Estel, do come over 'ere and join us." Meglin said. She had changed into her finest dress, which was still more poorly made than Estel's clothes. It was a rich burgundy that clashed with her carrot red hair.  
  
Estel walked over trying not to drag his feet. "Good evening. And please, you do not need to call me 'lady.' Estel is just fine." Estel smiled trying to make his point. He was going to kill Glorfindel. He was beginning to understand Thranduil's nickname for the blonde, "imp of Morgoth." It fit.  
  
""Good evening my lady." Maylin greeted. Estel sighed. "There was a tall blond elf looking for you.  
  
"Was it Thranduil or Glorfindel?" It had to be one of them because they were the only two blondes residing in Imladris that would be looking for him. '* Hey, at least she isn't bugging me to eat. Maybe I will give Glorfindel a hug.*' Before Estel could say anything, the golden-haired elf in question sauntered up smiling. He dragged Thranduil along behind him.  
  
"I am unsure which one though." She looked down apologetically.  
  
"Do not worry yourself, madam. It is a common mistake among even elves. Even Thranduil's wife made the same mistake on many an occasion." He smiled wickedly, winking at the older woman.  
  
Estel could tell there would be a fight soon if he didn't separate the two. "Well, which one was looking for me?" Glorfindel nodded and led the Ranger away to ask his forgiveness for telling the humans of is royalty. Estel told him that he was not angry because it shut them up just as Glorfindel had planned.  
  
Soon the servants called for them to all be seated, and dinner began. Estel sipped weakly at his soup. Played with is salad, ignored his meat, nibbled at his mashed potatoes and bread, but enjoyed his ice cold milk. He made it right up to dessert before his stomach started to protest the food.  
  
He quickly got Elrond's attention. "Ada," '* to hell with Thranduil and his problems with me calling my father dad.*' "May I be excused?"  
  
Elrond looked over from is conversation. Dinner was nearly over and he was proud that his child had stuck it out so long, but he could also see that Estel was fading fast. "Are you feeling ill?" Estel shook his head 'yes' in answer, not trusting his voice. "Then yes, go." Elrond watched as Estel took two regal steps that quickly turned into a dash. He turned back to his conversation keeping on ear tuned on the Ranger.  
  
Estel ran out of the room trying to decide if he was going to be sick or not. He certainly felt ill enough to, but he didn't really feel like he needed to. He stopped just outside of the room and rested his head against the cool stone of the wall. '*It's not fair. Meglin isn't sick. I was hungry when I went to dinner, and even then I can't eat. I hate this, I hate this. I hate this. I wanted to get to stay and hear the singing in the Hall of Fire tonight. But of course not, Estel is too ill to attend.*'  
  
He felt a fresh wave of nausea wash over him and realized he was about to throw up. He moved towards the closest privy when he realized that it was occupied. Cursing his bad luck he looked around frantically as he felt his mouth start to water and the back of his throat burn. Finding nothing else suitable and not having time to head to another privy, Estel sprinted out to the terrace and leaned over the railing depositing his dinner in a flowerbed.  
  
When he was finished, he leaned over the railing for a moment longer and waited for is stomach to calm down. He felt a warm hand on his forehead and suddenly noticed that it was freezing cold outside. He had been too preoccupied to notice before. He pulled his hair out of his face and looked up to see who it was. He could guess. Elrond would be the only one who would come to check on him.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Elrond spoke quietly as he turned Estel around to face him.  
  
"I puked on my hair." Estel sounded depressed. He hadn't had time to pull the mass of hair out of his face before he got sick.  
  
Elrond tried not to laugh. For some reason the deadpan way his child as delivered the line struck him as very funny. "So I see." He removed a cloth from a pocket in his robe and handed it to Estel. He then led the shivering Ranger over to a bench that butted up to the outside of one of the fire pits. Warmth radiated off of the stone wall.  
  
"Thanks." Estel tried to wipe off his hair with little success. He was so frustrated and depressed right now he was about to burst into tears. He needed a distraction. "I need to quit coming to these formal dinners. They are not good for my self confidence." Estel tried to joke.  
  
"You might be right." Elrond turned to his child strongly reading the depression from him. "Why don't you go to your room? You have had a long unpleasant day. You should rest." He rose to leave.  
  
"You really don't mind?"  
  
"No. But please wash your hair." Elrond helped Estel stand. "I will come and check on you later." He gave the Ranger's hand an encouraging squeeze and headed back to the dining room.  
  
Elrond left the Hall of Fire as soon as politeness dictated he could. He was worried about his child and wanted to check on him. He headed up the stone stairs that lead to the family's quarters. He quickly stopped by his room and shucked his heavy ceremonial robes. He then went to Estel's room and listened at the door to determine if the Ranger was sleeping. He didn't hear any rhythmic breathing, so he knocked quietly. Estel answered for him to come in.  
  
When he entered the room he saw that his son had built a blazing fire in his hearth and had the window wide open to the very cold night. Estel sat in front of the open window on the window seat. He wore his loose comfy flannel pajamas and a bathrobe. He had his long hair wound up in a towel atop his head. He loosely held a brush in the one hand that rested across his bent knee, staring forlornly out of the window.  
  
"Good evening. Are you feeling better?" The warm bath had returned some of the colour to Estel's pale cheeks, but the cold was quickly robbing it.  
  
"Yes. Much." Estel finally turned around to look at Elrond as the elf moved over to sit beside him.  
  
"Would you like something brought up from the kitchen?" Elrond hoped is child might feel well enough to eat.  
  
"No. I don't think I can eat yet. I am just enjoying not feeling like I need to puke."  
  
Elrond noticed Estel starting to shiver. He didn't like the idea of the Ranger sitting in front of an open window with wet hair when the night was near freezing. "Why do you sit star gazing in the cold again? What is troubling you?" One didn't need to have any gifts to read the melancholy written all over Estel.  
  
"Nothing." Estel mumbled and rested his head back against the window frame.  
  
"Estel. Don't lie to me. You know I can tell. If you wish to be left alone just say you do not want to talk about what is bothering you, but please do not lie to me." Elrond gently scolded.  
  
"I'm sorry." Estel pulled his other leg up and hugged himself. '* Don't start crying Estel. He will think that you are mean and selfish if you tell him what is bothering you.*' Estel though to himself as warm tears started to run down his cold cheeks.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Elrond's voice was as gentle as the hand he rested on Estel's leg.  
  
As the elf lord predicted, Estel cracked. "It isn't fair." He sobbed. "Why does she get to be so fat and happy and healthy and I am not. I want to be able to eat anything I want and not get sick. I want to be healthy. I want to be happy." Elrond gathered Estel into a relaxed embrace. "I don't want to have to worry if I ate enough to keep my daughter growing that day. I am so tired of worrying. I want to know that she will be safe and loved after she is born. And I am tired of feeling guilty because I can't be like her. I am not sick on purpose. I want what she has. I want to be fat and happy too." Estel cried even harder.  
  
Elrond understood. His child was resentful because he was robbed of the joy of pregnancy. All he had experienced was the bad parts, the illness, the exhaustion, dizziness, mood swings, and back aches. He did not have a loving husband who took care of him. He did not have a mother for support. He did not have a stable life where he could welcome a child. Until a few months ago, he hadn't ever even thought about getting pregnant. Of course Estel would be jealous of the human. She was all that was good about having a child.  
  
Elrond let Estel cry a while longer before he wiped the tears away with his handkerchief. "Estel, she may be happier now. But in the long run you will be happier. She is a human who is having a human child. There will be love there, but it will not compare to the bond that you will have with your daughter. Your daughter is over half elvin and you have elvin in you as well. You will always be bonded with her in a way that Meglin could never understand. That is a gift far beyond being fat and happy. Just like your daughter is a gift." Estel finally quieted to sniffles.  
  
"I do love her, Ada. I would not give her up for anything. I just wish it weren't so hard. I'm so tired." Estel's eyelids drooped.  
  
"I know. It is very hard for you, but the rewards will be all the greater." The two sat in silence for a few moments longer before Elrond spoke again. "Why do you sit in an open window on such a chilly night?"  
  
"I wanted to hear the singing. I have missed it." Estel sighed. The looked down sheepishly. "I wanted her to get to hear it." Estel felt stupid. He didn't even know if she could hear or not, but he thought that if she could, she would like to hear the singing.  
  
Elrond smiled at his child. "Come with me." He took Estel's hand and led him to the lord's private chamber. A large fire already burned in the hearth and the room was pleasantly warm. Elrond opened up the bay doors to the West and Estel heard the singing from below as clearly as if he were in the hall itself. Estel smiled a real smile that lit his whole face. Elrond led him to sit on the bed. "Would you like me to comb your hair for you?"  
  
Only then did Estel notice he still carried his brush. "Oh yes, please. It drives me crazy." Estel loved having his hair brushed, but he hated having to do it himself. It seemed as soon as he had one section combed out it would tangle back up. It was infuriating.  
  
Elrond gently unwrapped the towel and Estel felt several pounds of wet hair drag his head backwards. It amazed him how much this stuff weighed. Elrond began to run the comb through the ends and found many tangles.  
  
"I see what part of the problem is." He rose and headed into his own bathing room. He looked through several vials of hair oil. He wanted one that did not have too strong a fragrance given Estel's sensitive nose. He decided on a mixture of lemon oil and lavender. The scents should both relax and invigorate him. But most of all, it should help with the tangles in his child's hair.  
  
He returned warming the oil between his hands before he expertly ran it through Estel's hair root to tip. Estel was in shock at how much faster his hair combed out after Elrond applied the oil. "Thank you, Ada, for everything." Elrond gave him a quick hug from behind.  
  
At the moment the singers down in the Hall of Fire were starting a new song, one with a catchy beat and fast tempo. Estel felt his daughter begin to wiggle and jiggle in time with the music. Estel put his hand over his belly with awe as he felt the tickling sensation. "I think she likes the song. She feels like she is dancing." He smiled.  
  
"Is she now? Well, we cannot have such a lovely elfing dancing alone now can we?" Elrond swept Estel off the bed and danced around the room with him. Estel laughed at the absurdity of the whole thing but he enjoyed it none the less. His daughter too seemed to enjoy it because she seemed to twist and spin along with them.  
  
Elrond felt a pang of old pain at dancing around his room with Estel. He used to dance this way with his Celebrian before she sailed. He also remembered fondly teaching these steps to his daughter Arwen. The lord had not realized how much he missed his daughter until Estel had turned into a woman. But soon he would also have a granddaughter to teach dances to and the thought helped to drive away the old pain, as did Estel's smiles and laughter.  
  
The song ended and Estel collapsed on the bed still giggling. Maybe things weren't so bad after all? The next song started and it was a long slow ballad. Estel felt his eyelids grow heavy as the song went on and his daughter seemed to settle down to listen as well. Before he knew what was happening, the Ranger drifted off to sleep still lying in Elrond's huge bed.  
  
Elrond gently maneuvered his child into a more comfortable position and pulled the covers over him. He then sent out some energy to his granddaughter to say good night. She beamed back at him with love and joy. He wished Estel could feel her emotions as strongly as Elrond could. He knew it would cheer up the oft melancholy Ranger.  
  
Several hours later, just shy of dawn, Estel woke up suddenly to a very uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. He groaned as he sat up not realizing at first that he was not in his own room. He looked around confusedly trying to determine what had woken him. He was startled from is thoughts by Elrond's voice. The half elf had been dozing in a large chair pulled up to the side of the bed. Estel felt guilty for forcing his father out of his own bed.  
  
"Are you well, my child?" Estel's movements immediately woke Elrond.  
  
"I don't know. I can't tell if I am sick or hungry." Estel often had this problem. Sometimes it was difficult for him to differentiate between feeling very hungry and very queasy. Both were unpleasant. He leaned back for a moment as his stomach gave a lurch that turned into a growl. "I think its hunger." Estel was cold and did not feel like going to the kitchen to get food. But he sighed, knowing he needed to.  
  
"Here, how about some cookies and orange juice?" Elrond reached behind him to the windowsill and picked up a covered plate of apple peanut butter cookies and a cold glass of orange juice. Estel's eyes lit up.  
  
"Thank you, that would be great." Estel accepted the plate that held six cookies. The chefs and his father had learned finally that smaller portions were far less wasteful since he couldn't eat large meals. Plus smaller portions did not make him feel as daunted when he looked at them.  
  
Estel bit into a cookie and nearly moaned in joy. He was so hungry that even the parchment tasting crackers would have been good, but this was wonderful. He ate four of the small cookies and drank his glass of juice. Elrond smiled at him in pride.  
  
"Thank you, Ada." Estel looked down and now that his hunger was satisfied he again felt guilty for taking his father's bed. "And thank you for letting me sleep in here. I didn't mean to kick you out of your bed."  
  
"Do not worry. I am just glad that you are getting a good night sleep. There are still a few hours left before dawn. Try and sleep for a while longer." Estel made to rise from the bed, but Elrond stopped him. "Stay here. There is no reason to have you running through the halls at this hour." Estel smiled and settled back into the warm blankets hugging a pillow to him. It may not have been Legolas that he was hugging, but for now he felt content.  
  
Elrond entered the dining hall and was greeted by the full human contingent, Thranduil, and a guilty looking Glorfindel. He watched as Glorfindel led his dog out of the dining room when the lord arrived. Elrond would never understand what Glor saw in his pets. Their lives were so short, each one was like a little tragedy waiting to happen. He guess maybe it was because the Vanya couldn't have children of his own.  
  
He was lured from his thoughts by the elder human woman speaking to him. "Is Lady Estel not coming to breakfast?"  
  
"No. Estel is still abed. I believe she still feels a bit under the weather." In truth Elrond did not know. He had left Estel sound asleep this morning when he had gotten up. He had gone to wake him for breakfast, but he looked so peaceful and relaxed the lord didn't have the heart to do it. He would have food sent up for his child later. Estel could no doubt use the extra sleep.  
  
"That's terrible. It really is awful, 'er being so sick and all." Meglin piped in. Elrond sensed that the woman was genuinely concerned. He supposed that maybe these humans weren't that bad and just because they weren't related to him didn't mean they were monsters. Elrond smiled at the girl and motioned for the food to be brought.  
  
Estel was unhappily forced awake by the need to use the privy. He was warm and comfortable cocooned in extra blankets his father had put on his bed. He groaned as he was forced to abandon his toasty haven into the cool morning air. Elrond was gone, being an extremely early riser, and when he was finished Estel crawled back into bed. Only then did he realize how high in the sky the sun was.  
  
Estel cursed and jumped back out of bed. It was almost breakfast time and he was not even close to ready. He flew into his room and washed quickly and dressed. He didn't even take the time to braid his loose hair. He sprinted down the hall, coming to a skidding stop just outside of the dining hall. He then slid into his chair just as the food was being laid out.  
  
He wanted to make it to breakfast so he could talk to Maylin and Meglin. He felt terrible for the unfriendly way he had treated them yesterday. He had been rude and snobby to them and they had been kind, if somewhat nosey. He needed to explain to them how sorry his was. He hadn't meant to act that way. He was just cranky and sick yesterday. And, truth be told, jealous. He only hoped they would forgive him. He would even tell them who the father was if they still cared to know about it.  
  
"Good morning, sorry I am late. I over slept." Estel smiled sheepishly. He didn't want to look at Thranduil. He figured that the king would be displeased at his tardiness. He always was.  
  
"That is ok, Estel. I am glad you made it at all." Elrond smiled back.  
  
Estel drank his tea and suddenly noticed he was starving. He mixed raisins and bananas into his oatmeal and managed to eat half of the bowl. He didn't even feel any worse than he did before he ate, so he was happy. Admittedly it was far less than anyone else at the table had eaten, but for him it was a triumph.  
  
When breakfast was over he asked the women if they cared to try another walk. Shocked, they both readily accepted. Not taking any chances this time he took a mug of his tea with him to drink while he walked through the woods. He decided to take the women to the river and show them his favourtie spot.  
  
As they walked, the women remained quiet. The silence made him nervous. They had been so open and chatty yesterday. It bothered Estel greatly that he had been so rude to them they felt they couldn't even talk around him.  
  
He stopped when they reached the river's edge and turned to them. "I am sorry for my behaviour yesterday. I was very rude and you did not deserve it. Please for give me."  
  
"You have nothing to apologize for, my lady." Maylin spoke quietly.  
  
"Aye. We overstepped out bounds questioning you so much. You being a princess and all." Meglin seemed subdued.  
  
"No. You did not. You don't need to call me 'lady' or 'princess.' I want nothing to do with that heritage. I am just Estel." He smiled encouragingly at them.  
  
"But Lord Glorfindel said that you were a descendant of kings and that being Lord Elrond's daughter made you a princess too." Meglin questioned, some of her natural curiosity returning.  
  
"That is true. Elrond technically is a king, but he will not ever let anyone refer to him as such. Glorfindel is the only one who ever gets away with it. And I think that is only because they have been best friends for about 6000 years.  
  
"Really the only difference between us is that I was raised by elves. And I am the one you owes you the apology." Estel motioned for the women to sit down on one of the large boulders as he continued. "I didn't mean to be so well, mean, yesterday. My only excuse was that I was not feeling well and I was," '* go on Estel, say it. It won't kill you.*' "jealous."  
  
Both women let out shocked gasps. "What do you 'ave to be jealous of us for?" Meglin asked.  
  
"A lot of things." Estel angrily felt tears start to rise in his eyes again. He really didn't want to start crying in front of these women. But he sighed and continued. "Your family. Lord Elrond is the best healer in all of Middle Earth. No one knows more about medicine than he does, but it isn't the same as having a mother around you who has been through it. He can tell me technically what to expect and what is happening, but he has no idea from experience." Estel looked down feeling foolish.  
  
"I understand, lass. You must be missing your mother badly around now?" Maylin spoke softly.  
  
"Yes." And he was. Elrond had taken wonderful care of him and loved him as much as his natural parents would have, but he still missed her.  
  
Maylin could tell there was more bothering the young Ranger so she tried to get Estel to talk. "What else troubles you?"  
  
"I guess I am also jealous of your health. Don't take this the wrong way, but I wish I were fat and happy like you, Meglin."  
  
"Why? I wish I were as tiny and pretty as you. I feel so big I can barely fit through the door."  
  
"No, you don't wish you were as tiny as me. I am this small because I am sick all of the time. Yesterday was a pretty normal day for me. Most of the time I can't eat more than a few bites at a time if at all. I wish I were hungry all the time like you. And happy." That did it. Estel started to cry.  
  
"Why aren't you 'appy? You live in this beautiful place with these beautiful people who obviously care about you."  
  
"I know. It's just that I miss the father. And the grandfather hates me and I pretty much hate him. He doesn't think I am good enough for his son and maybe I'm not. But he doesn't have to take it out on my daughter." Estel hiccupped trying to hide his sobs.  
  
"I'm sure it isn't that bad." Maylin soothed.  
  
"Yes it is. He said he wished I had lost her. And that getting pregnant was my fault, but I don't even remember."  
  
"You don't remember if he wanted you to loose your child?" Maylin was having a bit of trouble following the story.  
  
"No, I don't remember getting pregnant. The father and I got drunk and I blacked out. A few weeks later I started getting sick and Elrond said I was pregnant." Estel sniffled. "The father was really scared to tell his father because he knew that his father would be furious and he is."  
  
"Who is the father?" Maylin already knew, but she thought names would make the whole story clearer.  
  
"His name is Legolas. He is Thranduil's son. He is in Bree right now. But he hates me now too." Estel felt fresh tears rise to his eyes.  
  
"Why do you think he hates you?" Maylin questioned.  
  
"We had a fight before he left. He didn't even say good bye when he left." Estel pouted.  
  
The three talked for a while longer about Estel's woes before Meglin finally asked. "What is Legolas like?" Estel smiled as he answered her and told her all of the wonderful things about his best friend.  
  
By the end of the day Estel felt much better than he had in weeks. It encouraged him to know that all parents doubt their abilities and just because he was sometimes resentful of the discomfort his daughter was putting him in did not mean that he didn't love her. However, they failed to convince him that Thranduil did actually care about him and his daughter.  
  
It worried Maylin that Estel thought his father-in-law, for lack of a better phrase, didn't care about them. She decided she would talk to the elf herself to straighten things out. Just after dinner she managed to corner the king away from the others. Estel was on the other side of the room with Elrond and the beautiful blonde elf.  
  
She walked straight up the Thranduil. Unlike the other humans, she had no fear of the elves. She had seen her parents killed by wargs, her husband and sons take by war, and her other daughter taken by disease. She was too old to be frightened of good people. There were plenty of bad ones out there for her to fear.  
  
"Sir? I would ask to speak with you for a moment." Maylin spoke clearly to the king.  
  
"What is it?" Thranduil was annoyed that Estel seemed happier today. He had hoped the women would continue to annoy the Ranger through out their visit and they were leaving tomorrow.  
  
"I would talk to you about Estel and your grandchild." Thranduil glared at her. "Estel believes that you hate her. She thinks that you hate the child she carries too. It saddens her greatly."  
  
"Good. I do hate her and her bastard daughter. I wish my son would have nothing to do with them, but since he is determined to stay with her I will assure he doesn't get hurt."  
  
Maylin was a bit shocked. She has assumed that Estel was just exaggerating Thranduil's dislike of her. It appeared that she wasn't. "So you may hate the mother, but do you really want to be alienated from your grandchild's life? To have them grow up and never know you? To have neither of you ever know that love?"  
  
"You have overstepped you bounds, foolish human. Be gone from my sight." Thranduil hissed.  
  
"My apologies, sir." Maylin turned and left. Satisfied she had hit a nerve.  
  
Thranduil turned and looked at Estel. He could see his granddaughter's glow shining faintly from the human's belly. He watched as the glow grew brighter at the sound of Elrond's voice, and even more so when Estel rubbed the side of his tummy. She always dimmed and hid when he showed up and that bothered him.  
  
Not liking the implications of what the old woman said, Thranduil turned on his heels and left the room. He did not want to watch his granddaughter shimmer and shine for Elrond but not for him. It hurt more than he ever thought it would.  
  
TBC 


	13. Redemption and Naming part 1

Wow, it has been a long time since I updated, sorry about that. But thank you guys so much for all of the support. For those who asked, I gave birth to two healthy and happy twin boys, who are doing very well.  
  
This chapter had to be loaded in three parts because it was so long. I guess I need to learn to write shorter chapters. The second part should be up in a day or two. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.  
  
-Naja  
  
See first chapter for disclaimers.  
  
ESTEL/ESTELLE  
  
The next week passed by without much incident. With the humans gone, the house had fallen back into its normal routine including Estel studying under Thranduil. The king was beginning to make Estel nervous because he kept standing close and trying to touch him. If Estel didn't know any better, he would think Thranduil was trying to be friendly. However, as soon as Estel would let his guard down the king would make some comment about his daughter being taken from him. The whole dance was making him dizzy.  
  
Today had been particularly bad. Thranduil had alternated between telling him what a horrible person he was and how unfit he was to be a parent and rubbing his belly. Estel normally liked having his tummy rubbed, but not by Thranduil. It wasn't that the king was rough, but Estel just didn't like the way it felt. But at least he didn't tickle like Legolas always did. He could feel his daughter try and get away from the king, not that she had anywhere to go.  
  
At the end of his lesson he was happy to be away from the king, even if it meant he was to go to his weakly check up. Elrond had decided early in Estel's pregnancy that it would be wise to keep close tabs on his health. So every week Estel went with is father to the infirmary and got weighed, examined, and asked very personal questions. He didn't really care for it, but he saw the wisdom.  
  
Estel wandered down to the infirmary to meet Elrond, munching on a gingerbread cookie the chef had given him. He had felt better the last few days than he had in months. He had only thrown up once all day yesterday and he didn't feel that queasy right now. Maybe the worst was finally over. The book Elrond had given him months ago said that pregnancy illness usually disappeared abruptly and mysteriously. Perhaps that was what was happening finally. He whistled while he walked, pleased that for once he could notice the beauty of the day.  
  
Elrond was already waiting for his child, when Estel arrived. He noticed that the Ranger seemed uncharacteristically cheerful. "Good afternoon. How has your day been?"  
  
"Surprisingly good, and yours?" Estel beamed back happily.  
  
"Fine. I had a long meeting with Erestor this morning about running our own sheep rather than buying wool from nearby villages. It was most inspirational." Elrond sardonically replied. Then he set about taking Estel's weight and measurements. He was pleased to note that the Ranger had put on over two pounds since last week and almost half an inch around his belly.  
  
"I thought my clothes felt tighter." Estel answered the news with his own. But he was actually very happy. If he was putting on weight it meant that she was healthy and she was growing. He was so happy in fact that he didn't mind answering the round of questions about what he had eaten during the week and what had stayed down verses what hadn't. Normally he didn't like those questions, but today he didn't care.  
  
The only thing he liked about these weekly check ups was that he and Elrond had time to talk. Elrond would often listen to him rant or cry for and hour or more over some trivial thing that was bothering him. Every week before he went into the infirmary he swore to himself that he would not loose it and have a breakdown in front of his father and every week he did. However, this week he really had nothing more to complain about. It was just such a good day.  
  
When they finally finished, it was time for lunch and Estel greatly enjoyed his half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and glass of cold milk. Then Elrond asked if he wanted to play chess and Estel took him up on the offer. It wasn't often that Elrond had time to play games and if he did he usually spent them with Glorfindel. Estel felt special. The two chatted about the weather and the goings on in the valley.  
  
Finally Estel asked a question that had been bothering him for months. "Ada, what do you think I should do? I mean after she is born." This was one of the many questions that kept Estel up at nights.  
  
"That will really be up to you and Legolas, not me or Thranduil." Elrond had to bite his lip from answering the way that he wanted. He wanted to tell his child that he should stay in Rivendell with his daughter where they would both be safe and happy until Estel's dying day. However, he knew that was not Estel's path.  
  
"I know. But if it were you, what would you do?" Estel had a hard time even imagining his father in this situation. Estel had yet to tell anyone about Thranduil's threat. He hoped that the king would change his mind. Also, half of him was afraid that even Elrond would agree with Thranduil that Estel should not be allowed to raise her.  
  
"If it were me, I would do what is best for my child regardless of how I felt. If that meant giving up a life of adventure to raise her or giving her up to someone with a safer home, then I would do it." Elrond answered. He didn't want to sway Estel into doing what he wanted but he did feel he needed to add. "She will always have a home in my valley though. I would wish my granddaughter close to me even if my child cannot always be." Estel seemed to visibly relax at hearing this.  
  
Estel knew that he may not have the chance to raise her as his own, but he hoped that Elrond would be willing to keep her. He guessed that Legolas would want her, but he really didn't see how the elf was in any better position to have a child than he was. Both of them had rather transient life styles. Elrond on the other hand rarely left his valley and was a wonderful father. However, Estel was still a little too shy to ask the lord about it yet.  
  
So instead, he asked him another question that had been bothering him. "What do you think I should name her?"  
  
"Why do you ask?"  
  
"Because, I feel kind of funny just calling her 'she' all the time. She needs a name, a pretty one." Estel moved his night into check position.  
  
"I can't pick her name for you, sweetheart. That is something she must tell you." Elrond expertly countered the attack.  
  
"How can she tell me what her name is if I haven't told her yet?"  
  
"Don't worry, she will. Besides, even if she doesn't, I am sure you and Legolas will come up with something very lovely for such a lovely elfling."  
  
"I hope so. I would hate for her to be stuck with an ugly name or something that doesn't fit her."  
  
"Have some confidence in yourself. You will do just fine. I will show you a book of names after lunch, ok?" Estel nodded in answer and returned his attention to the chess game that he was about to lose.  
  
The rest of the night passed quietly because the boisterous younger elves were all on their way home from Bree. Estel relaxed on the floor in front of the fire in Elrond's study thinking on the names for his daughter and listening to Glorfindel relate a story about Gil-Galad. Thranduil and Elrond would add parts to the story as well but Estel wasn't really paying much attention to the words, more the constant rhythmic sound of speech. He was just relaxing and watching the fire dance when he started to feel nauseous. He hoped it would go away so he closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the story instead of his churning tummy.  
  
He was upset that he was starting to feel sick. He felt so much better all day long and he didn't want to spoil it now. He had gone all day without vomiting and that was the first time since he found out he was pregnant. As the ill feeling started to get worse Estel felt like crying. He had been so happy all day. It just wasn't fair.  
  
Less than ten minutes after he started to feel sick, he quietly got up and left the room waving a good night to the three elves. All but Thranduil looked up to see him go wishing him a good night. It was only 8:30, but he hadn't napped at all so he was tired. He slowly walked back to his room trying not to upset his stomach any worse. When he reached it he was glad to see that the staff had already lit the fire and filled his bedside pitcher with ice and water. He poured a glass and sipped at it hoping to feel better. It worked enough for him to change into sleeping clothes. He quickly curled up in his cold bed and tried to sleep through his nausea.  
  
He managed to sleep till around midnight when the need to vomit woke him up. All he had time to do was sit up and reach for the bowl beside his bed before he lost a portion of his diner. When he was finished he leaned back panting for a moment. He was miserable that his good day had been ruined.  
  
He slowly rose from his bed, feeling the entire room spin, as he tried to go to his bathing room to rinse out both his mouth and the basin. Just the act of getting out of bed made him double over and retch again. He staggered into the bathing room, barely able to stand. He cleaned up as fast as his shaking hands would let him and collapsed on the chase lounge feeling like he was about to faint. He lay there for the next few hours trying to sleep without much success. He hadn't brought any blankets and it was very cold. Plus every time he started to doze off he would wake up with a start, feeling like he needed to be sick.  
  
Around four in the morning he gave up and took his bowl back to his bed. He thought he might have a better chance sleeping there. It didn't help. He still felt just as bad, and now when he did actually vomit he had to get out of bed and walk into the bathroom rather than just stumbling the few steps from the lounge. He didn't want to use the bowl because he hated having to clean it out. As he curled up on his bed, he tried to block out the way the shadows cast from the fire danced on the wall. Their constant movements made him feel even worse.  
  
By morning he felt no better, but decided to get up and go to breakfast anyway. He hoped eating something would settle his stomach, after all isn't that what everyone kept telling him to do. "Eat something, Estel, then you will feel better. Everyone knows that is how you get rid of pregnancy illness." He doubted it would though. Each time he had taken the smallest sip of water it had come back up, usually before the water had even warmed to body temperature.  
  
He slowly slid into his chair trying to look more chipper than he felt. He had washed and gotten dressed but he had just put his hair in a long braid down his back. He knew he looked terrible, he just hoped no one would notice. When the meal was served, he tried to eat some toast but the idea of swallowing it made bile rise in the back of his already raw throat. His tea didn't seem to help, mostly because he had only taken a few sips and was afraid to take anymore.  
  
After ten minutes he had slipped out without anyone noticing. The other elves were discussing something that he didn't care to pay attention to. He had tried to get Elrond's attention to ask his permission to leave the table, but the lord had ignored him. He left without permission before he embarrassed himself by getting sick at the table again.  
  
He went to the closest privy and lost his morning tea. He was thirsty from not having any liquids for several hours. He rested his head against the cool stone bowl and considered his options. Elrond had told him to come and alert the half elf if he started feeling very bad or could hold anything down for over 24 hours. It had only been about nine hours since the relentless nausea had started, but he did feel worse than he had in months. He groaned as his stomach turned over sickeningly. He would try and stick it out. He was bound to feel better soon.  
  
Decision made, he dragged himself up and headed to the study to meet Thranduil for his lessons. He was a bit early, and sat at his favourite spot, on the chase lounge overlooking the gardens. It was the warmest in the room in the mornings. He often liked to nap here. He tried to stay sitting up, but he only lasted a few minutes before he ended up horizontal. He knew Thranduil didn't like when his student reclined during lessons, but Estel didn't think he could stay upright for long.  
  
Estel stayed there for about half an hour trying not to cry. The nausea was unreal. He literally couldn't function. Every time he moved he felt like he needed to be sick. If he even so much as blinked too hard he felt bile burn his throat. All he could do was lie very still as the never ending waves of nausea crashed against him threatening to drown him. He knew Thranduil would never allow his pupil to stay like this, so Estel resolved to ask the king for the morning off.  
  
Thranduil arrived about a half hour after Estel had collapsed on the couch. He noticed that the Ranger literally looked green. He didn't move or even open his eyes when the king entered. Though Thranduil knew Estel was awake from the tension in his muscles, but there was no movement at all. He walked up to Estel and looked him over. He looked worse than Thranduil had seen him in quite a while. He had a fleeting thought that he should summon Elrond, then changed his mind. No matter what he personally felt about his granddaughter, it would still be best if she weren't born.  
  
Thranduil was brought from his musings by Estel's strangled voice. "Can we skip the lesson today? I am not feeling very well this morning." Estel said through clenched teeth.  
  
That was clearly an understatement as far as Thranduil was concerned. "If you wish. But I would prefer that you didn't waste my time by asking me to teach you and then saying that you are too sick to learn. How ill do you have to be to not be able to sit in a chair and listen? After all, it is just a little upset stomach. It is all in your head. You truly are weak Estel. I hope my new daughter has her father's strength." Thranduil noted that Estel did not even seem to register the insult. He had instead slowly pushed himself into a sitting position and then sat there panting for a moment.  
  
"Could you hand me a glass of water?" Estel almost whimpered. He thought he was about to toss his cookies, but he knew he didn't have the strength to get to the privy. He hoped the water would help and if nothing else he could vomit in the glass.  
  
Thranduil complied without argument before he realized what he was doing. The Ranger thanked him and accepted the water, taking a single sip. He then slowly rose and staggered out of the room. Thranduil watched Estel leave feeling more concerned than he thought he would.  
  
Estel made it back to his room before he bent over retching up bile and mucus into a green fluffy splat in his sink. He then collapsed in an exhausted heap in his bed. Now there was no stopping the tears. Maybe he was weak, after all it was only a "little upset stomach." He eventually cried himself into a much needed sleep.  
  
The rest didn't last long though. Half an hour later, his daughter's movements woke him. Over the past week he had become more aware of her movements and they seemed to be stronger. Now they were so strong they could wake him up even though he was exhausted. He cursed under his breath and rolled over trying to go back to sleep. However, the mere act of rolling over was enough to send the room into a tale spin and violently reawaken his nausea. He managed to fight down the urge to vomit but he felt sick enough to.  
  
Estel spent the next six hours or so resting in his bed trying not to move a single muscle. If he made the mistake of moving he would double over retching almost uncontrollably. He tried to ignore his growing thirst, but it was becoming harder and harder. He hadn't been able to hold down any liquid for hours and his throat was raw and sore. He had felt this bad many times during his early pregnancy, but it had started to get better except for the time when Legolas had found him on the chase lounge. The memories of that day and the one prior were some of the most unpleasant of his life. There was no worse feeling in the world than feeling like you are dying of thirst when there is a full pitcher of water on your side table. Estel never wanted to feel that way again.  
  
When it was time for lunch, he played dead. The servant who came to summon him assumed his was asleep and, as per Elrond's orders, left him sleeping. He did prepare a tray, though, and brought it to the sleeping human. He left it on the side table and refilled the pitcher. Through all of this Estel did not move. Although, it was very difficult to stay still when he caught the smell of lunch.  
  
After the servant left, Estel immediately got up and flushed the soup down the privy. He realized as he stood, fighting back the urge to dry heave, that his legs were very shaky. He made it the whole way into the bathing room and back out before he lost his battle with his heaving stomach. Half way back to his bed he bent over and uselessly retched into a towel he had grabbed. His dry heaving continued for several minutes and Estel's knees could no longer hold him up. He collapsed to the ground on all fours, choking.  
  
When the fit finally subsided he was so weak he had to crawl back on his hands and knees. He hated dry heaving. Not only was it unpleasant, but it hurt, especially against his dry throat. And there was always the fear that he would do himself some real damage. As if that weren't enough, his daughter was displeased and began banging at his belly with all of her might. Estel felt anxious and distressed far beyond what he should and he didn't know why. He wanted to wrap his arms around his belly to hold her, but he couldn't stand the pressure against his stomach.  
  
Instead, he settled for resting a hand against his tummy and speaking to her. "Please calm down, sweetheart. I am sorry about this. I didn't mean to up set you." He repeated the litany until she quieted and even he felt calmer.  
  
Estel hoped that if he waited just a little bit longer, than the relentless nausea would subside. There were isolated times before when he would feel this bad. He would vomit five or ten times in an hour but then twenty minutes later he would feel back to his normal mildly queasy self.  
  
By 3:30 in the afternoon, he realized that he needed help. He slowly rose from bed and drank a whole glass of water. He would rather throw back up water than dry heave.  
  
He slowly staggered to his door and began to make his way towards Elrond's study. He prayed the half elf would be there. He had to lean against the walls for support. It took him quite a while, but he finally made it to the ornately carved doors and sagged against them in relief. He could hear his father on the other side. He weakly knocked on the door and Elrond bade him to enter. It took Estel a moment to work up the strength to push open the door, he felt that weak.  
  
Once he finally did, he felt his stomach attempt to pitch the water out. Elrond had asked him something, he didn't know what, and he had opened his mouth to answer. The next thing he realized was that he was retching up water and bile onto Elrond's rug.  
  
Elrond had been cloistered in his study with Thranduil, trying to find someway to get along with the prickly king. He wasn't having any luck. He was beginning to doubt his diplomacy skills because he just couldn't seem to find any common ground between the two. There was too much water under the bridge for the powerful elves to ever really get along. However, he would make the effort for Estel and his granddaughter.  
  
The two were discussing orc problems and Thranduil was again bemoaning that Elrond had tried to send troops to help him out in Mirkwood. Thranduil seemed to take Elrond's gesture to mean that the king could not protect his own lands. Elrond was at his wit's end and was contemplating throwing the other elf out of the window, when he heard a weak knock at his door. He assumed it was a servant and bade them to enter. He would not have cared if it were Sauron himself, as long as it gave him a reason to ignore the king.  
  
A few breaths past before the door finally opened to reveal a very bedraggled looking Estel. The human looked horrible. Estel was pale as a ghost with deep circles under his eyes. He swayed slightly and his aura looked weak. He stood with his shoulders slumped and one hand resting on his tummy.  
  
Elrond could tell immediately there was something wrong with his child. He questioned Estel to determine what it was. "Estel, dear child, what is the matter?" Elrond moved towards Estel to catch the human in case he fell. Instead, Estel opened his mouth as if to answer Elrond, and vomited on the floor. Elrond barely got out of the way in time.  
  
The half elf put a hand out to steady Estel but talked to Thranduil. "Hand me that trashcan will you?" Elrond held his other hand out to the king. Thranduil complied wordlessly. Elrond found some small pleasure in the fact that the king was starting to look slightly green himself. It turned out that the trashcan was not needed because Estel only retched one time.  
  
When he was finished, Estel covered his mouth with his the back of his hand and weakly said. "Mmm sorry, Ada." He really was too. He hadn't meant for that to happen. He would have felt bad enough about puking on Elrond's rug, but then he noticed Thranduil off to the corner. Estel figured the king would just use this as another excuse why he wasn't good enough to raise his daughter. Estel started to see green and black balls dancing in front of his eyes. He needed to sit down.  
  
Luckily, Elrond took him by the shoulder and steered him towards Estel's favourite window seat. Right before they reached the bench, Estel stumbled and fell onto his knees. To Elrond it appeared that his child had no strength left to walk. The half elf helped to lower Estel to the ground more slowly so he was not harmed from falling.  
  
Estel sat crouched on the floor for a moment before he mumbled to Elrond. "Ada, I'm going to be sick again." Estel could feel the rest of the water getting ready to come back up. He covered his eyes with his hand so he couldn't see the dancing balls of colour. They just made him dizzy.  
  
"It is ok, Estel." Elrond said soothingly before placed the trashcan in front of Estel where the human sat on the floor. He was starting to get very worried about his child. He had not seen Estel this ill in quite a while. He wondered what had caused it. "Here you go, sweetheart. Everything is going to be all right." Elrond whispered to Estel as he put the human's other hand on the side of the trashcan.  
  
It didn't take long before the human's whole body convulsed and he retched into the trashcan. Estel groaned as a second spasm came. After that one his stomach seemed to calm down. The Ranger uncovered his eyes and which just happened to be looking straight into the trashcan. What he saw there made him vomit a third time, though there was precious little left inside of him.  
  
Thranduil stood rooted in place staring at the human. He was disgusted. Why did the Ranger think everyone wanted to see his illness? But this seemed different than Estel's normal belly aching about having an upset stomach. Normally the human just ran for the privy and returned later looking pale and unhappy. But this time Estel was visibly shaking with the effort of being sick. Thranduil thought the heaving looked unpleasant and before he realized what he was doing, he fetched a glass of water for the human. He vaguely wondered if Estel was loosing his granddaughter and the thought filled him with grief.  
  
Elrond had moved over so Estel could lean against him during his illness. The human could barely stay upright. Elrond was nearly panicking inside, but outside he kept up a constant litany of reassurances to Estel. He feared that Estel was about to have a miscarriage. There were few other reasons why he would suddenly be this ill, this late in his pregnancy. Elrond cursed himself for not recognizing that Estel was ill earlier.  
  
When Estel finished he slumped against Elrond trying to control his breathing. He felt very dizzy and really wanted to lie down right where he was. In fact, he kept trying to, but Elrond held him up so he couldn't. He was having a hard time remembering why he came in here in the first place. Elrond was singing a soft soothing lullaby to him and it was slowly dragging him into sleep. He would have succumbed, except he was cold. There was cool autumn air blowing on him from somewhere and it was irritating. He burrowed further against his father for warmth. His eyes seemed to be falling shut of their own accord.  
  
Then he smelled something thrust under his nose. It was not a strong scent, but he could smell it none the less. Some mean, rotten, elf had put a glass of water under his nose. He instinctively pulled away from it and buried his face in Elrond's shoulder. Unfortunately, the smell reawakened him and his nausea at the same time. He knew it was pathetic, but he moaned.  
  
"Shhh, Estel, it is all right. Try and drink something." Elrond tried to proffer the glass again to the moaning human who seemed to be trying to crawl into his tunic.  
  
"No. I can't." Estel groaned as he tensed up. Elrond just prayed that if Estel were going to vomit again the human would remove his face from Elrond's tunic. But luckily the Ranger managed to get control of himself and come out of his stupour. "Ada, I don't feel very well."  
  
"Evidently." Elrond said dryly. But more gently he asked. "What exactly is wrong?"  
  
"Sick." Estel gasped. As he turned green and swallowed, finally removing his face from Elrond's shoulder.  
  
"Could you be more specific?" He needed to know what was going on if he was going to be able to do anything about it.  
  
"I feel really bad. So sick I can hardly move. I can't hold anything down and I can't sleep."  
  
"How long?"  
  
"Since around midnight last night."  
  
Elrond mentally did the math and realized that it was going on sixteen hours. This was not good. He felt Estel start to shake again and noticed that his child was crying.  
  
"Ada, I don't want to get as sick as I was before. I don't ever what to feel that bad again." Elrond knew exactly when Estel was referring to. Through Estel's entire early pregnancy he had been almost unbearably sick. It had abated somewhat but several months ago Estel had spent about 48 hours so ill he could not eat, sleep, drink, or even get out of bed without vomiting. His child had not mentioned it to anyone until Legolas found him collapsed on a lounge and alerted the half elf. "I don't want to hurt her, Ada. Promise me you won't let that happen." Estel sobbed.  
  
"I know, sweetheart. I will do everything in my power to prevent that from happening. I promise." Elrond rocked Estel gently trying to calm him. Hysterics would not make his child feel any better. After a time, Elrond spoke again. "Come on. Let us get you back to bed. You must be freezing down here in front of the window." Elrond could feel Estel shivering against him.  
  
Estel only nodded his head slowly as Elrond helped him off the floor. The change in position made Estel feel like he was going to faint, but Elrond quickly pushed the Ranger back down into a sitting position on the window seat. Once the room came back into focus he looked up at his father and nodded again. Elrond then helped him to slowly stand. This time he managed to shuffle back to his room. They did have to stop once in the hall because Estel thought he was going to be sick.  
  
Finally they reached Estel's room, and Elrond deposited mother and daughter on the bed. The first thing the elf lord noticed was that the room was quite cold. Estel had the curtains drawn, but the windows opened, and no fire burned in the hearth. It was rather strange. Estel did not like the cold, but yet his room was quite chilly. Even now, the human huddled into a ball shivering against the cold.  
  
"Estel, why do you have your windows opened and no fire? It is far too cold in here for you." Elrond quickly spread a spare quilt over his child.  
  
"I got sick in here, and couldn't stand the smell." Estel whispered. He was so tired and dizzy he could hardly concentrate enough to answer questions.  
  
"But what about the curtains and the fire?" Elrond questioned. He needed to keep Estel awake and talking long enough to get some liquids into him. He had already asked Glorfindel to have the staff prepare several things for Estel to drink.  
  
"Shadows." Estel said, hoping his father understood. Talking was hard. His throat was so dry it was painful.  
  
"What about shadows, my child?"  
  
"The movements of the shadows cast the fire made me nauseous. So did the shadows from the sun."  
  
"I see." Elrond suddenly noticed that Thranduil had followed them from the study. The king was standing in the corner by the hearth staring. Elrond did not want to draw attention to him because it might upset Estel, but he wanted the king to leave. He was tempted to try and speak directly into Thranduil's mind, but he was not sure how the other elf would react. Elrond's mind was so strong he tended to make others not used to him very uncomfortable. But his more immediate concern was Estel. He could hear his child's teeth chattering. "I think we need to light a fire anyway, dear. You need to warm up. Maybe if we keep the rest of the room well lit then the shadows won't be as noticeable."  
  
Estel nodded again. Elrond motioned to Thranduil to build a fire. The king did not seem to understand what Elrond was telling him. Elrond had had it and spoke to the king's mind. "Thranduil, fix a fire or get out." He was rewarded by watching the proud elf flinch at the volume and then scurry to comply.  
  
The healer turned his attention back to his patient. He needed to examine Estel. He knew his child would be more comfortable if they were alone, but he needed to have the fire built. Besides, perhaps hearing how ill Estel was would make the king treat him better. It was a long shot, but right now Elrond was running out of better options.  
  
"Estel, I need you to uncurl so I can examine you." Elrond pushed Estel onto his back. Slowly the human uncurled from the little ball he was in. "Good sweetheart. I need to see if there is anything wrong with you. I will try not to hurt you ok. If I do, please let me know." Elrond waited for Estel to nod, and then he began his examination.  
  
Estel did not have a fever or swollen glands, so he could rule out some sort of infection. He was, however, becoming quite dehydrated. Elrond gently placed his hand over Estel's belly and concentrated with is healing sense. Elrond could never adequately explain what this was like. Contrary to popular belief, the gift of healing was quite rare, even among the elves. Most elves could heal with herbs and skill, but few in Middle Earth could heal with touch and song. Elrond and Galadriel were among the last. What he saw with his sense was encouraging. His granddaughter was healthy, if not happy. She sensed the distress her mother was in and was becoming quite worried. Elrond did his best to reassure her. She trusted him and he felt her relax and shine a bit brighter trying to make her mother happy. Estel on the other hand tensed.  
  
"Is she all right?" Estel sounded scared to death.  
  
"Yes. Your little one is fine. Nothing is amiss in her world. You are providing well for her." Elrond fibbed a little but he figured it was safe to do so if it made Estel feel better.  
  
Elrond next moved up to begin and examine Estel's abdomen. He pressed down gently on the top left hand side. Just before he began to retch, Estel moaned. "Ada, stop please. I can't stand the pressure." Elrond helped him into a sitting position and held the bowl in front of him. There was almost nothing left in Estel, so the bout quickly turned into dry heaves. Elrond felt terrible. He had forgotten that Estel could not tolerate pressure against his stomach when he felt ill.  
  
Thranduil had just finished building the fire when he saw Estel sit up and start to vomit. Thranduil watched for a while as Estel's body was wracked by constant convulsive retches. He had never seen anything quite like it. It was revolting and looked very unpleasant. The thought of the Ranger in pain did not bring him the joy it should have. Instead he felt empathy for Elrond having to watch his child be ill.  
  
At first, he did not believe that the half elf could or did actually love the human as anything more than a pet, but over the last few weeks he had learned that Elrond did indeed cherish the young human like one of his own. Because of that Thranduil felt the other elf lord's pain. Once, many years ago when Legolas had been very young, his son had eaten mushrooms that were mildly poisonous. They had made the young prince very ill and he had vomited and been sick for the better part of the evening. Thranduil remembered the helpless feeling of watching his child hurting and not being able to do anything about it.  
  
Towards Estel, the king felt pity. It was obvious that the human was not doing well, but yet all he seemed to care about was his daughter. To Thranduil that showed a strength of spirit that he had not often seen in a human. As the bout continued, Thranduil began to worry that the Ranger was going to die. He did not fancy telling his son that his beloved had puked himself to death. But just when Thranduil was sure that the human could not take anymore, the bout finally subsided.  
  
Thranduil watched as Elrond put the bowl on the side of the table. Thranduil noted with disgust there was barely anything in it. He couldn't really fathom why the Ranger had continued to retch if there was nothing in his stomach. Then the half elf pulled his child into an embrace. The king had assumed that Elrond would empty the bowl, prepare some herb, or do a million other things, not gently hug the sick human and lovingly stoke his hair. It was all very out of character for what he knew of the other elf lord.  
  
One reason the two lords did not get along was because Thranduil thought Elrond was cold hearted. He had never seen Elrond react emotionally over anything. After the Alliance, Thranduil remembered sobbing for days over the death of his father and brothers. Elrond on the other hand did not shed a tear over any of the deaths. He remembered his father telling him that the half elf and the king were very close, but when Gil-Galad's body was borne back to camp Elrond had stood, quiet and austere, gazing at it with emotionless eyes. Eyes, which closed off the soul behind them from everyone. It made the half elf almost impossible to read.  
  
Thranduil on the other hand was a firebrand. He ruled with emotion and always let people know exactly what he was feeling. He was easy to read and very open and artless in some ways. That difference alone made it very difficult for the two to deal with each other. But Thranduil was seeing a more emotional side of his fellow ruler right now. He was seeing Elrond soothe Estel, not trying to prevent illness, or during illness, but after wards. He was trying to convince the human to relax and not worry about what this was doing to his daughter. The king was literally speechless.  
  
Elrond finally managed to get Estel to relax and lie back down. He quietly sang to the Ranger lulling him into a light sleep. He hated this. He could think of few things worse than having to see one of his children in pain and not being able to do anything about it. Normally he would be able to. If Estel had been injured, sick, or poisoned, he could help. He could make Estel's body mend those foreign problems, but not this. This illness was caused by Estel's own body. It was his body's natural reaction to the stress pregnancy was placing on it. If he tried to change it or alleviate it through his healing gift he may cause Estel to miscarry. There was nothing he could do and that was one of the hardest things he had ever had to admit.  
  
He sat for a few moments stroking Estel's hair and finishing the song he had been singing, before he finally rose. He collected the bowl and a few other things to take into the bathing room. On his way the king stopped him.  
  
"Isn't there anything you can do for him, half elf, you are supposed to be a master healer?" Thranduil surprised himself by asking, but he didn't like seeing the Ranger this sick. It was no fun to bait an injured animal.  
  
"Don't you think I would if I could?" Elrond hissed as he twisted out of the king's grasp and stalked towards the bathing room.  
  
Thranduil watched him go in stunned silence. He could see the pain in Elrond's eyes as the lord answered. After Elrond left the room Estel rolled over and moaned in his sleep. The human curled tightly around his stomach and shivered. Thranduil went to the side of the bed and stroked the human's long hair back from his face and whispered. "Shhh, little one, rest now. Your Ada will find a way to help you." He was pleased to note that the Ranger settled down.  
  
He was not, however, pleased to note that Glorfindel had snuck in while he was being nice to the human. It wasn't fair. Not even other Mirkwood elves could move silently enough for Thranduil to miss them. How could Glorfindel? And on top of it all, it had to be his most hated enemy that saw him in a moment of weakness. Life was not fair.  
  
Once away from Thranduil, Elrond indulged himself in a making a fist hard enough to leave marks on his hand. He would have liked to remain away from Thranduil for longer, but Glorfindel arrived with a tray holding several different types of liquid. As Elrond had requested, the cooks had prepared a glass of orange juice, lemonade, water, milk, chocolate milk, apple juice, and cranberry juice all ice cold and a hot cup of tea. He hoped by giving Estel a choice that the Ranger would have a better chance of keeping down the liquid. They had all learned over the months, that if something didn't taste good to Estel there was a better than average chance he would throw it back up.  
  
Elrond took the tray from his best friend and placed it on the side table. He looked up into sympathetic sapphire blue eyes and felt slightly better. Glorfindel always had the ability to calm him down, no matter how foul his mood was, and right now his mood was getting pretty foul. He knew he had to wake Estel to try and drink something, but he didn't want to disturb the sleeping human. It was obvious, even to a non-healer, that Estel was exhausted. However, the most pressing problem was the risk of dehydration. Estel couldn't hold out much longer without fluids and the longer he went the more of a risk he put both himself and his daughter in.  
  
So reluctantly he woke Estel. The human was grumbly and curled tighter under the covers trying to ignore whatever was disturbing his sleep. But Elrond was insistent and eventually Estel woke up.  
  
"Sweetheart, you need to drink something. What would you like?" Elrond held out the tray to his child.  
  
"I can't." Estel whined. The memory of what happened when he drank the water still fresh in his mind.  
  
"You have to. Now what would you like."  
  
"Ada, I don't think I can hold it down." Estel tried to reason with his father, but he realized that he was very thirsty. It was painful to swallow and he had a headache.  
  
Elrond set the tray back on the table and sat down next to Estel. He rubbed the Ranger's leg lightly as he talked. "I know you feel very bad but you have to try, even if most of it comes back up. Your daughter is fine right now, but she won't be for long if you can't drink. I think we should start with some tea." Elrond reached for the cup of tea and handed it to Estel.  
  
Estel accepted it docilely. He didn't want it. He took a small sip and almost gagged at the taste. He had had to drink this accursed tea at least twice a day every day for months and he hated it. He was so tired of it. The smell of it alone was enough to make him feel nauseous. For the rest of his life he would not be able to stand the smell, taste, or sight of this tea. It would remind him of months of constantly having an upset stomach. During the time of the fellowship, Sam would worry that Estel was trying to poison Frodo because he refused to go near the tea he had asked Sam to fix. Even sixty plus years later he would still avoid it like the plague.  
  
He took a second sip and had to fight even harder not to gag. He could feel his eyes burn with tears. He wanted to drink it. He wanted it to make him feel better and help his daughter, but he just couldn't. Elrond just didn't understand that. The half elf had no idea what it was like to feel like this. He couldn't comprehend how nauseating it was for Estel to put anything in his mouth, much less swallow it.  
  
After the third sip Estel pushed the cup away towards his father. Elrond looked displeased. "Estel, you need to drink more than that. You barely had three teaspoons. It can't help you if you don't drink it." Elrond tried to be stern, but he could see tears in Estel's eyes again.  
  
"I know. I just can't drink it right now. Why don't you understand that?" Estel was starting to get angry. He was mad at his father for forcing him to drink, he was mad at his daughter for making him sick, and he was mad at himself for not being able to handle it better after all of this time.  
  
Thranduil had had enough. Yes, Estel was sick, but it was just an upset stomach. If the tea would stop it, why didn't he drink it? Frankly he was beginning to think that the whole thing was in the Ranger's head. He spoke up. "Oh for the love of the Valar, just drink the damn tea and stop acting like a child. What kind of warrior are you if you can't take a little upset stomach?"  
  
Estel glared at the king. "Fine." Estel grabbed the cup and drained it in one swallow. It burned his tongue and throat. "Are you happy now?" Estel shot back at the king. He knew he was acting like a baby, but he didn't care. He would rather have 10 broken bones than have to put up with this merciless nausea. Thranduil had no idea how bad he felt if he thought it was just a little upset stomach.  
  
"Thranduil, get out." Elrond spoke in a lethally calm voice.  
  
"I have just as much right to be here as you do, half elf. It is my grandchild too." Thranduil argued. He didn't know why he wanted to stay, he just did. Rather, he hated to admit that some part of him was starting to feel paternal towards the Ranger and the child he carried.  
  
Both the powerful elf lords were pulled away from their argument by Estel trying to get out of bed. Elrond realized what was going on and immediately handed Estel the bowl to vomit in. Since less than two minutes had passed, Elrond guess that the tea must have burned just as much coming back up as going down. He helped steady Estel during his illness while he contemplated dumping the bowl on the king's head.  
  
"Ada, can I please sleep for a little while? I don't think I can hold anything down right now. I feel really, really sick." Estel had to impress on his father that he couldn't swallow anything right now. It would be disastrous.  
  
"Yes, dear, sleep for a bit. I will wake you later to try again." Elrond didn't worry too much about soothing Estel, because it appeared the human was almost asleep already. "I will be right here when you wake up."  
  
Elrond sighed after he was sure Estel was asleep. Then he rounded on Thranduil. "What exactly is the matter with you?"  
  
"What do you mean, half elf?"  
  
"I mean are you blind? Do you not see that he is ill, yet you still bait him and purposely upset him? Why?"  
  
"I have my reasons." But his reasons were becoming less clear. His mind may have told him that it would be better for Estel to loose the child, but his heart told him that he would love to hear a little elfling running around his halls again. He almost smiled at the idea of his beloved Legolas going through all of the joy that he went through as a parent.  
  
"I don't care what your reasons are. Get out. You are only making him feel worse and I won't allow that." Elrond was having a hard time keeping his irritation in check.  
  
"Since when does a lord order a king around, Master half elf?" Thranduil said smugly. He had always thought that Elrond should not get the power or the respect of a king if he was not willing to take the responsibility as well.  
  
The bickering continued quietly between them for another half hour or so. Estel was dead to the world until he woke up with a start, already retching. Elrond barely managed to get the bowl under him in time. Much to Estel's dismay, this began another round of violent dry heaving that lasted for almost fifteen minutes.  
  
After five minutes of almost nonstop retching, Estel finally whimpered. "Ada, why won't it stop? What is wrong with me?" Estel realized that Thranduil was still in his room and he wanted to seem brave and strong, but he really did feel either one of those things right now. After a few more minutes he didn't have the strength to sit up anymore and Elrond had to hold the bowl under his face as Estel collapsed on his side.  
  
Elrond was getting worried after the first two minutes. This was not normal. There was no reason for Estel vomit if there was nothing in his stomach to make him feel nauseous. Then Estel had whimpered and Elrond's heart broke but all he could do was hold onto his child and offer what comfort he could.  
  
However, things got worse. About half way through, Estel started to choke up pieces of tissue. To Thranduil they looked like strips of uncooked bacon. They were a meaty pink colour with veins of white running through them. The king himself almost lost it when he saw Estel having trouble bringing one up so the human had reached into the back of his throat and pulled the long piece of tissue out of his mouth. That was followed by several retches that brought up warm red blood. Estel hissed in pain, but couldn't stop the heaving.  
  
As soon as Elrond saw the tissue he immediately checked his child over with his healing senses. He feared that Estel had ruptured his esophagus or worse. But luckily, the human had only torn away the lining of his stomach. A very painful and unpleasant happening, but no more harmful than pulling off too much skin from your lip. Estel had unfortunately done this several times during his early pregnancy so was not overly frightened by it. But ,when the bout finally ended Elrond didn't know which one of them was more relieved.  
  
The half elf healer wiped Estel's face with a cool cloth and then rested it on the human's forehead. "There you go, just try and relax." Elrond chattered as he cleaned up hoping the one sided conversation would give Estel something to concentrate on.  
  
"Ada, can I have some water? My throat hurts." Estel's voice sounded weak and hoarse.  
  
"Of course. Drink slowly." Elrond handed his child a large glass of ice water. His healer side told him that he should give Estel water at room temperature because it would easier on his stomach, but he also knew that Estel had a better time tolerating very cold drinks. He watched as Estel sipped at the water. The Ranger didn't have enough strength to put the glass back on the table, so Elrond had to do it for him.  
  
Estel rested with his eyes closed, hoping and praying he could keep the water down, that was when it hit. Stomach cramps. His stomach absolutely did not like having ice cold water thrown into it after being empty for so long. He doubled over groaning when they hit. It felt like someone was trying to tear his stomach out through his side. But even through all the pain, he managed to keep the few sips of water down so he guessed it wasn't that bad. They didn't end until Elrond placed his warm hand against Estel's stomach and concentrated. Cramps he could fix.  
  
Soon Estel quieted into sleep and Elrond rose to clean up. Thranduil again stopped him. "What is wrong with him? Is he alright?"  
  
"Careful, someone might think you are concerned" Elrond snarked. But then he saw that the king truly was concerned. "He has vomited up the lining of his stomach. It is not life threatening, just very painful. He has done it a few times before. He will keep vomiting for most of the night until it stops bleeding. There is no way to stop it. Human stomachs just cannot digest large amounts of blood. He will be ill and he will be in pain, but he will survive." Elrond sighed. "I just wish he didn't have to go through this."  
  
And for the first time, Thranduil began to understand what Estel had been dealing with for months. He had often thought that the weak human had been exaggerating his illness, or lying. However, now that he was faced with the reality of it he could not deny that the poor human was badly sick and he felt sorry for him. "I understand."  
  
That was how the next three days went. Estel was unable to hold down much of anything other than very cold lemonade, he found he could tolerate it better than water, or tea. On the morning of the third day he was able to drink some broth, but only a little because the salty taste made him queasy. He did better with a concoction of yogurt, honey, and milk. For some reason the sweet taste didn't bother him as much. The only other thing that kept him alive during that time was frozen juice. Because it dropped down below freezing at night now, the chefs could freeze watered down juice for him. They had frozen orange, apple, grape, cherry, and pear. He didn't like the pear. Cherry was the easiest for him to keep down.  
  
However, even though he had made the leap to opaque liquids he still was very unhappy and sick feeling. All of is hard earned knowledge about what he could tolerate and what he couldn't came from trial and error. And, what he could eat one day may make him sick as dog the next. He was exhausted and depressed. He was so depressed in fact, that Elrond was in his study right now trying to figure out if it was safe to give St. John's Wort to a pregnant woman.  
  
Estel had just finished half a glass of yogurt goo and needed a distraction from his churning tummy. He had been in bed for three days and was bored. He did not feel well enough to get up and go anywhere nor would his father let him, but he also couldn't sleep right now either. Elrond was in his study. Glorfindel was preparing for night training with the troops. Erestor was more boring than sitting here alone, and he wanted nothing to do with Thranduil. Estel sighed and looked out of the window hoping someone would come and visit him.  
  
That same morning on the road east of Rivendell, Legolas still couldn't shake the feeling that he needed to get back. Three days ago he sensed something was wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on it. He had urged the others to travel at an exhausting pace because of his fears and the twins were not going to take it any more. Elladan had forced the Prince to slow down to a more manageable speed so they could rest the horses. Legolas was not happy, but appreciated the twins' desire to not get a lecture from Glorfindel on how to treat a horse.  
  
So they rode along that morning and Elrohir tried to engage Legolas in a conversation to attempt to take his mind off of whatever was wrong with Estel. "So what did you get Estel in Bree? I saw the package so don't try to deny it."  
  
Legolas blushed but answered. "A ring. I know it is stupid, it is not like we are betrothed, but I want him to know that I care about him always. And I got a matching necklace for our daughter. I would have preferred to have a craftsman in Rivendell make them, but no one would."  
  
Both twins exchanged worried looks. "Maybe you should wait until Ada is in a good mood before giving them to Estel."  
  
"Why, he is not angry with me anymore? I should think he would be happy that I am giving his child gifts, especially expensive jewelry."  
  
"That's the problem, Legolas, jewelry." Elrohir stretched the last word out to make it three syllables.  
  
"What's wrong with jewelry? I thought it was traditional gift. My father always gave my mother jewels and gems. Did not Elrond do so?" Legolas thought that perhaps Elrond had not the money for such things. After all, Elrond controlled only a small valley while Thranduil had all of Mirkwood but he had always heard that Imladris was more profitable.  
  
"No, our father gave our mother exactly one piece of jewelry, her wedding ring." Elladan answered.  
  
"Yeah, Ada doesn't like gems and jewelry." Elrohir finished quickly.  
  
"Why?" Legolas then thought back to Rivendell, and suddenly realized that he had not seen anyone wearing jewelry except for Elrond's wedding ring and Glorfindel's necklace with a golden flower on it. It was so different from Mirkwood where elves would pack on as much finery as they could to show their wealth.  
  
"Long story. He has just always had this thing against gems and jewelry. If you ask him, he says something about having his entire life dictated by other people's greed over gems and jewelry or as he calls them 'trinkets and baubles.' Anyway, I don't know what he will think of you giving Estel a ring or your daughter a necklace." Elrohir tried to give the short explanation, hoping Legolas remembered his history. For his part, Legolas had never thought about it before, but it made sense. Between the Silmirils and the Rings of Power, he was not surprised Elrond did not like jewelry.  
  
"Very well then, we will see what type of a mood he is in when we arrive, which should be soon."  
  
Elrond sat in his study hunched over several texts. Gil-Galad had joked with the half elf often about his love of books and knowledge. The High King had once joked that when the royal painters did their portrait of Elrond they would have to paint him surrounded by books, with his fingers blackened from ink, chewing on the end of his quill in thought. Elrond had laughed at the king's gentle reprimand and agreed to spend more time socializing with the other elves. Of course he would be reprimanded and agree to socialize about every two weeks because he was always more comfortable around paper than people.  
  
But right now paper was his only hope. He was searching for a way to help Estel. He was pleased that Estel seemed to be doing better today, but he was still worried. His granddaughter would not be able to take her mother's lack of food much longer. Estel had no more stored fat for either of them to live off anymore. He realized that at least part of Estel's problem was depression. The poor human was so melancholy it was almost painful for Elrond to be around him. But unfortunately much of that depression was caused by his illness. It was a vicious circle and he needed to find a way to end it.  
  
He had moved onto about the thirtieth text when a servant entered his study. Elrond paid him little attention. Over the years, he had grown used to them coming in every so often and putting food on the side of his desk so that he would eat. But this time the elf stood in front of the desk waiting to be acknowledged.  
  
"What is it?" Elrond tried not to sound irritated for at being interrupted.  
  
"My Lord, your sons and the Prince have returned. They should reach the stables very shortly."  
  
"Thank you. Please inform Thranduil." Elrond made an effort to sound happy. In truth he was dreading telling Legolas about Estel's condition. He just hoped the prince wasn't as histrionic as his father.  
  
Elrond went to the front of the house to wait for his sons and Legolas. He tried not to fidget while he waited. Finally he was rewarded with a group of travel stained elves coming up his walk way. He noted they were all covered from head to toe in mud. He knew it was raining outside of the valley. In truth it should be raining in it as well, but he kept the rain away to try and cheer Estel up.  
  
Legolas felt his blood go to ice when he saw the Lord of Imladris standing outside waiting for them. Elrond looked tired and worried. Mix that with Estel's absence and the prince could feel his hands shake. His feeling was right, there was something wrong and he hadn't been here to help. And the last conversation he had had with his love had been a fight. His mouth went dry with fear.  
  
"What news from the Istari?" Elrond questioned his sons.  
  
"Nothing, Ada. No one has heard from him. We left another message and hope that he will soon return it." Elrohir answered and embraced his father. After his mother's capture the twin had decided that he was not too old to get hugs.  
  
Elrond ushered his weary children inside and turned to Legolas. The prince seemed to be rooted to his spot staring at the half elf. "Legolas, we need to talk."  
  
"Something is wrong with Estel and my daughter isn't it?" Legolas could feel his voice shake. Elrond shook his head. "Are they going to be all right?"  
  
"I do not know. Estel is very ill." Elrond watched as tears started to fall from Legolas's blue eyes. He felt for the young elf. He knew how much the prince loved Estel and he could well imagine how hard it was to know Estel was ill because of him. He put his arm around Legolas's shoulders and led the elf inside. He explained what was wrong with Estel and answered what questions he could.  
  
"Can I go see him?"  
  
"Yes. Just try not to upset him too much. He needs to stay as calm and quiet as possible." Elrond walked with the prince to Estel's room but stopped at the door. "Go on, he has missed you."  
  
Legolas opened the door and crept in. He moved quietly in case Estel was asleep. The Ranger was on his side facing away from the door so Legolas walked over to stand in front of him. Estel was dozing lightly, but opened his eyes as soon as he sensed someone in front of him. Legolas wanted to cry when he saw his love. Estel looked thin and very sick. He had to fight to stop tears from coming to his eyes.  
  
"Legolas!" Estel sounded so happy to see him that the elf dropped down to his knees and immediately took one of Estel's hands while using his other to stroke his love's face. "I am so glad you are back. I missed you." Legolas said nothing. He was too choked up from the onslaught of feelings. He had been worried that Estel might be angry with him for their fight, but it appeared that the human was not. The prince simply continued to gently run his fingers along Estel's face and hair. "I am sorry about before you left. I promise I won't complain again. I just don't want you to be mad at me." Estel sounded on the verge of tears.  
  
"Shh, my love, don't worry. You have nothing to apologize for. It was my fault I should have realized I was hurting you. I was not angry at you, but myself for hurting you." Legolas soothed the human who had started to cry in earnest.  
  
"No, it is my fault. I can't even give you sex anymore without screwing it up. Please forgive me. Please don't hate me." Estel cried.  
  
"I don't hate you. I love you. Truly, there is nothing to forgive. And you can still give me sex, there are many other positions we can try that would not cause you pain."  
  
Estel sniffled. "There are?"  
  
"Yes." Legolas felt a smile tug at his lips. He sometimes forgot how inexperienced the Ranger was. "But not now. Elrond tells me you haven't been feeling too well."  
  
"I guess not." Estel finally sat up. His daughter had started to bounce up and down merrily at the sound of her father's voice.  
  
"Well we can't have that, now can we? What can I do to help?" Legolas moved up to sit on the bed facing Estel.  
  
"I don't know. Tell your daughter to stop making me sick?" Estel rubbed his hand along his swollen abdomen.  
  
"Ok." Legolas leaned towards Estel's belly and spoke in a hushed whisper to his friend's stomach. Estel could not make out what was being said, but the situation was so ludicrous he giggled anyway. "She says that she is sorry. She will try to do better." Legolas rested his hand over top of Estel's tummy and Estel interlaced their fingers as Legolas rubbed his hand up and down.  
  
Estel sighed in contentment. The only thing that would be better was if Legolas would hold him. It had been two weeks since the prince had left and Estel was craving his touch. But he certainly did not feel well enough for sex right now. Instead he closed is eyes and leaned his head back trying to capture the moment in his memory.  
  
Legolas looked at his friend. It bothered him greatly how gaunt Estel looked. The Ranger's hands looked as if the skin had just been stretched over the bone. The same could be said about his face. But at least his daughter seemed hale and hearty even if her mother looked frail. Estel seemed to be relaxed, so Legolas thought this might be a good time to ask a question that had been bothering him for two weeks.  
  
"Estel?"  
  
"Hmm."  
  
"Why did you say we could have sex again if it hurt you? Why would you put yourself through that?"  
  
Estel lifted his head up and opened his eyes but refused to look at Legolas. "I wanted to make you happy so you hold me." Estel dropped his eyes even further when he was done talking. He didn't want to see the look on Legolas's face when the elf realized how weak and pathetic he was.  
  
"Why didn't you just ask?"  
  
"Because, you only hold me when I am sick or after we have sex. I was upset and wanted to be held and that was the only way I could think of. I didn't think you would want to cuddle with me if you didn't have to." Estel chanced a peak at his friend. Legolas looked thoughtful.  
  
"You're wrong. Of course I want to cuddle you, love. I enjoy it as much as you do. It just seemed to me that when you were sick or after sex were the only times that you let me hug you. Every other time you shy away."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really." Legolas smiled. "Do you want to cuddle now?" Legolas leaned in closer with his muddy tunic.  
  
Estel giggled again. "No, you're all dirty. Take a bath first." He mocked shoved the elf away. Legolas smiled back at him. Estel froze for a moment. This was more movement than he had had in days and it was making him sick. He leaned over past Legolas and grabbed his bowl. In short order he threw back up part of his yogurt goo.  
  
When he was finished he closed his eyes and covered his mouth. "Sorry." He was mad at himself for ruining their good time. It seemed he always ruined the good times by getting sick.  
  
"That's ok, sweetheart. I am the one who should be apologizing. Elrond told me not to get you excited and I guess I did. Can you forgive me?"  
  
"Yes. If you eat and clean up and come back and hold me for a little while." Estel answered somewhat unsure of Legolas's reaction.  
  
The elf smiled. "How about a long while?" He took the bowl and cleaned it out returning it to Estel. "Now rest till I get back. I want to hear all about your last two weeks." Estel sank down on the bed and closed his eyes, tired already by the excitement. He would sleep until Legolas returned.  
  
Legolas waited until Estel was asleep, then slipped from the room. On the way down the hall to his room he ran into Elrond carrying a tray of food. "I don't think he is going to want that. He just threw up."  
  
"Oh." Elrond looked down dejected. "I had hoped he was feeling better."  
  
"He looks so awful."  
  
"I know. He needs to eat and regain his strength. She is draining him as fast as he can replenish it. Try and make him eat after you clean up. He does not have to eat a lot, even a little is better than nothing." Elrond left the tray by Estel's door and turned towards his chamber. "If you need me I will be in my study." Elrond wearily returned to his work. He had had precious little sleep in the last few days and it was beginning to show. Maybe now that Legolas was back he could rest for a bit. 


	14. Redemption and Naming part 2

Thank you guys so much for all of the great reviews. I guess I didn't realize how much people liked this story. Here is the next part of the next chapter. There is one more part in this chapter. Then don't worry, I promise things will start looking up.  
  
ESTEL/ESTELLE  
  
Legolas very much liked to take credit for Estel's recovery. Coincidentally, the human's appetite returned the next day and two days later he was up and about, if still tired and a little weak. However, a few days after that he ended up flat on his back again. It started at breakfast that morning while he was eating his scone. For no reason, Estel started to feel very nauseous. He quit eating and closed his eyes taking a few deep breaths. It wasn't working though, his stomach was pitching and rolling worse than the rapids along the river. He wrapped a hand around his stomach, swallowing a few times because he had started drooling.  
  
"Estel, are you well?" Elrond questioned. Estel had blanched and begun to turn slightly green.  
  
"Yes, I am just feeling a little sick. Can I go lie down before lessons?"  
  
"Don't you want to finish your scone?" Elrond was trying to get Estel to eat as much as he could so he would have some stored fat in case he became very ill again.  
  
"NO!" Estel almost screamed. "I just want to lie down."  
  
"All right. Go on." Elrond dismissed his youngest hoping that he was not feeling too bad.  
  
Estel barely made it to his room before his scone came back up. Within a few minutes, the sick feeling had returned to the relentless nausea he had been suffering from earlier in the week. Estel almost started crying when he felt his stomach start to bubble and quiver. He tried to drink and failed, tried to walk and failed, and finally had to settle for crawling to the chase lounge and collapsing on it.  
  
He wasn't sure if he could stand this again, not only the merciless sick feeling but the guilt at not being able to eat or drink right. Every time he skipped a meal or couldn't hold it down he worried what it would do to his daughter. That worrying just made him feel worse. Then there was the fear he would never get better and she wouldn't survive.  
  
And he worried about a name. He had read Elrond's name book from cover to cover and still was no closer to deciding what to call her. He felt guilty that he had been pregnant for so long and still had not chosen a name for her. He thought it made him look like he didn't care. However, that wasn't true. If anything, he cared too much. He wanted her to have a perfect, beautiful name that would fit her and have some part of both him and Legolas about it. But as of yet he couldn't come up with anything even halfway decent. He was a complete failure as a parent.  
  
These were the things that he thought of as he rested in the bathing room over the next several hours. Periodically he had to get up to vomit but mostly he just lied there flat on his back with his eyes closed trying not to move.  
  
Sometime just after lunch, Estel heard Legolas entering his room and calling his name. He wanted to answer, but was afraid if he opened his mouth he would throw up. Luckily Legolas thought to look in the bathing room.  
  
"Estel, what are you doing? Father is very cross that you didn't come to lessons today. He and Elrond got into it over your absence. I offered to come and look for you to end the argument." Legolas chattered, oblivious to Estel's discomfort.  
  
"Sorry. I wasn't feeling well." Estel answered weakly with clenched teeth.  
  
"You don't look well. What is wrong?" Legolas thought he already knew the answer.  
  
"I'm nauseous."  
  
"I'm sorry, love. Let's get you into bed where you are more comfortable." Legolas chattered on as he helped Estel up and into bed. If he kept talking he didn't have to think about how sick his lover looked or how worried he was about Estel and his daughter.  
  
Once settled in bed, Estel promptly vomited from the movement. Legolas hated seeing his love feeling this bad and almost started crying. When Estel was finished Legolas offered the human some water and he was unable to hold it down. Legolas was starting to get really worried, but not knowing what else to do he sang to Estel until the human fell into a restless sleep.  
  
Over the next few hours, Estel woke a few times and tried to drink only to end up getting sick afterwards. He was miserable and cranky. "I can't drink that water. I need lemonade." Estel groused.  
  
"Won't that make you feel worse?"  
  
"No, I can hold it down better than water." Estel tried not to sound like he was whining.  
  
Legolas left to go and retrieve lemonade not understanding the Ranger's desire for it, but deciding that he would do whatever he could to try and help. He also headed by Elrond's study on the way to the kitchen hoping the find the lord. He wanted to inform the half elf that Estel was ill again, but the study was empty. He spent a few minutes searching until Glorfindel informed him that Elrond had retired early. Legolas wasn't surprised; Elrond had looked downright exhausted the last few days. He had had to spend three days and nights caring for Estel, than there was an orc problem the next day. This was the first time in a week he had been able to relax, so Legolas decided not to wake him unless he had to.  
  
The elf finally returned to Estel's room to deliver the lemonade. Estel accepted the glass taking a few small sips. It then seemed to Legolas that the human immediately groaned and retched it back up. "It's not cold." Estel looked at Legolas accusingly. "It has to really cold or I can't drink it."  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't know that. I will go get some ice cubes for you." Legolas offered, trying to appease the Ranger.  
  
"Where is, Ada?" Estel questioned. He found it odd that the healer had not come to see him. Also, Elrond knew what Estel could and couldn't tolerate when he felt like this.  
  
"He is asleep. Do you want me to get him for you?" Legolas was hoping Estel would say yes. He felt like he was out of his element. He had never been very good at taking care of sick people and Estel was the hardest of all.  
  
Estel honestly thought of being selfish and asking for his father. He knew that Elrond would wake up to take care of him because he always had in the past, but he didn't do it. "No, just get me some ice for the lemonade please." After Legolas left Estel started to feel guilty about yelling at him. He hadn't meant to. He just felt so awful and it put him in such a bad mood.  
  
When Legolas returned, Estel apologized. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I know you are just trying to help and I am being a whiner."  
  
"It's ok. I understand, you don't feel well." Legolas sat down and twirled the ends of one of Estel's two front braids between his fingers. He loved the human's hair.  
  
"It is almost dinner time. Why don't you go get something to eat? I am really tired and will probably just sleep for a while anyway." Estel wanted to let Legolas do something more fun than stay cooped up in his room with him.  
  
"Are you sure?" Estel nodded and Legolas left.  
  
Estel dozed on and off for the next few hours. Legolas was gone longer than Estel thought he would be and he was regretting sending the elf away. He was lonely and had nothing to concentrate on other than his stomach. He was cold because there was no fire burning and he didn't feel well enough to get out of bed to get another quilt. He was thirsty, but his lemonade wasn't cold enough anymore and he was starting to feel hungry. He curled around a pillow waiting for his elf to return.  
  
Around 11:30, about four and half hours after Legolas left, Estel was so thirsty he tried to drink the now tepid lemonade. When not ice cold, it tasted both disgustingly sweet and sour. It didn't take long before it made him vomit. Without anyone else there to help him, he didn't want to vomit in his bowl, so he got out of bed and went in the bathing room. He didn't make it the whole way though, and vomited on stone floor just past the door. He couldn't hold himself up and fell to his knees while retching. When he finished he crawled on hands and knees towards the privy because he knew he would be ill again. And he wasn't mistaken.  
  
While he hung his head in the privy heaving, he vaguely heard someone come into his room. When the spasms passed, he saw Legolas standing in the doorway to the bathing room. He was both relieved and slightly irritated to see the elf. He was happy because now he was no longer alone and had someone to help take his mind off of how he felt and to take care of him when he was ill. But he was also annoyed because Legolas had stayed away so long.  
  
"Estel, what are you doing out of bed?"  
  
Irritation won out. "What does it look like I am doing?" Estel snapped as another bout of dry heaves took him. When he was able to pay attention again he noticed that Legolas had cleaned up the mess on the floor. He rested there for a few moments before he pulled himself up using the sink for leverage. He stood with his hands on either side of the sink with the water running. When Legolas entered again, he saw Estel lean his head forward so that his forehead was resting on the mirror above the sink.  
  
Legolas went to the human and rubbed his hand down Estel's back. "Are you ok?" Legolas was slightly disgusted to note that copious amounts of drool were leaking in long ropes from Estel's mouth. Every now and again the human would spit into the sink trying to rid himself of the saliva and the urge to vomit.  
  
"I hate this." Estel whimpered just before he bent over and retched painfully again, bringing up nothing but bile.  
  
"I know, sweetheart, but it will be over soon." Legolas tried to console the despondent Ranger.  
  
When Estel finished, Legolas helped him back into bed where he curled into a small ball shivering. Legolas couldn't stand the pathetic display and fetched another heavy quilt for the human. Estel had already explained that he couldn't light a fire, so Legolas didn't even attempt to. However, the Ranger still shivered from the cold. Legolas then kicked is shoes off and crawled under the quilt with Estel. He feared that Estel might protest when he wrapped his arms around him, but instead the human turned around and burrowed against the elf. And like that they stayed for the next few hours. Legolas made a conscious effort not to move too much because he had already been threatened once with death for making the bed shake.  
  
Legolas fell asleep easily with the warm Ranger cuddled up to him. He would hope to spend every night like this for the rest of his days if he could. However about three hours later, he heard Estel groan quietly. He came fully awake and found the human doubled over clutching is stomach and biting his lip.  
  
"Estel, what's wrong?" The elf was on the verge of panic.  
  
"It's nothing." Estel ground out from between clenched teeth. Now that he knew Legolas was awake, he tried to still his trembling, but without much success. "It's just hunger pangs, they hurt." And they did. It felt like his stomach was trying to digest itself and turn itself inside out at the same time. The feeling was nauseating and he was afraid he was about to start dry heaving, which only made it worse.  
  
"Well than eat something." It all seemed very logical to Legolas. If Estel was having hunger pangs than he was hungry this meant he obviously felt better.  
  
"Can't." Estel groaned as his stomach clenched painfully. "I feel too sick to eat."  
  
"How can you feel sick and hungry at the same time?"  
  
"I don't know. I just do." Estel snapped. Much to the human's shame, he couldn't take the pain anymore and whimpered. The sound scared Legolas, who knew Estel to have a fairly high threshold for pain.  
  
"What can I do to help?"  
  
"Get Ada, please." He bit his lip to stop himself from whimpering again.  
  
Legolas didn't even answer. He just jumped from the bed and ran towards the Lord of Imladris's room. He didn't bother knocking, but just pushed the door open. He had never been in the room before, but he didn't take time to look around. He charged straight to the bed to wake Elrond. When he reached the bed he paused though. Elrond was curled on his side with the covers pulled up to his nose. His raven black hair spilled around his pale face and his storm grey eyes didn't look so old and haunted. He no longer looked like the fearsome half elf that Legolas knew, but now he looked the Elrond that Estel and the twins often spoke of. Legolas found that he was loath to wake him. However, he couldn't get the image of Estel in so much pain out of his mind so he woke the lord.  
  
Elrond immediately came awake and Legolas explained the problem. The half elf fairly flew from the room and reached Estel with a comforting touch. Estel wanted to cry when he felt his father's hands on him, but managed to stop himself barely. Elrond immediately opened up his healing senses to Estel, what he felt nearly made him scream in sympathy. He could feel the awful waves of nausea rolling over Estel and the terrible and grinding hunger pangs gnawing at him. The elf lord hid his face behind his hair for a moment to get his composure.  
  
Elrond was eventually brought out of his healing trance by Estel's whimper. "Ada, is she doing all right?" Estel was panting and sniffling.  
  
"Yes. She is fine, but again, it is you I am worried about." Elrond stroked back some of Estel's hair while he talked. He could tell that Estel was again becoming dangerously dehydrated. He was also in need of food. He had lied slightly; the baby was starting to show slight signs of distress. Nothing life threatening yet, but they could be if he couldn't get Estel eating and drinking again. Estel again involuntarily let out a small whimper and Elrond's heart broke all over again. He wrapped his arms around Estel's prone form and gave him what comfort he could while he questioned him. "Do you feel like you are going to be sick?"  
  
"I think so." Estel gasped. He hated when the hunger pangs became so bad they made him vomit, or rather dry heave. But he could feel it starting to happen. Luckily Elrond held him and soothed him, which helped.  
  
"Legolas, will you go to the kitchen and fetch some ice, lemonade, some milk, and find some frozen juice, either grape or cherry?" Elrond absentmindedly spoke to the elf. The prince quickly left the room to find the requested items.  
  
"When Legolas gets back, we will try and get some liquid into you, then a little later see if you can tolerate some food." Elrond spoke encouragingly to his child, but in his mind he fretted. Neither Estel nor his daughter would be able to handle being this ill for very long. He was still recovering from the last bout and the human had no reserves of strength left. Elrond was at his wit's end. He had tried everything he could think of, but nothing was helping. If something wasn't done soon, he may loose both of them and he didn't know if he could take that. He realized it was time to call in the big guns. In the morning, he would summon Galadriel.  
  
When Legolas returned, Estel attempted to drink his ice cold lemonade. He swallowed it and hissed in pain. Elrond questioned. "Estel, is your stomach cramping already?"  
  
"No, my tongue hurts. The lemonade is burning it and my throat." Estel was having a hard time talking around his burning tongue.  
  
Elrond held a candle up to the Estel and examined the interior of his mouth. The human had a series of painful looking ulcers on his tongue, the insides of his lips and the roof of his mouth. Elrond had no doubt that he also had them in his throat and maybe his esophagus. "Well, you have several sores in your mouth caused by repeated exposure to gastric acid. The citric acid in the lemonade is burning them." Elrond did not want to imagine what Estel's stomach must look like. "You probably shouldn't drink it anymore, at least till they heal." He didn't want to see the crestfallen look on his child's face after telling him that.  
  
"But lemonade is the only thing I can drink and not get sick. What am I supposed to do?" Estel was on the verge of tears. Without his trusty lemonade he would die of thirst. He was sure of it.  
  
"I know, but if you keep drinking it, it will only cause them to get worse and be more painful." Elrond tried to console Estel.  
  
"But nothing else stays down." Estel was almost crying now. Elrond gathered him into a hug. "Ada, isn't there anything you can do?" That question was like a knife in the half elf's chest. He wanted nothing more in the world than to help Estel, but there was nothing he could do. All he could do was shake his head 'no.'  
  
"I wish there was, child, but I could do more harm than good. Let us just hope that this bout is over faster than the last one and we will not have to worry about what you are able to tolerate." He hoped his smile looked genuine. And he handed Estel a cup of tea to drink.  
  
The rest of the night went much the same way. Estel was able to tolerate small amounts of liquid only a sip or two at a time, but it had to be ice cold and not plain water. Food was a no go. Anything even remotely solid the Ranger swallowed made a hasty reappearance. By the time the sun rose Estel was so discouraged he was about to drown himself in the bathtub. Legolas and Elrond decided to leave him alone to rest for a while. Legolas went to go find some breakfast, because he thought it would be rude to eat in front of Estel, and Elrond went to his study.  
  
Once in his study, Elrond flopped onto one of the couches and sighed. He didn't want to do it, but he knew he had to. He took a deep breath, swallowed his pride and reached out through Vilya to Galadriel. He felt her rather amused reply.  
  
"Good morning, Elrond."  
  
"Good morning to you too, my Lady. I need your help." Elrond answered  
  
"Ah, yes. With your little foster child and your granddaughter. He is quite ill isn't he?"  
  
"Yes." Elrond sighed, waiting for the lecture. Galadriel had been one of his tutors when he had been very young and she refused to relinquish the role no mater how old he got. "I need you to come here and help me look after him, please. As soon as you can."  
  
"Of course. Celeborn and I left almost a week ago." Elrond could feel the Lady's mind voice shimmer with humour.  
  
"I should have known. Did you see it in your mirror? Is this child that important?"  
  
"No. I did not see it. Rather, my cousin contacted me and asked me to come and give you a break. Glorfindel said you were running yourself ragged taking care of Estel and everyone knows you have the disposition of an orc when you are overtired."  
  
"I might have guessed, know-it-all Vanya elf. I will string him up by his pointy little ears for going behind my back." This time Elrond did hear her laugh in earnest at his comment.  
  
"We shall arrive within the week." Galadriel said by way of ending the conversation.  
  
Elrond dropped his head into his hands and smiled. At least now he would have trained back up in caring for Estel. But more importantly, Thranduil would not dare act up around his father's cousin, Celeborn, the ancient Sindarian prince, who by all rights should have been king of Mirkwood and was the highest ranking Sindarian elf left in Middle Earth not directly descended from King Thingol. Elrond had to wonder why he didn't think of calling in the two of them before.  
  
Estel managed to sleep for a few hours, but felt no better when he woke up. The hunger pangs were still almost unbearable and they made him want to scream every time he had one. The thirst was almost as bad, but he could drink small swallows if he needed to, at least enough to wet his throat. He wanted to go back to sleep, but his back hurt, his throat hurt, his head hurt, the hunger pangs were getting bad again, and every time he moved a muscle he felt like he needed to throw up. He wanted to shriek at the top of his lungs but instead he rolled over onto his side and hugged a pillow to himself.  
  
That was the way Legolas found him just before lunch. Legolas had run into Elrond on his way up to give Estel some soup and had offered to do it for him. He wanted to spend some time alone with his love, just talking, and he figured now might be a good time. So he carried the tray of food, consisting of a small bowl of strained beef broth with noodles, a stack of crackers, ice cold apple juice very watered down, and frozen strawberries. It seemed like a great deal of food to the elf, since he hadn't seen Estel eat this much at one sitting in months, but Elrond had explained that it gave Estel a choice.  
  
Estel heard someone rattling dishes as they walked up the stairs. He sighed. He was starving but he didn't think he could eat anything. He guessed he would have to try or whoever it was would not leave him in peace. When he heard the knock he sat up and called for them to come in. He was somewhat surprised to see that it was Legolas rather than Elrond.  
  
Legolas entered the room, placing the tray on the bed in front of Estel. He was not happy to note that the Ranger pulled away from the tray like it was a snake.  
  
"What is that terrible smell?" Estel groaned from behind the hand he had flung over his mouth and nose. Something on the tray reeked. It was meaty and savory smelling, almost like rabbit and it was making him gag.  
  
"What smell, love?" Legolas was a bit worried to note that the human was growing very pale as he uncovered the food on the tray and sat down on the bed.  
  
When Legolas uncovered the soup, the smell hit Estel full force. He immediately shoved the tray away sloshing soup out of the bowl onto the towel covering the tray. Estel grabbed the bowl beside his bed and retched up the small amount of juice he had managed to drink earlier. Legolas just stared at him in a slight state of shock.  
  
"Get that out of here." Estel whimpered from the top of the bed where he drooped over his bowl.  
  
"But Estel, Elrond said you need to eat and it just soup. It won't hurt you." Legolas wasn't really sure what to say to convince the Ranger. However, he did notice the way Estel had eyed the food very suspiciously like it was poisoned or something. The elf held the bowl out to Estel hoping he would take it, though sincerely doubting he would since he just threw up.  
  
Estel pushed the bowl away spilling the contents all over Legolas's tunic, groaning, just before he yelled. "Get that horrible smelling stuff away from me!" Estel promptly doubled over retching again.  
  
"Please, sweetheart, if you don't like the soup try some crackers or I will get you something else. Just eat something." Legolas was getting desperate. He couldn't stand seeing his beloved this sick. It was tearing his heart out. Moreover, what Estel's illness was doing to their daughter?  
  
"No." Estel moaned as he shakily rose from bed and staggered into the bathing room, slamming the door shut behind him.  
  
Legolas relented and removed the tray of food, but left the crackers on the side table, hoping Estel would try to eat them after he left. He did not fancy having to tell Lord Elrond that he failed. He trudged downstairs decided he would let the healer deal with this from now on. He would come back though, he didn't think Estel should be alone.  
  
Once Estel reached the bathing room, he threw his bowl in his sink and curled up on the floor by the privy, hiding his face in his hands. He was so tired of this. He just wanted to feel better. His daughter was not pleased and she bounced around inside of him angrily. The feeling was vaguely nauseating. He childishly wanted to start crying, but he didn't. Rather, he rubbed his hand up and down on his bare belly whispering to his daughter.  
  
That was how Legolas found them a short time later. He had returned to the room and found Estel still in the bathing room. He had gone over and knocked on the door. "Estel, are you ok?"  
  
"I guess." Legolas had heard from the other side of the door.  
  
"Can I come in?"  
  
"Yes." And the elf had entered to find Estel rubbing his belly, looking pale and drawn, but his daughter was shining at the attention.  
  
"Do you want to go back to bed?" Legolas knelt in front of Estel and put his hand out to touch his friend's belly. But Estel had jerked away from him and scooted as far back as he could. The human glared accusingly at him. "What's wrong? What did I do?" Estel had lifted his hand up to cover his nose and mouth, the other he left on his stomach.  
  
"You didn't change your tunic. I can still smell the soup on it. Please get rid of it, Legolas, please." Estel said from behind his hand.  
  
"Of course. I am sorry. I forgot." Legolas immediately jumped up and removed his tunic and shirt, just to be on the safe side, and ran back to his room. He replaced them with fresh clean garments that he hoped would not bother the Ranger. He then returned as fast as he could. "Is that better, sweetheart?"  
  
Estel nodded weakly. Legolas could tell that all of this movement was not doing the human any good. "Come on, let's get you back to bed." Estel again nodded and allowed Legolas to help him up. He was feeling dizzy from all of the exertion.  
  
Once Estel was standing he leaned into the elf beside him for support. Legolas didn't mind at all. He loved the feel of the warm Ranger pressed against him. Legolas rested his long slender hand on Estel's exposed belly, careful not to apply any pressure. Estel's sleeping clothes were getting too small for him so the pants had to be slung around his hips under his belly and the shirts could not be closed over it. Legolas thought it was a cute look. But the prince worried that he could now see Estel's ribs and his hipbones jutting out.  
  
He helped Estel back into bed, then made to leave so he could refill Estel's teacup then go talk to Elrond. Estel stopped him though. "Are you leaving?"  
  
"I was going to leave you alone so you could rest." Legolas answered.  
  
"Don't go." Estel realized he sounded like a child, but he really, really, really didn't want to be alone right now. "Please stay with me."  
  
"OK, all you had to do was ask." Legolas smiled.  
  
The elf quickly made another cup of tea for Estel, who sipped at it half heartedly. He then kicked his shoes off and removed his tunic and again crawled in bed with the Ranger. Estel didn't mind at all and cuddled up to him, enjoying the feel of being held. The soft scent of the elf's hair was one of the few things that did not make him feel nauseous. Plus he tended not to feel so sick when he was in the prince's arms.  
  
Legolas was tired, he hadn't gotten much sleep the night before and he was happy when Estel finally dozed off. But it turned out that he wouldn't get much sleep now either. The next few hours were some of the worst Legolas could imagine. Estel continued to suffer from hunger pangs that caused almost unbearable pain. Now, every time he had one he doubled over retching. Even worse, now he was starting to vomit up blood, both fresh and dark, chunky, semi-digested blood. It was obvious that the poor human was in pain, but was trying to hide and appear brave. But it wasn't working. Legolas could sense how afraid and hurt his love was because no matter how much he tried to eat or drink it just kept coming back up.  
  
The prince sat with Estel as Elrond brought up another tray of food. He rubbed the Ranger's back and he tried to choke down the rice pudding the lord had brought him. But the very texture of it on the human's tongue made him vomit. He then held Estel's hand as the sick Ranger gagged it back up. And after Elrond left with the food barely touched, he let Estel pillow his head upon his chest so the human would hear his strong steady heartbeat. He told the Ranger stories of his childhood and combed Estel's long hair. Legolas did anything to distract Estel from his nausea and every so often coaxed the young human into drinking a few sips of milk or juice.  
  
Over the course of the afternoon, Elrond brought up two more trays of food. Estel could tolerate neither of them. The elf lord was becoming very worried, Legolas was becoming discouraged, and Estel was becoming suicidal but still he did not give into the tears that threatened with every wave of nausea that came over him.  
  
To make matters worse, another orc problem developed on the borders and Elrond had to divert his attention to it. Legolas had declined to go with the party sent to eradicate them because he did not want to leave Estel alone. He was afraid if he left, the human would just give up completely. Of course he knew that humans couldn't die of broken hearts, but that did not stop him from worrying about his love.  
  
Because Legolas was staying to help care for Estel, Elrond drafted him to take the next tray up to the human. Legolas entered the room to find Estel lying on his side forlornly gazing out of the window at the late afternoon sky. Legolas could feel the depression, hopelessness and guilt weighing down on the Ranger through their bond. He found it strange, feeling someone else's emotions.  
  
Legolas set the tray of wheat porridge and assorted other goodies down on the night stand. Legolas noticed that the human had munched on some of the crackers he had left. That was a good sign, so smiling he addressed Estel. "Sweetheart, I brought you something to eat so sit up."  
  
Estel was having a really bad afternoon. After Legolas had left an hour ago, he had tried to sleep, but had been unable to because his nausea kept him awake. He had tried to get up and get a book to read, but standing up had nearly made him faint and the movement made him retched uselessly. Then his daughter had decided that she was unhappy and had started jumping up and down and generally moving all about. He was happy that she was moving, but by Eru it made him feel sick. Finally he tried to assuage his hunger pangs by eating a few crackers from his night stand, hoping they would stay down. They had not. And when he vomited them back up, he felt pain searing through his chest and throat. It felt just like his tongue. But worst of all, Thranduil had come to see him. The king had derided him for hurting his daughter in the same breath as saying that he wanted them both dead. All in all, he was in no mood to try and eat whatever Legolas had brought.  
  
However, he didn't want Legolas to know how upset he was. All he could think about was Thranduil telling him that it was just a "little upset stomach." So he slowly rolled over and sat up, pulling the blankets up to cover his bare belly. "What did Elrond send this time? I hope it is a fine cut of venison." Estel tried to joke, but realized his voice sounded raspy and hollow.  
  
"I think it is farina, love. But he sent lots of fruit to mix in it, even some brown sugar." Legolas took a clump of sugar and popped it into his mouth sighing in enjoyment. He liked brown sugar, and it was a luxury that he never had outside of Imladris but he overplayed his reaction hoping to entice Estel. Legolas smiled even brighter as he saw the human pick up his spoon and stir the porridge.  
  
Estel felt his mouth start to water and bile rise in his throat almost as soon as he looked at the food. He wanted to eat, he wanted to make Legolas and his father happy, he waned to make the hunger pangs go away, but he knew that he couldn't. The mere thought of it made his stomach turn over dangerously and closed his eyes swallowing hard. He couldn't take it anymore. He just wanted to feel better. He wanted to cry.  
  
When he opened his eyes back up, he noticed that the plate had become blurry as he felt a cold tear trail down his cheek. He went to wipe it away, hoping Legolas wouldn't notice but after the first one fell it was like the flood gates had been opened and he started to cry in earnest.  
  
Legolas looked up from where he was stoking the fire to see that Estel was silently crying. One crystal tear after another fell from the human's silver eyes. The Ranger looked so heart broken that Legolas immediately went to him. "Estel, love, what is the matter?" Legolas would do just about anything right now if it would stop Estel from crying. These silent, heartbroken tears betrayed such a depth of sadness that it was almost painful to look at.  
  
Estel hadn't wanted Legolas to see him cry. Once the elf noticed him he tried even harder to stop, but it was to no avail. The tears kept coming no matter what he did. However, to distract the prince, Estel brought a spoonful of is porridge to his lips. Legolas smiled at him in encouragement. But Estel could not force himself to put the food in his mouth. The very thought made him gag. He dropped the spoon back into the bowl, refusing to meet Legolas's eyes.  
  
"Sweetheart, please try and eat. You haven't had anything for days. You must be starving." Legolas tried to reason with the young human. He was pleased to note that Estel had again picked up his spoon. However, Estel dropped it again, his shoulders starting to shake with barely suppressed sobs. "Estel, look at me." Legolas put his finger under the human's chin and force his eyes up to catch the elf's. "You need to eat. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for me and for our daughter. Elrond has told you repeatedly that it is not good for her when you go so long without eating. Please, just try." Legolas was out of ideas. If this didn't work then he was going to have to sit on the human and force-feed him.  
  
Estel picked up the spoon again and started to cry even harder. He silently pled for Legolas to stop saying those things to him. The guilt he felt was almost overwhelming as it was. He didn't want to hurt her but he just knew that his body would not be able to tolerate any food. His body would reject anything right now and when it did it would hurt. He didn't know if he could handle that pain right now. He felt like a pane of glass with a small ding in it. The spider web cracks were radiating out from it and if any pressure were applied he would break into a thousand pieces.  
  
"I can't." Estel said before he again dropped his spoon and wrapped his arms around his belly. He just prayed that he wasn't hurting her too badly.  
  
"Estel you have to try." Legolas couldn't stand the sadness in his love's voice.  
  
"I can't, don't you understand?"  
  
"Estel, listen to me. You are hurting yourself and our daughter. I won't let you do that. You need to eat." Estel just stared disgustedly down at the food on his tray. The human was afraid he was about to get sick. Legolas on the other hand was getting angry. He felt helpless and that made him unbelievably angry. Half of him understood that Estel was sick and really couldn't eat. He had seen first hand for months just how ill the Ranger had been. Legolas remembered finding Estel asleep with his head hanging over the edge of the privy and watching him gag and retch merely from bending over to put on his shoes.  
  
But the other half told him that it was all in Estel's head that the human had somehow made a conscious choice to starve their daughter and himself to death. And that it was just pregnancy illness, if Estel wanted to eat, he could. Unfortunately the anger was making him short with Estel, which was exactly the wrong thing to do. "I don't care if you don't feel well, I don't care if you don't want to eat, you are going to eat. You are not going to try and kill my child again."  
  
Estel's eyes shot up at the hurtful words Legolas said to him. He knew the elf was right, but he could not bring himself to put anything in his mouth. All he could do was drop his face into his hands and sob even harder. "I can't. I'm sorry. I can't hold it down. I want to but I can't. Please, stop yelling at me."  
  
As Estel spoke, Legolas seemed to come out of the haze he was in. He realized the awful things he had said to the Ranger and felt terrible for it. He knew Estel didn't mean to feel this bad and he would never do anything to hurt their daughter. He immediately moved the tray onto the floor and gathered the crying human into his arms. Estel resisted at first, but after a moment he clung to Legolas like he was a lifesaver. Legolas stroked the Ranger's long mink coloured hair and whispered his love and encouragement into Estel's ear.  
  
Soon Estel fell asleep, worn out by the emotion and the exertion. Legolas took the tray back down to the kitchen. On his way he ran into Elrond. The half elf looked tired and worried. Legolas feared for a moment that the orc problem was worse than they had all first thought. The prince knew he would never forgive himself if someone died because he had refused to go with them.  
  
"My lord, is there any word from the hunting party?"  
  
"Yes, Glorfindel said that they are perhaps a day away from the orc encampment. They have already taken out a band of stragglers. He did however say that several small farming communities were badly raided and a few bands of Rangers were particularly hard hit. I would go to heal them, but I am disinclined to leave Estel. At any rate, Elladan and Elrohir will be able to help them." The lord responded tiredly.  
  
"That is good news. Hopefully they should be home soon." Legolas tried to look on the bright side.  
  
"Yes." The half elf absently answered. Legolas noticed the dark circles under Elrond's eyes and worried over the older elf. He knew that Rivendell's lord had been working overtime lately.  
  
"Why don't you go and get some rest. Things are as quiet and peaceful as ever in Imladris."  
  
"I will rest when the party returns and their wounds are looked after." Elrond sighed. He sorely missed the days that he could have been one of the elves on the hunting party rather than being tethered to his valley. It was not that he didn't love Imladris, he did, it was just that he had all but given up his freedom for his power and sometimes it didn't seem like it was worth it.  
  
"But that could be days." Legolas said incredulously.  
  
"Yes. You will find, young one, that it will be difficult for you to rest when your child is in peril and beyond your protection." Legolas immediately thought about all of the times he and the twins had left without telling Elrond where they were going or had spent more time than necessary away from the valley. If Lord Elrond truly did not rest when his children were away, then perhaps that explained much of the reason why Legolas had always thought the half elf was so stern and cold much of the time.  
  
"Well, it must make you feel better to have Glorfindel out with them. Surely he will bring them back safely."  
  
"Yes, that is true. He would gladly sacrifice his own life for theirs. And that is another problem all together." The half elf smiled slightly. He realized that he was confusing the prince, so he changed the subject to one even less cheerful. "How is Estel doing? Did you take the food to him?"  
  
"Yes, but he didn't eat it. I tried to make him, but he burst into tears as soon as I put it in front of him. He just kept saying that he couldn't eat. He finally cried himself to sleep without ever taking a bite." Now it was Legolas's turn to sigh.  
  
"Wonderful." Elrond said before he slowly strolled away back towards his study.  
  
Legolas couldn't face returning to Estel's room just yet, so he took a turn through the gardens. Back home in Mirkwood, fall would have already taken its toll on the plants, but here in Imladris the trees were still green and blooming. It was almost as if time had no meaning in the valley. Legolas imagined that Aman must be much like Imladris.  
  
After his walk, he felt much calmer and more centered. About two hours had passed so he went to the kitchen to fetch another tray for Estel. The prince decided that perhaps Estel might do better with something that was more appetizing than bland wheat goop. So he requested that the chef's prepare some scrambled eggs for the Ranger along with some cold chocolate milk and a few cookies with peanut butter. All of these foods had been ones that Estel had enjoyed in the past; therefore, Legolas hoped that the human's disagreeable stomach would tolerate them now.  
  
Feeling very proud of himself he carried the tray up the stairs to Estel's room. He could hear Estel shuffling around and then sitting back down in bed. Legolas hoped that was a good sign, but he gave up guessing about these things a few months back. He gently knocked on the door to alert Estel of his presence before he pushed it opened. The Ranger was lying flat on his back and didn't even sit up to greet Legolas. Legolas tried to ignore the fact that he saw tears in his loves eyes when he spied the tray.  
  
"I brought you some food, sweetheart. Do you think that you could try and eat some?" Legolas thought he already knew the Ranger's answer before he said it.  
  
"Not right now." Estel finally sat up, but leaned his head back against his headboard with his eyes closed, rubbing his hand up and down on his belly.  
  
"Estel." Legolas was about to protest when the young human spoke up again.  
  
"Please, give me a moment. I just finished puking right before you knocked on the door. Could you give me ten minutes at least?" Estel sounded resigned.  
  
"Of course love, I will even give you twenty." Legolas smiled as he climbed to the top of the bed and cuddled the Ranger, kissing him on the forehead. Legolas's movements caused the bed to shake, which forced Estel to suppress a retch, but then he rested his head against Legolas and closed his eyes trying to ignore the way his stomach still pitched and rolled. He was just starting to relax into a light doze when Legolas interrupted him. "Have you given any thought as to what we shall call her?"  
  
"You mean like a name?" Estel mumbled. He was in that warm fuzzy place between being asleep and awake and he didn't want to come back.  
  
"Of course a name, silly." Legolas reached down and laced his fingers through Estel's then bought both hands to his mouth and kissed the back of the Ranger's hand.  
  
"Yes. Have you?" Estel hated to admit, but he enjoyed the romantic gesture and he snuggled closer to the elf.  
  
"I thought you would like to choose the name.  
  
"Oh no, I have done all the hard work so far, the least you can do is pick the name. Besides, I would probably just pick an ugly one anyway."  
  
The two discussed names for their daughter while they cuddled until Legolas chanced to look outside and noticed that the sun had dipped below the horizon. That meant that he and Estel had been sitting here talking for over and hour and Estel had not eaten anything. Legolas disentangled himself from the Ranger and went to collect the food he had stowed all about the room, still well covered so the smell didn't bother Estel. The cookies he had put on the night stand, the milk right in front of the window, and the eggs against the hearth.  
  
When Legolas got up, Estel felt very cold and had to consciously not curl around where the elf had been. He watched with dread as Legolas collected the food and brought it over to him. He didn't really feel any better, but he also knew that he needed to eat so he picked up his fork and speared a small piece of egg. He could feel his stomach start to protest, but he took a deep breath and thrust the small clump of egg into his mouth and determinedly chewed on it. He quickly swallowed it and then drank a few sips of water to try and help keep it down. Legolas smiled at him and he tried a second piece. He wasn't so lucky with it.  
  
When Estel swallowed the second piece of egg, his stomach gave a massive heave and he vomited mid swallow. He barely got his bowl in front of him before he choked the eggs back up. He so angry he slammed his fist into the tray after he finished. It wasn't fair. He was trying, he really was and it wasn't doing any good. He didn't want to hurt her but he couldn't stop himself.  
  
Before he knew what was happening he was enveloped again in Legolas's arms and he realized that he was sobbing. He supposed he hadn't noticed before because there were no tears running down his cheeks. There was not enough liquid left in his body to produce excess tears. He thought about that and it made him cry even harder. What was all of this doing to his daughter?  
  
Finally Estel settled enough that he could talk. "Could you get Elrond for me?"  
  
"Why? Is something wrong?"  
  
"Nothing new is wrong, I just want to talk to him for a minute." Estel whispered. He felt dizzy and his head really hurt.  
  
Legolas ran as fast as he could to find the half elf. He finally found him in his study in the dark, staring out at the stars. "Lord Elrond, Estel needs you." Legolas did not get a chance to say more before the healer was up and running towards his child and grandchild, the elf hot on his heels.  
  
Elrond entered the room and relaxed slightly to see that at least there was no blood. "Estel, my child, Legolas said you needed to see me."  
  
Estel nodded his head "yes" but turned and looked at Legolas, who was standing apprehensively by the door. Elrond immediately understood and sent the prince on an errand to get a heating pad.  
  
"What is it, Estel?"  
  
"I'm scared. Is she still healthy or have I hurt her?" Estel sniffled as he talked and had to fight to not sob at the last word.  
  
Elrond concentrated and found that she was not doing very well. She was beginning to suffer from the lack of food and water. She was upset because she was hungry and thirsty. But far worse, she was starting to weaken from the strain. Elrond didn't know how he was going to tell this to Estel. "She is alive, sweetheart, but like you she does not feel well because of the illness induced fast." He held one of Estel's hands as he talked.  
  
"Sweet Eru, I am killing her aren't I?" Elrond could feel Estel start to panic.  
  
"No, not yet. She is weakening, but she is still strong. I will not tell you to try harder to eat, because I know you are trying as hard as you can, but she will not last much longer like this. Estel, we need to get something to stay down. It doesn't matter what it is, but you must find a way."  
  
"I know. I keep trying, but nothing will stay down. I don't want her to die, Ada. Can't you save her, even if it means hurting me? I don't care." Estel cried.  
  
"She will be fine for another day or so, then we will talk about more drastic measures. Right now you need to rest and conserve your strength. I am working on something that might help, but it won't be ready for a little while." Elrond stroked Estel's hair soothingly using his mind powers to calm his child. Normally he would never have done something like that, but Estel needed it. The last thing the Ranger needed was to waste energy on hysterics.  
  
Finally Estel fell into a deep sleep, with some help from Elrond, and the half elf exited. He stood outside of the door waiting for Legolas to return. The elf prince finally arrived followed by his rather irritated looking father. Before Elrond could speak the king piped in.  
  
"Does no one keep to the dining schedule in the Valar forsaken valley? I have been waiting for twenty minutes for someone else to show up so that dinner could begin and I find you all congregating outside of the belly acher's room."  
  
Elrond chose not to take the bait. "Thranduil, shut up. Legolas we need to talk, will you accompany me to the terrace?" Elrond gave a mighty sigh and said. "I suppose you might as well come along too, it concerns Estel's daughter." The three walked quickly to a terrace just down the hall. Elrond wanted to stay close enough to Estel's room incase he was needed, but did not want to be close enough to be over heard should the human awake.  
  
"My Lord, is my daughter OK?" Legolas asked, trying to keep his bottom lip from trembling. The prince most certainly did not like how worried Elrond looked.  
  
"Yes, for now. But I don't know how much longer either of them can survive this. They are both very weak." Elrond answered truthfully. Legolas's eyes filled with tears at the news. The prince knew this was his only chance to have a child. His heart belonged to the Ranger and no other would ever satisfy him. And Estel would never agree to go through this again not for anything in the world. It disgusted Elrond to note that Thranduil had done nothing to console his own child.  
  
"Do you know what is causing it?" The king asked quietly.  
  
"I can't say for sure. His body is just under too much stress trying to bear his daughter. But I also think that his mental state is influencing his illness as well. He is so depressed and worried that it is making him even sicker. Then the sicker he gets the more depressed and worried he becomes."  
  
"So it is all in his head?" The king asked dryly. He had expected as much the whole time. It didn't make sense to him for pregnancy alone to cause such illness. After all his wife had not been this ill nor had any other woman he had known.  
  
"Absolutely not. Estel is very ill for real. I only meant that the situation has been exacerbated by his depression, not that his depression caused it."  
  
"What can we do? I don't want either of them to be hurt." Legolas sniffled. He had turned to look over the railing hoping that the others wouldn't notice his tears. No matter how old he grew or the fact that he was soon to be a father himself, he still felt like an elfling around the two powerful elflords.  
  
"We shall do nothing different until Galadriel arrives. However, we must face the fact that Estel may loose her." Elrond hated having to say the next part. "We must also consider the option of aborting her." The half elf held up his hand to forestall any protests. "Estel is very weak. So weak in fact, that he may not be strong enough to survive a miscarriage if it comes. We may have to abort her to save his life or we may loose both of them." He did not want to look up and see Legolas's face. He figured that it would be accusing because he was supposed to be the best healer in Middle Earth, yet he could not do anything to save them.  
  
"When would we have to decide by?" Thranduil again questioned, only this time he sounded far more solemn.  
  
"Not right away. They both should be fine for anther 24-48 hours. Hopefully Galadriel will be here by then. Plus I am working on something new to help settle his stomach. There is a chance that it will work." Elrond realized that his assurances sounded hollow.  
  
"What about Estel?" Legolas tried to keep his voice level, but even he could hear the tears and emotion in it. "We should not decide such a thing without him."  
  
"Normally I would say yes, but Estel would never choose to abort her now. He would allow himself to starve to death before he would do anything to intentionally hurt her." Elrond answered and was pleased to see the prince nod. Part of the half elf disagreed. Part of him thought that it should be Estel's decision alone and that the human should be allowed to choose death for both of them if he wanted. But he knew he could not face that. The selfish part of him wanted his child alive and whole. "Do not even tell him of this conversation." All three agreed and Elrond took that opportunity to wrap his arms around the prince. He figured that if Thranduil wouldn't do anything to console his own son than he might as well. It was true what Glorfindel always said, Elrond was a mother hen who had to take care of everyone around him.  
  
Two hours later Estel awoke to find Legolas asleep in one chair and his father staring at the fire in the other. He still felt terrible and wished he could go back to sleep, but he needed to use the privy. He sat up and the room began to spin violently. Elrond leaned over and pressed him back against the headboard.  
  
"Stay in bed, whatever you need I will fetch for you." Elrond whispered to him.  
  
"But I need to use the privy." Estel whispered back. "Will you help me? I feel like I am going to pass out." He shook his head trying to clear the cobwebs.  
  
"Of course."  
  
The two slowly made their way in and then back out without Legolas even stirring. Estel was happy Elrond was there to help him. The half elf held his hair back as he retched from the movement and had a glass of ice water waiting for him when he got back to bed. If he took very small sips he could hold down liquid. Water wasn't as easy as lemonade, but for now it would do.  
  
Rather than resuming his seat in the chair, Elrond sat down on the side of the bed, facing Estel. "I have some medicine for you try. I should help with the vomiting , if not the nausea." Elrond held up a small glass with perhaps an ounce of dark liquid in it. "I added some honey to try and make the taste more tolerable, but I make no promises." The healer smiled at Estel.  
  
"Ok, give it here. I would be willing to try sleeping on my head and baying at the moon if I thought it would help."  
  
"Only in Mirkwood, is that considered a cure." Elrond gave his child a mischievous smile as he handed him the small glass. Estel held his nose and swallowed the concoction as fast as he could, trying not to taste or smell it. Elrond then handed him a cup of very cold water to try and get rid of the taste.  
  
"How long do you think it will take to start working?" Estel questioned as he swallowed repeatedly trying to stop himself from throwing it back up.  
  
"Not long sweetheart. Just try to relax." Elrond continued to talk quietly to his child to keep the human's mind engaged. He waited for half an hour before he brought up the subject of food. "Try and eat some yogurt, sweetheart." Elrond handed Estel a small bowl containing a small serving of honey sweetened yogurt with mashed strawberries mixed into it.  
  
"Ada, I don't know, I still feel pretty nauseas." Estel looked at it skeptically.  
  
"Just try." Estel swallowed three spoonfuls before he pushed the bowl back at Elrond.  
  
"I don't think I can eat anymore right now."  
  
"That's fine if that is all you can manage. Just lie back now and rest. Did I ever tell you about the time the twins decided they would have a maple sugar eating contest?" Estel shook his head 'no,' "Well, let me tell you then." Elrond masterfully related the tale in order to distract his child again. By the time he was finished, Estel was fast asleep and almost an hour had passed. His medicine had helped, Estel had managed to hold down the apple sauce.  
  
The next day went better than the day before. Estel managed to eat a few small meals and drink a great deal of water. He said he felt like a sponge, but all he wanted to do was drink. He only vomited a few times, and that was usually when he gave in to Elrond or Legolas and ate more than he thought he could.  
  
By the following morning, he was well enough to get out of bed and take his meals with the rest of the family. Elrond reported that the orc problem had been taken care of and the twins and Glorfindel would be returning soon. Estel was happy to hear it. He was worried about his brothers. They had stayed away from him lately because they didn't like the way Thranduil was treating him and they did not like to see him so ill all the time. He understood, but he still missed them. As the day went on he felt better and better if sill far weaker than he would have liked. His daughter enjoyed the change and danced around inside of his womb whenever she had the chance. Estel loved the feeling of her movements, even if it did make him feel queasy.  
  
Elrond's new medication was strange. It did nothing to make him feel better, but it made it hard for him to throw up, even when he wanted to. But he was thankful for it because it helped him hold down the much needed food, even if he felt bad. But that day he felt much better. He even ate at all three meals.  
  
The next morning, Estel woke up feeling queasy again. He downed the medicine Elrond left by his bed and slowly made his way to breakfast. He felt his stomach start to churn threateningly when he saw the food on the table, but he trusted Elrond's medication and he sat down. He selected a scone to eat, but then regretted it. Every time he picked it up he felt bile burn in his throat. He tried some fruit and then some toast. Every food gave him the same reaction. He finally gave up, leaning over to his right side and loosely covering his eyes.  
  
Elrond watched his child pick over several different types of food, only to return them to his plate before they got near his mouth. He could tell Estel was feeling ill again, but he hoped and prayed it was not the beginnings of another bout. "Estel, are your feeling sick again?" The healer questioned.  
  
"Yeah, a little I guess. Every time I try to eat it makes me feel like I need to throw up." Estel shrugged.  
  
"Maybe you should go back to bed."  
  
"No, please Ada. Can I at least lie down in the study or the library? Don't make me go back to my room." Estel couldn't face any more time bound to his room. He was tired of the isolation and the loneliness he felt while he waited out he hours in misery hoping someone would come to keep him company that wasn't bearing a tray of food.  
  
"Ok. You can rest in the study, but I want you off of your feet.  
  
Estel retired to the study to try and sleep away his returning nausea. Elrond entered as well and worked quietly until he saw that Estel had woken up again. After the human had sat up Elrond came over and the two played a relaxing game of cards while the half elf explained the rational behind certain maneuvers in naval combat. All the while Elrond coaxed the ill Ranger into munching on a few crackers or drinking some cold milk.  
  
Estel realized that he didn't feel that bad unless he moved or tried to eat. The medication that Elrond had made for him also drastically cut down on his vomiting. The milk seemed to not upset his stomach too much, but the crackers were very difficult for him force past his lips. But he did it for his father and his daughter.  
  
His stomach not withstanding, Estel was really enjoying the day. It wasn't often Elrond could spend this much time with him and he was thoroughly enjoying it. It was just reaffirming his idea that Elrond was one of the best creatures in all of Middle Earth. When Estel had been very young he had loved his brothers but thought Elrond had hung the moon and the stars. He no longer thought that, but until his dying day he would have a healthy amount of hero worship for the half elf.  
  
The two had starting a new game that Elrond had often played with him when he was young to help train his memory for detail. It consisted of scattering a hundred tiles on a table and then finding two that matched. Estel was good at the game, but he had never managed to beat the lore master and it didn't look like he would now either. When they were about half way through the game, a servant came in to summon them to lunch. Estel had to stifle his groan. He didn't fancy the idea of moving around or going near food.  
  
"Come, Estel, I am sure that we can find something for you to nibble on." Elrond said as he helped the human stand. Estel's head started to spin.  
  
"Ok, I'll be there in a minute." Elrond nodded and left and Estel headed into the privy.  
  
Once inside he rested his head against the door. He felt sick, very sick, but he didn't want to tell Elrond. He knew the healer would send him straight back to bed and Estel was hardily tired of being confined to his rooms. He got too lonely.  
  
He made his way to the sink to splash some water on his face, but ended up vomiting instead. The young Ranger groaned in discomfort as he tried to get control of his stomach. He knew he had to hurry and get to lunch so that Elrond would not know anything was wrong with him, but all he wanted to do was curl up in front of a warm fire and try and sleep till he felt better. Torn between the prospect of a warm and comfy nap but being confined to his rooms and sitting through a nauseating lunch; Estel picked the lunch. He just didn't want to be sequestered alone till he was driven almost mad with boredom again.  
  
So he pushed himself way from the sink and walked as quickly as he could to the dining room. He smiled apologetically for being late and slid into his seat beside Elrond. As the meal was served, Estel tried to keep his expression neutral but he could feel himself blanch at the sight of it. He waved off everything save a warm cup of soup, which he crushed several crackers into. He hoped no one would notice that he hadn't actually swallowed any of it. He did manage to eat a few crackers though.  
  
After lunch was over he followed Elrond back into the study to finish their game. Estel flopped down in his chair and wrapped one arm around his queasy tummy. Elrond smiled in sympathy at his child. He knew that the human felt ill but was trying to hide it. The half elf poured a glass of ice cold water for nauseous human.  
  
Estel accepted it with a smile and took a sip. It was good clean spring water that was ice cold, just like he liked it, and it made his stomach turn over. "Ada, don't we have any lemonade?" Estel realized he sounded like he was whining.  
  
"Sorry, sweetheart, there are no more lemons left. Thranduil sent one of his men back to Mirkwood to fetch some, but I don't know when they will be back. Until then you will have to make do with water." Elrond answered. He noted how dejected Estel looked at the prospect of not having his trusty lemonade. "Is there something else you would rather drink?"  
  
"No. Water is fine." Estel sighed. "I am sorry if I am being difficult."  
  
"You are not being difficult, dear. And even if you were, you have every right to. You have endured more than anyone should expect of you." Elrond was pleased to see Estel smile for real. "Now, let us finish our game and I will tell you a tale of a truly difficult patient I once had by the name of Glorfindel."  
  
Estel listened intently for an hour before his nausea was so bad it made him vomit again. Luckily Elrond had been called away to the guard house for a moment so that he didn't know. He quickly returned to his chair and pillowed his head on his arms waiting for his father to return.  
  
Elrond entered the room to find Estel dozing with his head resting on the table. The human looked ill and tired so the lord allowed Estel to sleep while he worked at his correspondences. Perhaps half and hour later Estel awoke, feeling very sick. He groaned and tried to curl tighter around his stomach before he realized where he was. As he came fully awake Estel realized, much to his dismay that the nausea was steadily getting worse.  
  
"Ada?"  
  
"Yes, child." Elrond tried not to smile at Estel's attempts to hide his illness.  
  
"Do you have anymore of that medicine you gave me? I am not feeling so great."  
  
"Of course, wait here." Elrond swept from the room, leaving Estel valiantly fighting not to toss his cookies on the table.  
  
As the day wore on, Estel began to feel as bad as he had earlier in the week. Elrond's medication definitely cut down on the frequency of his vomiting, but did not stop him from feeling god-awful. So, still not wanting anyone to worry about him, Estel went to dinner with every intention of eating despite his roiling stomach. But his plans failed miserably.  
  
As soon as he shuffled into the dining room he felt his stomach roll over from the smell of dinner. The chefs had prepared an amazing meal of pheasant and dumpling stew. There were fresh baked rolls and fresh vegetables. Every last item of food on the table made Estel want to vomit.  
  
The sick human sat at the table with one foot tucked under him and one arm wrapped around his stomach. He realized that the pressure on his belly was making him feel worse so he quickly moved his hand. He vaguely wondered if he could have the cooks bring him something more bland than stew but he accepted the small serving anyway. He also took a roll, which he actually nibbled on. He knew with a sort of annoying certainty that none of it would stay down, but he ignored that thought and continued trying to eat.  
  
Not long into dinner, Estel felt the bread coming back up and all at once the merciless nausea from the last few weeks hit him again full force. Without even asking Elrond's permission, the Ranger jumped up and sprinted towards his bedroom with Elrond following him. He was ridiculously thankful for the half elf's presence when he started vomiting, because if not for Elrond he would have ended up messing up his clothes.  
  
Through dinner, Elrond kept a close eye on Estel. He knew that his child was not feeling well again, but he hoped that it was not very serious. As he saw Estel loose more and more colour from his cheeks, the elf lord knew that the human was about to be ill, probably before the human did. Elrond followed Estel up the stairs to his room and helped to guide him to the sink when it was evident that he would not make it to the privy. Then he settled the ill Ranger on the floor in front of the privy when there was a break in the illness. He spoke soothingly to Estel and held the human's hair for him. Then he wanted to cry along with his beloved child when the tears came.  
  
When Estel finally finished vomiting, he leaned his head forward against the rim of the privy. He felt terrible again and he hated it. He was so frustrated and frightened that he felt like he was going to explode. He couldn't help it when he started crying and he knew that Elrond would not think less of him for his weakness so he indulged himself. "I can't take this anymore, Ada. I just want it to end." He cried.  
  
Elrond gently pulled him back into a warm hug and replied. "I know, sweetheart, I know. It will be over soon, I promise."  
  
The two were soon interrupted by Legolas's entry. The elf dropped down on the floor beside father and child and took one of Estel's hands, kissing it. "Poor Estel, I am sorry you don't feel well." Legolas settled on this being a safe thing to say. It was always a dangerous proposition to talk to Estel when he was ill. He was just as likely to try and tear your throat out, as he was to accept comfort, start crying, or completely ignore you.  
  
Estel peaked out from where he had his face buried in Elrond's chest. He was happy to see Legolas. He could really use another cuddle. Not that Elrond's weren't nice in a paternal sort of way, but Legolas was different. "Ada, I'm tired. I think I need to lie down in bed."  
  
"Ok lets get you to bed then."  
  
Elrond expertly helped the heavily pregnant human off the floor and over to his bed. Estel quickly changed into his nightclothes and crawled into his bed. The movement caused him another round of retching, but it was almost worth it when Legolas crawled in bed with him. The elf gathered him into a comforting embrace. Estel relaxed into it and tried to sleep past his nausea.  
  
Elrond excused himself to go and fetch more medicine for Estel. In truth he was slightly jealous of the way Estel clung to the elf. He understood that Estel needed the touch of his child's father and that there was a bond between them that Estel would never share with anyone else, or so he thought. However, that didn't stop the pang of jealously at seeing his little child look to someone else for comfort. The Lord stiffly fetched the medicine and returned to the room to see his child fast asleep in the elf's arms with his fingers twined into the elf's blond locks. He could remember more than once when Glorfindel would find he and Estel that way when the human had been very young. It wasn't fair how fast mortals aged.  
  
"Here, give this to him in half an hour even if he protests. I will be in my study if I am needed." Elrond swept out of the room as soon as his instructions were delivered. He went to his study to pen a letter to his real daughter and see how she was doing.  
  
Legolas held Estel for over an hour until the human woke on his own. He didn't have the heart to wake him up just to force him to take medication. But when Estel did wake, he had no qualms about giving it to the Ranger. Estel accepted it, but was not happy about it. He knocked back the medication and then sipped some cold water. Legolas was pleased to note that when Estel was finished, he cuddled back up to the elf and fell back asleep. Legolas spent the rest of the night snuggled against his love with one hand resting on his daughter. He thought that this could be one of the happiest times of his life.  
  
TBC 


End file.
